I came across this interesting article: “5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained To Hate Women”.
The whole article is great and I recommend clicking that link & reading the whole thing…I’m just going to touch on a few things from the article and add my own comments here. Whether you agree or disagree with the author of the article or me…or if you have anything to add, I invite you to comment!
#5. We were told that society owed us a hot girl.
“Does it seem like men feel kind of entitled to sex? Does it seem like we react to rejection with the maturity of a child being denied a toy?”
T: For this point the writer talks about how the guy always gets the pretty girl at the end of every movie and by this and in other ways men grow up expecting that they’ll just get a great girl.
I’m not sure how much I agree with this point…but I will say that I think those same movies teach women that happiness is dependent on a relationship. Which is a whole other topic.
I have certainly witnessed many times men getting very angry over rejection. Not just frustrated or disappointed, but fucking ANGRY. It makes a certain amount of sense that someone would get that mad if they felt entitled to something & they weren’t getting it.
I also ponder this as it applies to “Tease & Denial” & fetishes for different forms of sexual rejection. I know from personal experience that certain men WANT to be denied, get off on being rejected, love being taunted with what they can not have. This strikes me as one of those situations where the intensity of emotion for one thing becomes eroticized, like wires getting crossed…kind of the pain/pleasure thing, but psychologically.
#4. We’re Trained from Birth to See You as Decoration
#3. We Think You’re Conspiring With Our Boners to Ruin Us
It’s because, in males more so than females, the sex drive is completely detached from the rest of the personality. The part of the male brain that worries about job security or money or social reputation or legal consequences has almost no veto power over the sex drive. You’ve heard guys say they were “thinking with their dick” or “I was thinking with the little brain” or “I took an order from Captain Bonerhelmet.” That’s what they’re referring to.
Science doesn’t seem to totally understand why the “base urges” part of the brain reacts differently in men. Maybe it’s just a matter of having 10 times as much testosterone in their system, or maybe society has trained us to be like this, or maybe we’re all spoiled children. My theory is that evolution needs males who will stay horny even in times of crisis or distress, and thus cuts off the brain’s ability to tamp down those urges. Whatever — nailing down the cause isn’t the point. The point is that a man can be giving the eulogy at his own grandmother’s funeral, and if there is a girl in the front row showing cleavage, he will be imagining himself pressing those boobs in his face, with his own dead grandmother not five feet away.”
T: I found this point most interesting…the writer talks more about anger and how men get mad because they feel it’s women’s faults that they can’t control their urges. I wonder if this anger is more or less prevalent in the FemDom community? I wonder how many men who jerk off to FemDom porn resent sexy, powerful women for having so much control over them? Feel free to comment on this.
#2. We Feel Like Manhood Was Stolen from Us at Some Point
“A once-great world of heroes and strength and warriors and cigars and crude jokes has been replaced by this world of grumpy female supervisors looming over our cubicle to hand us a memo about sending off-color jokes via email. Yes, that entire narrative is a grossly skewed and self-serving version of how society actually evolved. It doesn’t matter.The result is a combination of frustration and humiliation and powerlessness that makes us want to get it back in the only way we know how: with petty, immature acts of meanness.”
T: I found this point less interesting…the writer expands on this but the above quote gives you an idea of what he was driving at. Men are resentful that they have been forced to adjust their behavior by women… in the workplace, etc.
#1. We Feel Powerless
“It’s like that for most men, most of the time. We’re starving, and all women are various types of food. Only instead of food, it’s sex. And we’re trying to conduct our everyday business around the fact that we’re trying to renew our driver’s license with a talking pair of boobs. So, from about age 13 on, around 90 percent of our energy and discipline is devoted to overcoming this, to behave like civilized human beings and not like stray dogs in a meat market. One where instead of eating the meat, they want to hump it.”
“This is really the heart of it, right here. This is why no amount of male domination will ever be enough, why no level of control or privilege or female submission will ever satisfy us. We can put you under a burqa, we can force you out of the workplace — it won’t matter. You’re still all we think about, and that gives you power over us. And we resent you for it.”
T: This is really what it all boils down to. As hot as it can be to give up control in a sexual power exchange scenario, most people prefer to be in control of themselves & their lives. We hate anything that we’re obsessed with or addicted to that has any control over us: cigarettes, coffee, drugs/alcohol, gambling, video games, a TV show you can’t get enough of…a book you can’t put down…a food that you crave (chocolate, hamburgers)…PORN.
Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
Interesting article Mistress. I love Cracked, they always have entertaining and interesting pieces. I think your point about tease and denial and the “wires getting crossed” is true for a lot of fetishes. I think, for me anyways, fetishes are all about taking back the power, not giving it up (even though it may appear on the surface that the submissive has given up power). For example, most guys develop a SPH fetish because of an experience they had with a woman finding amusement with their genitalia. By developing a fetish, what they are really saying is “You’re going to laugh at my junk? Fine, then I’ll get off on you laughing at my junk. Ha! I win.” So maybe being a submissive is really all about taking back the power that we feel we don’t have.
You may be right in some cases. Interesting thought. Based on my experience I’m not sure that is the case very often tho…
I would love to hear your thoughts on how men develop fetishes…perhaps another blog post? 🙂
I really enjoyed this blog. The article you’re writing about has some provocative points that can be argued, but anytime I read a woman’s point of view, I learn a lot more. It’s more balanced and see’s deeper. That’s one reason why I’d always agree that women are inherently smarter, and many in the femdom community are aware of it. I don’t think men resent the power women have over them, unless they’re insecure. A smart guy should figure this out, and many guys will be jocks or in denial. Men know that they’re physically stronger, but that’s no longer as important, and doesn’t mean power. There’s the old saying, behind every successful man, there’s a woman. That man wouldn’t be as good as he is at his job without her. I think it’s really incredible to be in the company of a bright, dominant, and beautiful woman – I’d worship Her. Although on the flip side, I don’t know what the world would be like if all women dominated – would they have more drama between them? Or would there be world peace (very likely)?
I have to say, I’m finding your blog to be good reading, always interesting.
Reading this post made me wonder if you get hateful emails from men who fear loss of control. I would like to think not, but this reminder of the world out there makes me think that you probably do. I hope though, that this notion of men being “trained to hate women” is not as pronounced as this author implies. Of course people allow themselves to feel powerless because it’s easier than exercising free will, but that’s not everyone, and it’s not inevitable for anyone.
As for the article, I think there’s a lot of truth there, but several points seem over-stated and the author cherry-picks his evidence to some degree. For example, taking Reddit comments as evidence of the general male psyche is pretty dicey. There’s better evidence that a disproportionately large number of anonymous blog comments come from people with outlying personality traits, such as anger issues. But in spite of some extreme quotes, I agree with 1 and 5; not so much the others.
#5. We were told that society owed us a hot girl.
This has always been a story-telling standard, because it satisfies both men’s want of sex and women’s want of committed sexual relationships. (Since the hero went through so much in the story plot to get or save the girl, he’s clearly going to treasure her forever, right?). I think a lot of young men do feel this entitlement, and it fits for them because they’re strongly attracted to hot girls. Seems like fate. But if it doesn’t work out, then it may seem like an injustice. This can become delusional for a lot of young guys in particular. I knew a guy like this in my early 20s, who would freak out when a girl didn’t want to talk to him. Scary narcissism and lack of empathy. He couldn’t see basic realities that 1) he was not magically entitled to get the girl he wanted, and 2) she had a right to make a choice just as he had. This had to be literally explained to him.
#4. We’re Trained from Birth to See You as Decoration.
I think this statement is true in ways obvious in the media, and in the finer parts of most any city. Women bring us beauty, and we love them for it. But I don’t agree with where Wong takes this. The quoted ridicule of Elena Kagan, for example, was very, very marginal part of the discussion about her. I don’t believe that more than a small minority of men evaluated Kagan by her looks or sexual appeal. The author is suggesting that men are so base and irrational as to be incapable of having sensible legal or political opinions. If that were true we’d be living in something like a zombie movie already. It is interesting and worth noting that in Wang’s example about Christina Aguillera, it’s *women* who are delivering the harsh criticism. The same has been generally true for female politicians.
#3. We Think You’re Conspiring With Our Boners to Ruin Us.
This idea is big in the femdom realm. The popularity of financial dommes and fictional themes like cuckolding remove all doubt that many men crave this little conspiracy, at least as fiction. But no matter what they crave, I assume that most save themselves in the end. As you said, reality is a different matter.
In everyday life men are besieged with hotness, and it takes force of will to resist staring, or flirting, or propositioning. The latter can get a man divorced and alienated from his children, so there’s a real possibility of ruin. But who’s conspiracy is it? It’s a deal we made in the “sexual revolution” of the 60s and 70s. Modesty was discarded in favor of titilation, because most everyone enjoys it. It’s not without stress effects on both men and women, but as I recall, men were fully supportive and in fact largely responsible for this change, not dragged along behind it. Men (not just their boners) are driving the conspiracy. If that were not the case we’d hear more voices for sexual modesty in the media. The fact is, almost no one wants that.
#2. We Feel Like Manhood Was Stolen from Us at Some Point.
