I make myself pretty accessible. I tweet & blog a lot. I really want my fans to see me as a person & not an object (as many women are portrayed in the adult biz).
Being accessible can be a double edged sword though. I often get emails that are complimentary but inappropriate.
Picture if you will, my every day life. I wake up, check my email & twitter from the bathroom in the dark. Then I put on music, chill indie or something cheerful while I shake up my protein drink & boil water for green tea. I then answer emails in my flannel pj’s while sitting in front of a large window, sometimes putting seeds out so birds entertain me.
The rest of my day might include a meal with friends, yoga, walking, errands, doing housework, making myself something to eat, going to the spa with friends, visiting a sick friend, talking to family on the phone, writing my book, planning trips, going out to parties, having sex or any number of other things that are NOT work related.
For work I edit, film, tweet, blog, occasionally session in person or webcam…and answer emails.
This is a bit long-winded because what I’m going to say might sound ‘bitchy’ and I want you to see me as a regular person first and not just a porn star, Dominatrix, celebrity or whatever.
I understand the concept of ‘fan mail’. I also understand the reality is that many of my fans have never paid a cent to enjoy my content, yet they still consider themselves devoted fans, hungrily consuming whatever they can get their mitts on for free. Maybe they genuinely can’t afford to pay anything. Maybe the concept of paying has never occurred to them, they are a part of the demographic that just thinks free porn is the norm. In any case, they have never contributed in a positive way to my work. There’s an argument that watching the pirated stuff negatively effects my business but we’ll leave that for today & just assume that they are at a ‘zero’ in terms of positive or negative contribution…
They send me a long email telling me how much they adore me, how they’ve jerked off to dozens of my vids…but wait until the end to mention that they aren’t a member of my site or anything but they just HAD to write me anyway.
Now they have stolen my time. Minutes that I won’t get back to enhance my personal life or create more great content. Minutes that add up when many guys do this. Each one thinking they are doing me a favor by telling me how sexy they think I am or how much they love my vids. “Compliments’ that turn into insults when they then point out they’ve paid nothing for the content I’ve worked hard to create.
I have to read those emails because they often all sound the same at first (opening with compliments) before the guy gets to the business part: he wants a custom vid, he wants to meet me in person, he wants to volunteer to be a film slave, etc.
Then I feel like a dick for not responding to those ‘compliment only’ emails, which I just don’t have time for. So I end up feeling worse than if he had just never sent the email in the first place.
Here’s the bitchy part that would have sounded harsher if I opened with it:
Do not send me complimentary emails if you have not paid for anything & have no intention of paying for something or contributing in a way that has value to me.
I don’t need your compliments. I do not suffer from low self esteem & I know very well by now how truly wonderful my content is.
If you’re going to jerk off to my content for free at least have the decency to keep it to yourself & don’t annoy me with emails that waste my time.
To the many, many wonderful fans who join my site, buy vids from clips4sale, send me gifts from my Amazon Wish List, tribute or support my efforts in any way: THANK YOU! You make my day, every day. xo