My thoughts on condoms in porn…

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This post has nothing to do with the whole condom law thingy in California recently…but regarding that, I would have voted ‘no’ because I think performers should have a choice whether to use condoms or not. It shouldn’t be a law.

My body, my choice.

Which leads nicely into this blog post about MY thoughts on condoms in porn.

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Even the hyper-observant wouldn’t be able to tell how many men I’ve had unprotected intercourse with in my vids since their faces have so often been unidentifiable. I’ll tell you: three. Does that surprise you? How many men do you think I’ve had intercourse with in my vids using a condom? Less than twenty. In a decade & thousands of scenes, I’ve had sex with less than two dozen different male performers & only bareback with three.

Of those three, two of them were my long-term partners/boyfriends, the other one was a close friend & long term partner of a close friend. I trusted them completely with my sexual health. We all knew each others sexual activity & were tested regularly.

My choice to use condoms was about safer sex until more recently, when it also became about birth control. At 40 my doctor wanted me to consider going off the birth control pill that I’d been on since my teens. Apparently there are higher side-effect risks for older women. I wasn’t keen on getting surgery (tubes tied) or the invasive process of getting an IUD & potentially bleeding for months…sexy talk, eh? Perhaps too personal? Good. I’m a feminist who strives for EQUALITY & a part of that is both sexes being informed about & taking responsibility for birth control. So take a deep breath & keep reading because the next part is going to make you squirm even more.

My partner agreed to get a vasectomy which enabled me to go off the pill (& y’all still get the cream pie scenes you love so much!) but now the risk of having sex without a condom with others isn’t just about STI’s, I now risk an unwanted pregnancy. In other words, I’m not fucking anyone else without a condom. Period.

I’ve recently been approached by a big porn production company to do a boy/girl fuck scene but they had a bareback-only policy…& that got my back up.

So what’s the problem with condoms?

– Guys complain it reduces sensitivity so they lose their boner or can’t cum.

My thoughts on that: the condom just feels different & a guy isn’t used to the sensation. A simple solution is to jerk off with a condom to get used to it! If it’s just you masturbating & you’re on a budget, re-use that condom a few times. Yuck? Whatever. I’m sure you’ve done worse.

– There’s a stigma with condoms. It implies that one of you or both of you might be diseased & going without says that you trust each other.

My thoughts on that: grow the fuck up. Using a condom says that you respect your body & your partners body. If you want to do the trust thing down the line after you both get tested & agree to it…& you have other birth control sorted out, fine. But in the beginning, just grab the damn condom as if it’s a forgone conclusion & get on with it.

– Stopping to put the condom on interrupts the flow & you lose your boner.

My thoughts on that: you can jerk off while surfing porn & keeping an ear open for your roomie, boss, wife or mother in case they walk in, you can do this. Experiment with incorporating the condom into the play. I’ve seen guys effectively lick my pussy while putting the condom on at the same time & I’ve managed to put the condom on while stroking a cock & kissing the guy, just experiment & practice until it becomes just another part of the action. Figure it out.

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Honestly tho, the problems with condoms are mostly psychological so how do we help with that? Personally, I feel seeing more condoms in porn would help. Some disagree, saying porn is fantasy, it’s entertainment, guys don’t want to see condoms, it’s a turn off…but we all know that many, MANY young men are using porn as sex ed, like it or not & that what we see does influence sex trends. Anal sex & cumming on a woman’s face are two examples of things that were popularized by porn. There certainly wasn’t a huge women’s movement to try to convince men to cum on our faces, to fuck up our make-up, our hair & squirt sticky goop in our eyes that stings like a sonofabitch. Sex acts that were rarely done 50 years ago are now the norm for a lot of people & the driving force most of the time is porn.

So, it stands to reason that if men saw more condoms in porn that it would become more acceptable, reducing most of the problems with condom use & therefore reducing STI’s & unwanted pregnancies.

BUT, business is business & with so much piracy these days porn producers are fighting for every dollar. They say men won’t pay for porn with condoms in it. That’s probably true in enough cases for some porn producers to draw a hard line against condoms. It’s just business & changing this trend isn’t like turning a canoe around, it’s like turning the titanic around. It would take a lot of producers bravely using condoms in their scenes, taking the financial hit until the trend turned.

