The urge to give up control…


I recently created a custom vid for a chastity enthusiast who wanted to take things to the next level. He requested three months worth of instructions. He wanted me to decide when he could release himself from chastity and cum. He made a few suggestions for humiliating tasks, cross dressing for example, putting things in his butt, cock and ball abuse, etc.

I didn’t think much of the request. It seemed to me to be something most fans would not be interested in but he paid the going rate for a custom vid, so I created it.

Chastity from a distance sort of works if the wearer is completely denied and the woman is the key holder, though that can be a bit of a dangerous thing. Chastity or orgasm control from a distance where there are opportunities for the slave to unlock himself and have a release…well, I’m skeptical, to be honest. Men are not known for having the most self control and I wouldn’t have any way of knowing if he cheats.

I incorporated tasks in the vid to keep tabs on his progress, for him to send me pics, for example, to send written reports. I also put forth a tax for cheating, a financial tribute to me if he messes up, though as I already said, how would I know? Trusting a stranger to be honest & pay if he cums when he’s not supposed to…well…

So I released the vid on my clips store and was shocked at the number of sales and emails that have come in in the first week. I’m dubious that most will stay on track for three months but we’ll see.

The curious thing for me is the urge to give up control. I can tell you that if someone tried to stop me from having orgasms or tried to have any control over how or when I came they’d likely soon find themselves picking their teeth up off the ground with broken fingers.

I’ve been in this gig for over a decade. I’m not naive but the oddness of some of it is still not lost on me & I can sometimes still be surprised. It’s easy to take things for granted: “Yes, of course men love being told when to cum, that’s what about 80% of my vids are about.” But then I really think about it & try to switch places. Giving the control to someone else with such an intimate, personal act. Why, tho?

I wonder if it starts for some by making a game of it? Jerking off to porn & holding off cumming until a certain point. Then the leap of having the woman in the vid tell you to cum. Hot, hot, hot. Ka-pow! Then, how about if she denies your orgasms too? All the better when you finally get to cum?

Anyway, random thoughts on a vid that has very quickly made it into clips4sale’s overall top 50. A vid that has sold better in the same time frame as a really hot sex scene. So my fans would prefer to see me clothed & telling them how & when to cum than see me fucking? Really? Okay then.

I wonder how many of those caged up fella’s make it through the three months? Anyone care to lay bets?


Here’s the link to buy it if you want to give it a go:


Mistress T

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24 thoughts on “The urge to give up control…

  1. I think the appeal lies in being able to feel like they’re actually being controlled by a dominant woman, definitely. I think it’s that power exchange that’s key. And then there’s added sides of implicit humiliation as well.

    I don’t think I could commit to 3 months of it, but I do love ruined orgasm instruction videos. There’s something wonderfully humiliating about being “made” to cum in a way that’s as frustrating as it is pleasurable. I get to feel like I’ve given up control of my orgasm to a dominant woman, whilst also (kinda, mostly) getting to cum. Kinda like having my cake and eating it too. But not literally. Now CEI, THAT’S a fetish I don’t think I’ll ever truly “get”.

  2. I think we all love to see you in control,I love it when you are speaking close to the
    screen,you have such a lovely face and perfect teeth,I wouldnt last 3minutes never
    mind 3months,loveRobertX

  3. For me chastity is blazing HOT. Fits into the dark recesses of my mind where T&D, submissiveness and humiliation lurk . Have several thoughts in response to your post

    Now everyone is different, for me pure long distance chastity does not work – maybe if mixed in with some hot phone chat it would. But “in person” where you would be present to put it on and click the lock shut – especially after a long T&D session with say twice a week followup pure T&D visits and I’m all in!

    As to cheating – there are plastic numbered cocks that have to be cut to get the device off – they act like a regular lock but can’t be replaced and iaddress the event of an emergency

    I have a chastiry device – my SO and I use it for fun – things like we will put it on on a day when I am home but when she is working – etc .

    As to time locked up there are practical chaffing issues that need to be addressed for anything Conf term – before my SO and I hooked up I once had a pro done do a key holding for a week – saw her as I alluded to above a couple of times during the week and by the end of the week I was ready to scratch my eyeballs out I was so desperate. Could not imagine how crazy it would be for three months but if I could afford it – or found a willing played I would definitely give it a try

    Keep up all your great work – you are a rock star!

