51 thoughts on “Incels (Involuntarily Celibate)”

1. I just want to tell you I love you and I love your work! I hope I get to meet you some day

2. I’ll try to be as brief as I can, because usually when I open my mouth over here, all hell breaks loose. But being Incel is something I know a great deal about, so if there’s ever a right time for me to say something, it’s now.
   All right, I’m a 41 year-old man, and of course and Incel.
   I’ve never dated anyone, had any female friends or been intimate with another person. Now, you say in your video that pretty much anyone can have sex. It just depends on what they’re looking for, right? Well, I’m afraid that things are not that simple.
   You’re assuming that everyone has a choice in the matter, and that’s simply not the case. Sure, anyone one with money can visit a prostitute, I suppose. Especially if they live somewhere where prostitution is legal.
   But that doesn’t take into consideration all of those men who find it morally repulsive to use another woman only for sex. Or in my case, someone who both finds it morally wrong AND feels too unattractive to subject those ladies to my unappealing body. It just feels wrong, no matter how I see it.
   Which brings me to the issue of the cause of being Incel.
   Not every man is Incel for the same reason. There are those who are shy or just plain ugly. And as you man-hatingly pointed out, there are also men who remain alone because they’re assholes. Fair enough, I can’t argue with that. But there are endless reasons why someone might end up in this situation.

   Personally, I most definitely lost the genetic lottery, and people didn’t hold back from reminding me of this all through my childhood and adolescence.
   And this not only shattered my self-confidence, but it also triggered the Avoidant Personality Disorder I was born with and also gave me Body Dysmorphic Disorder, anorexia, social anxiety and chronic depression. And when you mix all those things together, you end up with a toxic personality; someone who hates themselves too much to even try to find someone to be in love with, because they are unable to feel loved.
   I don’t blame anyone else for my unattractive appearance. That’s Mother Nature’s fault. I know that a lot of Incels start to hate women for various reasons, but not all of us. I just wish that women would at least TRY to stare a bit less in disgust at me.

   So long story slightly shorter, it was my mental problems that caused me to end up becoming an Incel. But it was also inevitable, because even when I was very young and confident, girls still hated me. And eventually, I started hating myself.

   Anyone can have sex? Not when they’re unable to socialize with people and have been put on disability due to their inability to hold down a job. And definitely not when they’re terrified of being judged and criticized by others and have isolated themselves from the rest of the world for the better part of the last 20 years.
   This is what I have done. I no longer want people to see me.
   I’ve tried all the available methods of therapy (one on one, CBT, zone therapy, hypnosis, etc) and I’ve been on 5 different antidepressants. Nothing worked.
   I’ve also tried exposing myself to the things I fear most in the hope of getting used to painful situations, but if it ever works, I’ll be a very old man before that happens.
   The closest I’ve been to having “sex” is having my hair cut by a lady, or overhearing my neighbors going at it on a nightly basis.

   Am I dangerous? Will I start shooting innocent people?
   NO! I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. I want everyone to leave me alone, because I can’t stand having to be around them and comparing myself with them.
   For me, it’s not a matter of lowering my standards to find someone.
   I’M the lowest standard imaginable in my mind, so the least attractive woman in the world would have to downgrade to accept me as her beau. And that’s not going to happen.

   Anyway, I just wanted to say that it’s unfair to view all Incels the same way.
   I’m not saying you do, but many have the idea that we’re all dangerous to society, and might go off at any moment. And that’s bullshit.
   Those few Incels who do go off, have other more serious mental issues to deal with as well.

   That’s all.

   • I’m sorry for your pain and your situation. Depression can make overcoming big obstacles virtually impossible, and if you firmly believe you’ll never have sex, you’re probably right. But the Incel concept is sociopathological. It doesn’t even seem to make sense from an individual perspective. If you’re beyond hope of having sex, what can be gained from complaining about it or blaming others? If you get sympathy, how would that help you? What do you want from identifying as Incel and being in that community? Is it just a big pity party?

     Lots of people get bad breaks in life, and there’s very little whining from them, much less anger and entitlement. That’s why the reaction to Incel. And BTW, involuntary celibacy is nothing new. What’s new is 1) widely accessible, economical, and high quality porn and 2) permissiveness about masturbation, 3) internet forums for whining. Count yourself lucky. Unmarried people though the ages had none of those things, and probably not even the privacy to commit the sin of Onanism. See your glass half full and be grateful for women like Mistress T.

     • Thanks for your words, Barry.
       And no, I have no interest in joining the Incel movement or the MGTOW movement, or any other movement.
       Lonely men have to help themselves by doing whatever they can to get out of their situation. Of course they can be helped sometimes, but ultimately, they have to make the effort if they want to change.

       I’ve not been idle in my pursuit of happiness. Well, at least I tried anything I could think of for many years. But eventually, I came to the realization that I had to put in 10 times as much effort in order to just feel “normal” as other people did, and it still didn’t help me feel better. And once I was diagnosed with AvPD, it became clear that the problem was most likely pathological. And I just sort of gave up after that.

       Porn isn’t a cure by any means, but it helps kill the time for a while. But as soon as you’re “done” watching it, you immediately feel even worse than you did before.
       It’s partly to do with lower levels of dopamine after a “session”, but also because you’re still alone, staring at a screen and wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life.