This is the one I have the most problem with. If “manhood” means the privelge to acceptably bully people, then yes, that’s lost, and good riddance. If it means some acceptable type of aggression, that’s just being shared across the gender boundary. Not stolen, but shared. Manhood type stuff is still around, but it’s not really just about being male anymore. Women can kick ass too, and you see that more and more in fiction and movies–and guys love those movies. I think most men don’t mind that women aren’t just little flowers anymore.
#1. We Feel Powerless.
The bottom line, that men’s sexual need for women affects everything we do in one way or another. The causal connections usually seem subtle, but that’s because the force is so fundamental. In business, men have meetings about making money, but they don’t actually talk about why they want the money. They don’t have to, because those reasons are as basic as breathing. Our sexuality is omipresent there, like gravity. It’s a fact of life, beyond culture and politics, so there’s no reason to resent anybody for it.
I didn’t empathize with any of the author’s opinions. I ally with companions and colleagues, male or female, as suits my purposes, and mostly succumb to damsels in distress in my weak moments, not the “reasons men hate women” which I don’t recognize. Indeed, I feel the reverse of all the 5 points, which perhaps explains why I don’t, and won’t, hate women.
I found this article very interesting because I am one who has felt a resentment of females dating back to early childhood. Even though I was always attracted to girls in my class, I always argued and fought with them, and in more than your typical puppy love sort of way. This could have been due to some of the stuff mentioned in this article about not getting any attention from them or some other reason, but it was there.
And just as all this was true up until early adulthood, I started jerking off to FemDom porn as soon as I discovered it. I don’t know if indulging in such a kink was therapeutic to me or if I have just matured in general, but I don’t have the same feelings about women that I did as a kid, adolescent, or young adult.
Thank you for your comment. Very interesting. Is it possible that jerking off to FemDom porn could make jerks with bad attitudes toward women better/happier people???
Either that, or the acceptance of a FemDom dynamic is the missing link in a submissive male’s life which is supressed and reformed as hate towards women.
I should admit that I did occasionally fantasize about being captured by women as early as I can remember. But it made no sense to me as I was taught about the roles of men and women. I told myself that these fantasies aren’t normal behavior and there was no place for them in real life. I believe that since society holds a certain expectation of what a man is supposed to be, my only instinct was to completely shun women instead of worship them.
The author paints a pretty unpleasant picture of male behavior on the North American continent.
But as a (temporarily) single women actively looking for a partner is that the picture you see?
A regular stream of turned down men (I’m guessing you get approached much more often than you accept) reacting badly to rejection would seem unavoidable if the authors views are right, rather than the odd sore loser.
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Good Read. Point #3 is something that I realized at age 12 and struggled with through my 20’s. I grew up very religious in a community where religious identity was everything. To have to wait until marriage and after you had paid a penance to God through 2 years of harsh and crushing missionary labor was not only the expected fee for sex, it’s was seen as the binding covenant between you and God himself. The real harsh part is growing up thinking that everybody espousing this crap actually followed it to the letter then after the hard part had been done, finding out those same sermonize-rs who cried the loudest were fucking like rabbits the entire time. It was hard not to smell conspiracy everywhere in a place like that, least of all from women. It also fed into exactly what the writer was conveying through points #1 and #2. Feeling a sense of slavery to ones biology is hard enough, getting a mixed answer on the why and what can be done from both men and women in dominant positions over you a) made you feel powerless and b) made you hate the hand you’d been dealt.
Point #2 has a certain degree of salience with me also because of this: When I was 19 I left for 2 years to proselytize among the “heathens” in South Carolina. Now Charleston may not be the most exciting city on earth but to me, it was a total mindfuck. All I had known for 19 years was a shitty turkey farm in one of the smallest, most remote towns in rural Utah. I got to peripherally experience what I saw then as true decadence. We worked the slums and hoods, poor people are the Mormon churches bread and butter after all. We saw men who literally beat their wives and kids in front of us and women cowing to their seeming every need. When I got home, that was the impression I left with. Where women (who by no means were seen as equals to men but) were generally respected and given a certain degree of power and authority, life seemed like shit, Where women were controlled and abused, life seemed pretty good in comparison. This was how the world seemed to work. Then, 4 years later when the farm went belly up, I left for good.
Life, Religion and the world had fucked me up proper. I was 26, a virgin and the only time I accidentally jerked off, I was beaten so badly by my mother, I still have a fuckload of scars to this day. It’s also the very reason I attribute to why I visit sites like this one and pay women to verbally berate me and beat the shit out of me. It isn’t control, it’s the momentary illusion of an order I once knew and was dependent upon. That feeling literal repression is momentarily amazing. As a mistaken ideology however, it can do a lifetime of damage.