Being judged sucks monkey balls.

Watch me read this blog entry (I guess that makes it a VLOG?). Download or stream the 6 minute vid here:

I have a pretty charmed life. A unique life that I have very carefully created. It’s not always easy being me though. Today was one of those not-so-easy days.

If you’ve read my blog from the beginning you know that it took me awhile to go against what society expected me to do and to do what truly makes me happy. So many people just go through the motions in life. Like Lemmings. Sheep. Being true to yourself and finding your own path, especially when it is unusual, can be difficult.

When people find out that I’m a Dominatrix or a Fetish Porn Performer/Producer they tend to have more misconceptions than you can shake a stick at. They tend to jump to bizarre conclusions about what kind of person I must be and what kind of life I must live. I used to enjoy educating people. Now I’m so tired of being judged I avoid telling people what I do.

Today I learned that my neighbors have seen my website, followed my twitter feed and they’ve read my blog. Hi neighbors: I know you’re reading this too.

It seems they are uncomfortable with me living in their building. Why?

It’s a morality issue cloaked in an illogical concern for building safety. The assumption being that I must have a parade of sicko’s coming and going ready to cause property damage or a disturbance.

There is, in fact, no logical reason for them to be concerned. I’m an excellent tenant and neighbor. I’m quiet and considerate. I may also be a kinky, immoral, sexual deviant but any of the other neighbors could be too and just not put it on the internet. What I do does not impact my neighbors in any way. I’m not even loud when I have sex!

Do I sound a little defensive? I am. No one likes feeling judged.

I live in a very gay friendly neighborhood. At one time a gay man would have had to hide his sexuality from a landlord and neighbors because people wouldn’t want ‘one of them’ living in their building…assuming there would be a parade of sicko’s coming and going at all hours engaging in filthy, immoral gay sex acts. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone brave enough in my neighborhood these days who would discriminate against someone for their sexual orientation.

My point being that over time, people become more accepting…and maybe within my time I’ll see people become more open-minded about folks with kink’s & fetishes. People won’t assume that someone who makes porn for a living is an unsavory neighbor.

No one who comes to my home is going to cause property damage or any disturbance. My friends may be kinky or open-minded, but they’re not hooligans. Why am I explaining all this anyway? I’ve lived here for a month without incident. I have nothing to apologize for. The only incident has been my neighbors actions to make me feel uncomfortable in my new home. I have as much right to feel comfortable here as they do…and I’ve done nothing to infringe on their comfort. They have snooped and spied. They have created imaginary dangers, judged me and made me feel unwelcome. Who is the real bad guy here? If anyone has a reason to feel ashamed of their actions, it’s not me.

What will happen now? Well, I love my new place and I plan on staying for as long as I can. I have a feeling that the neighbors will come around and relax over time. I certainly hope so…because  I will not leave without a fight.

~ Do you have a story about being discriminated against or judged by a landlord or neighbors for your lifestyle or kinky occupation? Feel free to send me your stories and maybe I’ll make a blog entry with other people’s experiences. Sometimes it’s a comfort to know you’re not alone…and part of the reason I live my life so openly is for the camaraderie. So, share away!


Mistress T

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Beware of this unsavory neighbor. She doesn't believe in God or monogamy.

Be on the look out for this dangerous deviant. She may be armed with a dildo!

27 thoughts on “Being judged sucks monkey balls.

  1. After conversing with you about this on twitter, and now reading this blog, I am more frustrated by their actions than before! Perhaps because I dream of being able to publicly engage in kink and the lifestyle, but given my current profession, it would give me a fast exit from said profession. If I were your neighbor, I would be very respectful and welcoming of you, not because I am a submissive, but because it is the right thing to do! I HATE prejudice. I hope this develops into a better living arrangement for you! People are certainly afraid of things they don’t understand!

  2. Not landlord or neighbors but during a contentious divorce, my wife-at-the time used her knowledge of my nature to ensure that I would lose any meaningful contact with my son. This was despite that fact that I am very private about such matters and despite that fact that two psychologists who evaluated me assured the court my sexual interests were neither harmful or in any way relevant to my parenting ability.