       Only a weak person needs and depends on the validation and approval of others, but damn if it wouldn’t feel good to find someone who liked you as much you do them, and then to accept that they’re being honest with you! I can’t even imagine how that would feel. And when I see how the majority of people take love and sex for granted, it just feels hopeless, considering my age and everything.

       I hate to complain about my life, and I never really do. I don’t think anyone can help me anyway. But whenever Incels are discussed, and especially if it’s in relation to recent violence, I feel the need to step in and remind people not to judge us all the same, just in case.

       • I noticed that you said you gave up after getting a diagnosis, which is not what diagnosis is support to do. Mental and personality disorders are real, but they’re not more real than other aspects of your self, like your will to be happy, which you obviously still have. I hope you follow Mistress T’s good advice about volunteering and socializing. Forget sex for a while and focus on friendships. Sex is great, but nothing is really better than having a good laugh with some friends. Best to you.

         • People with avoidant personalities don’t want to be with friends. They don’t like being around people. They might fantasize about it and even lie to themselves and others that it is something they want, but when it’s time to face the reality they run from it, they hide from it; they make every excuse in the book to avoid being around it. Most incels will tell you that women reject them but that’s not nearly as true as the fact that they’ve rejected women. Not once in Elliot Rodger’s entire life story did he ever ask a girl out. Read his twisted manifesto and it’s pretty clear how little effort he put into socializing with anybody. When a girl smiled at him at a beach he didn’t bother talking to her, but instead made the excuse that she would never like him so there was no point in ever trying. But again it’s just an excuse to avoid people because they really don’t like people.

           And this is why it’s nearly impossible to help them because truthfully they don’t want help. They will even lash out at people who try to help them or offer advice. They want to be alone, they prefer it over the anxiety they feel from being around others.

         • This is a very good point. I have experienced the lashing out when I’ve had the best intentions to be helpful.

         • There’s no reply button on your comment, maybe there’s a limit and I should take a hint, but I just wanted to say….

           Steven, I think what you say about avoidance PD is correct, but I also think it’s important to remember that these are tendencies, not immutable rules. The diagnosis is not proof that a person can not socialize, nor is is a validation of bad or sad behavior. The suicide rate of people suffering from this is high, but it’s not 100%.
           There is hope. It’s a problem to be worked, not a reason to give up.

   • Marcus, thank you so much for sharing all of that. Every person has their own unique story/history/circumstances & generalizations can never be accurate. Your post is a good reminder of that.
     Do you think you would find any benefit in volunteering your time doing something? Not that it would have the equivalent value of a healthy sexual relationship but would it bring anything positive into your life? A different kind of human connection with different meaning? I’m trying to honestly gauge if that ‘advice’ has value & your feedback is appreciated.

     • It’s hard to say. I think it depends on the person.
       Lonely people on forums are often given the advice to join a book club or something in order to meet new people, and I suppose, in a selfish way, volunteering can be a more involved version of that. You may not sign up with intention of finding a lover, but you’ll definitely meet all sorts of people, and not just a select few who shares your particular interests. And if you’re as isolated as I am, any reason to just getting out of the house is welcome.

       Personally, I have mixed feelings about doing volunteer work. I mean, I do see the value in it, but at the same time, I’m not exactly eager to help others that I have no connection to. Strangers routinely reject me because of the way I look, so I find it very difficult to want to meet them with kindness in return. I’m not religious…

       But to answer you question, for people who are just lonely and have not yet grown bitter and mistrustful of others, I think volunteer work could be an excellent way of (sort of) feeling part of a community. And I suppose that the people you help are often grateful to you for doing so, and will perhaps be less judgmental and more open to stimulating conversation, which hopefully can make you feel more connected to them.

       But as you say, for a lot of Incels, therapy is essential. Volunteer work is, in a way, a kind of therapy as well. But sometimes, we really do need a professional to step in and massage our minds.

       • How about helping visually impaired (blind) people?

         • How about I cut out my own eyes so that I won’t have to look at myself?
           Look, I didn’t come here to ask for help. There’s nothing anyone can do, so there’s no point in doing that. I’m simply here as a “representative” of losers.

         • Okay. Again, thanks for sharing. I’ve found it insightful.
           Curious…do you watch my vids/are you a fan? Why do you read my blog?

         • Dear Mistress T
           Marcus is an enigma.
           You are a very busy businesswoman and may not have had the time to read back through his previous communications.
           On 22 January 2018 he was very supportive of yourself and your brilliant colleagues.
           It all went pear-shaped in March when he inexplicably took issue over the marketing of the excellent ‘Chastity Instruction’ vid which in your introductory statement you referred to as being a ‘custom vid’.
           At this point I should apologise to him for my harsh intervention at the time.
           However, he does have to take on board that NO woman is under any obligation to engage in sex with him or any other ‘incel’ (he describes himself latterly as an incel).
           In his earlier comms he states he is a Swede living in Iceland. His issue should be with the government of Iceland not with you.

           Marcus describes himself as ‘Humanist’ but falls well short of what that actually implies.

           IMHO any voluntary work he undertakes should be in the form of assisting a political party in Iceland that seeks to address the ludicrous decisions that apparently the current government there has made regarding what is ‘permissible’ between consenting adults.
           A Swede living in Iceland? A very articulate turnip living in a hell of his own making is a more appropriate description.
           As for the ‘incel’ idiot in your country. My view of him is not printable.

