Part of the problem or the solution?

Have a look at this fantastic vid that prompted my post today:

I’ve often wondered how I’m influencing the objectification of women in our society. I’m creating pornography & I post naked images of myself all over the internet for guys to jerk off to…

“But” I promote FemDom & in every day life I don’t have the generally accepted look of a porn star, stripper or model. I have the body type of the pin-up gals back in the 40’s & 50’s. Full hips, thighs & butt. This is my natural shape & I simply lead a healthy lifestyle to maintain it. I eat really well & exercise a little.

In my vids men are submissive & are there for the pleasure & amusement of women. Men are objectified & used. Although this goes against what a lot of you often see in the media the fact remains that this porn is still created FOR men. Just men who prefer strong, confident women in control. Men who like kinky sex play, who enjoy being humiliated, etc.

I hope that my FemDom porn does more to elevate women & less to objectify them? I hope it helps more men accept strong, confident women as sexy. I hope that for more men a women in control is regarded less frequently as a ‘bitch’ & more often as someone to respect.

I am not a female supremacist. I hope for equality. I dream of a world where gender is irrelevant. Where people are just people.

I encourage comments. Share your opinion.

Here’s the whole article & background on this vid:

Mistress T


Members site:

9 thoughts on “Part of the problem or the solution?

  1. One of the reasons I am attracted to you is that you are more compassionate than the average dominant.

    The reason I opened with that statement is that some will lump all dominants as the same, as all sexy advertising would be the same. But it isn’t. I think most people have a sense of humor, and the smarts to tell the difference between funny/sexy advertising, and something that is misogynistic. Same with your porn. I don’t know how they initally discover you, but the fact that it is an option is a good thing. The women may not find it empowering, but they won’t find it demeaning.

  2. I too dream of a world in which gender is largely a non-issue. In some places, among some people, it already is.

    Actually, it often feels like society is fracturing into two cases: those for whom gender is a bigger divide than ever (you might think of the uber-predatory young “bro” men types as an example) and those for whom gender lines barely exist. I have yet to decide which one is the greater audience and if concerns over objectification of women and men will ultimately solve themselves or not.

    But, I tend to think that porn, especially FemDom porn, often does something positive for society rather than negative. Certainly, there are those people who claim that pornography, or any potentially “arousing” material be it a nude portrait or an underwear catalogue, is a social negative that needs to be stopped. But, in general, it seems like offering people visual media to experience positive sexual experiences is helpful rather than harmful.

    And, porn is most certainly not just for men’s pleasure. Many women enjoy it as well – my own girlfriend enjoys it solely for the interesting visuals, she seems to experience no arousal whatsoever from it though – and many men enjoy it not just for arousal but for simple entertainment purposes. There have been many times that I’ve enjoyed porn and erotica simply for its entertainment value with little or no arousal present.

    When people are enjoying an experience of recording a sexual encounter (not always the case, however I tend to lump porn in which people aren’t having fun into a different category from that in which they are) and other people are enjoying watching it, where can the harm be?

    Also, I think that most people are simply biologically programmed to notice other people and, along with that, their physiques. We cannot look at people without noticing some of their more prominent features. It’s just part of what we are, categorizing and cataloging is one of our brains’ most basic activities. And, sure, in that sense people are constantly “objectifying” eachother, but also in that sense it’s a thing that men and women do equally and it’s a thing that does not necessarily have negative outcomes.

    Certainly, models and characters bending themselves into impossible contortions or being photoshopped skinnier and more “perfect” than possible is negative, it creates a standard that is, purposefully, unrealistic and unreal. That is to say, a standard that cannot be reached.

    If we examine your work we see a woman who is average in some sense, in that you’re clearly not trying to make yourself seem like something you are not, and very attractive in another, in that many people would find you attractive and many wouldn’t based on personal mating preferences, and clearly not attempting to make yourself out to be some object, in that both through your videos and this blog you present yourself an an individual with thoughts and feelings and interests in many areas.

    Certainly there are FemDom actresses and professional dominatrixes who present themselves as nothing more than dominant sex objects with no interests in the world besides dominating men, thus making them no better for misconceptions about women and men and their relationships than pornstars who swallow globs of semen even though they clearly aren’t enjoying it or models who try to stay at unmanageable weights just for fashion reasons.

    But, across your blog we can see you dominating men, enjoying bubble baths, dressed up in fluffy hats for cold winter days, playing with petting zoo animals, talking about interactions with your family, and questioning your place in society.

    While there are certainly those in FemDom who advance the concept that women are objects of sexuality to be used for people’s pleasure and nothing more, you are certainly not one of them.

    You present yourself as 3-dimensional person with thoughts and interests and emotions and as long as you keep doing that, I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about your work causing detriment to society.

