I had an interesting conversation with someone this week who has a theory that many of those who are into certain fetish or BDSM activities are subconsciously trying to heal old wounds.
I have specific examples of clients who developed their fetishes based on things that happened when they were young. Not always a negative event, but sometimes. I often ask kinksters who cross my path how they got into what they’re into. I’ve heard many fascinating stories. For example: There is certainly a common theme of guys into humiliation having endured a lot of bullying, rejection or humiliation when they were younger.
Many people say that a person’s sexuality is “hard wired” implying they’re born that way…which I believe is true about sexual orientation, but not so much about fetishes. I don’t think you’re born with a foot fetish, for example. Something usually triggers it. Maybe a hot babysitter making you sniff her dirty feet as punishment at just the right age.
Sometimes one thing leads to another…an interest in being verbally humiliated by women leads to humiliating activities like licking mud off of boots, eating cum, or even more painful activities like getting kicked in the balls. Sometimes the fetishist keeps seeking a greater high or thrill in being humiliated or bullied by women. Sometimes they get ideas from surfing porn on the internet. In an aroused state they stumble across something new & ka-pow, now THAT does it for them too. So one should really go way back to the beginning & try to find the root of the fetish. How it all began. I encourage you all to do that if you haven’t done so already.
I’ve also been watching a show called The Shield and there’s a scene where a straight male cop is made to suck cock at gun point. He’s really messed up by the event and eventually finds himself aroused by rape, then plays out rape fantasies with an escort. It seems for him this is a kind of therapy, a way of processing what happened to him. The timing was interesting for me as it came in the same week as this conversation about healing old wounds through kink play.
I’m a big advocate of acceptance & whatever happens with or between consenting adults is fine. It doesn’t really matter how you got into what you’re into as long as no one is getting hurt (against their will). Being self aware is good and knowing that you’re not alone. I’m pretty sure people who are ONLY into vanilla sex are the minority & the majority of people have at least somewhat deviant fantasies. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, but it can be interesting to figure out how you became the way you are. I encourage you to make a comment here & share your story with your community.