         • Well, of course I’m a fan. I’m no prude who’s religiously against adult entertainment.
           And I’m sure you can imagine how helpful it is to have access to videos such as yours when you’re stuck in a life without any real human connection at all. It’s not as good as the real thing, obviously, but they do allow for your fantasy life to flourish at least, and that can help someone feel better.

           And to Martin: How about you stop acting like a fucking stalker psycho and address me personally with what you have to say?
           All you do is take my words out of context and invent new ones to put in my mouth.
           I have NEVER said that I expect sex from women. I have NEVER even talked about that. I’ve ALWAYS been an Incel who hasn’t felt worthy of being with any woman, so I haven’t tried to approach anyone out of shame.
           And I haven’t mentioned any of that before because there hasn’t been any reason to.
           And I’m not here as a political representative of the government of the country I currently reside in. If you have a problem with how they do things, I suggest you correspond with them directly. Or you know, fuck off?

         • Hi Marcus.
           If and when Mistress T tells me to ‘fuck off’ I will do so without complaint. This is her blog to use as she wishes.

           You communicate very effectively in the English language. If you are a Swede living in Iceland that in itself puts you head and shoulders above most of us Englishmen.

           However, as a longstanding contributor to the comments section of MailOnline I do not shrink from taking on internet bullies. Your comments to Mistress T in March were totally unacceptable and they appear to have been removed.

           Like many very angry and bitter men you are in danger of suffering from verbal diarrhoea that is better immediately flushed away followed by a good dose of disinfectant.

           However, may I respectfully point out that I couldn’t give a bugger what the Icelandic government has been doing in the way of severely restricting the freedoms of their own tiny adult population.

           Nor was I suggesting that you were acting as a representative of the Icelandic government. My suggestion was that if there is an even partially sane political movement in Iceland who want to reverse the draconian actions of the current Icelandic government, instead of bellyaching about your situation, get out and help persuade the adult Icelandic population that a change of direction is required.

         • I am interested in the conversation I’m having with Marcus at this time. I’d prefer to stay on point with him as I think others might find it interesting as well.

         • Thank you. I’m genuinely interested & will stay on point as if the other side conversation is not happening.

           So, you are a fan of my vids & they provide some kind of human connection & flourishing of fantasies, if I’ve understood you? I do a variety of vids & some of them are specifically mean, humiliating & degrading to those who do not get sex, who have smaller penis’s, etc. Do you watch those ones? If so, can you tell me how they make you feel during & after (is there a change after you orgasm)? If you do not watch those ones, which ones do you like?
           I am interested in understanding the impact I have on men. I often feel conflicted producing such negative content yet I get so many requests for it & they sell so well I know they are desired but I’d like to know more. If you’re feeling like sharing. No pressure. You’ve already shared so much & I appreciate that.

         • Wow, that’s a very interesting question, and one that could be discussed at great length:
           “What turns you on and why?”

           I may not be the best person to answer that since I’ve never met another man who openly thinks like me, but for what it’s worth, I can offer a brief explanation of why I like your stuff.

           I have no secret desire to be dominated by a woman, because my sense of self-worth is already so low, I’m doing a great job of putting myself down.
           And I have no particular favorite category among your videos. I know what I like and what I don’t like. And what that is, is not so much dependent on the action performed as it is on how much it seems that you get into it.

           What I find more attractive and sexy than anything else is intelligence and a wicked sense of humor. And tell me I’m wrong, but I’d swear you’ve got both of those under your thumb.
           And I mean, there’s a lot of funny porn out there for people who are into that sort of thing, but they’re usually based around young girls who pretend to be really stupid. You, on the other hand, are very much in charge of everything you do. There seems to be no pretense about the acts you perform. You’re your own boss, and if you don’t like something, you don’t do it. And I respect that.

           But the past part is the glint behind your eyes and that devilish smile when you’re being particularly bad. That’s something that’s very hard to fake. And the more fun you’re having, the more I enjoy watching.

           So yeah, I’m not merely into what you do to get myself off. I’m having a great time seeing the outrageous things you come up with.
           For example, the ball-kicking videos. They don’t turn me on AT ALL, but I still find them hilariously funny to watch (and painful).
           So you see, there’s all kinds of reasons why someone would watch your videos.

           Or perhaps it’s just me?
           I’ve seen quite a few videos with different dominatrixes, and the quality of those videos always depends on how much the woman in charge is enjoying her work. If she treats just as work, then it’ll be a depressing watch.
           But if she can’t wait to get started, it’s a blast.

           You belong in the latter category.

         • Wow, that’s an amazing response. Thank you. I’ve had similar feedback over the years so I don’t think you’re alone in your perspective. I’ve had a lot of comments about my sense of humor. Ceara Lynch nicknamed me “Mistress Goofball”. I’ve also had a lot of guys say they’re not turned on by what I do but they just like me. I was often puzzled by that but your explanation clarifies it better. Fascinating when you think about it.
           Well, I’m glad that I’ve brought something positive into your life. I also see that we share a short fuse in some regards & I apologize for snapping at you before. Perhaps going forward we’ll give each other a wider birth for bad days:-)

         • Yes, Martin. I happy ending was reached, despite of your involvement…

         • Ha Ha. Thanks for that Marcus. You may not want me to but I do sincerely wish you all the best for the future.

           From my perspective we do have one thing in common.

