Avid readers of my blog probably know that geography is important to me when it comes to inquiries to meet…yet many of the inquiries (for private sessions or film slave applications) make no reference to a location. It’s frustrating to read a long email, to reply asking for the city & have the response be some obscure place I’ve never been, have no plans to go to & the applicant has no intention of coming to meet me.
Below is an example of such a communication that happens frequently EXCEPT this is also an example of a clearly mentally unstable person who seemed fine at first & then goes psycho. I don’t need to post this persons email address because what he requests is so specific & unique any Domme reading this will remember it & never accept a session with this hateful, unbalanced person.
Greetings Mistress T,
I’ll save you the long and overly articulated email, as it states you desire in your blog.
–I have never seen a mistress before, but your beauty is too spellbinding to resist.
–I’m deeply into ballbusting as I had a testicle removed as a baby, and it fucked my head all up as a child.
–I desire a caring, or “motherly” type of approach to ballbusting; I’m not into humiliation or abuse, but rather affectionate and sympathetic infliction of testicular pain.
— That being said, I would still happily comply with the requirements you have set for your clients: addressing you as you desire, me being addressed as you desire, etc.
Do my desires fit within your style for a ballbusting session? What is a “donation” for a session like this?
NOTE: He sounds great in his first email. He mentions that he reads my blog …but I guess he missed the parts where I harp on about guys not communicating clearly by telling me WHERE they want to meet me. So I respond with:
$x for x minutes in Vancouver…if that’s where you’re hoping to see me?
I saw that you’re in Vancouver (beautiful city!), and I was hoping you might have a travel schedule, as I’m in Denver. Though if you are stay put in Vancouver, then I might have to plan a trip. Although if I do that, considering travel and lodging, I might have to go the on-camera model route, if that’s of interest to you. Otherwise, I’m in Vegas quite a bit, if you’re ever there.
NOTE: Now I’m annoyed. I’m not going to Denver or Vegas in the foreseeable future. IF he comes to Vancouver he won’t be able to afford to pay for a session. So maybe I should have just not responded but I think the question is valid…so I asked:
“Why would you have not mentioned location in your 1st email?”
That’s all I wrote. Just that question. At which points he shows another side to himself:
Christ you mistresses are all the same. Are you even human? What the hell’s the difference? I do a lot of traveling and I can make it to Vancouver if I need to. I want to thank you for reminding me why I’ve had no desire to see a domme in the first place. Have a great time in that fantasy world of yours where low lifes lick your boots. Sounds very fulfilling–your parents must be so proud.
NOTE: My parents are actually very proud of me & yes, they know what I do…but it’s interesting that so many people fall back on that insult. I hope in the future a person can freely choose to do adult work without the stigma that’s attached to it. Here’s a great article about this topic…I’d really like all of you to read it: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/what-i-want-to-know-is-why-you-hate-porn-stars/Content?oid=19094602
So, fellow Dommes out there…beware of a guy requesting a ‘motherly’ ballbusting session (1 testicle, in Denver). He’s a nutter.
For the rest of you, for the love of fucking god, tell me what city you are inquiring about when you write about meeting me. I live in Vancouver. I go to the UK a couple times of year. Other than that my travel is random & I don’t “tour”…so no, I’m not randomly going to be in Michigan, Toronto, Italy or Argentina.
Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
Beware of borderline personalities? I’m not a psychologist, but this guy might fit. First he’s spellbound by you, then at the slightest hint of a criticism he’s questioning your very humanity. I guess he expected you to just fall in love with him and his little testicle story and brush aside any practical issues. No doubt this guy is a pain to deal with by all who have the misfortune.
I hate that you have to deal with personalities like this. I know it’s fairly common that potential clients are unrealistic or lost in their fantasies, but anger and insults are another thing. Cheapness too. Guys should realize that it’s completely ridiculous to propose flying to Vancouver, assumably spending on cabs, hotel and food – but sorry, nothing left for Mistress T. Unbelievable.
