Respecting Boundaries

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I’ve written a post similar to this in the past but it bears repeating as my audience is particularly ripe for this kind of education, being mostly men. I believe that most men, especially submissive men, are good guys, they get it, they’re respectful. The genuine shit heads are the extreme minority. Then there’s the guys who are good at heart but misguided, uninformed & with a bit of education could migrate from the “kind of a shit head” category to the “good guy” club.

I had a mildly bad experience with a private session client this week.

He wrote that he wanted just a foot worship session with some clothed (yoga pants) face sitting, dinner out first. He had requested sessions numerous times over the years & as I rarely accept new clients it had taken that long to actually set it up. I screened him & everything seemed fine. I sent him my FAQ which clearly states my boundaries & I reiterated them in an email: no intercourse, no oral sex of any kind.

Over dinner there was an opportunity to discuss why I take so few sessions these days & one of the reasons I stated was that most guys want what I don’t allow: intercourse & oral sex. I explained that I accepted him because he requested activities that I like & I feel comfortable with.

In the private session he proceeded to try to push those boundaries, mostly verbally but also physically. Not in an aggressive way, but his hands roamed & I had to remove his hands from rubbing my crotch several times while firmly telling him “no”. He asked numerous times to lick my asshole & to have sex with me. When I told him that asking again would result in the session ending early he just stated what he wished for without asking for it: “You’re just so sexy, I would love to fuck you.”

I held my boundaries, stayed profession & the session ended on schedule with the client feeling like he’d had a great experience & he hoped I had a good time too.

Afterward I sent him this email & to any guy who read the above & didn’t really see a problem with what happened, or who thought I should have just kicked the guy out, please read this & try to understand:

“I’d like to provide some feedback on the session last night in an effort to help you understand something important, from a different perspective. So please read with an open mind.

Imagine that you’ve taken your car to a mechanic to get it fixed. You’ve come back to pick up your car after closing time. It’s just you & the mechanic at the shop.

This mechanic is bigger & stronger than you. He tells you it’s going to take an hour to finish fixing your car, you might as well wait. He compliments your ass & it soon becomes clear that this mechanic is attracted to you.

You let him know that you are straight & that you’re not interested. He apologizes but tells you anyway how much he would like to fuck you. Even though you’ve made it clear that’s not going to happen, he tells you a few more times how much he would like to fuck you & asks if he can at least give your ass a squeeze. He’s being nice, not aggressive but he then tries to rub your crotch & asks if he can see your asshole. He keeps asking for more even though you say no.

Again, you are all alone with him & you can’t leave yet because he hasn’t finished fixing your car.

He continues to tell you what a great ass you have, that you’re just so sexy & how much he would like to fuck you.

Are you imagining this? How do you feel? Do you feel uncomfortable? Do you think you would find that fun or enjoyable? He’s complimenting you & just telling you what he would like to do. He keeps asking for what you’ve said no to, but he’s nice about it. He isn’t being aggressive but you don’t know this guy, if you reject him too hard or if you’re rude, who knows what he might do? He might rape you or hurt you. He might not fix your car. You don’t know, do you?

Now think about last night.

Did you do anything ‘very’ wrong? No. Did you cross the line & make me uncomfortable? Yes. Did you make me not want to see clients because of uncomfortable situations like that? Yes.

I’m telling you this so you don’t do this to other women. If you want sex, hire an escort. I sent you my FAQ which outlines my boundaries clearly. I stated again in email & yet again in person what my boundaries were…yet you continued to try to push them to the point where I had to threaten to end the session early. That’s shitty.”

He did not respond to the email, in case you’re curious. He’s only one guy & maybe I can’t get through to him…but this blog reaches a bigger audience so to you reading this, yes you, don’t behave like that, okay? Respect boundaries. Whether it’s a regular date or a paid date, know that she’s likely on guard, as most women constantly are. Unless you are getting a clear ‘yes’ than it’s probably a ‘no’ or ‘not yet’. Get explicit consent & keep getting it. Accept a ‘no’ gracefully or a withdraw of consent no matter when it comes. Her body, her choice.