           We should be very grateful to Mistress T for her patience and providing us with the opportunity to express ourselves freely, without being unduly offensive, on her blog.

           I apologise to you again if you consider that I crossed that line.

           Having stated that; we all have the right to feel offended, but none of us have the right NOT to be offended 🙂

     • Thanks, T. But I really don’t have a short fuse usually.
       There are a few triggers that set me off, such as when my intentions are good, but somehow along the way, the message doesn’t come across well enough, and I end up being accused of something I’m actually against. And that drives me crazy.
       But if it’s just an intellectual challenge or a good old-fashioned argument, someone would have to seriously threaten me before I blow my load (so to speak).

       But it’s the same thing with the things I like. I’m very picky, I suppose. But when I do like something, I REALLY like it.
       And what I normally like are things that have evidently had a lot of care and thought put into them.

       Some might perhaps dismiss your videos as porn or just a guilty pleasure. But I believe that one should always put everything in its proper context. You have to compare things with other things in order to evaluate the quality of the work.
       And having watched more adult videos than I probably should, I think I can safely say that, what makes your work stand out from the overflowing market of mass-produced garbage, is the fact that you put so much of yourself into it.
       You CARE about what you do, and that will always come across, regardless of what you do.

       Anyway, I’d be happy to “start fresh” and not constantly be at loggerheads from now on. 😉

       • To Marcus and Mistress T.

         That is what I call a REAL happy ending.

         I wholeheartedly agree with Marcus’ positive assessment.

         Onwards and upwards. xo

   • Sex workers take your hard earned money so why would it be morally wrong to get something in return? Now you may not like me for saying this, but I’m going to be honest, I don’t believe you find it morally wrong at all. I think it’s another excuse, something people with avoidant personalities are really good at. They have a million reasons lined up for why they can’t do something but all but one is the truth. The real reason, I think, is that you are afraid. It’s that simple. It’s fear, nothing more nothing less. You just find it much easier to stay at home and do nothing. As you admitted yourself “I want everyone to leave me alone.”

     I’m assuming you’re a free man? You could do anything, if only you had the guts. There are a lot of ugly men out there with women, the only real difference between them and you is they’re not afraid.

3. well said!! OOXXX

4. Excellent post, one of your best.

   It’s an old cliche, but one of the best ways to make yourself feel better is to make – or at least try to make – someone else feel better…xx

5. The hypocrites and cowards currently ‘in power’ in the UK and the USA need to be confronted with the reality that Mistress T and her brilliant colleagues provide an essential social service that quite literally relieves the pressures of modern life.
   Sorry to get down to basics but as our very own (UK) Cynthia Payne once put it: “Men need to be de-spunked.”
   All of us, whatever our capabilities and physical/mental well-being, are privileged to live in the current era.
   All men of whatever creed need to learn to control their sexual urges.
   In my experience if a man demonstrates goodwill towards a woman it will always be reciprocated – no exceptions.

6. That video was very touching. Far more positive and empathetic approach than the narrative being pushed by the media currently on this issue. It seems the media have blown this out of proportion – I checked out that incel site they’re referring to and there was under 200 active users and it seemed only a small percentage were making hateful comments. Not exactly representative of any demographic statistically. I know a lot of men who are unable to find a partner or experience sex and a lot of it is outside of their control, they’ve kind of been lost in the shuffle. Women have endless sexual options currently via social media, apps, sites etc.. so many men are being excluded from sexual selection. I’m not presenting this as an excuse, everyone needs to take full responsibility and be proactive but things have shifted dramatically in the last few years. I know guys in their 20’s who have never even kissed a woman – and these guys are attractive etc… but the social landscape is different now. Porn or escorts don’t cure loneliness and it seems (like you say) isolation & loneliness that is causing this pain – which can result in acting out (for a very small percentage) but more likely depression, self hatred, self harming/suicide etc..

   • What, the media blowing something out of proportion?! (Mock surprise).
     I agree that only a small percentage would act out violently. Still, there are many that may be suffering needlessly who maybe haven’t found the thing that could improve their lives.

7. First of all, I don’t consider myself an incel but there has been marks through out my life that had kept me out of reach from women. I don’t really don’t think highly as myself as I would like, but I don’t need to go out and search for a women because I already have her. Through out my life, I grew up as a very skinny guy because of a health condition that has been affecting me and as strange as it may sound, prevents me from having sex or at least, how I wish I was able to. I used to be bullied even by girls, and there was a time when someone I found really attractive made fun of me because of my body and how ugly I was, and now I can say that this particular even that I went through affected me all this time. I just kept my distance from women because I thought I really wasn’t worth it. I kept myself silent, alone, often depressed and I even cried looking at myself in the mirror. This was about 10 years ago. I am 31 years old, happily with someone who knows me, encourages me, lifts me whenever times get hard. Sex, I wish I could go and pound her like gys I see on porn videos, but its something I can’t just do yet. She knows about my fetishes and takes part in most of them. She loves me for who I am. Mistress T and her videos have been a major influence in the things I am into and it has been a fun and sexy adventure that i’m sure will last a lifetime. We all go through many troubles in different ways bit we all deserve love and to be loved.