Amen, sister. This guy turned very quickly from polite to hateful, which is a sure-fire indicator that he’s unbalanced. I’ve had this happen to Me, and had the guy apologize for being an asshole (his words), only to later stiff me out of several hundred dollars (that’s the last time I didn’t take payment up front). Also, “I want to thank you for reminding me why I’ve had no desire to see a domme in the first place”?!? What the hell’s he emailing you for then? Just to wank to your responding? I hate guys like that. Ignore.
Unbalanced or not, there is a problem with the way people treat the industry as a whole. There is a lack of respect that has always bothered me. A very small scale example is when I was in an adult book store waiting in line to check out. An older man was in front of me being helped by a young woman at the register. He ogled her in an uncomfortable manner until he said “Damn, you look good.” in a very stalker-ish kind of way. I doubt he acts like that to his cashier at the grocery store. Why does he feel that manners don’t apply here?
Just because it isn’t a conventional profession, people think they can hide behind the stigma not only to act like a jerk, but also to blow people off, rip people off, or even justify sexual harassment. And I’ve seen these unprofessional and ill mannered actions happen on both sides of the business deal.
And again, it all comes down to the stigma. Unfortunately, I do not think that is going away any time soon. For every well-polished professional such as yourself who doesn’t come from a troubled past, there are several who get into the business for all the wrong reasons. And that’s what people will continue to focus on whether it’s right or wrong.
“there are several who get into the business for all the wrong reasons” Give that a little deeper exploration. It’s still really about the stigma of sex work as if the work itself is bad. If someone got into the finance business or up-selling caskets to grieving people “for all the wrong reasons” (they really needed the money but didn’t like it?) no one would really care. What are the wrong reasons? They needed to feed a drug addiction? (lots of people in other professions do that too…cocaine fuels a lot of stock brokers). They were human trafficked into it/forced into it? Sure, human trafficking is a serious global problem BUT when you look on clips4sale the vast majority of women in the films are doing that by their own choice. Same goes for the vast majority (dare I say 99%) of Professional Dommes and Independent escorts in the US & Canada…
Adult work is WORK. It’s a job. Sure not every woman in the industry loves her job, some are just doing it to feed their kids, feed a drug addiction or because they don’t have the skills or motivation to do anything else but the same goes for pretty much every other profession out there.
I do have hope that in the future with education and increased awareness that there will be less of a stigma on adult workers. People will become more open-minded & accepting. Things have already improved in the last few decades.
I was referring to women who use their sexuality as a coping mechanism to deal with past abuse or to mask addictive behavior rather than seek therapy, women who enter the business through coercion by abusive boyfriends, or women who do what it takes to make ends meet yet deal with feelings of self hate or long term regret due to their own views on the profession. I shouldn’t have given the impression that they certainly make up a large majority of women in the business. But those are the examples, no matter the percentage, that will be focused on with the most scrutiny by the people who still believe in the stigma.
The stigma is based on the opinion that no woman who values their body and their sexuality would display it for the world to see. I disagree completely, but that’s not the point. The point is, how can the stigma be changed when the bad examples are out there?
Just a quick note to say how much we enjoyed your blog, particularly the first part where you describe your early life, it was really interesting.
As a very happily married “scene” couple its really nice to see someone who actually is part of it, understands it and we hope still enjoys the lifestyle.
We became involved in the UK Fetish scene in Bristol UK back in the early 90’s, which was a great time to be going to Fet clubs as the likes of Goldy, Tricky, Massive attack and Portishead were just coming out of Bristol and so the club scene was pretty eclectic.
From that we moved into the Sub/Dom scene and from there a fairly natural progression into the Cuckold scene.
We now run our marriage with the Cuckold game being a big part of it, which Astrid enjoys enormously, go figure, lol
Anyway thanks for being such an intelligent and enigmatic figure for the scene as we probably need our Betty Page for the future.
Play safe, Astrid & Jules xx