  3. Thank You for Your thought-provoking video on the subjugation of women in media images. Certainly Your image is the exact opposite of those objectifications in the video. Your persona is one who exploits men for Her pleasure.
    At one level, Your realm is exploring a very specific pleasure of sex and not intentionally making a larger statement about the relative roles of Women and men. we who want to suffer at Your hand regard You as the Strongest Woman in our lives. You are the Goddess we worship- maximizing, not minimizing, Feminine Power.
    Personally i regard porn (perhaps “alternative enjoyments” is a more objective phrase) as nothing more than a private relationship between the people participating. If one doesn’t enjoy it, move on to something else. That is how i feel about male-dominant porn. i truly cannot watch it. i hate seeing a woman being abused, even if she is enjoying it.
    Certainly there are psychopaths who are driven to deviance by porn, especially violent porn, but they are sick and would have found another trigger for their psychoses.
    Speaking only for myself, i can honestly say that the only thing porn does is cause me to worship and adore Women and rejoice in Their Superiority.

  4. Interesting piece, Miss T, thanks for posting…

    I haven’t seen those ads before but assumed some of them must be satire or a ‘joke’ until I did a search and found them to be factual. The Jimmy Choo, Calvin Klein and one or two others are particularly offensive and amaze me if they were published?

    From this side of the Atlantic, I’d be very surprised if they were allowed over here but maybe I’m wrong about this, as I don’t know for sure. The whole trend/goal in modern advertising is, of course, to ‘make the edge the centre’, so the more the envelope gets pushed, the better from the point of view of the advertisors. Which is where our view of the state and what it is and isn’t responsible for comes in…

    For some people this means an infringement on libertarian values while for others it is the state giving ‘good authority’ and acting in the guise of parent-role over society. Where I come from, it’s unlikely you’ll see too many offensive or aggressive ads depicting available and compliant females but more likely a male being made to look trivial, foolish or weak in a way that the feministas would never accept for their fellow ‘sisters’…

    The real issue is probably more consumerism rather than ‘genderism’ as society becomes more and more atomised, and we are reduced to mere consumers to be sold goods and services to, including porn, of course. Which de-humanises us even further…

    Personally, I like a certain amount of porn but don’t like to see it creeping into the mainstream, particularly via the sexualisation of adolescents and younger people for purely commercial reasons. I see my own porn taste as a private matter but whether that makes me a hypocrite or compromised in debating the whole issue, I’m not entirely sure. I hope not, of course…

    Iceland are currently debating the banning of all porn – internet included – and this strikes me as a complete over-reaction, but there is definitely a backlash taking place across Europe, with even ultra-liberal The Netherlands stepping back from its permissive policies…

  5. You make an interesting point, Ms T, and it makes me wonder about myself and my own motivations. I have as I have grown older become increasingly are of and sensitive to feminist and gender issues. I try to, at the very least, be aware of my behavior and how it effects others, particularly women, and I’ve strove to change my behavior, when I feel it has not been acceptable.

    However, I wonder how much of this motivation on myself, to be a Feminist male is a genuine desire for equality between the genders, and how much of it is motivated by my sexuality. I have come to realize as I enter my middle age, that I am submissive. Strong, intelligent, powerful women have always turned me on. I have always had deep, intense respect for and attraction to these types of women. But I’m forced to wonder, is my desire for women to be empowered, a product of what turns me on? If, instead of powerful women, if I was turned on by weak, subjugated women, would I have such an inclination towards feminism, or would I be more like a ‘typical” misogynist male? Am I any better than those males at all, if I’m motivated by the same base desires they are, just pointed in another direction?

    It’s an uncomfortable question for me, because for as much as I’d like to believe I am motivated by reason and justice, that women being empowered and equal is the right thing. Is that truly what motivates me and my feminist political positions, the justice of it? I guess all I can do is be self aware.

    -jim @jimjimsonjr

  6. Hi,
    That’s an interesting post – I think it’s significant that you stop, consider your path and objective at times, and make an informed decision as to which way to go next.

    That to me shows intelligence and consideration – dominant or not, you are a human being first that much is obvious, and you spare a thought for others – its reassuring.

    Regarding gender stereotyping, its relevant and ongoing. I can’t pretend to be well read on the subject (I work in IT, I find engineers are not massively socially conscious), but I do look at how far we have come in the last 40 years, and I compare our western society with the more oppressive ones in the middle east.

    This video was broadcast around 20 years ago – there was a series poking fun at old values such as class and gender:

    The general populace can tell the difference I think – if you add to that the new media such as websites and twitter, all humans can express themselves far faster, with a broader audience and fewer controls.

    If we look to the aesthetic, as people become more aware of how hard it is to look good, maybe beautiful women already have equity with men running around after a ball for a living….

    I coached women’s rugby many years – lesson learnt was some people don’t want to be educated, and actually, fuck them, we only wanted to enjoy the participation in a tough sport and didnt care who was watching or what they thought.

    You don’t come across as a female supremacist – like all supremacists they ultimately fail – you come across as an intelligent woman who knows how to have fun on her terms.

    If men (and women) can’t appreciate that then you aren’t here to fix those views – I’d ask myself do you need to?