   • Thank you for sharing. School days were/are fucking horrible for most. Many people think I must have been a popular girl but not at all. I was mostly ignored/invisible in school but sometimes bullied, even beat up by other students. When I hit puberty but was developing slowly by mother thought I should have a “proper” bra with some support. One day I was flat chested, the next I had a little something so it was rumored that I stuffed my bra. People threw tissues at me & called me stuffy the rest of the year.
     Anyway, luckily adulthood has been kinder to me but not always & I, like everyone I know, has gone thru spells of low self-esteem, depression, even suicidal thoughts. “On we must go…” said Dr. Suess.
     I’m glad that my vids have added something positive in your life & I wish you the best in your continued adventures:-)

8. Thank you Mistress T for this message. it is so deep and i believe it will help people to watch it.

9. Hello Mistress T,

   I’m probably one of the younger guys replying to this blog post (meaning I was born after 1990 I’ll tell you that =P).

   One of my issues is I’ve just never considered myself all that attractive, I don’t think I’m terrible looking but women just never really went for me. I don’t have low self-esteem, in fact, I lost a lot of my hair working my first real job in finance right out of college, and I never really cared about my facial appearance or lack of hair all that much (I’ve buzzed it down). I’d go to all these parties, go out to bars in a big college town each week, and I’d put myself out there but the type of women I was attracted to were always on another plane of existence. They just never really got me and I never felt the need to meet people I’m not sexually attracted to (why fake it?). Meanwhile, a lot of my friends had countless experiences doing hook-ups, and I have a crazy cocky personality, I’d always be bragging about how I’d be the first to get laid from ages 12-16 constantly among my friends group and somehow it never happened. Eventually I saved up enough money working my job and decided I can’t be the 30-year-old virgin in the next 10 years you know. And I ended up getting it the same way dirty people do and politicians. It was such a waste. I regret doing it and I don’t feel more of a man, I didn’t enjoy it, I couldn’t keep it up, and it left me feeling like I’m inadequate in the love-making regard, and that sex is awful. Maybe because of the transnational nature, maybe because I paid a lot for a “fatty,” and the smell and everything was off, as well as the age-gap. I don’t know if I ever want to do it again I’m worried the experience will be just as disappointing.

   One thing I like is all your videos that cater to the “mommy” fetish, I’m not exactly sure why, but the only thing I can get off to are “mommy” videos and I think it’s been this way since I was 14-15. The taboo-ness of the incest is what drives me nuts and I think this is maybe why my real-life experience didn’t go so great, maybe because I’ve been watching those kinda vids since forever and regular stuff just doesn’t cut it. Anyway, I want to have a normal sex-life and eventually get married and meet some one and even though I slept with some one, I hardly could “keep it up” and I still identify as an Incel. I don’t hate women but I always found it so unfair how an ugly guy is essentially worth nothing to a woman until he has “other uses” like being able to personally finance her or has those positive “husband” characteristics once they’ve had “their fun” in college.

   I wish I could re-do college, I think I wasted the only years where sex would be easy and nothing ever worked out for me. Meanwhile, many of my friends and housemates were screwing like jack rabbits while I didn’t get jack shit.

   To be honest, maybe I’m not meant to reproduce or I am not worthy of love. I can’t imagine a woman genuinely being “wet” or “hungry” or “sexually thirsty” for me in the same way I would be for her. I don’t want to have a sham marriage or settle for someone who is “okay.” I think no relationship is better than a relationship with no chemistry. I know attraction isn’t all physical, people can find you sexy from personality etc., but I don’t want to date someone who likes me for my other qualities, I want to be the kind of person they will enjoy doing it with.

   Anyway, long post. Sorry for taking up this white space with my useless memoirs.

   Cheers,
   weird 20s kid

   • Please don’t apologize for taking up space (wait, are you Canadian? If so, sorry for asking you to not apologize. Ha ha). I found your comments really interesting & I bet others do too.
     A couple things I’d like to address, to you but mainly to a wider audience: Please choose your words carefully in regards to paying for sex. I am a sex worker & although I don’t have sex for money with clients now I have in the past. I have friends who are or were sex workers/independent escorts & I have hired sex workers for various reasons over the years. I have a lot of respect for the industry & it’s more than annoying the way it is often stigmatized & misunderstood. Please keep reading my comments as I will circle back to this point.
     My other comment is regarding men having it harder if they’re not attractive & you wanting to be the kind of person they enjoy doing it with. Again, speaking from my own personal experience, I have had great sex with men who wouldn’t be considered good looking by the usual beauty standards. I used to have a saying (please don’t be offended): “Ugly guys try harder”. I’ve had the discussion many times with other women that less attractive guys who have to work harder for women’s attention are more appreciative when they get it & try harder to please. Often for women when they get to know a man his personality becomes much more important than his looks. Unfortunately that is less the case the other way around & as I get older I am becoming more resentful of how important looks are to men. But anyway.
     I didn’t mean to argue with your perspective, it is totally valid & accurate for you, I’m only trying to communicate that it may not be accurate for all. I see a lot of unattractive guys with good looking women & they are not all rich men. It’s not always about money but more often about personality. A man who listens, who is empathetic, who strives to truly know a woman & allows himself to be known by her, a man who learns sex skills & how to sexually please a woman (those listening skills are key here as every woman is different) can become the kind of person a woman enjoys doing it with & who she wants to be in a relationship with.
     I warned you I would circle back to the escort thing…one of the best pieces of advice I was given as a sex worker was to find something about a client I found attractive, it could be his eyes, his smile, his sense of humor, and to focus on that. That little trick has taken me far in life as I have discovered there is something attractive about every person if you look. I’m sure that’s the case with you & you might find that’s the case with others who you might not think are attractive enough for you at first but once you get to know them the chemistry can be really amazing. So be the best version of yourself & also look for the good in others. If sex doesn’t happen you’ll still probably be living a better life. xo

     • Mistress T, thank you so much for the reply! I’m overjoyed!

