Questions for a university psychology course.

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A psychologist has asked me questions for a university course he’s teaching. I thought some of my fans might be interested in the answers so am making a blog post out of it.

Questions:
1. How do you see domination fitting into normal human sexuality?

There is a wide spectrum of Domination in sexuality, from a subtle power exchange of one person initiating or being on top in a sexual position, to light bondage, role play, or harder impact play, spanking, paddling, etc. The specific activities aside, I think people often experience at least a subtle sense of being more submissive or more Dominant in a sexual encounter. That can be thrilling. To either be pursued & ‘taken’ enthusiastically or to be the one with more control in the situation. The spirit of that can make sex more exciting, even if in your own head you feel it without telling the other person, to use your imagination & pretend you are submitting or Dominating. For example, without thinking of “Domination” I’m sure a lot of women enjoy being on the bottom in the missionary position, which is in a sense, a submissive position.
2. What about you makes you popular with the men who are your fans? Are these things common to or possible in all dominant people (or people being dominant), or are they particular to you?

For me specifically there is a confidence that my fans seem to be drawn to. Confidence seems to go hand in hand with Dominance so I feel that quality is common in most or all Dominant people. I’d like to say that being perceptive/empathetic & intelligent are also valued by my fans but wouldn’t say those things are necessarily common to all Dominant people. Human sexuality is complex. Dominant people are just people who enjoy being in control. There are as many different types of Dominant people as there are fans or submissives with different tastes & interests.
3. How is what you do healthy for a person’s sexuality – yours or the sexuality of the fans?

This is a highly individual answer but I’ll answer with some examples. Some of my fans have secret fetishes that they do not feel comfortable sharing with their wives. Maybe they like to dress up in women’s lingerie or they have a foot fetish. Maybe their fetish developed after they were married and their wife just wouldn’t be understanding about it. Maybe they don’t even have sex anymore so she especially wouldn’t be interested in indulging his sexual interest. By watching my vids he gets an outlet. He gets to indulge in his fetish without cheating on his wife, or asking her to do something she’s not comfortable with. Maybe he doesn’t get to play out his fantasies exactly as he’d like to but he at least gets to let the pressure off. Have a little harmless fun.

Another example: Some of my fans are in control at work & home. The have a lot of responsibility/pressure/stress. Someone else being in control for even a few minutes is like a weight being lifted off of them. A mini-mental vacation. They can watch a 10 minute “masturbation instruction” vid where I tell them to stroke & ejaculate on command, maybe with a count down, like it’s a game and they are happy to just take orders from someone else for a little while. To escape their normal lives. After that they are refreshed, more relaxed & able to return to their normal lives a little lighter. It helps them be better boss’s, better parents, husbands, etc.

Yet another example: Sometimes my vids help men to be better lovers. Men with premature ejaculation issues can learn orgasm control through my vids.
4. Is there a line that you see where domination crosses into something unhealthy? If so, how would you describe where this could become unhealthy?

In extreme situations Domination could be associated with non-consensual sex, verbal or physical abuse/violence. There are people with mental health issues who Dominate in unhealthy ways…but mentally healthy people who enjoy incorporating Dom/sub play into their sex life usually have no desire to harm their partners beyond their limits. It’s important to learn to play safely, to respect boundaries, etc. The vast majority of people who engage in mild to wild Domination play do so in a healthy way, whether solo (masturbating to vids) or with partners. Even porn addiction isn’t that different from Netflix binging, Facebook or other social media addiction, video games, etc. Sexual pleasure is healthy, mentally & physically. However you find that pleasure among consenting adults is ALL GOOD.

(A side note about porn addiction: In mainstream porn young men can get the wrong idea about what real sex is like & essentially ‘train’ themselves to only be able to get hard & cum from this kind of stimulation. I don’t feel like Domination porn quite has the same effect but it’s possible that if a young man only ever masturbated to porn of women Dominating men he may have a difficult time adjusting to real life sex with a woman who is not Dominant. This would be more of an extreme situation. Ideally, watching porn would expose a person to a variety of scenarios & actually educate them, stimulate their creativity & help them to feel more comfortable with their sexuality.)
5. Is domination something that is consistent with your general personality (as your friends and loved ones in life have known you), or is it very different from the way you are in life on a day-to-day basis?

Mistress T is a persona…but is certainly close to who I am off screen. I have always been a naturally confident, self-assured person who likes to be in control. Not to the point of arrogance, bullying or an inability to allow someone else to take the lead. Day-to-day I am pretty relaxed & goofy.
6. Do you think that domination (or submission) is something that every person should try out, or is it an interest that only some people would probably have an interest in?

