Fuck em’ if you want to.

mistresst_shreddz_bts1

My message to new Pro Dommes: Fuck your clients if you want to. You’re the Domme, make up your own rules.

I’ll explain. I received an email from a guy this week seeking my advice. He had been seeing a Pro Domme for a year on a regular basis. Recently she had “made” him give her oral sex in a session. In another session she had intercourse with him. He “knew” that Pro Dommes weren’t supposed to have sex with their clients because it ruins the dynamic so he was asking me if it was okay to just stop seeing her or should he explain to her why he wouldn’t be seeing her again.

With a bit more conversation I determined that he had wanted to & consented to those sex acts in the session. So I told him that what two consenting adults do is their own damn business but if his feelings have changed he certainly owed her a conversation about it. Especially if he was a regular client she had come to rely on financially. I also told him the rule about Dommes not fucking clients was horse shit.

That’s right: Horse shit.

When I first started as a Pro Domme I was told this iron clad rule. I was so careful to follow these traditional rules that I didn’t even give hand jobs. I could do CBT, piss on a guys junk, sit on his face wearing full coverage panties, fist his ass, but god forbid I should even touch his penis with a gloved hand in a way that wasn’t painful. That I even let guys jerk themselves off was scandalous as I was told a proper Dominatrix doesn’t even permit slaves to cum in her presence.

I don’t know where these rules originated from but I can tell you that if you plan to pay your rent as a service provider you’re going to have to at least let guys cum. The market for clients who want only the strictest Domination is teensy-tiny.

em_pro_pic_mistresst

So what’s the difference between seeing an escort & a Pro Domme? In some cases, not a hellava lot. A lot of escorts can role-play the Dominant role & fuck a guy in the ass with a strap-on. In some cases a Pro Domme might choose to engage in sex acts with a client. Here’s the thing: sex workers are individuals with their own personal boundaries, likes & dislikes, etc. Different Pro Dommes will offer difference services. Just as some escorts do anal (giving or taking), and some don’t, for example.

When talking to new sex workers I encourage them to figure out for themselves what they like doing or not. I encourage them to communicate that clearly so they work with clients they enjoy working with, doing what they enjoy doing. I wish someone had told me that in the beginning because I missed out on a lot of hot sex with clients who I had great chemistry with because I was following other people’s rules. Boy, was I surprised years later to discover that some other Pro Dommes who claimed they didn’t fuck clients sometimes fucked them when they felt like it (with clients consent). What a revelation! A Dominant, sexually healthy woman doing what she damn well pleases.

The great thing about being a Pro Domme is that clients don’t expect sex in the session so you’re not obligated. That’s a good thing, because that won’t be the dynamic with most clients. When the chemistry is there though, why deny it? Why deny yourself the pleasure? Negotiating on the fly can be a bit tricky because you need to ensure you have genuine consent & that can break the mood, but you can’t just spring that on a guy who is in compliant sub space. It’s not rocket science though. Use your words. Have a little conversation. For example:

“Sex is not meant to be a part of today’s session but I feel like it. If you would like to (worship my pussy/have me use your cock for my pleasure) I would like that. We can discuss further and it’s always perfectly okay to simply say no or use your safe words & we’ll move on. No problem.”

mistresst_shreddz_bts2

I might get some flack for this post but this is just my personal perspective as someone with real life experience.

Obviously respecting people’s boundaries and consent are essential in ALL situations. Not just sex work. So everyone should get used to communicating to understand each other, what people want or don’t want and ensuring you have ENTHUSIASTIC consent. A clear green light always. Got it? Cool.

Disclaimer: Most Pro Dommes explicitly don’t allow oral sex or intercourse. They state this on their info pages, just as I do. If your primary objective is oral sex or intercourse you’re better off booking with an escort who clearly offers those services. The odds of getting that with a Pro Domme are very slim & even asking for it in an initial email will likely result in your email being ignored. Consider the chances of it happening similar to spotting a white tiger in the wild. Not impossible but highly unlikely.

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S (Buy vids or just send a TRIBUTE! I love random tributes!): http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

 

Incels (Involuntarily Celibate)

I made a little VLOG, a message to “incels”. Men who are involuntarily celibate.