Even if you’ve paid for a sexual service, it’s still her body, her choice. A clear negotiation of services for pay helps prevent misunderstandings but paying for one thing doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything/everything.

Put yourself in the women’s place. Really, that’s the heart of empathy, trying to understand how another person feels. In doing so you are learning emotional intelligence & that is useful as hell in life.

If you already get this, pay it forward, look for opportunities to educate other men by being a good role model or explain this to them. Basically, if men imagined other bigger/stronger men doing to them what they do to women they have an easier time ‘getting it’. It’s not as simple as rape or not, it’s about a potentially threatening situation where rape is possible & you have to ‘handle’ the other person & hope it doesn’t come to that.

Be better men & help other men be better too.

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Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

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Amsterdam Dec 3-6 2017!

Imagine...being this close to me...

Imagine…being this close to me…

Amsterdam!

Amsterdam!

I haven’t felt like traveling abroad much the last couple years but I’ve planned a big “bucket list” trip to Africa in December & wrangled a few days layover in Amsterdam so I could see a few lucky fans.

This is a super rare opportunity. I haven’t been back in Europe for a couple years & I don’t have plans to return in the foreseeable future, so if you want to meet me, you’ll need to meet me in Amsterdam.

You could press your nose against those feet...

You could press your nose against those feet…

PLEASE do no ask me if I’m coming to the UK, Italy, Spain, France or anywhere else. No amount of money would convince me. It’s a very long flight from Vancouver to Amsterdam & then a very long flight from there to Africa. I will not be jamming in another flight.

Again, Amsterdam ONLY. If you’re in the UK or other near by country & you want to see me badly enough, come to me.

I’ll only accept a handful of very generous fans that I feel compatible with. Screening will be rigorous, deposits will be required & I’ll be expensive as hell.

Social time is great as I’d rather not spend all my time inside but private is of course possible. LIMITED ACTIVITIES. Very limited. I’ll be in a hotel room, not a dungeon. I’ll be traveling light without much gear.

My partner will be with me & cuckolding sessions or forced bi activities might be possible in the right situation.

Desperate to suck cock for me???

Desperate to suck cock for me???

I will not have my camera & I do not plan to film.

How to apply:

#1. Communicate exactly what you’re hoping for during our time together. (Do not bother asking for intercourse, oral worship of any kind or full toilet.) Communicate clearly & briefly, don’t make me read a novel but don’t make me have to ask you a bunch of obvious questions.

#2. Make me an offer I can’t refuse. (Minimum to see anyone for anything will be $600USD, that’s around 500 euros or 465 pounds..& that amount would be like a cash point meet or a brief social meet up…a private session would be more.)

#3. Tell me who you are & ‘sell me’ on you. Include references if you have them, include your handle on my members site if you are a member (& you really should be) or a receipt for vids you’ve purchased from any of my clips store (to prove you’re a respectfully paying fan). Include pics of yourself if you want but not required. It is nice though.

If you send the email & you don’t get a response you may have not communicated clearly, you may have asked for something I don’t do, you may have offered too small a tribute…I know the polite thing is to respond to all emails but frankly, if you spent a few days reading the emails I get you’d understand why I just don’t respond to a lot of them. Feel free to try again, communicate more clearly and/or more briefly (point form is helpful) & of course try offering more money:-)

Email: MsT@MistressT.net (read the above before sending that email!)

Cheers,

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

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Last chance for Goddess Party Sept 29, 2017!

Top left: Samantha Mack with Evilyn13 (tongue out). Bottom left: Skylar Heart Right: Mistress T sitting on Miss Jasmine's lap.

Top left: Samantha Mack with Evilyn13 (tongue out).
Bottom left: Skylar Heart
Right: Mistress T sitting on Miss Jasmine’s lap.

