The debate around what FemDom is or is not is one that seems to never get old. The concept of there being rules for being a proper Dominatrix actually seems rather humorous. To get nude or not, to wank a dick or not, to fuck your slaves or not, etc. It’s a big, wide topic that I’ll narrow to just me for now.
Over the last decade I’ve figured out what feels right for me. It’s been an interesting journey that continues to evolve. At times I’ve tried various things and then decided to not do them anymore. If you’ve been following be since the beginning you might have noticed that some video themes came & went.
When I get custom video requests I often go with my gut. I know by now what I’m going to be comfortable with for personal reasons or in terms of my ‘branding’. As far as my branding is concerned, I’ve spent years trying to do a simple thing: portray myself as a woman who is in control of her body & sexuality and who is also in control of the male’s I interact with.
For me, that is my simple version of FemDom. Female in control. That can take a lot of different forms. It can be sensual or subtle Domination in various roles. It doesn’t have to be linked to physical pain or dungeons.
So when I get requests to do vids where I am in any way objectified, not in full control, like I’m so horny I’ll do something I wouldn’t otherwise do, where a male is in the power role, etc. I know that it’s not right for me.
I feel that the vast majority of porn on the internet portrays women as submissive, weak, often degraded objects there for the pleasure of men. I don’t need to create any more content like that, there’s plenty. I’d like to try to balance things out by offering a different dynamic.
A lot of men want to give up control. They want a woman to initiate & to take her pleasure. They find confidence sexy. Despite that, the tidal wave of mainstream porn, the music/film industry, media & advertising brainwashing everyone into thinking of women as objects is a powerful force. When so-called fans ask me to do typical mainstream porn acts like take it in the ass, have guys blow their loads on my face, in my mouth, on my tits, on my ass…why ask me for that? Isn’t the billion images on the internet of women doing that enough? Or is it specifically that I don’t that makes it appealing? The whole fucked up thing of persuading women to push their boundaries. A girl in a bikini will get asked to get naked. A naked girl will be asking to masturbate….then jerk a dick, then suck it, then fuck it…but that’s not enough…then she’ll be asked to take it in the ass, then a gang bang, and on and on…until she’s used up. This is exactly how it goes for the majority of women who get into the adult industry.
And I feel the pressure. I have felt it from day 1. The pressure to do more. How no matter what I did, guys always wanted more. Happily there are many loyal fans who love what I do & to them I am eternally grateful. Happily I am able to assert my boundaries & I actually take pleasure in saying: “No, I’m not going to do that.” I enjoy denying men when I sense they are part of the “more!” culture. The pushers. Those addicted to trying to get women to do things they don’t really want to do. There are so many of them & it’s become so accepted that guys don’t even realize it’s a problem…but hey you, if you’ve ever tried to persuade a woman to do something beyond what you think she’s comfortable with: fuck you.
If you want to see what it looks like when a woman is in control of her body & her sexuality study FemDom vids, mine & those in my network of peers. We’re not always perfect, sometimes we try things & they don’t work out like we thought, sometimes we can even seem hypocritical, we’re human, but overall the modeling in healthier. It’s a step closer to equality. FemDom isn’t about equality but it swings the pendulum far enough in the other direction from the usual that it puts a dent in the normalization of female objectification…& I’m happy to do my part.
Mistress T
Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet
A big Amen to every word Mistress T. sincerely, Rick
Miami, FL.
Mistress T,
i love your independence. of course, your being in charge of a ‘scene’ is of primary importance. taking males to places they claim not want to be but really want to be . . .
those many places.
I know the discussion around, what a femdom is or is not as well as what she is allowed to do or not to do.
What impresses me (and by the way submits me) and makes me happy as a sub-male is the feeling, that SHE acts authentic and SHE enjoys, what she does. Also in a sexual way, because if I feel, if any action is exciting for her, it is automatically exciting for me.
I don´t think, that I am a pusher. If I would push a woman to do this or that, I won´t get this special authentic feeling of her joy and fun. Ok, I have some favourite phantasies, but I don´t carry it around in any wishlist. And of course, it is exciting, if a woman opens my eyes for new phantasies.
Mistress T is strict but sensitive, dirty but with style, dominant but still 120% woman – she dominates with feminity and that´s what I like most. It makes me weak and I can enjoy this kind of weakness. And that´s also my favourite imagination of “femdom”. There are many BDSM-videos, which are only most brutal, most extreme etc. and so many Doms meaning, that dominance is shouting around and swinging a cane all day long – however this special feeling “in the air” is missing completely. I think Mistress T has a great talent to create it. Even if she does something extreme, she does it with style and sensitive. And I think, if you meet such a woman as submale, it is a great gift, because the combination is very unique and rare.
And last but not least I have to say: No, I don´t think, that Femdoms are perfect. And they don´t have to be. But it nearly makes them perfect, that they like to talk about normal things and feel weak sometimes.