       I appreciate the reply and the sentiment to be the best person that I can be. I am doing my best and this is the type of words that I live by, being a rational kind of guy, the only hope of me being able to achieve the partner with those values I hold dear and the sexual desires I want, I need to craft myself into the kind of guy she would want, that has always made sense to me, I’m not an emotional person who yells at the cruelty of the world and is paralyzed by fear and does nothing but vent about women and how unfair life is. I think that ultimately everything you said is good and true. Women can appreciate many things about men that isn’t always tied to his financial affairs (rarely is it ever the case that you’d tolerate someone you hate just for the money), or his looks.

       Is it strange though that I would want someone to desire me on the carnal level however? That type of level where you just want to go at it because you identify the beauty of each other and the sexual fulfillment comes from the aesthetics and not the values of the person (I know that sounds shallow). I know it’s a strange thing to want when I can only get my face reconstructed to a certain extent using plastic surgery but never completely to the point of satisfaction. When I can only attain a certain level of height genetics permitting, etc. And truthfully, I haven’t done my body justice and I’ve gained a lot of weight, so until I get a six pack I have no excuse. The type of incels I identify most with are those that acknowledge “looks” are a huge part of the formula and you need to “looksmax” but I also just want someone to screw me for the fact that I’m attractive to them (not because I’m also, a good husband, a good father, a good guy, and I have integrity, respect, and care for other human beings which is also all good and well).

       And my second question is more about the psychological/pathological:

       I wanted to know what you think about people who are predisposed to certain fetishes and become obsessed and unable to find pleasure in any other forms of sexual satisfaction. Meaning: my mommy fetish. I can’t jerk off to anything unless it’s incest that is implied between a biological mother and a son (and not that “step” kind, that makes me instantly want to go looking for the next video and turns me off).

       Is this healthy? Is something wrong with me if I can only get aroused when I hear “f*** your mommy?” and that sort of stuff. I’m worried that if I ever do find someone that I am genuinely attracted to and they feel this carnal lust for me that I will be ruined by the realization that I need them to act out the role of my mother, and I their son. This is something that kinda hits me and exposes me really badly but its been this way since I was 14-15 and found this kind of stuff on the internet. I think that I’m a person who has more or less abided by the rules, laws, and regulations of the land and has some fear of God or judgement and nothing is more against the rules and more taboo than doing such an act and I think the thrill comes from knowing it is the ultimate thing short of murdering someone or being a cannibal that is so sinister and so evil and so wrong (and I don’t find any arousal in murder or cannibalism or pain. I am not interested in harming other people or any of those porns where people are forced to do things against their will).

       Have I tainted myself by programming my brain and body to be in love with this fantasy/scenario where strangers (and sometimes I’ve visualized my friend’s doing their own mothers), participate in this taboo between a mother and a son.

       Apologies for veering into this strange direction. I appreciate your time.

       weird 20s kid

       • #1. Having someone want to fuck you purely based on your looks is something that any good looking person will tell you is an empty, joyless experience. Having someone want to fuck you because they find YOU attractive (like good chemistry) can be a package deal with looks or not but it’s far more satisfying to be desired for your mind/personality/how you connect with someone on a deeper level.
         #2. Family fantasy stuff is pretty much the most popular fetish these days (& has been for as long as I know). Why? I’m not a psychologist (I just play one in porn films). I have no reason to think that anyone is fucking their own family members because of this porn & I’ve heard a lot of feedback from fans who say they specifically do NOT desire their own mothers, but they love imagining that I am their mother. Anyway, as far as how that may affect a future relationship it’s hard to say. Every relationship is unique. You might find a woman who is down with role play, either to indulge your fetish or because she’s legit into it. Your best bet it to have a genuine connection with someone first. Build a good base of respect & affection. Then in exploring each others sexuality you could show her one of the more tame vids you like & gauge her reaction. If she says she’s grossed out by incest stuff, you could say that it’s more the performer you’re into & the story line is secondary…& then ya know, without putting too much out there & can decide if you want to continue the relationship without that or not.
         I’ll also mention what you probably already know, many sex workers would be perfectly fine role-playing this with you & would likely do it very, very well.

       • I’d say you’re overthinking things WAY too much. Like me.

10. This has been a really interesting thread to read through. I definitely have thoughts on all of this but they’re kind of scattered. I’ll use some bullet points and just hope that I can make some sense by the end of them 😛

    – I loved the video, Mistress. I hate that it needs to exist but I applaud you for taking the initiative (not to mention time and effort) to at least try to make a difference, and I hope your video reaches and helps someone who needs it.

    – Obviously it goes without saying that the particular Incels who have been in the news recently are deplorable, and nobody is entitled to sex with another person.

    – Before reading through this thread, I had a very black and white attitude towards Incels. I viewed them as entitled man-children who blamed women for their own lack of happiness and sexual contact. This thread has opened my eyes to the fact that not every Incel blames women for their predicament, and indeed, the way the media is reporting on Incels might be doing a lot of harm to a lot of people.