    The lawyers and the judge shredded me. It was an important life lesson.

    • I am very sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing. Your story doesn’t have any context of time, if this happened recently or a long time ago?…I hope that the story has a happier next chapter, that things got or get better over time?
      Your son will likely be more understanding at some point, especially since he’s just as likely to have alternative interests as anyone else. Often those who protest the loudest are fighting their own ‘demons’ (referring to the judge & lawyer).

  3. Keep your chin up Mistress T. People lash out at things that they loathe or lust. It makes me wonder which it is in this case? Either your neighbors fear you, or are jealous of you, in any case, what a person does behind closed doors is nobody’s business but their own. To conclude, remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said…
    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

  4. To all those so called “Neighbours” out there who feel the need to judge my friend Misstress T let me shake my fist at you in horror!!!
    Shame on you!! Are we living in medieval times when to be different is to be driven out of our homes by villages bearing big torches or have we evolved into upright citizens where it is customary to get to know someone first before passing judgment?
    All I know is that it is my experience that those who are the first to pass judgement on others generally have the most to hide!!
    Misstress T is more of a Lady than any woman I know even myself, and the way she chooses to make her money is her prerogative. She isn’t selling drugs or polluting our precious planet by working in some bad money grabbing corporation, she is merly making her living helping others act out there fantasies and thus giving them a better standard of living.
    She is in entertainment no different to the overly wealthy actors and actresses you probably all admire and read about in your crappy magazines…
    This women is a truly amazing women and when my husband and I have our first child in May we have asked this so called ” devient” to be our little girls Fairy Godmother as we feel
    She is a shining example of what women should strive for….to be strong and powerful and have belief in yourself that any goal can be achieved!

    • I’m especially moved by your support. Thank you. I’m so happy your girl is going to be a Taurus & Dragon like me…and I’m glad I’ll be a part of her life! xoxo

  5. I learned of your blog courtesy of Samantha Mack and as always I applaud her for standing up for not just herself but for her friends and loved ones.

    As someone who lives and appreciates the kink lifestyle, I understand the judgment you have been facing. My own neighbors have seen me leave my home in attire that some would say “shouldn’t you change before you leave your home?”. I’ve always stood my ground when it has come to what I am wearing, whether it be a coordinated PVC skirt and matching top, to thigh high boots and fish net stockings. Same too for my profession and sexual orientation.

    What I am getting at is what may have shocked them at first, doesn’t seem to anymore. We have spoken openly and it seems the fear of the unknown is what freaks them the most.

    Its a real shame when people feel the need to snoop and “look through other’s drawers”. For what reason other than to occupy their boring lives of someone else’s business.

    I sincerely appreciate what you have written here and am hopeful that your neighbors will settle down and leave you alone.

    • Thank you for sharing. As you said, things can settle down over time. That is my hope in this situation. I don’t want them to just go away, I want them to evolve to a place where they are not only comfortable with me living in their building, but they’re actually really happy to have me as a neighbor. Your story is an inspiration.

  6. Hi, wish I was one of your kinky friends. You’d never know seeing me on the outside and I’m housebroken! Your neighbours would smile and wave, hehe. Love to be used by a woman or group of them!

  7. I had a similar experience almost a year ago. I own a condo, so landlords aren’t my issue, but I do have a very gossipy group of neighbors that I generally don’t like very much.

    Neighbors have always been the one group I’m not “out” to, because I don’t want to deal with potential creepy weirdoes who know where I live. Minor internet fame being what it is, one of my neighbors found out about my work, and posted about it on his Facebook account, which many other neighbors read. I was out of the country when this happened, and came back to find out that the building had been gossiping about “what kind of hooker I am” and whether I was bringing down property values because I was surely inviting over every rapist and junkie in the city. (Even though I am not a hooker, nor do I bring sketchy criminals home with me for any reason.)

