Just before I continue the story I want to ensure my readers know how to find me elsewhere:
My members site: www.MistressT.net
My clips store: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
In my last entry I hinted that although I was happy doing ‘voyeur shows’ I was starting to look for my next big thrill. Some of the clients who called to see me respectfully asked if I would consider doing ‘other things’ during my time with them…and I don’t mean sex. Of course I was pestered non stop for sex, but these respectful gents would ask if it was okay to kiss my feet? Would it be okay if they wore ladies clothing while they jerked off in my presence? Would I consider giving them a spanking?
I had been playing kinky games in my personal life, going to fetish parties and reading alternative erotica for years…these ‘unusual’ requests did not bother me. They were exciting. I started expanding my services and early on in the game one of these gents wrote a positive review of my Domme services. All of a sudden I was the hot new Pro Domme in town. I cringe now at how easy it was to become that, with as little experience as I had. I needed to get up to speed quickly. I didn’t say that I could do anything I couldn’t do but bit by bit my list of abilities expanded. Some clients helped me learn the ropes, I took some lessons from professionals and I read a great deal. Clients bought me implements, equipment and attire.
The first time I used my strap-on was with a client. My strap-on was special. I had had it custom made in San Fransisco at Mr. S Leather in my mid 20’s. I never had a boyfriend who would take it but I finally put it to work.
I told a 50 year old gay male friend about the recent changes in my life. He pointed out that I would need to learn to fist. The first man I ever fisted was this man with his boyfriend coaching me along. I double fisted him up to my elbows!
That gay friend also put me in touch with a couple who where doing fetish video’s. They meant well and taught me a great deal. I’m sure the very first fetish video’s I did are floating around out there…I had braces at the time. The vids were nothing to brag about. Perhaps I wasn’t ready, maybe they weren’t the right mentors, maybe the timing was just off? In any case, my first attempt at fetish video’s was a complete flop (I’ve come a long way baby!). I gave up on vids and focused on private sessions. I was well-reviewed and as busy as I could handle.
In the early days I conformed to what I was told a Pro Domme was, except for the ‘no nudity’ rule. I’ve always been more comfortable in the nude…but I did not give handjobs, I did not allow oral worship or give it and absolutely no intercourse. I would allow guys to jerk themselves off. I did a lot of ass play, golden showers, bondage, CBT, flogging, caning, spanking, sensory deprivation…I allowed shoe & foot worship, I dressed men as women, I humiliated them, I role-played their bosses, nurses etc. I had puppy boys, cuckolds and houseboys. There was a lot of variety.
I point out that I conformed because now my opinion has changed a lot. I strongly feel that a real Dominant does what she wants and doesn’t follow other people’s rules. I pass that along to all new Dommes. You don’t have to advertise it, and you probably shouldn’t unless you want to get into uncomfortable situations, but if you feel a connection with a client and you WANT to do something with him, as long as he consents then it’s really no ones business. I realize this is controversial and puts the many Pro Dommes who strictly do not offer those activities in a difficult position, as clients can say “she did, why won’t you?”…but that’s not my problem. I can’t police everyone’s actions or reactions.
That is my position now, years later but back then as I said: I was a conformist Pro Domme and I played by the book.
Depends. If you’re flying solo, rock on with your bad self. The minute you rent space from someone it’s not cute non-conformity any more it’s involving them in your decisions.
I’d be fucking pissed as fuck if I was renting space somewhere and the girl in the next room was about to do something to get me, my client, and the person at the desk famous in one hand motion.
Fair enough…but that depends on a whole lotta factors that have nothing to do with my story (local laws for example…which vary, etc.). Your colorfully worded reaction is common though. This really is a hot button for most.
If you were a dentist and people expected a colonoscopy from you, you’d want to define “dentist”. Sometimes it’s as simple as that. You’re right though, there’s a lot of shaming and un-needed freaking out if a guy dares to so much as ASK the question.
If everyone were in a position to be chill about sex work, there could be a category like there is in Europe – Bizarrlady – for providers who do both sexual contacts and fetish. No warring no freaking out. A Mistress is a Mistress, a Bizaarlady is a Bizaarlady, just like a coffee shop and a cafe are two different things.
Unfortunately, that’s not the LE climate in any of the states.
Excellent points…all excellent points. Dare we delve into the opinion that Pro Dommes are really just service providers…like Dentists? That the Domination is all an illusion. That ‘fantasy facilitator’ is a more appropriate label? Because during my time as a busy Pro Domme I very rarely just did what I wanted. I did what the client paid me to do. My feeling is that a lady should make up her own decisions about what she does or doesn’t do. A cookie-cutter description and other people’s rules…? Meh, that’s not being super Dominant. I just love this topic. It always gets heated!
Agree. That knife cuts both ways. I remember constantly being told to “sexy it up more” to be less about inaccessibility and bondage and hard cold skill sets and subtle mental ju ju and more about boobs “if you want to make money” and having that dangled in front of me in an effort to change my boundaries.
Sucks ass either way.
There’s a place for all of us…and men who crave different things. To thine own self be true.