What’s your story?

I had an interesting conversation with someone this week who has a theory that many of those who are into certain fetish or BDSM activities are subconsciously trying to heal old wounds.

What are you into? And WHY?

What are you into? And WHY?

I have specific examples of clients who developed their fetishes based on things that happened when they were young. Not always a negative event, but sometimes. I often ask kinksters who cross my path how they got into what they’re into. I’ve heard many fascinating stories. For example: There is certainly a common theme of guys into humiliation having endured a lot of bullying, rejection or humiliation when they were younger.

Many people say that a person’s sexuality is “hard wired” implying they’re born that way…which I believe is true about sexual orientation, but not so much about fetishes. I don’t think you’re born with a foot fetish, for example. Something usually triggers it. Maybe a hot babysitter making you sniff her dirty feet as punishment at just the right age.

Sometimes one thing leads to another…an interest in being verbally humiliated by women leads to humiliating activities like licking mud off of boots, eating cum, or even more painful activities like getting kicked in the balls. Sometimes the fetishist keeps seeking a greater high or thrill in being humiliated or bullied by women. Sometimes they get ideas from surfing porn on the internet. In an aroused state they stumble across something new & ka-pow, now THAT does it for them too. So one should really go way back to the beginning & try to find the root of the fetish. How it all began. I encourage you all to do that if you haven’t done so already.

I’ve also been watching a show called The Shield and there’s a scene where a straight male cop is made to suck cock at gun point. He’s really messed up by the event and eventually finds himself aroused by rape, then plays out rape fantasies with an escort. It seems for him this is a kind of therapy, a way of processing what happened to him. The timing was interesting for me as it came in the same week as this conversation about healing old wounds through kink play.

I’m a big advocate of acceptance & whatever happens with or between consenting adults is fine. It doesn’t really matter how you got into what you’re into as long as no one is getting hurt (against their will). Being self aware is good and knowing that you’re not alone. I’m pretty sure people who are ONLY into vanilla sex are the minority & the majority of people have at least somewhat deviant fantasies. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, but it can be interesting to figure out how you became the way you are. I encourage you to make a comment here & share your story with your community.

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet


My Porn Can Be Theraputic – Part 2

If you scroll down you’ll see the first part of this from Nov. 18, 2011. This is the follow up, after showing the vid I created to his therapist. Interesting indeed:

Mistress T,

My therapist watched the video you made at my request.

His first comment was about you: “She’s quite a find,” or maybe it was “She’s quite something.”

He was extremely impressed by your role-play/acting talent. He found you very focused, very authentic in your performance, believable, and was impressed by how you never deviated or slipped up/out of character for a second. I had told him you were one in a million in your acting, professionalism, intelligence, class, and that your videos were very professionally produced, but it didn’t prepare him. With so many women who are low-rent, cheap, low-class, lacking in grace, intelligence, refinement, and classic, real (not modified, enhanced, or buried in Wal-Mart cosmetics) beauty to be found on-line selling low-rent, cheap, inept, amateur-in-the-negative-sense sex-themed services of poor quality, you are the proverbial diamond. And I’ve wasted enough money on the others to know this.

He made a simple comment about your attractiveness–obliquely via saying something akin to “I can see why you find her so attractive.” Your beauty is the easy part–what you were born with. What truly blew him away most was your talent and professionalism–your performance and the production quality. He thinks you’re a great actress (so do I and many of your fans).

Relating to my issues, the video did help him better understand what I’d gone through, he said. The “performance” aspect definitely fleshed out the experience for him, as I’d hoped. My attempts to tell the story of the incidents (particularly that one that’s the basis for the video) often left a lot of stuff out, particularly how my mind had extrapolated from the facts of the real events to develop the fantasy elements. I guess I’d found it hard-nee-embarrassing to describe the fantasy parts that I’ve developed over the years to him, so the video revealed things to him that I hadn’t spelled out previously due to my holding back. In this way, the video was a safer way to open up about the feelings and thoughts I’ve carried inside me for decades.

Those less-familiar-, or less-explained, to-him fantasy aspects brought new material for us to work on. The therapy process has been re-invigorated with this material after years of stagnation, as those fantasy aspects opened up much discussion and brought out material that we can now work on.

The process of articulating the fantasy material to you in concrete form in the outline and suggestions I gave you to make the video was very helpful, we both agreed. I’d never really put words to paper about those things. So, just based on how writing the material down made me think intently and with the purpose of needing to be very clear about the issues and events to explain them to you, he thinks it was a good idea even just to request the video.

But he also thinks that having the video actually made of you performing the scene offers the ability for me to reflect on the real events again and again as needed via objectifying the events and issues in an external form, i.e., not just inside my head, is a good thing. It helps get “it out of my head,” not just the once, but repeatedly. Above all, though, from his perspective, having him see my real experiences (and fantasies drawn from them) acted-out allows for better therapeutic use of the material; it has been and will be very beneficial. In a way, I could see–this is not something I mentioned to him so he’s not endorsing the idea– the process of having a video made that replays trauma and addresses fantasies derived from the abuse could be helpful for victims of abuse; it’s a very “safe” way to revisit the events and thoughts.

Two very important things came out of his viewing the video:

1. It better revealed the element of my sexual feelings for my mother in the fantasies. I had been told years ago by another therapist that my mother kind of sexualized our relationship–though there was physical contact that I recall–in a form of “covert sexual abuse.” But those sexual feelings hadn’t really been addressed much in my therapy, as much as it is standard psychology theory to do so.  Covert abuse is hard to pin down; it is more abstract and mysterious because it is shrouded and a kind of–my words–“mind-fucking.” It also is harder to deal with in therapy due to the lack of concrete specificity, i.e. clearly identifiable incidents in space and time. The video puts some of that abstract, ethereal, less-specifically-identifiable-in-individual-incident form covert abuse in concrete form.

