As I write this I am jetlegged & trying to make good use of my time, being wide awake after only a few hours sleep. I returned home a days ago (to Vancouver) from Nova Scotia where I was visiting family. I thought I would share some of my family experiences from this visit.
My family knows what I do for a living. Some know more, some know less. Each of them has a different level of understanding and it can make for some awkward conversation.
I’ve always been pretty ‘together’. I’ve never been pregnant, which means I didn’t get knocked up as a teen. That counts for a lot where I come from. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship or had a drug or drinking problem. I’ve always been financially secure, I put myself through school, bought real estate at 29, traveled the world, never been in trouble with the law, etc. So my family can’t really ‘knock’ my life choices. I’ve made out better than most and I’ve done it on my own without any family financial support.
A few years ago when I told them I had stripped for a little while before becoming a Dominatrix they listened without saying much. Then as that evolved into the video business most did not ask too many questions. In fact, my grandmothers are particularly careful to not ask me any questions they’d rather not hear the answers to. I lie to my grandmothers friends and tell them I make wedding video’s, etc. I choose to not embarrass my conservative, religious grandmother with the scandal & gossip.
My father, bless his heart, does not want to know details but prefers to go off half-cocked bragging to his friends about his successful daughter. My most awkward experience of the trip was meeting a friend of his…an older man with no teeth who started the conversation with: “So you do that dancing up and down the pole, eh?”. I carefully explained that I spent about a year dancing 5-6 years ago but I haven’t done that for awhile…hoping we could move the conversation to something else but no. He then said leeringly: “So you’re into the pictures now?” Fuck. I could have strangled my father for putting me in such an awkward position. I just changed the subject without answering.
In the car I asked dad what he had told his friends and why? He explained that he had no judgement about what I do, he’s proud of me, and his friends are pretty open minded. Heck, that toothless friend had often gone to the city to pick up hookers. No shit, eh?
I have one nosy aunt who enjoys watching people squirm by asking personal questions. I was ready for her and decided that she would get detailed answers whether she really wanted them or not. She started with: “Aren’t you scared one of those crazy guys is going to hurt you?” I asked her what she meant by crazy? She figured that anyone who was into fetishes and BDSM wasn’t right in the head. I explained that people with alternative sexual interests are as sane as anyone else. Wanting to lick feet, for example, doesn’t mean you’re dangerously nuts. I talked about homosexuality because I know she has gay friends. I said there was a time when many thought being gay was wrong & unnatural. Now that’s mostly acceptable. I said in the future those with fetishes will be more accepted too. She surprised me by changing gears and asking me to explain more so she could understand and be more open-minded. That was pretty awesome.
My mother especially loves what I do. She’s a very liberal woman. She raised me to be strong and independent. She sees strength in using sexuality to get ahead in life. She gets the words mixed up though and calls me a Doministrix (combining Dominatrix with Mistress). I find it adorable every time she says it and I don’t bother correcting her.
My step-father has always been a business man and he spends hours grilling me about the business end of things. He offers advice, anything regarding insurance, legal stuff, taxes and tries to brainstorm new business ideas with me. He is concerned about my future, as am I. How long will my looks last? I will still have a lot of years to live after I no longer look good enough to be in front of the camera. As carefully as I save and invest I need a better long term plan. I had a career in sales & marketing before I started in the ‘adult’ world, so I’m sure I’ll be fine but at this point the long term plan is a little uncertain. Then again, who has a crystal ball?
I did a few different things while in Nova Scotia. My father wanted to show me off to all of his friends so I went to not one, not two but THREE jam nights. Jam nights are where a group of amateur musicians and singers get together and play in front of a group of people. The events are held in little community halls around rural NS nearly every night of the week. Pretty much everyone has grey hair and many are in their 70’s & 80’s. The music tends to be 40’s country, draggy, sad love songs played a little slower than they were originally meant to be played. Most of the singers are not talented. One night there was dancing. Just the 2 step though, no disco here. I was even asked to dance by one keen senior gentleman and I struggled through the two step with my cheeks burning in embarrassment. I’m really not a great dancer. He came back a few times and asked me again but I declined.
As painful as I found these ‘jam nights’ I realized how wonderful they are for those who attended. For many of them the alternative would be to just sit home and watch TV. They look forward to the socializing and hearing songs that are comfortingly familiar. It made me think a lot about what my golden years may be like. Especially since I’ve chosen to not have children, so there won’t be grandchildren around either. I hope to live some place warm with friends who I cherish. Maybe I’ll introduce naked co-ed bingo & shuffle board at the seniors center…
I also went on a 1 day bus trip with some seniors and attended a breakfast fundraiser with my grandmother. The pace is certainly a lot slower in rural Nova Scotia. The weather is a frequent topic of conversation. People read the obituaries daily because everyone knows everyone. I grew up there but never felt like I belonged there. I’m like an alien to them, with my crazy lifestyle, all the traveling and my lack of interest in settling down with a family. I love my life as it is. My soul would wither and die there.
Here’s a few random pics from my trip:
I loved this ‘real world’ blog. Brings a level of attachment seeing you adorable side. Enhances that unattainable sting of wanting, wanting wanting. Thank you for sharing.
This was a wonderful entry to your blog. Its great to have you share these real life experiences and feelings with us. I imagine we can all relate to those feelings of going home – being deeply connected to the places and people yet at the same time feeling very apart (and somewhat relieved to have escaped). Thank you for the honor of sharing yourself with us.
Beautiful…..just beautiful, your sharing about Your trip home and feelings about Your family and future. Thank You so much for opening Your heart to us, for this cherished moment! -Armand