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So what can you do as a porn consumer? Decide to buy a porn scene even if you see there’s a condom & your knee-jerk reaction is negative. Give it a chance. Try to acclimatize yourself to it & support the producers who are taking the risk creating a scene with a condom & support the performers who are choosing that for their bodies. That’s about it as far as I can tell.

Also, if you don’t like fucking with a rubber, practice jerking off with one. Your dick, your responsibility. Figure it out.

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Also, get tested! Condoms are not 100% effective. Responsible fuckers use rubbers AND get tested regularly. It’s no big deal & it feels great to get the ‘all clear’ or to catch something early so you can treat it or deal with it. Ignorance isn’t bliss.

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Omega Males + Feminism

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I read two different articles today that inspired me to write this blog post.

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The first one is about a new term for me: “Omega Male” in relation to “Alpha Male”. Most of us are familiar with the term “Alpha Male”, especially when it comes to cuckolding fantasies. He’s the bull, the well-hung stud who gets to fuck the woman while the cuckold/beta male is denied. He’s strong, masculine, confident & usually a hard fucker.

I’ve thrown the term “Alpha Male” around in my cuckold scenes for lack of a term that resonated better for me….but I think I have one now: Omega Male.

The Omega Male is quietly confident. He doesn’t need to broadcast his superiority. He’s empathetic, kind, gentle, a good guy to have as a friend & an excellent husband. He’s not as competitive as an Alpha Male & he’s more likely to walk away from a fight. He resolves conflicts with words rather than his fists. He enjoys deeper conversations & cuddling. He cares about your feelings & he treats others as he would like to be treated. The Omega Male is trustworthy & steady. He’s an attentive lover who ensures the woman is satisfied.

An Omega Male is not to be confused with a beta male or a weak pussy who wouldn’t stand up for himself, his woman or anyone else. A beta male is kind of a spineless door mat. He serves or submits because he doesn’t think he’s worthy of respect or deserves to be treated well. A beta has little or no self confidence or self worth. A beta is truly pathetic.

My partner falls under the category of Omega Male & it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.

Here’s the Omega Male article: http://www.theearthchild.co.za/the-awesome-omega-male-what-makes-him-better-than-the-alpha/

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The other article lists practical every day ways that you, as a man, can support Feminism. To be clear, Feminism is about equality. It’s not about Female Superiority. Feminism has gotten a bad name in some circles & I’m delighted that the leader of Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, has proudly declared that he is a Feminist. I think if you ask any sane person if they feel women should be equal to men they would say YES! But if you ask a lot of men if they’re a feminist they would say NO! But it’s the same damn thing, dude.

So here’s the link to that article, have a look with an open mind: http://www.xojane.com/issues/feminism-men-practical-steps

Here’s some homework for you: If you email me a list in your own words at least 5 things from this article YOU plan to do to support Feminism I will give you a FREE 1 week membership for my site. Email: MsT@MistressT.net

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

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Canadian Amazon.ca wish list: Click here

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Who is the man who gets what u want?

Who made this mess? ....& who is going to clean it up???

Who made this mess?
….& who is going to clean it up???

Do you ever wonder who gets to be with me? Like really gets to be with me in the most intimate ways?

A few years ago I was fairly public about being single & looking but I wasn’t as vocal about my relationship when one did develop. Trying to balance some kind of private life with my public persona can be tricky. Part of me wants to keep some things just for myself & part of me wants y’all to know a lot about me to reduce the objectification of adult performers & sex workers. Like me shouting: “Hey, look at me! I’m a regular person like everyone else. I just have an unusual job. I grocery shop, I binge watch Netflix, I have complex relationships with family & friends, I’ve been in love, had my heart broken, I’ve made mistakes & hurt people I cared about, I wear flannel pj’s, I have opinions…I am a human, not just a sex doll with a pulse!”

Which brings me to this post…about my partner, which I know many of you are curious about. The reason I do it now is because I believe that he could actually help some of you. I’ll explain.

As you can well imagine, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Is it hard to be in a relationship with a “Dominatrix” or “Porn Star”? Sure, for some guys, however, my partner is the most emotionally mature man I’ve ever met. There is no power dynamic in our relationship. Neither is Dominant. We are equals. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.