2. The other thing he saw in it, that I agree with but had not recognized myself, is that part of my fantasy aspects offered the possibility that all hope was not lost me, that I was not–within the fantasy itself–necessarily absolutely worthless and inadequate. I’m being deliberately vague here about the details for privacy. Psychologically the fantasy involves a way for me to prove myself to be good enough, not inadequate, as underplayed and indirect as it is in my fantasies. It’s there as a secondary-theme or sub-plot, bit I hadn’t seen it before–nor had he until you acted it out. Other sexual fantasies of mine which revolve around some of these issues but not addressing my mother, involve this theme, but I hadn’t recognized that aspect of my mother-related issues and related fantasies. He saw it and thus was able to connect different threads of my fantasies, projections, in securities, etc. together for the first time.

So he thinks it is beneficial for me to have had you make this for me, and that you were an extraordinarily good choice to play the mother. I completely agree.

“A fan for life and extremely satisfied customer”

Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet
Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

Mother Of The Year

Strict but loving...

Come with me...

My Porn Can Be Therapeautic

I know some of you are expecting a post about my recent trip to LA. They say patience is a virtue…you’ll have to wait until next week when I get photo’s from Glen at MeanBitches to put in my post. I’ll also make a post soon with pics from my Maui trip, where I am right now.

I received this letter awhile ago and wanted to share it. It’s a thank you letter from a fan who I created a custom vid for. You can skip past the first paragraph where he basically just says how great it was…it gets a lot more interesting. It’s a bit of insight into the minds of those who are into alternative or unusual fetishes.

I’m often asked ‘why’ a guy would want to jerk off to a vid of me making fun of his penis size (or of me threatening to crush him under my giant foot…or of me pretending to be his cheating wife fucking another man…etc. etc.) Every individual has their own story. See below:


Mistress T,
Please do not think that my long delay in replying to you after seeing the custom video you made per my request is an indication of dissatisfaction. On the contrary, the video has had such a powerful effect on me, an extraordinarily personal and positive effect, that I have needed to process my feelings for a few weeks before reaching out to you. It is the best money I have ever spent.
It is incredible. You did an exceptional job–Oscar worthy, as I expected from knowing your work. I joined your site after seeing some of your videos because I knew you would be perfect for my fantasies. The video was extraordinary; exactly what I wanted and more importantly, needed. I am sending you more money as a bonus for the video because of what an exceptional job you did and how pleased I am with your work. You followed my instructions exactly and filled in the empty spaces in my narrative perfectly with your performance. You “got” the character and the theme perfectly.

The video has helped me process my feelings about what happened to me in real life that you role-played in the video; abusive treatment by my mother. I don’t want to be specific about what happened–or use the name of the video–for the sake of privacy.  Needless to say, I have had great difficulty in forming romantic and sexual relationships with women in my life, not because of issues about which she abused me, but due to low self-esteem. I’ve had decades of therapy. Despite having some partial validation that the one particularly egregious abusive incident occurred from reading records kept by a professional who treated me as a child when it occurred, the incident and question about what exactly happened has haunted me ever since.

The video fills a great need in my life. My decades of therapy have not rid me of my obsession with the subject of penis size, and I have spent extraordinarily high amounts on phone sex trying to re-enact or talk about the issue and that one event. This video has changed me–positively; I’m more at peace with my past now. It also is something I will have forever for when I feel the need to re-experience the abuse as a coping measure, far superior to a phone conversation.

Your beauty and my extreme lust for you (I so want to fuck you senseless—you have the most perfectly round, sexy rear-end and everything else that drive me mad with desire for you) adds greatly to the experience. That physical dimension along, with the strong psychological dimension involved for me, is a turn-on of another sort that synergistically mixes with the psychological stimulation to create an extreme response in me, pleasurable and all-encompassing. My first view of the video produced the best, most powerful masturbatory orgasm of my life. It was as if decades of mental confusion and sexual tension were ejaculated in one very long orgasm. Indescribable, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. In subsequent viewings, I cannot hold out for the entire video to come–it makes me come several times in short order because it affects me so deeply.

The video has been very helpful for me in being able to open up to my feelings about the event. Your role-play performance is so powerful and dead-on that I feel like I am reliving the experience in a way, allowing me to feel and think things I have suppressed for decades. I had heard from various people, including a former girlfriend who was a psychologist, that really good role-play can be very effective in helping process negative life events. I now know that to be true. Whatever I have gained from my therapy in dealing with the effects of the abuse, being transported back into the situation in the position of being a son with an overpowering mother that I feel when I watch the video produces feelings and thoughts that therapy has not been able to draw out of me. Nor has phone sex been able to provoke strongly the powerful emotions and thoughts. The combination of seeing, hearing, desiring, and being talked to as I was talked to in the incident allows me to feel the pain so that I can process it in a safe, non-threatening environment.

So, thank you very, very much. Your performance has changed me, improved my psychological relationship to this difficult event, lessening the pain I feel. I can process the real event more easily psychologically given the ability to lose myself in the fantasy for some of the negative rumination I endure sometimes resulting from what happened to me. I now have a great, very intense multi-sensory outlet for exorcising some of those demons, when I need it, thanks to you. I will benefit from having this video as a way to deal with those extremely difficult feelings and thoughts for the rest of my life.
I expected a great job by you, but the results far exceed my hopes and expectations. Wow.
Thank you.
A “fan for life and satsified customer”

Mum's Boy Needs Discipline!Don't make Mama angry!

Mother Dearest