Sometimes I find myself in the awkward position of trying to explain to someone what I do for a living.
There is no quick way to explain, like saying you’re a dentist, a car salesperson, a criminal lawyer, a bank teller, etc. Sure, I can say that I produce & perform in adult films but then they just get an image of me being gang-banged in every hole by 6 guys at once. Nothing against mainstream porn, I enjoy it & respect those who do that work…it’s just that it’s not really very much like what I actually do.
So I explain that I create niche FemDom fetish films. Then I explain that means that all my films are about Dominant Females and submissive males. Not usually like a leather-clad Dominatrix with a whip in a dungeon, but sometimes. Usually in a domestic setting, often with me doing a lot of talking to the camera to the viewer watching the film.
The person is usually nodding while making a confused face at this point. Like ‘talking’ in a porn film is the craziest thing they’ve ever heard.
I explain that the guys who watch my vids are into the fantasy of being controlled or Dominated by a confident woman. They feel a connection to me because I’m speaking directly to them. Sure, sometimes there is sex if it fits the scenario, like cuckolding or sex slave, but more often I do hand jobs so the guy jerking off can imagine it’s my hand on his cock.
Back up…what’s cuckolding?
So then I explain that. Which is often painful. Especially if it’s a couple & the wife looks interested and the guy looks horrified…or vice versa.
#16. New Hubby Becomes Cuckold
At this point I have them by the short & curlies. They couldn’t be ripped away from this conversation if Jesus himself appeared & started turning water into wine. But for me I just feel like a circus freak doing my dog & pony show. I would happily leave the conversation if the most boring person in the world stepped in to explain advanced calculus.
Sometimes they’ll ask what my name is online so they can look me up. Depending on the person this can be varying degrees of awkward. Do I want this person to see me naked, fucking?
Sometimes they ask something along the lines of how much money I make, which is crass, but for some reason this answer will determine whether they’ll conclude I’m a stupid slut or a brilliant business woman. I usually just smile & say that I do fine. If it’s a female inquiring because she’s thinking of getting into the biz, I tell her it’s not easy-money. I’ve done well where the vast majority have not.
Sometimes I feel compelled to educate & enlighten the masses one person at a time & I spend more time explaining what I do. I’m sure a lot of us have jobs that aren’t quite what people think they are. It’s just that there is such harsh judgement of those who make their living in the sex trade…but in many ways my business is like many others. I pay taxes, I have business expenses, a web site, social media, I answer emails, etc. My education is in sales, marketing and public relations. I’ve applied what I learned similarly in other industries as well as in my adult business.
Anyway, this was just on my mind today so I thought I’d share a little insight into the reality of being me, who is also Mistress T…as this blog is all about getting to know me more intimately. In case you ever wondered what I tell people about what I do. I rarely lie since all of my friends & family know. I just lie if I really don’t feel like giving the long-winded explanation or if I’m sure the person will not be able to handle it. I’ve been surprised often. I’ve been judged harshly by those who I thought were open-minded & I’ve been warmly accepted by those who I suspected would be the most judgmental.
Best,
Mistress T
Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet
I tend to not tell people the whole story. I keep my answer short not to lie, but to stop boring people to death with what I do.
If I start explaining I see people getting bored, getting disengaged with the conversation and starting to check their phones etc. At this point I tend to throw in something something utterly stupid like ride elephants bare chested to see if anyone is listening.
So I tend to just say “I do shit with spreadsheets” unlike yourself, I never get much questions after that!
Rhetorical question – a question asked only for effect,
not for information:
How can you be so fiercely passionate about Female Domination in your work,
and then reveal yourself to be a genuine sweetheart in your blog?
You are a mystery to me.
I don’t see any mystery …
I just see a wonderfully complex, interesting individual. With great depth of
character and an uncommonly creative, sensual, expressive nature …
So, no mystery, but a combination of traits that have produced a rare and very
special person indeed !!
Mistress T is fascinating on so many different levels
it makes my head want to explode!
When I say she’s a ‘MYSTERY’, I mean that only as
the highest compliment I can give her.
I have to say that I love posts like that. My best on this blog. I really see Mistress T more like genuine, gentle woman with big heart more than anything else…Even if she is more than top class in her business.
If I can, I would have one question…Did Your deep sincerity regarding Your job take You in some serious troubles?
Thank You for Your answer.
Greetings from the heart of Europe.
Dave, I do not know how to answer your question because it is not clear to me what the question is? English may not be your first language so perhaps something is lost in translation? Maybe try asking your question in a different way?