And as well as a submale I can feel as a male. I am not that kind of sub falling on knees in front of every woman – I do it just for the special ones. Then I am authentic, I can fully give up my control and the woman feels, that my submission is real.
The Domme I used to see would always talk about “balancing the scales,” too, to which I believe is needed to an extent. However, it got hard to listen to her complain so much about “men” (or another human being) doing the exact things she would do without hesitation. Seemed as if she was the one who couldn’t see past gender (or maybe just her own personal interests).
I knew what I was into wasn’t the norm, I grew up pretty much solely on “femdom” videos & stories. I wasn’t exposed to a lot of mainstream porn just by choice. Which I would think iwould be the case for most people attracted to the same things.
I wouldn’t think most guys watching your videos & interacting with you are same ones perpetuating female objectification, nor are they plugged into some universal male mentality. Is how they’re treated really going to change anything? I just don’t think it does any good to treat someone differently because they have a penis unless their into that.
It feels like a lot of Dommes are trying to “get even” with the “evil men” instead of trying to be something better or actually progress anything.
For example: Her using me for public video with consent and not taking them down isn’t going to change anything. It would only make a lesser man bitter against women in general, if anything, and make the problem worse. I know its going to take a long time for me to trust a woman enough to give her any power over me again.
Oops, I meant with out consent
One thing I’ve always liked about FemDom is how it feels more…equal…than most other areas of porn. Objectifying no doubt takes place, a leather-clad woman with a whip, simply to look good. But it seems a nicer area of porn. You must get more freedom to do what you actually want do to, you don’t have to just tolerate an anal video because it’s a job that’s been handed to you. You do it if you want to or you don’t.
The main thing on this subject that I like is how the people in the videos don’t always have to matter. I mean porn gets criticism for skewing how men see women, what they think is a sexy woman, the big boobed blonde. But for me, in FemDom it’s the acts themselves, what’s happening, and what’s being said, the dominating and submitting, whether it’s a soft, sensual video or a more hardcore one. The focus isn’t on the females in the videos but what’s happening. You could be short, tall, old, young, fat, skinny, have glasses, be shaved or unshaved down below, and it doesn’t matter, it’ll still appeal to a lot of people. Same can go for the male sub, too, actually, he doesn’t necessarily have to look traditionally attractive (well, not always, anyway).
I remember reading a blog post of yours about what you would do when you get old, if you start to lose your looks. I thought at the time about this subject. Even if age catches up with you and you start to look old you could still carry on filming and I don’t think it’d make that much difference because it’s FemDom.
The other thing putting FemDom in your favour, which I alluded to at the start of this, is the choice being in your hands, which you also talked about, of course. A lot of porn actresses will do something they won’t really want to do, but I know you and other dommes have complete control over what they do and will only do something if they’re happy to do it. I’ve seen some FemDom videos with porn actresses who aren’t actually dommes, they’re general porn actresses who do a variety of things, and it feels from watching the videos that they’re happy with what they’re doing, with them being in control.
TL;DR:
FemDom’s seems a nice, inclusive area of porn that doesn’t suffer as much objectifying as other categories, and there’s a place in the industry no matter what you look like or how old you are, or what you’re into, and it gives power to the women. It respects boundaries and limits and the wishes of the participants in a way other categories don’t. In fact that doesn’t just apply to porn, either. In show business it seems women are done away with if they dare to eat a burger or get a wrinkle. And I don’t want to get started on stretch marks…
There are guys who describe porn girls as “ruined” if they do IR.
There are are guys who can’t take a domme seriously if she’s ever taken on the submissive role.
There will always be a certain amount of people who want to see a woman go further, But at the same time there’s will always be a certain amount of people who get angry or lose interest in her BECAUSE she went further.
If your decisions are based on what other people want you to do, you’ll always lose. May as well do what you want.
Dear Mistress T,
First of course, i admire Your work greatly. This post however reminds me what drew me into FemDom in the first place.
When i was very young i was hugely lucky to have a relationship with an older Woman (about 11 years difference). She taught me so much about Women and how to please them (in every sphere of life and not just in bed).
O/our relationship was superficially vanillla but in fact i see now on reflection it was a truly D/s relationship. It was based on a huge amount of respect and indeed love. However, the Lady did craft me into what She wanted. And i willingly complied. i went to Her place once and saw a card from a friend of Hers where it was clear they had been discussing my penis (i am very under-endowed). i still recall the thrill of the humiliation.
To cut to the chase Your style of FemDom strikes me as so utterly insightful and deeply, deeply honest.Your work is i suppose in simple terms ‘porn’ but it goes much further. You bring so much of relationships into Your work that the chords struck with me at least are so much more meaningful. This is not just when You do You mature vids (which are much more an exact match to this relationship of mine) but in almost every video You do. That is your porn is more powerfully sexual because it is founded on relationships and interplay between Domme and sub.
In short i wanted obviously to thank You for Your work but also congratulate You (for what that is worth) on the unique, special and very, very wonderful spin You bring to You work.
Humbly,
j