The vid is on the page on my members site with FREE vids/previews.

You can stream or download it there: https://www.mistresst.net/free_video

I know you'd like to click the pic to play the vid but that won't work...here's the link: https://www.mistresst.net/free_video

I know you’d like to click the pic to play the vid but that won’t work…here’s the link: https://www.mistresst.net/free_video

If you’ve missed the news that prompted this here’s a link: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-facebook-post-connected-to-suspect-in-van-rampage-cites-incel/

Feel free to google “incel” to find more news articles & info.

Best,

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S (Buy vids or just send a TRIBUTE! I love random tributes!): http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Hailey Heartless’s Speech on Sex Work & Stigma

I’m going to ask you to do some reading today. I know attention spans are short & if you don’t have time to read the whole thing now please come back to it & finish it.

No matter what you think of The Women’s March, Donald Trump, #MeToo, #TimesUp, Feminism or sex work, if you read this powerful speech with an open mind I’m confident you’ll come away with something to think about. And if it makes you think differently about something I encourage you to have the courage to pass it along to others. To talk about it.

Hailey Heartless is a Vancouver based whip smart activist, sex worker & so much more. You can find more of her via twitter: https://twitter.com/SadistHailey

& her website: https://www.haileyheartless.com

These are her speaking notes from March On Vancouver yesterday: https://medium.com/@SadistHailey/march-on-vancouver-2018-f7e57e6c1785

View story at Medium.com

 

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S (Buy vids or just send a TRIBUTE! I love random tributes!): http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Cam Adventures & “Ask Me Anything”

I wore this on cam yesterday...& for a construction worker, inadvertently. Read on for details....

I wore this on cam yesterday…& for a construction worker, inadvertently. Read on for details….

Have you heard that question: “If you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would you choose?”

It’s a great question. Most of us would never have the opportunity to meet in person someone we have idolized or find fascinating. Answers range from Albert Einstein, Marilyn Monroe, Brad Pitt, JK Rowling, Elvis, Oprah Winfrey, Winston Churchill, Madonna, Barrack Obama…what would you talk about? What would you ask?

I do not consider myself to be in the same league as any of the above people. I am incredibly uncomfortable with the concept of celebrity. As a young girl I remember the conflicting feeling of wanting to be known for having accomplished something but really not wanting to be “famous”. I didn’t want to be in tabloids, I didn’t want the personal details of my life to be of interest to strangers. I wanted to be anonymous, not recognized in public by people I hadn’t met.

I’ve started doing more cam lately. Why? I could say it’s because I really like connecting with my fans, which is true & anyone who has had the opportunity can tell my heart is in the right place…but what has prompted it now, honestly, is money. Shocker? Everything is fine, it’s just that my “overhead” has gone up. I’ve recently moved into a more expensive place to have more sets for filming & decorating all the sets is costing a small fortune. Doing cam will offset the extra costs.

The increased one-on-one exposure to my fans has resulted in some awkward experiences tho. There is often a moment of disbelief on their part that it is actually me on cam. A gobsmacked, star-struck kind of reaction that really makes me squirm. Just being honest here. As I sit in my pj’s on this quiet Sunday morning, feeling like the most ordinary person in the world. Hearing guys say what shouldn’t surprise me: they’ve been jerking to my vids for years, that I am their ideal woman, that they feel a deep connection to me or feel like they’re in love with me…& so on.

Maybe it’s a feeling of knowing I could likely never live up to their expectations? That what ever pedestal they’ve put me on I would come crashing down from if they got to know me in real life. Not that the real me isn’t great, it’s just likely different than what they imagine. Ya know?

Anyway, I’ll share a funny story from yesterday. I was sitting in my living room in lingerie & a satin robe. I had a guy on cam who had just said: “Let me get into position & cram this thing in my ass”, as he laid back & started cramming that thing in his ass I heard the key in the front door. I was not expecting anyone but a few people have access to my place right now during the renovations. I quickly spun my laptop in the other direction as the construction worker walked through the door & we both looked startled to see each other. He started to apologize & I told him to go through but to not come back up from the basement until I came down to talk to him.

