One of the most common questions I’m asked is:
“What fetishes are you REALLY into?”
Obviously, it’s unlikely I’m personally turned on by every vid that I do. Who has that many kinks?
The answer is complicated. I find another person’s arousal arousing. Leaving judgement at the door I’ve allowed myself to be turned on by a wide variety of things. In the moment, in the right circumstance, almost anything can be eroticized. Spell checker is telling me that’s not a word? Fuck you spell checker:
So, what goes on in my head when it’s just me and my hand in bed…or the jets on my tub…?
Here’s the tip of the iceberg: Objectification, humiliation and shame are usually a part of my personal fantasies. Taboo family fantasies often come into play too. Don’t read too much into that. I would never condone incest, pedophilia, etc in real life. As long as no one is harmed in real life, what happens in my head or in your head is fine and you should only feel ashamed of it if shame is what you’re into.
Here’s an example of a scenario that I would masturbate to:
It’s late at night. A car is parked in the driveway of a house. You can barely make out two people inside the car having sex from the perspective of looking out a window of the house. Who is looking out the window, watching? It’s the father of the teenage (about 18) daughter who is having sex with a guy in the car. The father is kneeling, his knees getting sore. He’s been there for hours, waiting, as instructed by the daughter. This happens pretty much every Saturday night.
The car door opens, she steps out pulling down her skirt and giving her boyfriend one last passionate kiss good night. She comes inside and ignores her stupid father at first until she gets herself into position, bent over the kitchen table, skirt pulled up, the moonlight coming in through the window showing her glistening, freshly fucked pussy. Cum smeared and dripping down her thighs. She snaps her fingers, he knows the drill, he crawls over and starts licking her pussy, cleaning her and giving her another orgasm. She’s cruel to him, saying things like: “You’re a sick fuck for being attracted to your own daughter. I would never, ever fuck you but I’ll humiliate you and use your mouth for my pleasure…the only way you get to lick my pussy is if it tastes like another man’s cum. I don’t want you to enjoy this too much. You’re so weak and horny you’ll do anything I tell you to. I know you’re thinking about me when you’re fucking mom. I know you feel ashamed and grossed out with yourself and you should. If I ever told anyone the truth your life would be ruined.”
Her complete control over her father turns her on, the power rush…but she’s not attracted to him. That’s why she bends over the kitchen table so she doesn’t have to look at him while his mouth pleasures her. He is objectified, degraded, used. He feels shame and sometimes even cries…which I love.
A ‘disclaimer’ on this: I lost my virginity when I was 15 to my 16 year old boyfriend. It was nice. I was never sexually molested by anyone and no one in my family was ever sexually inappropriate. This fantasy isn’t about me, they usually aren’t. The first time I felt arousal I was reading an erotic story which seemed to have set a pattern of fantasizing about other people rather than myself in a scenario. Having said that, I was a VERY sexual teen. The summer I was 16 I had many lovers and I loved every minute of it. I perused boys. I initiated sex. I know I’m not alone. Teenage girls tend to be just as horny as teenage boys.
The reason that many of my vids have complex story lines is because that’s how I’m wired. All of my fantasies are complex. There’s a lot going on. How people are feeling about what’s going on…rather than just penis-in-vagina sex that makes up most mainstream porn. I don’t judge if that’s what does it for you, but if there isn’t a story I won’t have an orgasm. I know by now that there is actually a lot of men that are on the same page.
I suppose in a way fantasy for me is more realistic if it’s complex. That’s life, isn’t it? Usually there’s more going on than just penetration. The brain is the most important sex organ!