    – This thread also kind of forced me to look inward and assess my own sex life (or lack thereof) and make me question whether, if things were slightly different for me, I might have been an Incel. Shit, depending on your definition, I might even BE one. It’s been longer than I’d care to admit since I last had sex with another person, but I feel strangely fortunate for the circumstances surrounding that fact. Firstly, I guess it’s comforting for me to know that this is a self-imposed sexual exile of sorts.

    I know that if I desperately wanted sex, pragmatically speaking, I could get it. I could pay for it, I coud join a dating site, and while I’m no Morgan Freeman (or whoever it is women typically find attractive nowadays) I’m reasonably sure I could find SOMEONE willing to sleep with me, eventually.

    The problem for me is that I’m both a pragmatist and somewhat lacking in self-confidence, so while I’m fairly confident I could find A sexual partner, (and this is me being unabashedly shallow) the prospective sexual partners that I’d be physically attracted to, I tend to presume wouldn’t be interested in me. This never used to be as big a problem for me – I’ve never had much to work with in the way of looks, but (and I’m cringing as I type this because I realise it’s going to sound arrogant as fuck, but I’m trying to be honest with both myself and with you) I used to be able to get by on personality and wit alone – but for the past few years I’ve been dealing with pretty crippling anxiety. And if you’ve ever dealt with anxiety before, you’ll know how hard it can make even the simplest of things. So demonstrating charm and personality in social settings suddenly becomes a lot harder than it used to be, especially with people I’m not yet familiar with.

    But I’m kind of okay with all of this, I think, for two reasons. For one, my sex drive has never been particularly high, and I’ve never truly craved nor missed having sex. Even when I was having it, it never felt like a central part of my life (maybe I just wasn’t doing it right), it’s something that I was always perfectly content to go long spells without. The other thing that I think has helped me (and this is where you come in because you and your clips have definitely been a positive force here) is my sexuality – my kinks, my fetishes, my submissiveness.

    I think being submissive has made it easier for me to bypass the bitterness that seems to eat at a lot of Incels. In the absence of sex, I turned to femdom videos, and did so fairly happily. It never really felt like a compromise, it was a more a case of “okay, I guess this is where I get my kicks now, before I go back to playing video games or playing guitar or going to the pub”. So for that reason I’ve never really felt like or identified as an Incel. And in watching femdom videos, I think one naturally comes to kind of revere women. So the idea that you’d ever be entitled to sex with them becomes a strange and foreign notion. And I think that’s a healthy outlook for someone who isn’t getting any sex, but I wonder if I only feel that way because I happen to be submissive.

    I wonder now if the only things preventing me from becoming one of those bitter, angry Incels are my sexual wants. Case in point: I think you’re legitimately one of the most beautiful women in the world, but given the choice between having sex with you (I appreciate this would never be a choice I’d be presented with but please indulge me) OR being made to lick the dirt from your soles and sniff your socks and shoes while you verbally degrade me… I think I’d choose the latter. So… I fear I’m going off on a tangent here, but I think the point I’m trying (and perhaps failing) to articulate is that I’m maybe fortunate in the sense that sex is something that I can easily choose to go without (even sex with someone as beautiful as you!) and so it’s very easy for me to not feel bitter about not having it.

    If my fantasies didn’t revolve around foot worship and being humiliated by beautiful women though, and instead resolved around vanilla sex, would I fall into the trap that so many Incels do? I don’t know. I’d like to think not, but at the very least, this thread has opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I’m not as far removed from a group of people who until very recently I had nothing but scorn for as I might have liked to think.

    • Thanks for your comments. They all made sense to me. Interesting thought process…maybe instead of advising volunteering I should have just recommended incels all get into FemDom stuff? ha ha (kidding…sort of…maybe?)

11. Maybe! 😛 I think with femdom in general, and some of your clips in particular, you have to be able to separate fantasy from reality. If you took every humiliation clip or every cuckold clip literally, and took every word to heart, then you’re maybe not gonna have a good time, especially if you’re someone who is already bitter about your predicament.

    But at the same time, I think femdom can be incredibly liberating for someone who is maybe lacking in self-confidence. To once again use you as an example (I hope you don’t mind), I just don’t envision a circumstance in which you would ever view me as a viable sexual partner. For myriad reasons. But when it comes to fantasising about being used as your footstool for example, all of those reasons cease to matter. I don’t need to worry about whether or not you find me attractive or any of the other things that might hypothetically make me feel inferior or unworthy of your affections. And in fact, those feelings of inferiority become useful in fetishising your superiority, real or imagined. And I would LOVE to be used as your footstool. The thought of being at your feet turns me on more than the thought of sex does.

    So femdom presents me with a kind of wonderful alternative to a vanilla sex life that might be complicated and undermined by a lack of self confidence. And if embraced properly, I think femdom could benefit just about anybody.

12. In the UK several female teachers have been prosecuted for having sex with their pupils. Some have been sent to jail. Such hypocrisy. If my female drama teacher had taken such an initiative when I was at school I would have been extremely grateful.

    My understanding is that in past times it was recognised that young men would be introduced to the joys of sex by an older, experienced, female.

    IMHO the most important lesson is: A man will get the most pleasure by ensuring the woman’s needs are met first. We need to get back to those values. It could be argued that the instant success of the new c4s studio ‘Mom comes first’ is an indication of that need.