A couple months ago I announced an upcoming Goddess Party for Sept 29, 2017: https://blog.mistresst.net/fetish-focus/goddess-party-september-29-2017/

With only 10 spots for slaves in the private (non-filmed) part of the party, it filled up very quickly, no surprise…BUT we decided to have a little sadistic fun & keep one spot available for y’all to fight over. So, how badly do you want the last spot? To be the last guy, lucky number 10 at a small private party with 5 Goddess’s: Miss Jasmine, Samantha Mack, Skylar Heart, Evilyn13 & yours truly?

It’s an auction boys & the prize goes to the highest bidder. Minimum bid is $800. Send your bid to Miss Jasmine after reading the party details here: https://www.eurasianpersuasion.com/party

Deadline for getting your bids in: September 10th, 2017.

So that’s for the 2nd part of the party, the private part. If you’re a big ol’ whore & not camera-shy the more the merrier at the 1st part, the filmed encouraged bi gang-bang, circle-jerk, slurp & ass fuck cum-fest. Strap-on fun & cock sucking will be on deck for the 1st part of the party, this part will be filmed (hoods/masks to cover your ugly face are a-okay.)

Recent, clean STI tests are required to get your gay on & model releases will need to be signed!

We have a nice selection of man-sluts for the first part already, this is gonna be FUN. Read the party info for all the dirty details. Read it. Don’t just get all excited & go off half-cocked. Read the info. Got it? Good boy.

If you’re confused, this link should clear it up. But again, there are 2 parts of the party. The 1st part is the gay stuff, that’s filmed. No cap on the number of sluts for that one. The 2nd part is private, no filming, only 10 slaves allowed & the last spot is being auctioned off to the highest bidder: https://www.eurasianpersuasion.com/party

Cool?

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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How not to talk to women…

Okay...if a girl is already showing you her tits it's okay to say they're nice...

Okay…if a girl is already showing you her tits it’s okay to say they’re nice…

“Show me your tits” is a classic zero-class thing to say to a woman that will produce no positive result.

A female friend of mine was recently harassed in an alley at night while she was taking her garbage out. Three drunk guys told her to show them her tits. It reminded me of a great way to help men understand how very unwelcome that kind of attention is.

I’m talking to you guys…imagine that you’re walking down an alley at night & you encounter a few guys (bigger, tougher guys than you). They shout out ‘a compliment’: “Hey, nice ass!”. Before you can even react they follower it up with: “How bout you take your pants down & show us that ass.”

You then realize you’re in the roughest part of the gay part of town & these are tough, leather daddy homosexuals, drunk & feeling brave & horny in their group. You realize that if these guys decide they want to have you, you would likely not be able to fight them off. You realize that they’re likely quick to anger & could take you if you insult them.

How do you feel? What do you do?

(If this happens to be your sexual fantasy, to be gang-banged in an alley by some rough gay dudes please substitute them for something you’re NOT into sexually but threatened by…I don’t know, an auditor, divorce lawyer, Donald Trump, whatever.)

Most guys say they would love women to shout out cat calls to them, they think putting themselves in the women’s position is switching roles…but the key to understanding how a woman feels is to know that you could likely not fight off the unwanted advances of the person who is ‘complimenting’ you.

Make sense?

So, don’t cat call or shout at women from your cars, women walking down the street, etc. No positive outcome can be expected. At best it’s annoying to her, more often it feels threatening/scary for her. She’s not going to walk up to you & ask you to fuck her because you told her she has a nice shitter.

There are times when it’s appropriate to compliment a woman you don’t know but do it with grace: compliment her eyes, hair, outfit/style, laugh, smile, energy, (not her tits or ass). Do not act offended if she doesn’t respond the way you would like. Even if your intentions are good & your approach is ace, she does not owe you a positive response. You are not entitled to her gratitude. However she reacts, handle it with grace. Don’t get pissy & insult her if she doesn’t respond how you would like. You have no idea what she is going through in that moment or what she has been through before. Again, I can’t stress this enough: she does not owe you the response you want.

I know it’s a tough world out there…people can seem cold, it’s hard to make genuine connections, you might be lonely & craving human interaction…you might be desperately horny. I could list potential ways to meet people but this post is about how to NOT talk to women so I’ll keep it on point & leave it there. Treat women the way you would want men to treat your sister, mother, daughter or respected & cherished female friends.

