I once heard this ‘joke’: A young bull & an old bull were on top of a hill looking down at a group of cows. The young bull excitedly said: “I’m going to run down there a fuck a cow!” & the older bull calmly responded: “I’m going to walk down & fuck them all.”
It’s funny, but it’s also a learning opportunity. I’ll get to it, but I’ll also share another interesting bit of info. The preferred client for a lot of sex workers, escorts & Pro Dommes, is middle aged men, not young, hot 20-somethings. Why do you think that is?
The title of this blog post is a hint. “Mature mentality” is what separates the men from the boys…but it’s not just an age thing. A 45 year old man can be cocky, disrespectful & annoying…and a 23 year old guy can be a complete gentleman…it’s just that cockiness tends to be more common for guys in their 20’s.
What does it mean to be cocky? Cockiness is a false confidence, it’s bragging or boasting about your good looks, how big your dick is, about how much sex you get, about how much money you make…it’s a sense of entitlement, that a woman should want you, that people should give you what you demand. It’s turning the focus on you, looking for reinforcement, it’s a hunger for recognition or power. It’s selfish & shallow.
A lot of older men will tell you that they were like that when they were younger. They think back on their 20 year old selves & laugh at how stupid they were but how much they thought they knew. They cringe at how they treated women.
Older men tend to be humble, they’ve made some mistakes and learned from them. They’ve learned through trial & error how to get a woman & how to please her…& it’s not about sex tips from Maxim…it’s about learning to listen to women, about turning the focus toward the woman rather than themselves. It’s unselfish. Often when women feel seen, heard, respected & cherished they then return ten fold what they received. Not always of course, there are selfish takers, but in general, older men find that they end up getting more in the end by giving more.
Young men tend to objectify women, see sex as a game with women as the opponents. Older men tend to appreciate connection & intimacy more. Again…there are exceptions on both ends but the reason I’m posting this it to encourage men who fall more into the ‘cocky’ column to rethink their perspective & actions. I encourage young men who tend to brag & boast to dial it back. Young men who think that they’re hot & that’s all it should take to get sex, to rethink that. If you’re the kind of guy who thinks sending an unsolicited dick pic to a woman is a good approach, you need to SERIOUSLY change your way of thinking.
I get emails every day from these kinds of guys. Boys in their 20’s who think that I should be falling over myself to take a session with them because they are good looking. These are the kinds of guys who would not respect my boundaries, who would think that once in the same room I would give in & let them fuck me. They think I would rather see them than a pudgy, balding 50 year old man. But I would take the mature, respectful, appreciative gentleman over the entitled, cocky kid any day.
You don’t have to be 50 to have that “mature mentality”. I’ve met guys in their 20’s that have it too. It’s a state of mind, it’s a way of living, it’s about coming from a place of humbleness, respectfulness, kindness, thoughtfulness & gratitude. These are not weaknesses, these are strengths. Imagine a great Knight who bows to his Queen. He is not weak or less than. He is strong and charming.
Food for thought:-)
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The beauty of the photo above was only exceeded by the excellence of the attached post…
However, I think that appealing to ‘young bucks’ to reconsider the brashness of their ways is likely to be a futile exercise.
This kind of reflective attitude is generally assimilated from experience and is difficult to learn or will into existence – well, by testosterone-fuelled, young male adults, anyway…
Probably fair to say I have frequented both these terminals in my journey through life and the most lucid personal response is – if I knew then what I realise now…
Thank you for providing this stimulating essay…
Well written. I can honestly say though that I have two young men in my family that are nothing if not gentlemen with the women in their lives. I know much is to their own credit but I also believe their mother and also me, their father, instilled this in them from birth. I too had a wonderful mother that was way ahead of her time. Thank you for writing about this issue.
I was fortunate enough to enjoy a 36 year relationship with a woman I adored. The key to that successful relationship was so succinctly stated above..”its about learning to listen to women, about turning the focus toward the woman rather than themselves. Its unselfish…when women feel seen, heard, respected, and cherished they return tenfold what they receive.” Truth.
Since I’m older and disabled my ability to enjoy a satsfying sexual relationship is somewhat limited. Luckily I have been able to find a woman locally with whom I occasionally meet. She is a kind, caring, and compassionate person. And its not about the sex. Its about ,enjoying the comfort, softness, smoothness, sexiness and femininity of a woman. Its about hugging, kissing, touching , amd tasting. Laying in bed just talking and touching.That is what I miss the most. Every woman adds beauty to this life. Men should be grateful for this gift.
Love & Respect
First time here, i don’t know how to write in english very well, i guess because im from South America. Your post give me a very deepful perspective of view of how things i was managing over here ahaha i need to re think about that.
PD. I´ve read below that you were writing a book?
Thank you. Echoes what I have been learning about confidence, getting what I want. What I want is a woman who is truly turned on. Selfishness is poison and destroys the flower before it even grows.
I can’t say i’m among the “mature” male column because I’m young, (21) and have emailed you, trying my hardest to stay respectful, but I’ve emailed you fan mail before even though I know that you’re busy and that’s being disrespectful because it’s basically wasting your time. I apologize for that.
But I would like to say I’m a humble mail. An think of woman with respect. I don’t send dick pics, I don’t encourage girls to send me pics. I remember one time a friend of mine, she got out of a bad relationship, and when I was comforting her I think she might have been drunk. But she asked if I wanted a nude pic of her in return for comforting her, and I heavily encouraged her against doing that. The next day, she messaged me and said thank you for not being a creep. I have had multiple instances in my life where “thinking with my dick” could have worked in my favor. But I don’t think like that. I was raised to respect women, and I will always respect women. I would rather be a good friend, and a good man, then a creep.
Anyways I’m sorry for rambling, this post is great as always! Keep up your amazing work. 🙂