  4. Mistress makes me weak. I want to be enslaved. when may I start? and the cost.
    I need direction, I am a chronic masturbator.

  5. Hi Mistress T, I think I will respond to the Denial aspect later, after giving it more thought. Like Cuckolding, It is something I would not ever want as serious thing in my life, or as a serious aspect of any Love or Long Term relationship.
    I doubt anything is more Lovely than a beautiful woman, or a woman I love and care about, being pleasured and happy. ( To have been able to give that to my wife has probably been the second greatest joy of being married, after being soulmates.) So surely it is wonderful, romantic, and fulfilling to see or fantasize about a wonderful woman like you in the sweet dance up to orgasm, and the glow and intimacy after. So yes, I agree, getting denied or getting my balls mashed can’t compete with seeing you getting fucked!!

    SO to try another EXPLANATION for the sales?:

    If I may go in another direction, the stills show you in just about as Pretty, Sexy, and Classy as you have ever been. Your hair, makeup, the lighting on your facial features, the GLOVES, and your top are just PERFECT.

    Also you have a very compelling voice, which you use well to entice a sexual response. In your works you have conveyed teasing, shame, arousal, illicitness, encouragement, Imperiousness, Kindness, Scorn, Command and acceptance with your voice. Given that the mind is the best sex organ, your voice is an Excalibur cephalic sex toy.

    Finally your have very expressive body language and mannerisms. Watching your move around the set, and breathe, and all that other intangible stuff you do conveys a lot of things related to sex, in a very enticing or intriguing way.

    So when all three of those factors are summed, I find they result in a very compelling video to watch, even if the subject matter is distasteful or undesirable. Ergo you may have hit the pinnacle of your craft as a Persona, Actress, Director, and Lighting/Camera Person.

    In short: Sexy, Powerful, Together, and Compelling Goddess impels purchase.

    Got to think about other reasons for liking denial some more, doesn’t make sense to me. Glad some others like it BC for those of us who like strong and sexually confident women, it is great to watch you show that side of your Persona.

  6. Not trying to be a bore here, but…
    Isn’t the purpose of a custom video (presumably very expensive for the customer) that it’s a video made exclusively for him (or her)?
    I’m just guessing here, but don’t you think that making such a video available for everyone to buy defeats the purpose of it being custom made?
    If the customer only wanted to be bossed around, he could buy and watch any number of your other videos, so why should he pay extra when that personalized video will presumably be sold later on to others at the normal price?

    I understand you have a business to run, but isn’t this false advertising?

    • Marcus: You started your bullshit comment with “Not trying to be a bore here, but…”
      You know damn well you’re not being boring but something else far less mundane. How is it that you feel entitled to an explanation about how I run my business? Your comment is not inquisitive or respectfully curious, it’s accusatory & insulting in tone. So rather than giving you any kind of explanation I’ll just joyfully give you the only response you really deserve: fuck off.

  7. Hi Marcus and Mistress, if I may be please be excused for butting in? I think I see the reason. The video is custom in that it is not one of the ones she had sitting ready to go. She incurred the expense of having to spend time and other monies to find out which elements he wanted in it, and include them all to his satisfaction. She then had to shoot it and edit it. Then it was ready to sell. Hence custom, not off the shelf.

    If the vid was marketed as exclusive, or limited edition of one, and a bunch sold, that might be construed as misleading.

    If I might offer an analogy, think of it as a boat. He did not order a McGregor that the factory already had built, he order one with special cabin features and galley furnishings. So they made it custom for him. Other customers saw it on the list of recent build sheets, and decided they want one. Hence it became a hit and now is a somewhat popular boat.

    Just my two cents. Vic V near SD

    • Thanks Vic but the answer is clear enough to anyone who gives it consideration. Marcus is just being a shit disturber. I’ll be blocking him if he doesn’t check himself & apologize.

      • To be honest, that was what I thought to Mistress T, but I felt that you can take care of trolls on your own, plus I didn’t want to take the low route on your blog.