I think every person who feels like trying it, should. That doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Most people, if they were very honest, would know instinctively whether they feel drawn to or curious about Dominating or submitting.¬† Some simply have no interest & that’s fine. As I said before, human sexuality is very complex. If every person you know could anonymously let you know what their sexual fantasies are I bet you would be hard pressed to figure out what ‘normal’ is. There is no so such thing. If we all wore t-shirts with our sexual fantasies written on them it would not be long before we all became more accepting & less shocked but what we think is ‘taboo’ or abnormal.
7. We have a wide range of students with a wide range of belief systems, from atheist to conservative Christian. Do you have a message to share with university students who are strongly Christian that may help them to approach, learn, and think about domination instead of just throwing it out and labeling it as immoral or wrong?

Do Christians think that Domination is immoral or wrong? Gosh, I didn’t realize. Do you mean they think God will judge them & they won’t get into heaven? I suppose if someone thinks sex is only for reproduction & not enjoyment then anything like this is going to be too far of a leap. Sorry, otherwise I just don’t quite understand how religion plays into this? I realize my moral compass might be a little fluid after all the years of depravity I’ve engaged in…but my opinion is that what happens between consenting adults in privacy is their business. If it feels good, do it. The world needs happy people & sexually satisfied people tend to be less stressed & in a better position to do Gods work/helping your fellow man, etc.

Satan is RIGHT behind me...isn't he?! He's already stolen my nose, I can feel it! So why am I still smiling?

Satan is RIGHT behind me…isn’t he?! He’s already stolen my nose, I can feel it! So why am I still smiling?

A note about Domination & sexuality. The book & movie 50 Shades of Grey started a lot of discussions about Domination. Those who are informed on Domination often criticize it for portraying things incorrectly. Some consider the scenario’s to be closer to abuse than safe, consensual Domination. Criticism aside it did put a spotlight on the undeniable fact that many people, especially women are curious or interested in Domination, kinky sex, BDSM, bondage, fetishes, role-play, etc. The internet has opened up the world of kink to those who may not have had access to information before. People are curious, they are asking questions, exploring & becoming more accepting. Those who judge & condemn other people for their sexual preferences are rightfully becoming the endangered species. Each of us has to live our own lives & we owe it to our 80 year old future selves to make the best of the years and not saddle ourselves with “what if’s”, “should have’s” & regrets. Be true to yourself.

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

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Do I remind you of anyone?

Mistress T in heels and mini skirt.

Girl next door?

Over the years I’ve had a lot of guys tell me that I remind them of someone from their real lives. I’m not sure how common this is for sex workers/Pro Dommes/escorts, etc.?

Often it’s an ex girlfriend or a love interest from their past. There is an element of nostalgia in these encounters. They sometimes fantasize that they are reuniting with a grown up version of a teenage love from 20 years ago or so. In one situation I was able to help a guy work through some issues he had had over a relationship that didn’t end well. By playing the role of this woman I could give a different perspective of events, how she may have felt, etc.

I’ve had at least a couple of guys say that I look similar to their current wives. One fella liked to be cuckolded by me & imagine that I was his wife. He wanted so badly to see his wife fuck other men but she wasn’t into it. He lived out those fantasies with me.

Imagine I'm your wife...getting fucked by another man...

Imagine I’m your wife…getting fucked by another man…

I’ve had guys say that I remind them of their aunt, mom or mothers friend. Someone they had a crush on when they were younger. Sometimes a school teacher or someone in an authoritative position. We role play fantasies that would have been too taboo to play out otherwise.

Mistress T in a business suit.

Did you do your homework???

Men are very visual & I understand they often like a certain ‘look’. I’ve kept basically the same hair style & haven’t gotten tattoos & piercings like a lot of my friends. Partly because of my job, for those who fantasize I’m a 1940’s pin-up model or Hollywood actress. Or to make it easier for those who are pretending I’m someone else. I don’t mind though. I like my look.

I find it fascinating that men can imagine that I am someone else, someone who meant or means something special to them. That I can help them fulfill fantasies or work through unresolved issues. This is one of the more interesting parts of my work.

Do I remind you of someone? Or are you a woman in a similar line of work who gets told by a lot of men that you remind them of someone? Feel free to share in the comments!

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

 

 

Does Your Family Know What You Do???

Me in flannel PJ's

Me in flannel PJ’s

For today’s un-sexy but intimate blog post I answer a recent question from a fan (& the frequent question of “Does your family know what you do?”):

“Since you have spoken a bit about your personal life, I just wondered how a mistress is perceived in her immediate family ? How do parents, cousins, siblings, neighbors look at you? Is there awe/fear/bemusement/curiosity/disgust/quiet acceptance?
At family functions are you a celebrity or is there finger pointing. Sorry if i am intrusive but i have always wondered how normal is life for you outside the lifestyle. Sometimes i wonder how my mom or close family would react if i told her/the that i had paid a woman to be able to drink her pee. Wonder how your mom reacted the first time you told her you humiliated a strange man into similar deeds. Just curious since you are a larger than life FemDom celebrity.”