I would love to be in one of your videos
Read my FAQ: http://www.mistresst.net/blog/fetish-focus/frequently-asked-questions/
Good evening Mistress T,
I´m sorry for unclear guestion. You are right. English is not my first language, I´m from the Czech Republic.I´ll try to be more specific. I had in mind if the sincerity which You use to describe Your job didn´t take You to some troubles. If some people didn´t want to misuse that for their own profit (I know that, at least here, in this kind of job you need to have ” strong shoulders “) or so. And if it hasn´t bad effect on Your daily life (friends etc…) I know You partly answered my guestion in the last part of this great post but if You could be more close…Many thanks for Your time and in advance for the answer. Whatever it is.
I still honestly have no idea what you’re talking about? I don’t know how someone could misuse the sincerity of how I describe my job for their own profit? Again, we might be losing something in translation or perhaps cultural? Maybe in the Czech Republic this would be more of an issue than in Canada or the US…but again, I’m still not even sure what you’re talking about.
Good afternoon Mistress T.
Than it will be most probably cultural diversity (and I´m pretty sure there is, even if there is globalization in the world etc..).Perhaps we have different perception of the issue…
Please, believe me, that here this( what I´m trying to ask) would happen. I know a bit about how that business works here and simply had never meet person like You are. I´m a bit close friend of one very popular Czech profi dominatrix and know from her side how things are going here…If I read Your posts, it seems to me that You are like innocent angel in the world of evil..Honestly,I think, if more people on this planet were like You are, than we could live in much better world…
Well, to get to some reasonable conclusion, because I know, that Your time is valuable, I´ll try to ask the question in a bit different way and in brief. Have You ever regretted Yours sincerity regarding Your job?
Once again many thanks for Your time and everything You do, wish You all the best and very nice weekend.
Best regards
Dave
The word that you keep using that might be he problem is “sincerity”. I think you are using it incorrectly which is making your question confusing for me. Here’s a few definitions:
“Sincerity is the virtue of one who speaks and acts truly about his or her own feelings, beliefs, thoughts, and desires.”
“the quality of being free from pretense, deceit, or hypocrisy:
“the sincerity of his beliefs is unquestionable”
synonyms: honesty · genuineness · truthfulness”
So if you’re really trying to ask me if I regret being HONEST about telling someone what I do for a job, yes, of course. Which seems so obvious I’m not sure why anyone would even ask. I even said at the end of my blog post that I have been judged by those who I thought would be open-minded, so I even answered your question right there (if I have finally understood your question?).
Probably my most well-known blog post was about this: http://www.mistresst.net/blog/uncategorized/being-judged-sucks-monkey-balls/
Hallo Mistress T.
Whaw..That was a post…I´m sorry I didn´t read the whole blog more carefully…Seems I have fun for the whole March 🙂 Anyway, was there any continuation of the story? Do You still live there? And the neighbors? Or will I find all the answers in other posts ( I promise I´ll really read all from the 1st to the last..) ?
But timing of the post couldn´t be better for me. Yesterday I read an article on one of biggest and most popular web server here in Czech Rep. regarding BDSM (of course because of 50 shades…) and following discussion was just a bad dream…The society here is still full of prejudices. We are on of the most atheist country in the world, so it´s not because of religion, but living for more than 40 years in the communism damaged the society more than I expected. I personaly think that the problem is also the media…In my eyes media (at least those official ones) do a very bad work here..I´m pretty sure, that if society here had realized that I like to kiss a women’s feet, lick the boots etc. I could say good by to my job and leave the place where I live. Just the real friends would understand me, because they know me. On the other hand if we have party with job mates, we got drunk and I ask some female colleagues : Would you mind to piss on a man or fuck him to his ass…? And the answer? If he would like it, why not…(of course not every answer is like that, some ask me if I´m normal or so,but still…).
So once again many thanks showing me the post, let me wish You nice start to next week and express the best support for all You do. You are really amazing.
Yours sincerely
Dave
Here’s the blog that talks about what eventually happened with that apartment: http://www.mistresst.net/blog/uncategorized/acceptance-is-awesome/
Thank You very much, Mistress T, but I started to read this blog from the really beginning and just today finished the June/July 2011 posts. And it is….AWESOME.I can barely find a word to decribe that..You should write a book…And I´m pretty sure it would be a bestseller. So I will keep to do this (also from English impoving purpose) and find the post later. But once again, thank You very much.
Best regards
Dave
“I produce self-help videos and provide specialized counseling” would be a truthful, succinct answer. It’s not nearly as entertaining as it could be, but balls-on accurate in my opinion.
I know it sounds as if I’m joking, and there is some tongue in cheek. But it’s not far fetched at all to say you help men (and probably a few women) with an emotional outlet and the ability to deal with some very deep-seated feelings in a way they are unlikely able to satisfy without your help.