A couple of years ago I moved into a new apartment. My neighbors found out about my alter ego “Mistress T” and flipped out. They even tried to get me evicted. Some of you may remember the blog entry I wrote about it: “Judgement Sucks Monkey Balls”. Over the last couple of years I have received tons of support from fans and a lot of inquiries about how it all turned out. So I’ll tell ya…
At that time I assured my neighbors & landlord that I would be the most quiet and drama-free tenant & neighbor they could ever want. I have an unsual business but the day-to-day ‘me’ lives a quiet, calm life. I am usually just editing video at home, having friends over for tea, going out to eat with friends, etc. I tend to do the bulk of my filming out of town these days & what I film at home is always quiet scenes with the camera on a tripod (usually hand jobs with guys who are personal friends & lovers.) There’s no film crew or parades of strangers coming & going. I rarely see clients for private sessions anymore but when I do it’s usually at their hotel room, not in my home.
I have parties now & again but usually gatherings before going to fetish parties so we’re all out by 11pm.
So over the last couple of years my neighbor below me has lived in quiet bliss. I walk lightly in my socks, don’t play loud music or anything. We become friendly & enjoyed chatting when we ran into each other. Recently I needed a reference for a new apartment and he was happy to assure my potential new landlord that I would be an excellent choice as a tenant. He saw no reason to mention my occupation as it has had zero impact on my neighbors.
That could be the happy ending we were all hoping for but it gets even better.
As I was doing the final move out of that apartment I heard a knock on the door. It was the lady in the building who had given me the most trouble. The one who was most opinionated about my work, the most fearful, the most judgmental & the one who tried the hardest to have me evicted. She came to apologize to me in person. She said that she was wrong. She said that I was one of the most responsible & professional people she’s met & she wished people she worked with & other tenants in the building were more like me.
I was so moved, I felt that lump in my throat. I know I shouldn’t care what people think & I’ve had to grow a thicker skin…but being really honest with my own feelings: I do care. Judgement does cut me & acceptance touches me. I know very well that there is a stigma with adult work. When people can look past that & see the real person, not the job, see the woman who does yoga, loves animals but doesn’t like babies, wears flannel pj’s, tries to do the right thing, cares about the environment, who hates being taken advantage of, who can’t watch scary movies because she has nightmares, who wears a hat a lot because she doesn’t like doing her hair…who is a quiet, considerate, responsible neighbor.
I was sad to leave that apartment, especially now that I have finally been accepted…but a major, disruptive year-long building renovation was about to start & my quiet oasis would be gone. Construction at 7:30am daily? Fuck that.
Speaking of construction, the construction workers had been anything but discreet about their leering, ogling & making machismo comments to each other, nudging & smirking. As I was moving my stuff out, one of the construction workers (showing how brave he was in front of his buddies) said to me it was a shame I was leaving (accompanied by giggles from his pals). I turned, smiling, and looked him in the eyes & said “Oh yeah? Why is that?”. He just shut up & looked away, embarrassed to be confronted. They all did. Way to keep up the stereotype of construction workers being sleazy to women, guys. Keep up the great work. *eye roll* Can you imagine if I had stayed & had to put up with that every day? Like I don’t get enough clumsy, creepy advances from my fans. Ohhhh…*zing!*
So, I’m settling into my new home, hoping there won’t be any drama this time. But if there is, you all will know about it.
Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
i think your charme will persuade anybody you’re the right person in the right place.
I am very happy that you got the acceptance and recognition from your neighbours. However thick-skinned you can be, a pat on the back always feels great. You are certainly a special woman and it shows. 🙂
Humans are social and judgemental animals. We crave acceptance by the greater community at large, even if we claim to be reclusive, introverts, shy etc.
It sucks that you were only accepted fully when you were finally leaving. But the great outcome of this is that the judgemental person apologized and knew she was wrong. If only all people realized this. We have but one life. Live and let live. You cannot spend your days angry, insulting, or try and dictate what others can do with their lives if no one is hurt.
I didn’t know you disliked babies though? There’s a difference between never wanting kids or to raise some, but hating them entirely seems kind of misanthropic. But I apologize if I’m reading too much into it. Anyways, glad you live in a better place, free of construction noise, how goes the love life?
Wait? You can’t watch scary movies! how sad, The Shining is on of my favorite movies.
I have watched scary movies…including The Shining, which IS fantastic. I think because I have such a vivid imagination I can’t handle watching scary movies (usually) as they get repeated in my sub conscience or something…I often get nightmares after.
Bet yet you have no problem picking up spiders.
I’m not scared of spiders but I don’t cuddle with them either. I prefer to just leave them where they are but if I need to remove one because someone else is freaking out, I can, no problem:-)
Anyone who spends 5 minutes getting to know you would have felt the same.
Social stigmas really do suck, but you should take pride in the fact that you are helping to change it just by being yourself. I bet your (former) neighbor is much less likely to judge a woman so harshly based on her profession and she has you to thank for it.
Everyone is guilty of having social stigmas against certain types of people from races, gender, to profession. It just how life is. You can’t be a hypocrite and complain when people are at ease with something you do.
Congrats on your new place and its great to hear that your neighbours had learnt what a wonderful person you really are 🙂
I just loved this post. It’s great to see wonderful people like you change perceptions and gain acceptance. Fighting stereotypes and initial judgments is something I’ve had to do since I was a kid, so it’s just magnificent to see others do it too and work towards a beautiful understanding with others. Kudos to you! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you! x
I only just came across this article (also read the one from Feb. 2012).
I always remember having, years ago, a girl living above me who seemed oblivious to the noise she made playing loudly the Eurythmics seemingly endlessly, although things did improve a bit after I asked her to turn it down. Then, one night, she had a cataclysmic row with her visiting boyfriend in the early hours. To be fair, she did apologise the next day. You sound like a much quieter neighbour to have!
Anyway, I’m glad it all ended amicably for you, albeit so late in the day, and after what must have been quite some totally unnecessary worry, stress and unpleasantness, especially when the “judging” and attempts to get rid of you got underway.
Of course it was upsetting! People are sickening in so many ways… not just in this instance. Fuckers (presumably not in the literal sense)! Who do they think they are? It is worth wondering how you were “found out” in the first place! Someone, somewhere was obviously looking on the Internet in a hypocritical way that definitely did not match his/her professed moral standards!
I (as does my Goddess Owner) firmly believe that this far too often sad and tragic world of ours would definitely be improved somewhat if more people (most probably, and sadly, more women in particular) were to cast off their infernal sexual hang-ups and deep repression and embrace instead real sexual honesty and openness, and be true to themselves. They would be amazed! Power to the human sexual mind… and to the dildo! Respectfully.
It’s great to hear that you’re such a good tenant – and you look very pretty in pink in your picture.
Many of us do have “alter egos” which can be quite different to what we really are.