The year in review…what a surprise, right? Don’t smite me for lack of originality in my blog topic for the last day of 2011, just enjoy the ride. (Actually wrote this on Dec 31)
One year ago I was on a plane with my partner of four years to Thailand. We were going for two months so had packed up our things and put them in storage. Thus began a year that ended up being 50% travel outside of Vancouver.
It was during that trip, with his parents visiting and some pressure from his mother that we discussed getting married in October. As is often the case, a decision to get married made me start thinking more seriously: is this REALLY the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
It was also during this trip that I received the invite from The English Mansion to be their special guest at their FemDom ball early summer and to film with them. I knew at the time this was an important opportunity but I could never have guessed how much of an impact it would have.
After two fun & relaxing months in Thailand (and Vietnam) we returned and worked hard to build up enough content for the time we would be in Europe. We decided to spend some time in France & Italy since we were already going to be in London.
Things happened during that Europe trip. Amazing things. Horrible things. It was eventful. The cracks in our relationship broke open. When we returned to Vancouver in June we went our separate ways. Maybe someday the full story will come out in a tell-all book.
I spent the summer processing the end of the relationship and enjoying my new single life. Adjusting to running the business solo was difficult at first. I wonder if my fans even noticed that my content was being filmed with a tripod rather than with a camera person? In hindsight, things weren’t that difficult. I had already been doing it pretty much on my own anyway. I missed the companionship of having someone to run the business with though.
I went to Burning Man at the end of the summer. An epic road trip with my best friend of six years. The person I originally met through friends the first year I went to Burning Man. That first year he was a complete stranger when he picked me up in his convertible and we drove for two days into the desert, then spent the week together at Burning Man. It was a hellava introduction and it bonded us for life. This years road trip was just as wonderful. He was patient with my ambition as I kind of turned the road trip into a business trip. I had a goal: to film with Kink.com. We went to LA and San Francisco so I could pursue that goal.
Shortly after I went to Honolulu for business…then back to London for a couple of weeks for business (and pleasure!)…then back to San Francisco and LA to film with Kink.com and MeanBitches.com….then to Maui….then to Nova Scotia.
In the middle of all this I asked myself: “Am I running FROM something or TO something?” I had been so focused on building my business it was starting to seem a bit obsessive. Was I avoiding something? I had this thought as I was putting my things in storage and realized I had been living out of a suitcase without having a real home of my own since Dec 2010.
When I finally returned to Vancouver on December 2 (this month) I started going to yoga every day. I started doing a little kickboxing/self defense training. I have been filming very little. I’ve been walking a lot. Eating very healthy and boozing very little. Spending time with close friends. Thinking.
What do I want 2012 to look like? I’ll continue with the business and look for opportunities to expand…but I will take my foot off the gas a little so I can slow down and enjoy the scenery. I can tend to be too focused.
I will make a home for myself in Vancouver and get my stuff out of storage (it’s been in there for a year now!).
I say that I will travel less…but I have already committed to three days in Vegas with Ceara for AVN…and a yoga retreat in Bali with close friends the end of March/early April (that will be a three week trip with other stops on the way and back including one night in Bangkok!). Then there’s Burning Man at the end of the summer…We’ll see how much travel I actually end up doing in 2012 after all.
Reflecting on 2011 I can say with certainty that it has been one of the most eventful years I’ve had. The ending of a four year relationship, the dismantling of most of my life, lots of travel, reaching some special goals, one of which was filming with Kink.com. Although I hadn’t pre-set the goal of filming with The English Mansion, that was one of the most significant things that happened this year, for many reasons. I have surprised myself with my abilities, my survival skills and what I can accomplish when I set my mind to it. I have felt depths of emotion this year that shocked me.
I feel stronger & healthier in every way than I have ever felt. I am poised to grab 2012 by the lemons and make it my bitch. Stay tuned!