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

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Goddess Party: September 29, 2017!

Miss Jasmine, Mistress T & Samantha Mack

Miss Jasmine, Mistress T & Samantha Mack

There’s a lot of history between Samantha Mack, Miss Jasmine & I. 10+ years of history & that includes some EPIC Goddess Parties. They weren’t all filmed but some of them were. Oh yes. If you search “Goddess Party” on my clips4sale studio or members site you’ll find many debauches party scenes of women playing with submissive men. Highly entertaining stuff.

It’s been a few years since we’ve thrown a party & the requests have never stopped rolling in, so we decided to have one! Yippee! We’re combining filmed with un-filmed activities & keeping it really intimate. The bigger parties tended to get a bit too crazy so we’ve capped the private party to 10 sub males & 5 Goddesses.

Jasmine, Samantha & I have chosen a couple of other great gals for the party. Evilyn13 is a well regarded fetish model with a playfully sadistic side. She’s been very involved in the local fetish party scene in her personal life for many years. A feast for the eyes & will have guys groveling, no doubt. More on Evilyn13: http://www.evilyn13.com

Skylar Hart is a whip smart, highly skilled & experienced Dominatrix. Don’t let her youthful looks fool you, this woman knows exactly what she’s doing. For those who are more into the technical aspects of BDSM, Skylar will be a dream come true. Skylar Hart’s clips4sale page: https://clips4sale.com/110176

We announced the party a few days ago on twitter & we’ve already filled 3 spots (for both parts of the party), so if you want in on this get your application in ASAP! (Demand has been higher than expected so we might auction off the last couple of spots to the highest bidder…we’ll see *grin*)

Before the private (non-filmed) party we’re having a filmed encouraged bi gang bang. The main focus there will be guy/guy cock sucking & strap-on play. If that’s your main interest &/or you’re on a budget that’s a great option. Masks/hoods are optional if you don’t want to show your slut face.

You have the option to come to just the 1st part, just the 2nd part or both.

All the info is here: https://www.eurasianpersuasion.com/party Please read it carefully before applying. We are getting quite a few applicants & your chances of getting in on this will be better if you’ve applied properly/communicated clearly.

Can't read the tiny print? Of course not. Clink the link up there & go to the actual info page!

Can’t read the tiny print? Of course not. Clink the link up there & go to the actual info page!

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Worn boots available for purchase!

Would you love to have something that has belonged to me? A momento? Let’s face it, you’re going to jerk off using it as a prop, right? That’s cool.

I rarely get around to selling off my worn items. If a fan emails & asks for something like worn pantyhose or socks I can usually make that happen. I’ve sold a few pairs of ballet flats & sneakers over the years. This is the first time I’ve decided to part with some of my beloved sexy boots. I just don’t have the space for everything & I know some fans will love these boots, maybe even more than I have.

Simply email your bid to:

MsT@MistressT.net

I’ll let the bidding go for a couple weeks & I’ll let the highest bidder know when he’s won them. My minimum for mailing ANYTHING (even pantyhose or socks) is $200USD including shipping. So bids under $200 will not get a reply.

Payment will be via the tribute button on either of my clips stores or Amazon gift card…or a gift card for something else, like the spa (if paypal is the ONLY way you can pay). Cash in the mail can work too.

In some cases for more money, when possible, I might be willing to take more pics, do a custom vid or a cam session with the item before mailing it. Feel free to ask.

Also, feel free to ask for something that you don’t see here. To be honest, I have loads of things I could part with. Lingerie, panties, bras, pantyhose, stockings, socks, all kinds of footwear. I’d rather do all the mailing out of things at the same time so NOW is the time to ask for worn items as I’m more willing to discuss at this time.

 

"Heart Boots" Black leather designer Italian boots with hearts on them. Enrico Gibellieri. Size 34.