    I sent an email to the people (all guys) in the building who I’d heard had been making fun of me the most. I politely told them that I was not a hooker, nor was I letting hoards of dangerous violence criminals into the building, and that I’d appreciate it if they had questions about my occupation, they asked me rather than just speculating amongst themselves. (I still don’t understand why they were so confused as to what I do. They’d found my blog, Twitter account, and web sites. I work in porn, but these low-IQ people decided that having porn sites means you’re a sketchy drug addicted hooker who is making the building less safe.) Only one of the guys had the nerve to reply to my email, and it was just an awkward and embarrassed sort of, “Oh shit, she heard what I was saying about her.”

    The punchline is that while I still feel suspected of some kind of vague wrongdoing, I am the stalwart in the building of pushing for security and good behavior. I’m the one who gets upset when people prop open the front door because they’re expecting FedEx while they’re at work. I’m the one who complains when people are shitfaced drunk and being loud and obnoxious late at night. It’s special that I can simultaneously be the quiet boring old lady who whines about security and following rules, yet also a junkie whore with an army of dangerous men, bent on destroying the building.

    • Fuck I love your post. Thank you so much for sharing. I would like to also add that I personally know hookers/escorts who are fine, healthy, upstanding people. Not drug addicted. They have high-end clientele & their neighbors with children would never suspect their occupation. When I explain: “I’m not a hooker” I usually follow it up with: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that…I know some awesome, healthy, happy women who happen to make their living selling sex…drama-free.”

  8. How sad that your neighbors have such little business that they must go sticking their nose in yours. I have a story of being discriminated against at a previous residence, but that was more for “mainstream” prejudices. Anywho, I’m a fairly private person as well and the “What do you do for a living question” always makes me cringe when it comes up in a conversation. I’m not a liar and to conceal what makes up a large part of who I am denotes shame and I LOVE what I do.

    I should say that if their comfort level has been violated, they should unsubscribe from all of your feeds and pretend like they haven’t seen it. I’m not quite understanding the point in them stalking your feeds if they find what you do so distasteful, but then they’ve shown themselves irrational with their “moral” concerns anyway, yes? Hope against hope, maybe they’re watching you so intently because they wish to free themselves of their ignorance?

    Keep your head up. I agree that the Eleanor Roosevelt quote is brilliant. 🙂

    • I hope they follow my feeds long enough to free themselves of their ignorance & feel more comfortable with me in the building. Then I hope they bugger off and mind their own beeswax!

  9. The neighbors should remember the saying: “The only normal people are the one’s you don’t know very well.” (Joe Ancis or Alfred Adler) You all know what she’s up to, or at least you think you do, but what are the others in the building up to? They may be doing really awful things. Any priests in the building?

    There’s another saying: Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. Mark Twain.

    Mistress T, you can be my neighbor any time!

  10. I’m sorry you’re being judged like that, I know how shitty that can feel. When I was in my first year of college one of my roomates gave me all sorts of shit for being bisexual, calling me “faggot”, “homo” and so forth. It turned out, perhaps unsurprisingly, that he was deep in the closet and was lashing out at me because he was miserable and jealous that I was enjoying something that he was denying himself. In my experience this sort of thing is common, people who try and make others feel bad are usually just unhappy and want to bring everyone around them down to their level. The best way to ‘beat’ them is to live your life the way you want to and do whatever makes you happy. Living well is the best revenge as they say. 🙂

  11. I often wonder what the neighbors do…are they living a puritan life? Never had a kinky thought? Its somewhat like masturbating, we all do it, but most wont admit…More that people are exposed to the “alternatives” , the more excepting they become. Sadly it’s great people like you that take the initial lack of acceptance…Keep living your charmed life-its the asses that let you see how great the rest of is!!!!!

    You rock!

  12. I think it’s interesting in how we live in a society that is outwardly so at odds with what we do/think privately. Ain’t none of us should be casting stones here. I have often said that the world would be a better place if all of our petty prejudices, lustful desires and kinks were tattooed on our foreheads. Perhaps then we could truly relate to folks at face value. 😉

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