From my person interaction with women in the adult industry I would say that everyone has their own story. So I won’t speak in generalities I will simply answer for me.

My family has some idea of what I do. Most of them don’t understand exactly what I do, they haven’t seen my website & I don’t spell out specific graphic details, but they know it has something to do with sex/porn/being a Dominatrix. Most of them aren’t interested in knowing more. They don’t ask a lot of questions, in some cases because it would just be awkward for them, in other cases because they have too much respect for me to do anything that might make me uncomfortable.

“Respect”? Does that surprise some of you? It’s all about perspective. My family doesn’t see a harlot when they look at me, they see the grown up version of a good girl with a bit of a wild side. They see a woman in her late 30’s who looks great, who has never had a substance abuse problem, never had a gambling problem, never been in an abusive relationship, hasn’t had an unwanted pregnancy, hasn’t been in trouble with the law, has never asked them for money, etc. They see an adult woman who has traveled the world, who is financially secure, who is happy, healthy & living her life on her terms.

In their words: “How can we find fault in how you decide to lead your life?” They respect me & my personal choices.

My family doesn’t see ‘my job’ when they look at me. They ask questions about my travels, about my life in Vancouver…they ask about my love life, they ask if I want kids, etc. They don’t treat me like a celebrity because frankly, the idea of me being a celebrity wouldn’t have occurred to them. They probably don’t even know there are ‘celebrities’ in the kind of work I do.

In other circles though I am sometimes uncomfortably treated as a celebrity. At some fetish functions or meeting people in the kink community. I quickly try to get people to see me as a regular person (with an unusual job). I try to put people at ease if they seem intimidated or in awe of me. I’m really uncomfortable with that in regular social situations. It can happen if someone else has built me up, told them “Mistress T” will be here, “she’s a famous fetish porn star” or if it’s a guy who has run across my vids on the internet & can’t believe he’s meeting me in the flesh. Argh.

In normal social situations I’m goofy, funny, an active listener, curious about other people, empathetic…the last thing I want is to be put on a pedestal or pseudo stage and asked a thousand questions about my work. I prefer to listen than talk about myself.

As for this part of the question: “Sometimes i wonder how my mom or close family would react if i told her/the that i had paid a woman to be able to drink her pee.”

Your family probably doesn’t want to know if you’ve paid a woman to do anything sexual to you. They probably don’t want you to know what they do sexually in private either. Neither of you care to know the graphic details of each others sex lives.

Privacy is becoming a luxury from the past. The internet is changing this & as more people are accidentally exposed people are realizing that there are more people into ‘weird’ things than ‘normal’. Society is becoming less judgmental & more accepting. But most people, especially family members, are learning information they would rather just not know.

Feel free to ask other questions in the comments area & I’ll address them.

Cheers,

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet

Lucky Guy

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When I tweet pics of me with guys/slaves the most common comment I get is “Lucky guy” followed by “Wish I was him/wish it was me”.

So who are these lucky guys and where do they come from? Unlike the guys you see in a lot of mainstream porn, 99% of my guys are not professional performers. I live in Vancouver, Canada. We don’t have a porn scene here so there are no professionals (that I know of) to hire even if I wanted to. While traveling I have had the opportunity to work with a few pro’s. Exactly 3 I think: Shane Diesel, Wolf Hudson & Deviant Kade. Slave Wade might be considered a pro by now too?

When I started making my own vids I had a partner. The first couple of years he was the only guy I filmed sex scenes with. Those who have been watching my stuff for more than 5 years probably know who I’m talking about. After we went our separate ways I started filming with others.

Each one has their own unique story. Some I’ve only filmed with once or a few times, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps we were only in the same place at the same time briefly, like a guy from out of town visiting. Sometimes I just don’t ‘click’ with someone enough to want to work with them anymore.

The ones that have stuck around earn nicknames and are close to my heart. The Gladiator, The Fire Hose Guy, Superman, The Young Fella, Eager Beaver, etc.

Most tend to be fans who simply offer themselves to be used for filming. Usually they don’t show their face which is fine with me. I think it’s easier for the viewer to imagine it’s him if he isn’t distracted by a face. They need to keep their anonymity. They all have lives. One of them sneaks out of the office to film with me & always shows up in a sharp suit, perfectly coiffed. He’s so beautiful I wish my fans could see more of him than just his cock, but alas…

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Another one is a personal friend I’ve had for many years. He comes & goes. When he’s in a relationship we don’t film. When things don’t work out he comes back.