“Heart Boots” Black leather designer Italian boots with hearts on them. Enrico Gibellieri. Size 34.

heart_boots2

“Heart Boots” Black leather designer Italian boots with hearts on them. Enrico Gibellieri. Size 34.

heart_boot1

“Heart Boots” Black leather designer Italian boots with hearts on them. Enrico Gibellieri. Size 34.

"Suede Boots" Black suede designer, Italian. Les Tropeziennes. Size 34.

“Suede Boots” Black suede designer, Italian. Les Tropeziennes. Size 34.

"Suede Boots" Black suede designer, Italian. Les Tropeziennes. Size 34.

“Suede Boots” Black suede designer, Italian. Les Tropeziennes. Size 34.

"Platform Boots". Black over the knee leather boots with a small platform.

“Platform Boots”. Black over the knee leather boots with a small platform.

"Wedge Boots" Black Leather wedges.

“Wedge Boots” Black Leather wedges.

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

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I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane!

One of my bucket list items in my 40th year was to skydive. I finally got to do it last week, a couple months after my 41st birthday. I went with a couple of my favorite people & it will be a wonderful memory to share.

This pic is not hyper-linked. Find the vid here: https://www.mistresst.net/free_video

This pic is not hyper-linked. Find the vid here: https://www.mistresst.net/free_video

Am I an adrenaline junkie? I don’t know. I went on BIG roller coasters for the first time when I was about 18. I loved it & have been on a lot of those types of rides over the years. I bungee jumped only once in my early 20’s & hated every minute of it until it was over. I loved the rush but never did it again. I’ve white water rafted, jumped off high cliffs & gone very fast as a passenger on motorbikes, all felt too dangerous. If there is a real threat to my life I like it less than the safer thrills like roller coasters. I also loved paragliding & parasailing. So I figured skydiving tandem (attached to a professional) would be good. It would be safe but thrilling.

I was right. Though if he hadn’t shoved us out the door of that plane there is no way I would have gone. I was utterly terrified as he slid me closer to the door. It’s a shame that I had such equipment failure as you can’t really see my reaction which was complete short-circuited terror. It was sensory overload & for a split second I slammed my eyes shut because I could not handle it but realizing I was going to lose my gear if I didn’t grab it kind of brought me back to reality. And reality was hard & fast. It’s amazing, adrenaline. It gives you laser focus. You are not thinking about anything else, you are completely in the moment. To quiet the chatter of the monkey mind even for a minute is so refreshing.

This will be too hippie for some of you but when I heard this a few years ago I wept, it hit home so hard: (If the link doesn’t work just google “Rest in Natural Great Peace”) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gvo-CCtC3Zs

Rest in natural great peace
This exhausted mind
Beaten helplessly by karma and neurotic thought
Like the relentless fury of the pounding waves
In the infinite ocean of samsara.
Rest in natural great peace.

~Nyoshul Khenpo Rinpoche

I’ve heard that meditation practitioners are often adrenaline junkies because it’s a great way to focus the mind, to be present in the moment, which is kind of the goal of meditation.

Anyway, you can find the skydiving vid on the free preview page of my members site (you can stream or download for free from that page): https://www.MistressT.net/free_video

The music & audio are kind of odd as the skydive company edited the vid with copyrighted music so I had to re-edit it with royalty-free music.

Enjoy!

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Phone Sessions

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I’ve signed up for a brand new service from IWantClips called IWantPhone. It’s kind of like NiteFlirt, for those who are familiar with that…but I was never keen on that service for various reasons so never used it.

Basically, you pay to talk with me on the phone. It’s not cam, just voice.

This is new & I’m new to it. I’m not used to carving out time in my busy schedule for phone sessions but I’d like to do more. I actually love interacting with fans. Please be patience in the coming months as I try to add this to my repertoire. I get a lot of requests for distance training so I know the demand is much higher than I could possibly keep up with but for what it’s worth, here’s the link (It seems you need to be a member there to access the link but it’s free so whatever):

http://iwantphone.com/invite/B5Jl1479

Here’s what my listings look like & rates (for now, I might change things as things get figured out.)

screen-shot-2017-06-04-at-11-20-12-am

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

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Combo Improv

mistresst_glamour_gown_gloves_foot

I posted this on my twitter feed: “Quick: request a topic for a blog post!”