I had to explain to my cam guy that it was someone doing construction on my place who was not supposed to just enter unannounced like that. He went on with his ass fucking, undeterred & afterward I went down to clarify the rules again. Yes, still in my satin robe because I had been on cam for about 10 minutes & I had no idea if the construction worker was just there to grab something quickly & was trapped in the basement waiting for me to give him the all-clear. His eyes darted down to the trim of my bra peeking out of the neckline of my robe. Black with silver rivets (as seen in the pic at the top of this post).

So. Fucking. Awkward.

But also kind of funny.

He certainly got the message that he was not to enter again without notice. Sheesh.

So, you can schedule a cam (skype) session with me if you want me to watch you cram something in your ass, or if you want me to role-play a scenario or character from my vids with you, if you want to indulge your fetish for pantyhose, leather gloves or whatever…if you want me to tell you to hurt yourself or eat your own cum. If you want to amuse me with a little show or make me laugh. You can also just chat with me & ask me anything (within reason, come on, I’m not telling you how often I floss, that’s only my dentists business. lol)

Speaking of “Ask Me Anything”, I started a Reddit AMA today. We’ll see how that goes…check it out here: https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/7qcp1u/iama_41_year_old_fetish_porn_performerproducer/

I’m back filming & hustling so email me for custom vid requests or cam time (minimum $150USD): MsT@MistressT.net

All emails are read by me & my time is valuable so please communicate clearly & briefly. If it’s too long-winded, I won’t read it & I won’t respond. If it’s too difficult to understand I won’t respond. If it’s just a compliment without a request for something I probably won’t respond either. I know that might make me seem like a dick but I’m doing the job of at least 3 people here, somethings gotta give & I’ve decided to not respond to emails that don’t directly lead to a business transaction. I am running a business here. Truth.

Happy jerking!

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S (Buy vids or just send a TRIBUTE! I love random tributes!): http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Fan Mail from a FEMALE Fan!

I recently received a unique email from a female fan. That it was from a female made it unique as 99% of the emails I receive are from men. But that’s not all.

I accept that the majority of what I produce is simply used for men to jerk off to which is fine, but I’ve flattered myself to think that sometimes my porn actually improves the lives of some of my viewers. Sometimes I get feedback that I have helped a fan feel like they’re not the only one into some kind of weird fetish or helped a fan accept their desires as harmless as long as all involved are consenting, etc.

This is probably one of the best examples of how my videos can help someone & it warms the cockles of my heart:-)

Dear Mistress T

we wanted to thank you for your role in our sexual education. it is great that your sexual openness has been a big help to intimate relations between me and my partner. we got married several years ago and coming from a family of a more conservative background we had issues relating to each other sexually. my husband had developed lots of fetishes during his puberty and I could not relate to any of them. we sought therapy and it did little help. we even went to the point of separation.

later on we called a truth and decided to be open with whatever makes our partner feel more aroused. I had some requests ,but my husband’s requests were a lot more kinky than mine. he has several fetishes and little by little I learned to embrace them and even enjoy some of them. he is into pantyhose feet and legs, big booty, yoga pants,leggins and being ball busted by a weaker woman who dominate him because he is weak in the exact area that makes him more powerful than a woman ( his words, not mine).

I was taking women’s self defense classes when we met and that involved lots of shots to the groin, but I had no idea someone could get off on that. I tried that on him but it was not the same. then he showed me videos online, and some of them were your videos. yours were the only ones that I learned a lot from.

now we do role play, watch special movie night and on occasion we have request nights. the sex has become amazing. I can control exactly when for him to cum and if I feel he needs more time I can delay mine as well. we learned that sex is more about communication than methodology.

I had some role play requests like meeting a stranger or becoming home invaded and fake raped, but his is more specific. the time that he really enjoyed himself was that I pretended to be a woman in distress and he is a predator who tries to have his way with me. but the tables are turned when I use my amazing self defense moves and go for is testicles. I had to learn how to do things not to cause any permanent damage and still leave him functional enough to have the most amazing 22 minutes of sex( he is into timing things).

