My message to new Pro Dommes: Fuck your clients if you want to. You’re the Domme, make up your own rules.
I’ll explain. I received an email from a guy this week seeking my advice. He had been seeing a Pro Domme for a year on a regular basis. Recently she had “made” him give her oral sex in a session. In another session she had intercourse with him. He “knew” that Pro Dommes weren’t supposed to have sex with their clients because it ruins the dynamic so he was asking me if it was okay to just stop seeing her or should he explain to her why he wouldn’t be seeing her again.
With a bit more conversation I determined that he had wanted to & consented to those sex acts in the session. So I told him that what two consenting adults do is their own damn business but if his feelings have changed he certainly owed her a conversation about it. Especially if he was a regular client she had come to rely on financially. I also told him the rule about Dommes not fucking clients was horse shit.
That’s right: Horse shit.
When I first started as a Pro Domme I was told this iron clad rule. I was so careful to follow these traditional rules that I didn’t even give hand jobs. I could do CBT, piss on a guys junk, sit on his face wearing full coverage panties, fist his ass, but god forbid I should even touch his penis with a gloved hand in a way that wasn’t painful. That I even let guys jerk themselves off was scandalous as I was told a proper Dominatrix doesn’t even permit slaves to cum in her presence.
I don’t know where these rules originated from but I can tell you that if you plan to pay your rent as a service provider you’re going to have to at least let guys cum. The market for clients who want only the strictest Domination is teensy-tiny.
So what’s the difference between seeing an escort & a Pro Domme? In some cases, not a hellava lot. A lot of escorts can role-play the Dominant role & fuck a guy in the ass with a strap-on. In some cases a Pro Domme might choose to engage in sex acts with a client. Here’s the thing: sex workers are individuals with their own personal boundaries, likes & dislikes, etc. Different Pro Dommes will offer difference services. Just as some escorts do anal (giving or taking), and some don’t, for example.
When talking to new sex workers I encourage them to figure out for themselves what they like doing or not. I encourage them to communicate that clearly so they work with clients they enjoy working with, doing what they enjoy doing. I wish someone had told me that in the beginning because I missed out on a lot of hot sex with clients who I had great chemistry with because I was following other people’s rules. Boy, was I surprised years later to discover that some other Pro Dommes who claimed they didn’t fuck clients sometimes fucked them when they felt like it (with clients consent). What a revelation! A Dominant, sexually healthy woman doing what she damn well pleases.
The great thing about being a Pro Domme is that clients don’t expect sex in the session so you’re not obligated. That’s a good thing, because that won’t be the dynamic with most clients. When the chemistry is there though, why deny it? Why deny yourself the pleasure? Negotiating on the fly can be a bit tricky because you need to ensure you have genuine consent & that can break the mood, but you can’t just spring that on a guy who is in compliant sub space. It’s not rocket science though. Use your words. Have a little conversation. For example:
“Sex is not meant to be a part of today’s session but I feel like it. If you would like to (worship my pussy/have me use your cock for my pleasure) I would like that. We can discuss further and it’s always perfectly okay to simply say no or use your safe words & we’ll move on. No problem.”
I might get some flack for this post but this is just my personal perspective as someone with real life experience.
Obviously respecting people’s boundaries and consent are essential in ALL situations. Not just sex work. So everyone should get used to communicating to understand each other, what people want or don’t want and ensuring you have ENTHUSIASTIC consent. A clear green light always. Got it? Cool.
Disclaimer: Most Pro Dommes explicitly don’t allow oral sex or intercourse. They state this on their info pages, just as I do. If your primary objective is oral sex or intercourse you’re better off booking with an escort who clearly offers those services. The odds of getting that with a Pro Domme are very slim & even asking for it in an initial email will likely result in your email being ignored. Consider the chances of it happening similar to spotting a white tiger in the wild. Not impossible but highly unlikely.
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Wise words as usual Mistress T. Communication is key. The one rule should be the Dom remains in total (consensual) control (OK it’s complex because of the ‘bottom’ ‘topping’ concept?). But IMHO the control rule applies for all those engaged in sex work for a living. Their safety is the first requirement.