The first few responses were: 24/7 slavery, humiliation & cuckolding training, edging & electro CBT.

I thought it might be fun to combine all those in a little made up story. Welcome to “Combo Improv!” Here it is:

After a short, whirlwind romance, you ask me to marry you. It wasn’t much of a surprise since I’d been teasing you like crazy but told you I wanted to wait until after we were married to have sex. I had let you see me half naked, we’d cuddled…one time you even blew your load in your shorts rubbing against my butt while watching TV when you thought I was asleep. I had only pretended to be asleep though & I called you on it before you’d even finished cumming. The surprise & humiliation ruined your orgasm.

I laughed at the wet spot in front of your pants as you blushed & tried to hide it. I then got more serious & shamed you for being inappropriate, for having so little control & for disrespecting me. I think I heard you crying a little in the bedroom as you were changing & cleaning up. That amused me.

On our wedding night you were SO excited thinking we were finally going to have sex. I had other plans for you though & presented you with a device that fit around your cock & balls. I had a remote & could give you a little (or bigger!) electric shock when ever it suited me. I planned to turn you into my cuckold & my 24/7 slave.

Of course you were reluctant but after I modeled the special lingerie for our honeymoon you came around. Or rather your dick decided for you.

I fitted the device around your cock & balls, then gave you a little tester shock. You jumped & your rock hard cock started to go soft. Perfect.

I stroked the sensitive flesh of your cock with my finger tips & you quickly grew to full attention & started drooling pre-cum.

Stroking you lightly like that I told you about your new reality as my slave & cuckold. How you’d learn to always put my needs before yours. How my pleasure will give you pleasure. How I’d train you to orally please me & worship my pussy. You will wait on me hand & foot, not beg for attention or argue with my choices.

You’ll also be responsible for all the household chores & maintenance, cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, etc. You could choose to do all of it yourself or hire staff for some things. It only matters to me that I never have to think about such mundane things.

I will also take lovers as I see fit & although that might seem difficult at first you’ll learn to get enjoyment from seeing me have satisfying sex with other men. We’ll be starting right now, on our honeymoon. I’ll have a lover & you’ll watch. You can stroke yourself & keep yourself on the edge of orgasm. If you misbehave or get too close to orgasm I will shock your cock & balls. If you are a good boy at the end of the adventure I’ll let you cum…

Deep down this is what you really wanted, even if you didn’t know if consciously. You were attracted to me because I’m a confident, naturally Dominant woman. You wanted to marry me even though I denied you sex. I humiliated you in many ways & you put up with it…I bet you even liked it secretly. I married you because I could see in you the potential to be a great slave. You are easily trained & compliant. You are naturally submissive & you’ve always been very sweet to me. I can already tell you care about my needs more than yours. I think we’ll be very happy together.

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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My thoughts on condoms in porn…

screen-shot-2017-05-10-at-4-41-30-pm

This post has nothing to do with the whole condom law thingy in California recently…but regarding that, I would have voted ‘no’ because I think performers should have a choice whether to use condoms or not. It shouldn’t be a law.

My body, my choice.

Which leads nicely into this blog post about MY thoughts on condoms in porn.

screen-shot-2017-05-10-at-4-53-49-pm

Even the hyper-observant wouldn’t be able to tell how many men I’ve had unprotected intercourse with in my vids since their faces have so often been unidentifiable. I’ll tell you: three. Does that surprise you? How many men do you think I’ve had intercourse with in my vids using a condom? Less than twenty. In a decade & thousands of scenes, I’ve had sex with less than two dozen different male performers & only bareback with three.

Of those three, two of them were my long-term partners/boyfriends, the other one was a close friend & long term partner of a close friend. I trusted them completely with my sexual health. We all knew each others sexual activity & were tested regularly.