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I found one fella while on vacation in Mexico. He was American & came to Vancouver to film with me several times over the next couple of years.

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Some guys get shared or passed around among the other Vancouver Dommes. We’re a small, close community.

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When I’m in England I get use of the English Mansion slaves or those who belong to Nikki Whiplash.

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A more unique story is of the guy I accidentally found through one of those adult dating sites. I hadn’t been on it in over a year but I logged in to get the profile of someone impersonating me removed. While I was waiting for the admin to message me back another message came in & I looked at it. He had a nice cock so I asked if he’d like to be in my vids. He ended up being a wonderful film guy.

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I prefer the ones who come regularly. I enjoy getting to know them & figuring out how to control their orgasms. I like pushing boundaries & introducing them to new things. We often sit around chatting over tea before or after filming which is also nice for me. Sometimes we go for a bite to eat or hang out socially. Some of them are lovers before they are in my films…sometimes they become my personal fuck toys off camera after. Some of them serve me in a more ‘slave’ way personally.

So I would say that they all consider themselves to be as lucky as you think they are. I wouldn’t keep anyone around who isn’t appreciative. I have more guys to film with than I need. I also consider myself lucky. I love what I do & a big part of that is liking those who I do intimate scenes with.

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Info on applying to be a film slave: http://www.mistresst.net/blog/fetish-focus/frequently-asked-questions/

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet

When A Compliment Is An Insult

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I make myself pretty accessible. I tweet & blog a lot. I really want my fans to see me as a person & not an object (as many women are portrayed in the adult biz).

Being accessible can be a double edged sword though. I often get emails that are complimentary but inappropriate.

Picture if you will, my every day life. I wake up, check my email & twitter from the bathroom in the dark. Then I put on music, chill indie or something cheerful while I shake up my protein drink & boil water for green tea. I then answer emails in my flannel pj’s while sitting in front of a large window, sometimes putting seeds out so birds entertain me.

The rest of my day might include a meal with friends, yoga, walking, errands, doing housework, making myself something to eat, going to the spa with friends, visiting a sick friend, talking to family on the phone, writing my book, planning trips, going out to parties, having sex or any number of other things that are NOT work related.

For work I edit, film, tweet, blog, occasionally session in person or webcam…and answer emails.

This is a bit long-winded because what I’m going to say might sound ‘bitchy’ and I want you to see me as a regular person first and not just a porn star, Dominatrix, celebrity or whatever.

I understand the concept of ‘fan mail’. I also understand the reality is that many of my fans have never paid a cent to enjoy my content, yet they still consider themselves devoted fans, hungrily consuming whatever they can get their mitts on for free. Maybe they genuinely can’t afford to pay anything. Maybe the concept of paying has never occurred to them, they are a part of the demographic that just thinks free porn is the norm. In any case, they have never contributed in a positive way to my work. There’s an argument that watching the pirated stuff negatively effects my business but we’ll leave that for today & just assume that they are at a ‘zero’ in terms of positive or negative contribution…

Until…

They send me a long email telling me how much they adore me, how they’ve jerked off to dozens of my vids…but wait until the end to mention that they aren’t a member of my site or anything but they just HAD to write me anyway.

Now they have stolen my time. Minutes that I won’t get back to enhance my personal life or create more great content. Minutes that add up when many guys do this. Each one thinking they are doing me a favor by telling me how sexy they think I am or how much they love my vids. “Compliments’ that turn into insults when they then point out they’ve paid nothing for the content I’ve worked hard to create.

I have to read those emails because they often all sound the same at first (opening with compliments) before the guy gets to the business part: he wants a custom vid, he wants to meet me in person, he wants to volunteer to be a film slave, etc.

Then I feel like a dick for not responding to those ‘compliment only’ emails, which I just don’t have time for. So I end up feeling worse than if he had just never sent the email in the first place.

Here’s the bitchy part that would have sounded harsher if I opened with it:

Do not send me complimentary emails if you have not paid for anything & have no intention of paying for something or contributing in a way that has value to me.

I don’t need your compliments. I do not suffer from low self esteem & I know very well by now how truly wonderful my content is.

If you’re going to jerk off to my content for free at least have the decency to keep it to yourself & don’t annoy me with emails that waste my time.

Capisce?

To the many, many wonderful fans who join my site, buy vids from clips4sale, send me gifts from my Amazon Wish List, tribute or support my efforts in any way: THANK YOU! You make my day, every day. xo

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet

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