I usually try to wear what turns him on but not to overdo it or do exactly what he wants, because he would get bored faster and i have to submit to more of his demands. at first, he wanted me to always wear reinforced toe pantyhose underneath my leggings, but I learned to switch things and cover some of his demands leaving him wanting more. it’s funny how I despised giving hand jobs and didn’t know what is a foot job, but now I drive pleasures from it too. it is a great way to start him off to a longer lasting sex after. he hate blowjobs. I could not believe it at first.

at our movie night we watch romantic movies that I like and to start off the festivities he likes to watch your clips and cuts from Hollywood movies where the girl kicks, knees or grabs the attacker’s balls.

anyway, I wanted to thank you and share with you that I learned many things from you.

Cheers

Isn’t that nice? Thank you to the fan who wrote me this email & thank you for your permission to publish it (omitting any identifiable info).

If any other couples have been helped by my vids please feel free to share in the comments section! (I know it’s likely rare as most of my fans are wanking without the knowledge of their partners).

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Respecting Boundaries

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I’ve written a post similar to this in the past but it bears repeating as my audience is particularly ripe for this kind of education, being mostly men. I believe that most men, especially submissive men, are good guys, they get it, they’re respectful. The genuine shit heads are the extreme minority. Then there’s the guys who are good at heart but misguided, uninformed & with a bit of education could migrate from the “kind of a shit head” category to the “good guy” club.

I had a mildly bad experience with a private session client this week.

He wrote that he wanted just a foot worship session with some clothed (yoga pants) face sitting, dinner out first. He had requested sessions numerous times over the years & as I rarely accept new clients it had taken that long to actually set it up. I screened him & everything seemed fine. I sent him my FAQ which clearly states my boundaries & I reiterated them in an email: no intercourse, no oral sex of any kind.

Over dinner there was an opportunity to discuss why I take so few sessions these days & one of the reasons I stated was that most guys want what I don’t allow: intercourse & oral sex. I explained that I accepted him because he requested activities that I like & I feel comfortable with.

In the private session he proceeded to try to push those boundaries, mostly verbally but also physically. Not in an aggressive way, but his hands roamed & I had to remove his hands from rubbing my crotch several times while firmly telling him “no”. He asked numerous times to lick my asshole & to have sex with me. When I told him that asking again would result in the session ending early he just stated what he wished for without asking for it: “You’re just so sexy, I would love to fuck you.”

I held my boundaries, stayed profession & the session ended on schedule with the client feeling like he’d had a great experience & he hoped I had a good time too.

Afterward I sent him this email & to any guy who read the above & didn’t really see a problem with what happened, or who thought I should have just kicked the guy out, please read this & try to understand:

“I’d like to provide some feedback on the session last night in an effort to help you understand something important, from a different perspective. So please read with an open mind.

Imagine that you’ve taken your car to a mechanic to get it fixed. You’ve come back to pick up your car after closing time. It’s just you & the mechanic at the shop.

This mechanic is bigger & stronger than you. He tells you it’s going to take an hour to finish fixing your car, you might as well wait. He compliments your ass & it soon becomes clear that this mechanic is attracted to you.

You let him know that you are straight & that you’re not interested. He apologizes but tells you anyway how much he would like to fuck you. Even though you’ve made it clear that’s not going to happen, he tells you a few more times how much he would like to fuck you & asks if he can at least give your ass a squeeze. He’s being nice, not aggressive but he then tries to rub your crotch & asks if he can see your asshole. He keeps asking for more even though you say no.

Again, you are all alone with him & you can’t leave yet because he hasn’t finished fixing your car.

He continues to tell you what a great ass you have, that you’re just so sexy & how much he would like to fuck you.

Are you imagining this? How do you feel? Do you feel uncomfortable? Do you think you would find that fun or enjoyable? He’s complimenting you & just telling you what he would like to do. He keeps asking for what you’ve said no to, but he’s nice about it. He isn’t being aggressive but you don’t know this guy, if you reject him too hard or if you’re rude, who knows what he might do? He might rape you or hurt you. He might not fix your car. You don’t know, do you?

Now think about last night.

Did you do anything ‘very’ wrong? No. Did you cross the line & make me uncomfortable? Yes. Did you make me not want to see clients because of uncomfortable situations like that? Yes.