    Sorry if I ramble a bit – a thought provoking post by you I think!



  7. Starting with the video, the problem with the feminist studies is that they seem to ignore two elements that a social study should ALWAYS take into account: the fashion trends and the difference between news/advertising and the actual behaviour of a society.

    For example, when these videos show advertisements of women being spanked by men, the feminists imply (and most young people immediate assume) that this was seen as “normal” behaviour back then. And that is not true. Spanking an adult woman was an intolerable humiliation already in my grandparents’ time. Exactly because it was intolerable and unthinkable, seeing it done was considered to be funny. Yes, but they didn’t laugh about the degradation of the woman; they laughed because it was funny to think that there would be a man so crazy as to spank an adult woman.

    That doesn’t look funny today? That’s where the fashion trends come in. Sense of humour also follows the fashion trends. What was funny 40 years ago, it might not be funny at all today. And what is funny today probably won’t be funny in 20 years. Something like humour is in so many cases so contextualized that it goes out of date very quickly.

    The fashion trends and the passage of time also affect a political view like feminism. Unfortunately, I don’t think the change has been for the better in feminism. I can assure you, Mistress T, that the feminists of the late 70’s would have spared no efforts to defend your website and career as Dominatrix, because they thought women have a right to explore their sexuality and use it as they seem fit to. However, the feminists nowadays would demand that the Government makes a law to forbid such websites, because they objectify women. Grotesquely enough, I remember that the conservative and religious women in the late 70’s were against porn and fetish for exactly the same reason stated by our feminists nowadays.

    I also find a bit of a contradiction in your question: “I hope that my FemDom porn does more to elevate women & less to objectify them?”

    I would say, from the moment FemDom is created to satisfy the needs and fantasies of men, you are obviously objectifying yourself, you are becoming an object of desire for men. Next question (and probably even more important) is: Does that turn you into a weak being, does that make you lose control, does that make you submissive to men? And the answer is NO. Why? Because you chose what you are doing for a living and we respect that.

    The question can be challenged further: why do we think that “objectify” should be opposed to “elevate”? FemDom proves that, by becoming the object of desire, woman is elevated. You get power over men exactly because you are the object of desire. In fact, that has been the history of womankind in many cases throughout thousands of years.

    There had been powerful women who did not depend on their looks to get to power: Marie Curie, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, Angela Merkel… but there were other women who got absolutely famous and had enormeous power over the psyche of all men by becoming sex myths: Mae West, Ava Gardner, Rita Hayworth, Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren… I can’t see why Ava Gardner should be less elevated than Golda Meir.

    In conclusion, I think you can be proud of your work and I think it can be considered a good example of how good a woman can make. But not because your videos show a woman surrounded by slaves who are treated like worms. Your work is exemplary because you are an example of a woman running on her own a successful business in a world with very strong competitors and you excel in your Dominatrix persona: the Dominatrix does a great job and the business woman does a great job too. I don’t give a damn if feminists approve of you. All I know is that you (your real you, the woman behind the dominatrix) have won all my respect and admiration.

    Sorry, too long, I’m afraid, but the subject is very interesting… :-s

  8. Sorry, Mistress, I forgot to address your own comments while concentrating on the video.

    Your work may be created for men but I’m sure there are many women and couples who enjoy it as well. Probably some of the men who post here are one half of couples who follow what you do. Your blog contains many female comments although some are ‘fellow professionals’, I accept…

    I really don’t think Femdom porn either elevates more or objectifies less. My gut feeling is that’s too grand a concept for a subject like pornography. Whoever likes it will watch and those that don’t, won’t. The idea of it being an educational or liberating tool is far too noble, I’d opine…it just is what it is…

    Probably the main driver of how we view each other has to do with upbringing. For example, if a young man sees his father respecting a strong woman in the household, then healthy alignment will follow. If he is a witness to ongoing resentment, then it will probably carry over to the son…

    For many or most, I’d venture, porn is just the manifestation of what they feel and not the enabler…

    Keep up the good work!

  9. I think your porn does elevate women because you’re an example of a woman in control of her sexuality, business relationships and livelihood, and personal relationships. (You’ve shared enough of your personal life to tell us that you’re not a woman to fall into something she doesn’t really want.)

    I think you’ve also elevated porn. Before women like you came along, a lot of fetish porn had men calling the shots behind the camera, and there would be a vacuous, exploitive quality to it, especially because a lot of those men were types lacking in empathy, sensuality, artistry, taste, etc. The difference from then to now is striking.
    I hope that for more men a women in control is regarded less frequently as a ‘bitch’ & more often as someone to respect.

    You command respect and to a lot to deserve it. I think a woman using her sexuality to assert control is very potent and natural, something buried by patriarchy, but probably more legitimate than most other forms of power because it’s completely voluntary and very rewarding. Women in “boss” positions are becoming more common in the world anyway, more “normal.” In that context a woman in authority who is willing to give something sexually – even a humiliating tease – seems very kind.

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