This post has nothing to do with the whole condom law thingy in California recently…but regarding that, I would have voted ‘no’ because I think performers should have a choice whether to use condoms or not. It shouldn’t be a law.
My body, my choice.
Which leads nicely into this blog post about MY thoughts on condoms in porn.
Even the hyper-observant wouldn’t be able to tell how many men I’ve had unprotected intercourse with in my vids since their faces have so often been unidentifiable. I’ll tell you: three. Does that surprise you? How many men do you think I’ve had intercourse with in my vids using a condom? Less than twenty. In a decade & thousands of scenes, I’ve had sex with less than two dozen different male performers & only bareback with three.
Of those three, two of them were my long-term partners/boyfriends, the other one was a close friend & long term partner of a close friend. I trusted them completely with my sexual health. We all knew each others sexual activity & were tested regularly.
My choice to use condoms was about safer sex until more recently, when it also became about birth control. At 40 my doctor wanted me to consider going off the birth control pill that I’d been on since my teens. Apparently there are higher side-effect risks for older women. I wasn’t keen on getting surgery (tubes tied) or the invasive process of getting an IUD & potentially bleeding for months…sexy talk, eh? Perhaps too personal? Good. I’m a feminist who strives for EQUALITY & a part of that is both sexes being informed about & taking responsibility for birth control. So take a deep breath & keep reading because the next part is going to make you squirm even more.
My partner agreed to get a vasectomy which enabled me to go off the pill (& y’all still get the cream pie scenes you love so much!) but now the risk of having sex without a condom with others isn’t just about STI’s, I now risk an unwanted pregnancy. In other words, I’m not fucking anyone else without a condom. Period.
I’ve recently been approached by a big porn production company to do a boy/girl fuck scene but they had a bareback-only policy…& that got my back up.
So what’s the problem with condoms?
– Guys complain it reduces sensitivity so they lose their boner or can’t cum.
My thoughts on that: the condom just feels different & a guy isn’t used to the sensation. A simple solution is to jerk off with a condom to get used to it! If it’s just you masturbating & you’re on a budget, re-use that condom a few times. Yuck? Whatever. I’m sure you’ve done worse.
– There’s a stigma with condoms. It implies that one of you or both of you might be diseased & going without says that you trust each other.
My thoughts on that: grow the fuck up. Using a condom says that you respect your body & your partners body. If you want to do the trust thing down the line after you both get tested & agree to it…& you have other birth control sorted out, fine. But in the beginning, just grab the damn condom as if it’s a forgone conclusion & get on with it.
– Stopping to put the condom on interrupts the flow & you lose your boner.
My thoughts on that: you can jerk off while surfing porn & keeping an ear open for your roomie, boss, wife or mother in case they walk in, you can do this. Experiment with incorporating the condom into the play. I’ve seen guys effectively lick my pussy while putting the condom on at the same time & I’ve managed to put the condom on while stroking a cock & kissing the guy, just experiment & practice until it becomes just another part of the action. Figure it out.
Honestly tho, the problems with condoms are mostly psychological so how do we help with that? Personally, I feel seeing more condoms in porn would help. Some disagree, saying porn is fantasy, it’s entertainment, guys don’t want to see condoms, it’s a turn off…but we all know that many, MANY young men are using porn as sex ed, like it or not & that what we see does influence sex trends. Anal sex & cumming on a woman’s face are two examples of things that were popularized by porn. There certainly wasn’t a huge women’s movement to try to convince men to cum on our faces, to fuck up our make-up, our hair & squirt sticky goop in our eyes that stings like a sonofabitch. Sex acts that were rarely done 50 years ago are now the norm for a lot of people & the driving force most of the time is porn.
So, it stands to reason that if men saw more condoms in porn that it would become more acceptable, reducing most of the problems with condom use & therefore reducing STI’s & unwanted pregnancies.
BUT, business is business & with so much piracy these days porn producers are fighting for every dollar. They say men won’t pay for porn with condoms in it. That’s probably true in enough cases for some porn producers to draw a hard line against condoms. It’s just business & changing this trend isn’t like turning a canoe around, it’s like turning the titanic around. It would take a lot of producers bravely using condoms in their scenes, taking the financial hit until the trend turned.
So what can you do as a porn consumer? Decide to buy a porn scene even if you see there’s a condom & your knee-jerk reaction is negative. Give it a chance. Try to acclimatize yourself to it & support the producers who are taking the risk creating a scene with a condom & support the performers who are choosing that for their bodies. That’s about it as far as I can tell.