I’m telling you this so you don’t do this to other women. If you want sex, hire an escort. I sent you my FAQ which outlines my boundaries clearly. I stated again in email & yet again in person what my boundaries were…yet you continued to try to push them to the point where I had to threaten to end the session early. That’s shitty.”

He did not respond to the email, in case you’re curious. He’s only one guy & maybe I can’t get through to him…but this blog reaches a bigger audience so to you reading this, yes you, don’t behave like that, okay? Respect boundaries. Whether it’s a regular date or a paid date, know that she’s likely on guard, as most women constantly are. Unless you are getting a clear ‘yes’ than it’s probably a ‘no’ or ‘not yet’. Get explicit consent & keep getting it. Accept a ‘no’ gracefully or a withdraw of consent no matter when it comes. Her body, her choice.

Even if you’ve paid for a sexual service, it’s still her body, her choice. A clear negotiation of services for pay helps prevent misunderstandings but paying for one thing doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything/everything.

Put yourself in the women’s place. Really, that’s the heart of empathy, trying to understand how another person feels. In doing so you are learning emotional intelligence & that is useful as hell in life.

If you already get this, pay it forward, look for opportunities to educate other men by being a good role model or explain this to them. Basically, if men imagined other bigger/stronger men doing to them what they do to women they have an easier time ‘getting it’. It’s not as simple as rape or not, it’s about a potentially threatening situation where rape is possible & you have to ‘handle’ the other person & hope it doesn’t come to that.

Be better men & help other men be better too.

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Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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How not to talk to women…

Okay...if a girl is already showing you her tits it's okay to say they're nice...

Okay…if a girl is already showing you her tits it’s okay to say they’re nice…

“Show me your tits” is a classic zero-class thing to say to a woman that will produce no positive result.

A female friend of mine was recently harassed in an alley at night while she was taking her garbage out. Three drunk guys told her to show them her tits. It reminded me of a great way to help men understand how very unwelcome that kind of attention is.

I’m talking to you guys…imagine that you’re walking down an alley at night & you encounter a few guys (bigger, tougher guys than you). They shout out ‘a compliment’: “Hey, nice ass!”. Before you can even react they follower it up with: “How bout you take your pants down & show us that ass.”

You then realize you’re in the roughest part of the gay part of town & these are tough, leather daddy homosexuals, drunk & feeling brave & horny in their group. You realize that if these guys decide they want to have you, you would likely not be able to fight them off. You realize that they’re likely quick to anger & could take you if you insult them.

How do you feel? What do you do?

(If this happens to be your sexual fantasy, to be gang-banged in an alley by some rough gay dudes please substitute them for something you’re NOT into sexually but threatened by…I don’t know, an auditor, divorce lawyer, Donald Trump, whatever.)

Most guys say they would love women to shout out cat calls to them, they think putting themselves in the women’s position is switching roles…but the key to understanding how a woman feels is to know that you could likely not fight off the unwanted advances of the person who is ‘complimenting’ you.

Make sense?

So, don’t cat call or shout at women from your cars, women walking down the street, etc. No positive outcome can be expected. At best it’s annoying to her, more often it feels threatening/scary for her. She’s not going to walk up to you & ask you to fuck her because you told her she has a nice shitter.

There are times when it’s appropriate to compliment a woman you don’t know but do it with grace: compliment her eyes, hair, outfit/style, laugh, smile, energy, (not her tits or ass). Do not act offended if she doesn’t respond the way you would like. Even if your intentions are good & your approach is ace, she does not owe you a positive response. You are not entitled to her gratitude. However she reacts, handle it with grace. Don’t get pissy & insult her if she doesn’t respond how you would like. You have no idea what she is going through in that moment or what she has been through before. Again, I can’t stress this enough: she does not owe you the response you want.

I know it’s a tough world out there…people can seem cold, it’s hard to make genuine connections, you might be lonely & craving human interaction…you might be desperately horny. I could list potential ways to meet people but this post is about how to NOT talk to women so I’ll keep it on point & leave it there. Treat women the way you would want men to treat your sister, mother, daughter or respected & cherished female friends.