My choice to use condoms was about safer sex until more recently, when it also became about birth control. At 40 my doctor wanted me to consider going off the birth control pill that I’d been on since my teens. Apparently there are higher side-effect risks for older women. I wasn’t keen on getting surgery (tubes tied) or the invasive process of getting an IUD & potentially bleeding for months…sexy talk, eh? Perhaps too personal? Good. I’m a feminist who strives for EQUALITY & a part of that is both sexes being informed about & taking responsibility for birth control. So take a deep breath & keep reading because the next part is going to make you squirm even more.

My partner agreed to get a vasectomy which enabled me to go off the pill (& y’all still get the cream pie scenes you love so much!) but now the risk of having sex without a condom with others isn’t just about STI’s, I now risk an unwanted pregnancy. In other words, I’m not fucking anyone else without a condom. Period.

I’ve recently been approached by a big porn production company to do a boy/girl fuck scene but they had a bareback-only policy…& that got my back up.

So what’s the problem with condoms?

– Guys complain it reduces sensitivity so they lose their boner or can’t cum.

My thoughts on that: the condom just feels different & a guy isn’t used to the sensation. A simple solution is to jerk off with a condom to get used to it! If it’s just you masturbating & you’re on a budget, re-use that condom a few times. Yuck? Whatever. I’m sure you’ve done worse.

– There’s a stigma with condoms. It implies that one of you or both of you might be diseased & going without says that you trust each other.

My thoughts on that: grow the fuck up. Using a condom says that you respect your body & your partners body. If you want to do the trust thing down the line after you both get tested & agree to it…& you have other birth control sorted out, fine. But in the beginning, just grab the damn condom as if it’s a forgone conclusion & get on with it.

– Stopping to put the condom on interrupts the flow & you lose your boner.

My thoughts on that: you can jerk off while surfing porn & keeping an ear open for your roomie, boss, wife or mother in case they walk in, you can do this. Experiment with incorporating the condom into the play. I’ve seen guys effectively lick my pussy while putting the condom on at the same time & I’ve managed to put the condom on while stroking a cock & kissing the guy, just experiment & practice until it becomes just another part of the action. Figure it out.

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Honestly tho, the problems with condoms are mostly psychological so how do we help with that? Personally, I feel seeing more condoms in porn would help. Some disagree, saying porn is fantasy, it’s entertainment, guys don’t want to see condoms, it’s a turn off…but we all know that many, MANY young men are using porn as sex ed, like it or not & that what we see does influence sex trends. Anal sex & cumming on a woman’s face are two examples of things that were popularized by porn. There certainly wasn’t a huge women’s movement to try to convince men to cum on our faces, to fuck up our make-up, our hair & squirt sticky goop in our eyes that stings like a sonofabitch. Sex acts that were rarely done 50 years ago are now the norm for a lot of people & the driving force most of the time is porn.

So, it stands to reason that if men saw more condoms in porn that it would become more acceptable, reducing most of the problems with condom use & therefore reducing STI’s & unwanted pregnancies.

BUT, business is business & with so much piracy these days porn producers are fighting for every dollar. They say men won’t pay for porn with condoms in it. That’s probably true in enough cases for some porn producers to draw a hard line against condoms. It’s just business & changing this trend isn’t like turning a canoe around, it’s like turning the titanic around. It would take a lot of producers bravely using condoms in their scenes, taking the financial hit until the trend turned.

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So what can you do as a porn consumer? Decide to buy a porn scene even if you see there’s a condom & your knee-jerk reaction is negative. Give it a chance. Try to acclimatize yourself to it & support the producers who are taking the risk creating a scene with a condom & support the performers who are choosing that for their bodies. That’s about it as far as I can tell.

Also, if you don’t like fucking with a rubber, practice jerking off with one. Your dick, your responsibility. Figure it out.

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Also, get tested! Condoms are not 100% effective. Responsible fuckers use rubbers AND get tested regularly. It’s no big deal & it feels great to get the ‘all clear’ or to catch something early so you can treat it or deal with it. Ignorance isn’t bliss.

xo

Mistress T

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