Also, if you don’t like fucking with a rubber, practice jerking off with one. Your dick, your responsibility. Figure it out.
Also, get tested! Condoms are not 100% effective. Responsible fuckers use rubbers AND get tested regularly. It’s no big deal & it feels great to get the ‘all clear’ or to catch something early so you can treat it or deal with it. Ignorance isn’t bliss.
xo
Mistress T
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Another great post – thanks
My $0.02
1- Whether an actor is wearing or not wearing a condom does not affect my decision to buy or watch that porn scene. And given my penchant for cuckold themed femdom at this point in my life a condom can add to that – make the cuck open his mouth and squeeze the contents into his mouth for example. I would observe it does emilinate the “classic” internal cream pie scene but I suspect there will always be enough around who do that. But for me at least I love A good cumshot spalttered on the ass or across the belly which is hotter for me
2- Re wearing a condom myself – I do when appropriate in my personal life – but on one point I disagree with you – it really does take away from the sensitivity – Nothing like nature intended – I guess I would ask if you think cunnilingus with Saran Wrap between you and the toungue would feel as good? Not trying to be argumentative just doing a little point counterpoint
I see no problem at all with Condoms….If someone has an issue with it, they should look at themselves and see if there are “skeletons” in their closet. Or maybe they have a low self-esteem. Get over it.. Safe sex is the only way to go period!!!
A very interesting topic, thank you for tackling it…
I seem to be in a minority as I prefer condoms in porn and try and seek it out, when possible. To me it adds to the fantasy as a chance encounter with a newly encountered lady in real life is almost certainly going to result in a condom being used. So to me it makes it more real and not less believable…
And as I sometimes play with couples, they are almost always obligatory anyway or at least in my experience. Getting the partner to put it on and maybe suck it before penetration is a big turn-on for me and maybe compensates for the small decrease in sensitivity.
And maybe because I’m a control type of person, I always feel more powerful fucking with one on as in I feel I’ve done my bit to ensure there are no unfortunate after effects…
That’s my take, anyway…
Such an amazing writing, personally I prefer porn where condoms are used.
For me, in porn clips the critical thing is the story, the acting, the clothes worn by the female part and (because I enjoy a beautiful woman telling me what to do) the way that the dominant female part expresses herself. A condom or not a condom is a much lesser issue. That is, unless wearing a condom kills the storyline. For example, if the story is about a strong black American man giving a prissy white woman a cream pie so as to get her pregnant as retribution for the way that her husband treats the black American at work, obviously the man wearing a condom would kill the storyline. As a viewer, I know that the female actor will be on the pill and won’t get pregnant, but in my head I can disregard that. I couldn’t disregard seeing a condom as that would kill the storyline.
And why is the clothes worn by the female actor so much more important than the condom issue? The worst type of porn is a clip without a good story, with naked actors doing little more than bang, bang, bang. I need a strong storyline with not too much nudity. So a scene with a sexy school teacher seducing one of her pupils, and they both get naked and fuck over a desk does nothing for me. But a sexy school teacher dressed in tight fitting clothes, slowly weakening the lad by the sexiness of her voice and body movements, and what she says to him, so that in the end he feels compelled to crawl to her and lick her pussy. Well that’s a turn-on even if they are both partially dressed, and whether or not the boy is wearing a condom would not reduce the turn-on atall.
I almost always use condonm when I fuck, so I am really use to the sensation. And I have to disagree on that thing with you, we really lost sensitivity when fucking with a condom, it feels much better without one.
I agree with everything else in your post though
Hi Mistress T, I came of age in the 70s, and our slogan was no glove, no love. Got to use the wetsuit if you are going to play. All my buds pretty much did.
As for the common objection Yes sometimes the felling is a little bit less, but it is still a great feeling. Most of us last longer with a condom, so if a guy needs help with that, condoms are an improvement. Also, the way some woman do it, putting it on can be kind of sexy too.
Besides, if all sex was about was PIV (Penis In Vagina), I wouldn’t like it near as much as I do. I mean OMG there is all the other great stuff: KISSING during sex!, hearing a woman moan or murmur during sex or while making out, the feeling when your sexual rhythm is perfectly in unison, the look on her face when she orgasms, the smell of her neck when she gets hot and her perfume gets more aromatic, ….The list is endless.