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Goddess Party: September 29, 2017!

Miss Jasmine, Mistress T & Samantha Mack

Miss Jasmine, Mistress T & Samantha Mack

There’s a lot of history between Samantha Mack, Miss Jasmine & I. 10+ years of history & that includes some EPIC Goddess Parties. They weren’t all filmed but some of them were. Oh yes. If you search “Goddess Party” on my clips4sale studio or members site you’ll find many debauches party scenes of women playing with submissive men. Highly entertaining stuff.

It’s been a few years since we’ve thrown a party & the requests have never stopped rolling in, so we decided to have one! Yippee! We’re combining filmed with un-filmed activities & keeping it really intimate. The bigger parties tended to get a bit too crazy so we’ve capped the private party to 10 sub males & 5 Goddesses.

Jasmine, Samantha & I have chosen a couple of other great gals for the party. Evilyn13 is a well regarded fetish model with a playfully sadistic side. She’s been very involved in the local fetish party scene in her personal life for many years. A feast for the eyes & will have guys groveling, no doubt. More on Evilyn13: http://www.evilyn13.com

Skylar Hart is a whip smart, highly skilled & experienced Dominatrix. Don’t let her youthful looks fool you, this woman knows exactly what she’s doing. For those who are more into the technical aspects of BDSM, Skylar will be a dream come true. Skylar Hart’s clips4sale page: https://clips4sale.com/110176

We announced the party a few days ago on twitter & we’ve already filled 3 spots (for both parts of the party), so if you want in on this get your application in ASAP! (Demand has been higher than expected so we might auction off the last couple of spots to the highest bidder…we’ll see *grin*)

Before the private (non-filmed) party we’re having a filmed encouraged bi gang bang. The main focus there will be guy/guy cock sucking & strap-on play. If that’s your main interest &/or you’re on a budget that’s a great option. Masks/hoods are optional if you don’t want to show your slut face.

You have the option to come to just the 1st part, just the 2nd part or both.

All the info is here: https://www.eurasianpersuasion.com/party Please read it carefully before applying. We are getting quite a few applicants & your chances of getting in on this will be better if you’ve applied properly/communicated clearly.

Can't read the tiny print? Of course not. Clink the link up there & go to the actual info page!

Can’t read the tiny print? Of course not. Clink the link up there & go to the actual info page!

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

IWantClips: https://iwantclips.com/store/57715/Mistress-T

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Canadian Amazon.ca wish list: Click here

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Phone Sessions

screen-shot-2017-06-04-at-11-20-33-am

I’ve signed up for a brand new service from IWantClips called IWantPhone. It’s kind of like NiteFlirt, for those who are familiar with that…but I was never keen on that service for various reasons so never used it.

Basically, you pay to talk with me on the phone. It’s not cam, just voice.

This is new & I’m new to it. I’m not used to carving out time in my busy schedule for phone sessions but I’d like to do more. I actually love interacting with fans. Please be patience in the coming months as I try to add this to my repertoire. I get a lot of requests for distance training so I know the demand is much higher than I could possibly keep up with but for what it’s worth, here’s the link (It seems you need to be a member there to access the link but it’s free so whatever):

http://iwantphone.com/invite/B5Jl1479

Here’s what my listings look like & rates (for now, I might change things as things get figured out.)

screen-shot-2017-06-04-at-11-20-12-am

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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My thoughts on condoms in porn…

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This post has nothing to do with the whole condom law thingy in California recently…but regarding that, I would have voted ‘no’ because I think performers should have a choice whether to use condoms or not. It shouldn’t be a law.

My body, my choice.

Which leads nicely into this blog post about MY thoughts on condoms in porn.

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Even the hyper-observant wouldn’t be able to tell how many men I’ve had unprotected intercourse with in my vids since their faces have so often been unidentifiable. I’ll tell you: three. Does that surprise you? How many men do you think I’ve had intercourse with in my vids using a condom? Less than twenty. In a decade & thousands of scenes, I’ve had sex with less than two dozen different male performers & only bareback with three.

Of those three, two of them were my long-term partners/boyfriends, the other one was a close friend & long term partner of a close friend. I trusted them completely with my sexual health. We all knew each others sexual activity & were tested regularly.

