When A Compliment Is An Insult


I make myself pretty accessible. I tweet & blog a lot. I really want my fans to see me as a person & not an object (as many women are portrayed in the adult biz).

Being accessible can be a double edged sword though. I often get emails that are complimentary but inappropriate.

Picture if you will, my every day life. I wake up, check my email & twitter from the bathroom in the dark. Then I put on music, chill indie or something cheerful while I shake up my protein drink & boil water for green tea. I then answer emails in my flannel pj’s while sitting in front of a large window, sometimes putting seeds out so birds entertain me.

The rest of my day might include a meal with friends, yoga, walking, errands, doing housework, making myself something to eat, going to the spa with friends, visiting a sick friend, talking to family on the phone, writing my book, planning trips, going out to parties, having sex or any number of other things that are NOT work related.

For work I edit, film, tweet, blog, occasionally session in person or webcam…and answer emails.

This is a bit long-winded because what I’m going to say might sound ‘bitchy’ and I want you to see me as a regular person first and not just a porn star, Dominatrix, celebrity or whatever.

I understand the concept of ‘fan mail’. I also understand the reality is that many of my fans have never paid a cent to enjoy my content, yet they still consider themselves devoted fans, hungrily consuming whatever they can get their mitts on for free. Maybe they genuinely can’t afford to pay anything. Maybe the concept of paying has never occurred to them, they are a part of the demographic that just thinks free porn is the norm. In any case, they have never contributed in a positive way to my work. There’s an argument that watching the pirated stuff negatively effects my business but we’ll leave that for today & just assume that they are at a ‘zero’ in terms of positive or negative contribution…


They send me a long email telling me how much they adore me, how they’ve jerked off to dozens of my vids…but wait until the end to mention that they aren’t a member of my site or anything but they just HAD to write me anyway.

Now they have stolen my time. Minutes that I won’t get back to enhance my personal life or create more great content. Minutes that add up when many guys do this. Each one thinking they are doing me a favor by telling me how sexy they think I am or how much they love my vids. “Compliments’ that turn into insults when they then point out they’ve paid nothing for the content I’ve worked hard to create.

I have to read those emails because they often all sound the same at first (opening with compliments) before the guy gets to the business part: he wants a custom vid, he wants to meet me in person, he wants to volunteer to be a film slave, etc.

Then I feel like a dick for not responding to those ‘compliment only’ emails, which I just don’t have time for. So I end up feeling worse than if he had just never sent the email in the first place.

Here’s the bitchy part that would have sounded harsher if I opened with it:

Do not send me complimentary emails if you have not paid for anything & have no intention of paying for something or contributing in a way that has value to me.

I don’t need your compliments. I do not suffer from low self esteem & I know very well by now how truly wonderful my content is.

If you’re going to jerk off to my content for free at least have the decency to keep it to yourself & don’t annoy me with emails that waste my time.


To the many, many wonderful fans who join my site, buy vids from clips4sale, send me gifts from my Amazon Wish List, tribute or support my efforts in any way: THANK YOU! You make my day, every day. xo

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet

Click here for my Amazon Wish List!


10 thoughts on “When A Compliment Is An Insult

  1. Mistress T, it’s easy to understand how frustrating it would be when someone completely ignores your property rights after telling you they adore you. So strange that people are oblivious to stealing from you, and I hope it’s rare. I’d hate to see stuff like this eventually drive you underground or something.

    I also hope you can time wasting hassles in some way. Even if that kind of thing becomes more rare, you’ll still get more of it as you gain fans. I assume part of the problem is that as your exposure has grown, so have the numbers of every type of fan. So you have like 35,000 twitter followers now, and the top 1% in terms of demanding attention is actually 350 guys. And you’re still one person.

    I know there’s a common mentality out there where the guy thinks he’s set apart from most of your fans. He’s special, and thinks you won’t mind that he’s not a member of your site because his wonderful adoration letter has won your affection. Something like that? I think it’s really nice that you read their/our letters and actually respond sometimes, but you mentioned guilt, and I hope you can free yourself of that. Sometimes a non-response is the best and kindest.

    PS: I have gladly paid for your content many times, enjoyed it thoroughly, and have never viewed anything pirated.

  2. I just wanted to apologize because I’ve emailed you like this. I haven’t seen any videos since I haven’t been aware of you long, but I do think your blogs are great. I didn’t mean to insult you or steal your time. I believe in supporting people that make great content online, no matter what it is really. I should have been more aware of how you felt about the email and I’m sorry. I know this is partly directed at me and I contributed to it. I wasn’t just saying your videos are hot or whatever, I’ve never seen any, but there’s a lot of cruel people and people who say things or laugh or whatever when they hear of what I’m interested in, and sometimes it’s nice to read from someone who is understanding and who accepts people. So I’m sorry and I won’t be emailing again. I know this could be inappropriate to post but I just feel bad.

    • *sigh* Might have been you…there were so many recently it’s hard to tell…but making this comment just reinforces my point. It doesn’t make me feel better, you just wasted even more of my time, which sounds cunty, but it’s the truth…although I would rather guys make comments like this here than email me. At least it gives my readers a better understanding of what it’s like to be me.

  3. Very well put, Mistress, and very politely written. Only a cheeky pirate would feel offended by this post.

    Fortunately we (the people who pay for your hard work) are still a legion. 🙂 x

  4. Paid Premium membership, love Your work, love Your dirty words, verbal humiliation.

  5. I fully and genuinely understand the anger many in the porn/adult entertainment industry feel with the rampant piracy that has taken hold. However you hit the nail on the head, many are from a time when porn is readily available at a few presses of keys on smartphones and free… It’s funny I have a friend who now does adult work and has her own clips4sale store and gets choked whenever her stuff is on tube sites. She always has it removed. But just the other day, we were chatting about shows and she said she downloaded all 3 seasons of House of Cards to watch. She used a torrent site. And therein lies the rub, she’s not part of the television industry/Netflix who’d feel upset their shows are being pirated but when it’s her content and her industry, she’s rightfully upset. I think the nature of media consumption has changed it for all of us. There are many of us who rightfully pay for stuff, but there are probably a million times as many people raised in an era where music and shows are on YouTube, torrent sites, streaming of live/PPV events is rampant. There isn’t a single industry where piracy isn’t rampant now. Gaming, music, television, film, live sporting events. Anyways I’m rambling now, I get what you are saying. If you’re a fan, you should pay for your stuff.

    • Yup, very true. I have Netflix or I buy off of Amazon. I won’t download or stream TV shows without paying & my friends find this very strange. They think nothing of it…as many also feel about porn. I just ask that my fans support me in some way, as they can…& there are several options. 1 of which is not wasting my valuable time, especially if they’re NOT even paying! (which was the point of this blog post)
      Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a good god damn if they think I’m the best thing since slice bread. I don’t want to take the time to read the compliments if they haven’t paid for anything or contributed in any positive way:-)

  6. Hello mistress I would like to know if there is any way for me to be in one if your videos and if do how thank you and have a great day.

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