Also, as you said, there is the health thing for your wife to think about. At different times in our decades together, I have used condoms, and if my wife was not post Menopausal we might still use them. Chemical and surgical complications for the woman you adore are a lot more than if dude just suits up ! No big deal for us to wetsuit. .
Finally there are a lot of ways to get each other off that don’t involve genital to genital or genital to mucus membrane contact either. I Love glove or boot jobs or holding her hand while she fingers herself. Different women I knew liked to have various body parts massaged or adored while they masturbated.
So yes I agree, silly for dudes to get fixated on being annoyed with condom use.
Vic Valles
I could not agree more. Read the blog several times.
There are some very high rech condoms out there these days. Buy ten different kinds you will find one you really like. Work on it.
Don’t be like me caught offf guard so many times and missed a beautiful night.
Be prepared and you won’t have worries in the morning.
Hi, I enjoy reading your feelings on sex. I remember going to a drug store in my teens & having to ask the druggist for condoms & a low voice. I tried lamb skins when I was 20 & they were great. Since my wife had problems with the pill, it was use a condom or pull out & cum on her belly. I would go thru a doz in 2 weeks. Ah, the good old days. I remember the shit with John Homes. Fucking bareback with aids! I never saw him with a hard cock. You said a guy could eat you pussy while putting a condom on, not me. Not me. I enjoy putting my middle finger of my right hand in a lady’s butt hole, my thumb in her pussy, & holding open her inner lips with the thumb & index finger of my left hand as I lick her pussy till she cums! Bare back or not I enjoy photos of you getting fucked.
Condoms keep it real. I have no problem seeing them in porn — but my position is unusual (but not unique). I’m a prostate cancer survivor, which means my orgasms are dry. Kind of nice for my partner — nothing to clean up or swallow.
But then again, I’m also very auditory. Even before my treatment, I would rather HEAR a guy climax than watch it. And NOTHING gets me more excited than hearing an excited orgasm from a Strong Woman, which is why I’m a “ladies first” guy in bed.
Have you also considered the proliferation of circumcisions even for non-religious parents is a cause. I often see the ‘I cannot wear a condom because I cannot feel it’ line said by mostly circumcised men who have lost that natural glans sensitivity. They need lubes and bareback to enjoy sex. Not to get into that debate but it is something worth looking into. Those who say it helps reduce UTI’s or STD’s, Canada and Europe which have declining to very low circumcision rates than the US have less HIV/Aids and other STD’s as well.
But you’re right. I also insist on condoms to protect myself, my partners, my health just as much as theirs. I am uncircumcised and one time even used two when I was younger and still enjoyed. Sex to me is also more than just the actual penetration with my girl. It is the foreplay, the kissing, the passion, being in the moment and enjoying etc.
Note: I have always been pro-condom for reasons of safe sex, preventing STIs, birth controls, etc. I just wanted to add this to the conversation since it was eye opening for me.
I was getting drinks with a few coworkers some months back, and after a couple drinks this exact topic came up. One of my female coworkers brought up a great point that I had never considered. She said that while guys often complain about condoms being uncomfortable, a lot of girls also find condoms uncomfortable too; including her. But if it’s a casual sexual encounter, it’s the responsible thing to do whether the female is on birth control or not. My coworker went on to tell a story about a guy whom she had gone home with, he asked her if she was on the pill. She said she was, so the guy adamantly refused to wrap it up. She was so annoyed and put off by arguing with the guy that she left.
The point is that girls don’t like condoms either. But they are better than an unwanted pregnancy or an STI.
Wearing a condom every time you have sex is just common sense,why risk an unwanted pregnancy or contracting an incurable STD. If your not in a loving committed long term relationship and if your not ready to be a father put cap on every time before you do it.
Hi, I just reread “My thoughts on condoms…” Something rang a bell in my head.
Remember the bullshit with John Homes, AKA Johnny Wadd, many years back?
Here’s this drug addict doing all kinds of porn bareback. God knows how many people he fucked up. In all the films I was in, I only went bareback with people I trusted & knew a very long time! I remember one young lady who refused to do a film with me because I refused to go bareback. Better safe than sorry!
Hi, I just reread your: “My thoughts on condoms…” In your line of work, USE a condom! I did films up to the mid ’90s both in front & behind the camera. I would use a condom if I didn’t really know my partner or didn’t trust them. I remember one woman refused to perform with me because I wouldn’t do a film bareback.
Better safe than sorry! Remember that bullshit with John Homes, AKA Johnny Wadd, many years back. Here’s this drug addict doing all types of films bareback. Only God knows how many people he fucked up!