My choice to use condoms was about safer sex until more recently, when it also became about birth control. At 40 my doctor wanted me to consider going off the birth control pill that I’d been on since my teens. Apparently there are higher side-effect risks for older women. I wasn’t keen on getting surgery (tubes tied) or the invasive process of getting an IUD & potentially bleeding for months…sexy talk, eh? Perhaps too personal? Good. I’m a feminist who strives for EQUALITY & a part of that is both sexes being informed about & taking responsibility for birth control. So take a deep breath & keep reading because the next part is going to make you squirm even more.

My partner agreed to get a vasectomy which enabled me to go off the pill (& y’all still get the cream pie scenes you love so much!) but now the risk of having sex without a condom with others isn’t just about STI’s, I now risk an unwanted pregnancy. In other words, I’m not fucking anyone else without a condom. Period.

I’ve recently been approached by a big porn production company to do a boy/girl fuck scene but they had a bareback-only policy…& that got my back up.

So what’s the problem with condoms?

– Guys complain it reduces sensitivity so they lose their boner or can’t cum.

My thoughts on that: the condom just feels different & a guy isn’t used to the sensation. A simple solution is to jerk off with a condom to get used to it! If it’s just you masturbating & you’re on a budget, re-use that condom a few times. Yuck? Whatever. I’m sure you’ve done worse.

– There’s a stigma with condoms. It implies that one of you or both of you might be diseased & going without says that you trust each other.

My thoughts on that: grow the fuck up. Using a condom says that you respect your body & your partners body. If you want to do the trust thing down the line after you both get tested & agree to it…& you have other birth control sorted out, fine. But in the beginning, just grab the damn condom as if it’s a forgone conclusion & get on with it.

– Stopping to put the condom on interrupts the flow & you lose your boner.

My thoughts on that: you can jerk off while surfing porn & keeping an ear open for your roomie, boss, wife or mother in case they walk in, you can do this. Experiment with incorporating the condom into the play. I’ve seen guys effectively lick my pussy while putting the condom on at the same time & I’ve managed to put the condom on while stroking a cock & kissing the guy, just experiment & practice until it becomes just another part of the action. Figure it out.

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Honestly tho, the problems with condoms are mostly psychological so how do we help with that? Personally, I feel seeing more condoms in porn would help. Some disagree, saying porn is fantasy, it’s entertainment, guys don’t want to see condoms, it’s a turn off…but we all know that many, MANY young men are using porn as sex ed, like it or not & that what we see does influence sex trends. Anal sex & cumming on a woman’s face are two examples of things that were popularized by porn. There certainly wasn’t a huge women’s movement to try to convince men to cum on our faces, to fuck up our make-up, our hair & squirt sticky goop in our eyes that stings like a sonofabitch. Sex acts that were rarely done 50 years ago are now the norm for a lot of people & the driving force most of the time is porn.

So, it stands to reason that if men saw more condoms in porn that it would become more acceptable, reducing most of the problems with condom use & therefore reducing STI’s & unwanted pregnancies.

BUT, business is business & with so much piracy these days porn producers are fighting for every dollar. They say men won’t pay for porn with condoms in it. That’s probably true in enough cases for some porn producers to draw a hard line against condoms. It’s just business & changing this trend isn’t like turning a canoe around, it’s like turning the titanic around. It would take a lot of producers bravely using condoms in their scenes, taking the financial hit until the trend turned.

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So what can you do as a porn consumer? Decide to buy a porn scene even if you see there’s a condom & your knee-jerk reaction is negative. Give it a chance. Try to acclimatize yourself to it & support the producers who are taking the risk creating a scene with a condom & support the performers who are choosing that for their bodies. That’s about it as far as I can tell.

Also, if you don’t like fucking with a rubber, practice jerking off with one. Your dick, your responsibility. Figure it out.

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Also, get tested! Condoms are not 100% effective. Responsible fuckers use rubbers AND get tested regularly. It’s no big deal & it feels great to get the ‘all clear’ or to catch something early so you can treat it or deal with it. Ignorance isn’t bliss.

xo

Mistress T

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