    Many bitter and angry men will scream from the roof-tops that ‘equality’ means women should be subjected to the law in the same way as men. Poppycock.

    For very obvious reasons the law in this regard should not be the same for men and women.

    As has been stated by other contributors, the issues relating to sex and sexual behaviour is a vast subject and it is impossible to cover everything that needs to be aired in depth.

    Many men can make ‘older’ women feel ‘invisible’. The mainstream media and advertising agencies should take much of the blame for that. They are making a big mistake – OK the advertising agencies are doing their job but the British Broadcasting Corporation is lamentable in this respect.

    Going down a completely different avenue, in my experience competent female sex workers of any age can make any man feel like a million dollars and provide a social service that needs to be recognised by those ‘in power.’

    It should also be remembered that women, as well as men, come in all shapes and sizes and their differing sexual and relationship needs are equally as important as those of men.

    Good humour and good will is required by all.

13. This is the most honest thing to be posted on any ‘sex’ site. Good for you, Mistress T.

14. I just watched Your video on incels. Forget the glamour. Forget the Femme Domme image..Just simply this. What a human being You. What a powerful, insightful, thoughtful and humanistic message. And the ultimate statement was simply to be proud. In this one life, to be worthwhile. And this said by a lowly male slave owned by his wife who believes in Female Supremacy and is proud to be what he is. Good on You Mistress T.

15. You are a very good person.

16. Ok, still think you are a very good person, but now I have a question if you have a moment to spare. Do you have any sense of what percentage of your fans, particularly those who are into verbal humiliation regarding these type of issues, also self-identify as incels? I’m guessing you may not, but I’d be really curious and grateful for anything you might share about this.

    Let me also give you some information about myself in case you are interested in collecting more data on this topic. I am a 29 year old adult virgin, and I do not self-identify as an incel. I hadn’t heard the term incel until the terrible event in Toronto. When I researched it, part of me began to fear that people who know me in real life might think that I am a part of that toxic community and I felt pretty disgusted by that prospect.

    I do have a strong humiliation fetish and consider myself a submissive and a feminist. I love women very much. I have been a fan of your videos for around 7-8 years 🙂

    I guess every man with a humiliation fetish has a unique story, and I hope there are relatively few dark ones. Mine has been dark at times, but it’s getting brighter and certainly nothing like some of the extreme stories associated with some incels.

    Thanks again for sharing your positive message.

    • I have no idea what percentage of my fans identify as incels. There are too many factors…one being that a huge number of my ‘fans’ only view my stolen content via free sharing/piracy sites & don’t even really know who I am (so never communicate with me) & I can’t use that data to determine how popular my verbal humiliation vids are, etc. There’s also a spectrum, it’s not a black & white definition.

17. Hi Martin, I was molested by a female teacher in the 5th grade, and even though she was trying to help me, it did a lot of damage to me, each person is different.

    • Hi Vic

      One of my (many) faults is that I sometimes respond lightheartedly when serious issues are being discussed.

      In a meeting, where all contextual clues are readily available (peer group knowledge, body language, tone etc) such an approach can defuse a tense atmosphere.

      Where the written words alone essentially stand or fall on their perceived message that approach is not appropriate.

      I fully accept that every person is different.

      Teachers operate in loco parentis and will inevitably fall foul of the law if the pupil/teacher line is crossed.

      But as Mistress T often states, things are rarely back and white.

      I do feel that some female teachers have been dealt with overly harshly in the UK and that the court cases are likely to have caused far more anguish and psychological damage to all concerned than the original transgression(s) ever did.

      Only those actually involved can know.

18. Apologies for the typo: ‘black’ not ‘back’.

19. From a very different angle. I’ve had a couple families and been rather a Cad IRL but I love the cuckolding, humiliation and torture that Misstress T provides. Would love to appear as a subject in one of the vids.

    Incel is something of a complex issue though. With female liberation and the spread of men Getting stung for child support, paying taxes for single moms and often divorce raped…women are so to speak on top of the heap. There’s no incentive for a man to get married even if he’s attractive and rich, perhaps especially if he is attractive and rich. The response has been for men to serially pump and dump, retreat actively from the sexual market or to be involuntarily excluded from it. In cultures with arranged marriages like the Middle East or India the men tend to get their share of the conjugal rights that have evaporated in the Western World. My understanding is that Japanese men don’t really pursue women much these days so by proxy they’ve in the same boat. The Chinese have a similar issue. The issue is that women have been emancipated in the last 100 years or so in the Western World and we are shaking out the consequences of this historically novel idea of the female equal citizen. Aggressive good looking men will tend to eat up all the attractive women for themselves and leave very little for less attractive and less successful men. We live in an era of informal polygamy or viewed another way Polyandry when we look at porn actresses and sexually active women more generally in college and the workplace. It exposes many men as mere providers and as drones. Even when men could expect to get hitched and get regular sex from a wife, pre ww2 and around 1960 this began to fall apart as women became economically self sustaining and able to fall down the wrath of the state in divorce court.

    Anyway, point is men are going to have to adapt or perish. I find it very noble of you to address this crisis in male identity because you trade in femdom porn and are dealing with and catering to the men who either have lost out or who fetishize the idea of a chastity lock or a strap on and other scenarios.

    Very interesting discussion.

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