        Thank you for your forebearance on my Butt-inski 🙂

  8. I couldn’t do video chastity. I’d cheat. I’d be insuffarable in person haha.

    Great to see that these are so successful! I still hope to one day be able to do a more extreme follow up to the Cruel Surprise videos you allowed me to participate in. It’s a wonderful memory for me and i can’t thank yiu enough.

  9. In my experience people with the name Marcus are inclined to take themselves far too seriously, but Lundren comes across as a really nasty piece of work.

    Message to Marcus Lundren if you haven’t been blocked already: Eat your heart out. The sales of the concept video ‘Chastity Instruction’ are themselves the justification for marketing the vid. If you were not a free loader you would know that on Mistress T’s site many of the videos over the years have the intro “Custom vid – no name mentioned (alternatively name is given).”

    Message to Mistress T: I’m up for the challenge….’ouch’. 🙂

    Message to Vic: You’re a knight in shining armour but methinks that Mistress T is well able to fend off naves.

  10. Mistress,
    Perhaps the invisible appeal of chastity using a locking device may be found in a fascination with sexualized intimacy otherwise unavailable. I suspect this intimacy is not a stand-in for sexual contact but a substitute framed in sublimated desire for a deeper connection with the keyholder – even any fantasized keyholder.

    With your experience, what do you think?

    Thank You,

  11. In Your blog entry, You wrote:
    “Chastity from a distance sort of works if the wearer is completely denied and the woman is the key holder, though that can be a bit of a dangerous thing. Chastity or orgasm control from a distance where there are opportunities for the slave to unlock himself and have a release…well, I’m skeptical, to be honest. Men are not known for having the most self control and I wouldn’t have any way of knowing if he cheats.”

    With this in mind, since i don’t own a chastity device, a former Masturbatrix did this:
    i had obtained a specimen cup and when I was allowed release i had to do so in the cup then log the amount of cum produced for each X-time period chastity-release cycle. Once a baseline had been established across several random time periods of, random checks were instituted if i fell short of the goal, i had some explaining to do.

  12. Hello Mistress T,
    About giving up control, I’m into giving up orgasm control more than being in Chastity. For example, I loved the “GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT” series that you released in 2011. The different types of teasing you done and the different ways or speeds of jerkoff instrucions in the clips of that series without allowing for an orgasm were mind blowing.

    I’m sure that not everyone agrees with me in that, but I believe that the ability to edge myself without release is more submissive than being chasitied.

    Best regards,

  13. I’m not really into long term cum control, as I would rather be teased and humiliated in the moment and end with a ruined orgasm where I have suck up and swallow my own cum with a straw.

  14. I always look at kinks as different strokes, for different folks. For me, I think a social night with food, a walk and nice place to sit and chat with T about everything from love, life, family, politics, morality would get me ‘off’ as much as the guy who would want to be kneed and spat on or denied. I mean it is clear to all of us, the interaction with T is the primary part, how is the secondary.

  15. A small group of us were hanging out at Burning Man a few weeks ago and one of our friends, who happens to be a Domme, had some pretty amusing stories to tell.

    One particular client had a fetish for chastity cages. At one point he missed an appointment, something he hadn’t done before, and she was pretty annoyed. Eventually after not hearing from him or receiving an apology for the missed appointment, she called him. ‘Lo and behold, his wife answered the phone. Surprisingly, she knew about our Domme friend, although perhaps not too surprisingly since the guy had a cage on his cock. The wife then informed the Domme that her husband had gotten into a really bad car accident and the doctors had to cut the chastity cage off at the hospital.


    Fast forward a few years and the wife called the Domme again. She broke the news that her husband had died and she needed the key to remove the chastity cage that he was wearing. She supplied the key and the wife was very thankful.

    Of course we all wondered why she even bothered to have it removed. Seems like it may have been more appropriate to be buried with it..


    Also, with regards to your ponderings on why guys bother, I think part of it is they may find their sexual urges repressed if they’re wearing one. Personally, I think I’d be constantly reminded of it, but I have heard other guys say if there’s nothing they can do about masturbating they tend to think about sex less.

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