This happened to me a few times with one Domme. She incorporated oral service into a dominant scene. It was natural and fit the scene. I understood I could decline, but she had a delightful, juicy pussy and I would very much regret not making her cum.
Obviously, your advice demands reliable confidence that both are tested and 100% safe (birth control, too)!
No flak from me
As my Ex used to say “I have the pussy so I make the rules”
Now I would NEVER expect, demand sex with a Pro Domme. And if it happened once (which I have had that experience) I would not even expect it the next time
If I can, the time it occurred it was a tease and denial session leading into a week of chastity with me tied spreadeagled for the tease. She said she wanted me to know what I was giving up and so she straddled me cow-girl for about 4 or 5 maddeningly slow thrusts. Hopped off and slid the cool steel over me – not sure that all counts because there was no release but it had its stated effect – totally mind-fucked the rest of that week
HA HA HA!!! I LOVE this!
I first must say thank you kindly for your candid exposé. So true. I’ll start by writing that many “old school” dommes said in my early days of my 25 plus years, that this “wasn’t of a sexual nature” was simply and completely full of shit! Mostly “horse shit”! To say it wasn’t, and then dress in a sexually commanding and enticing way, were completely presenting the best oxymoron! All my clients came and cum, hand released, mine, theirs, or other!
When this “man made” pussy hit the scene, previously, I’d never seen erections that were as hard as marble, but that changed considerably. Bursting hard, and who was I to say no? If it fit the scene, and my interest, Mistress was sampling, and doing some physical and mental fucking at a consensual level.
Here I am, agreeing with your barn yard “horse shit”, I did and do what I want, just never felt comfortable talking about it!
Thanks for opening the door doll!!! OOXX
Hi Mistress T, belated Happy Canada Day!
Here in the US, I think maybe the genesis of that philosophy was to protect the Domme/Dom from prostitution charges, and I could understand the fear of zealous prig prosecutors jailing Dominatrixes. But by around 1980 or 1985, those days were mostly over, and I wondered why it was still so vociferously advocated.
Maybe because so many jackass clients made the Dommes wary of any apparent request for sex? Maybe to try and preserve an orthodoxy of thought about Female Supremacy? Who knows?
I had a good spanking gig going for a while in the early 80s, and many of the older ladies wanted to be finished by me, I mostly made them finger themselves for me, as it just seemed too involved to fuck. If I had been taking male clients, no way would I have had sex with them, not because I was not switchy back then, but because overall men are just more gross than women.
I always wondered if more tug jobs were offered than was admitted publicly, because as you noted it is a service industry.
I am glad to hear you use the clients as you see fit, and it would be a special experience for the lucky duckies who get to be used. Thanks for the posting!
Dear Mistress T i have had two instances where i have had the privilege of performing orally during a paid sessions with a Dominatrix but both times it was after numerous paid sessions , being loyal well behaved ,timely & generous , i was given the honor. i never thought less or that the DOM had lost the Power because it was always done on Her terms with direction . If anything it made me feel special & encouraged me to be the best i can be & i became even more motivated & loyal. Thanks for the opportunity to contribute to Your must read blog. Best Wishes xo crb
Yes! So much yes.
Controversial indeed, but from one of the top Pro-Dommes that there is on the planet. I wonder why You direct this at “new” Pro Dommes, Ma’am? It would be a message for all Pro Dommes as it is Your choice indeed, and never the client’s option to express this – EVER. It does appear to be the outstanding client reward though, as You see fit.
A. I figure a Pro Domme who has been in the biz long enough already knows this & is doing whatever the fuck she pleases.
B. It’s not an outstanding client reward. It’s not for the client, it’s a pleasure the Domme can take at her discretion (with the clients consent of course.)
Of course, Ma’am, and as it should be at Her discretion. i was only concerned about the “new Pro Dommes” going with this right off. Where is the foundation and separation, if You will? Thank You for responding to this, Mistress T.
Agreeing with You at least letting us cum.