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He’s a high level communicator, intuitive, intelligent, empathetic, open-minded & sexually skilled. He’s self assured because he brings qualities to a relationship that are lacking in many men. How do most men learn to find & build a healthy relationship? How do most men learn to be better partners & lovers? Although the education exists it isn’t mainstream & I’ll tell you, unfortunately the majority of men aren’t skilled lovers or good partners. That’s just the harsh truth.

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Over the years I’ve had requests from fans who wanted to serve my lovers or boyfriends. He’s been dabbling in that, chatting with & doing cam with a few of my fans. He’s rather good at it & enjoys it. It’s become a fun little hobby of his & sometimes we go on cam together with my fans which is fun for me too.

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Beyond fetish sessions (laughing at my sissy cuckolds & slaves who get off on humiliation, forced bi or Financial Domination) I feel like some fans could benefit from a bit of coaching. This is the guy who ‘got’ ME. The guy who won my heart & sexually satisfies me. He is superior for that reason alone & all my cuckolds should worship him for that…but other guys who just want advice on how to communicate with women in real life, especially the type of women they crave: self-assured, successful, Dominate women. How to start & build a meaningful relationship with that kind of woman. How to please a woman sexually. Sex tips & individualized training on being a better partner & lover. He can do that & the domino effect is some women will be happier with better men. It’s ninja-level FemDom when you think about it: my good man training men to better please other women. I love it!

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Sure, a lot of you will just want to go on cam for 10 minutes & jerk off while he laughs at you & tells you that you’re inferior…& it’s hot because he is a superior male who gets to fuck the woman you’ve been jerking off to for years…& it’s hot because he’s a good looking younger bi guy who gets off on the idea of making my cuckolds suck his cock & eat his cum…& yes, he is happy to do that…but he can also do so much more.

Of course ur not gay…but u can’t deny that’s a great ass…

Admit it, u like his ass...ur drawn to it...

Admit it, u like his ass…ur drawn to it…

...so drawn to it that I bet u'd lick it if I told u to. Now it's all u'll be able to think about...

…so drawn to it that I bet u’d lick it if I told u to.
Now it’s all u’ll be able to think about…

For example, he can assist with erectile dysfunction & orgasm control…he’s a professional tantra practitioner & works solo or does double sessions with the very talented Olivia Jade (http://oliviajade.net/). Olivia is one of, if not the most highly regarded certified tantra practitioner in Canada. She helps a lot of men with ED & premature ejaculation, among other things. I highly recommend her services as well.

So, if you want to ‘serve my man’ (via skype cam or messenger/email ) in the usual dirty ways: cuckolding, forced bi, humiliation, jerk off instruction, cum eating instruction, etc. & you’re in a position to be generous, reach out to me & I’ll coordinate it. We can both be involved or you can serve just him. Or, if you think you could benefit from chatting with an evolved man who in my experienced opinion is an expert at having a healthy relationship AND is also highly sexually skilled…send me a note:

MsT@MistressT.net

As I mentioned, this is just a fun little hobby for him & his time is limited so he will give his attention to those who are the most generous & enjoyable to deal with. This is a rare & valuable opportunity so conduct yourself accordingly. That means:

  • communicate clearly about what you’re hoping for/wanting/what you’re into
  • be ready & able to tribute to show you’re serious
  • be respectful & reliable

Those things go for me as well!

You only live once!

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

C4S: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

IWantClips: https://iwantclips.com/store/57715/Mistress-T

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

Canadian Amazon.ca wish list: Click here

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How To Email A Pro Domme

Step 1. Remove BOTH of your hands from your genitals. One of the biggest mistakes guys make is trying to send an email while in a heightened state of arousal while typing with one hand. This often results in spelling & grammar mistakes as well as coming across like a buffoon.

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Step 2. Do some research to show you value her time. Check her FAQ to see if your question is already answered. Check to see if she has a travel schedule posted. You can look on her website, her clips store or twitter profile for info.

Here’s my FAQ: http://blog.mistresst.net/fetish-focus/frequently-asked-questions/

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Members site

Clips4sale studio

Clips4sale studio

Twitter profile

Twitter profile

Step 3. After you’ve done your research if it still makes sense to contact her be brief & clear in your communication. Keep the flowery compliments to a minimum & get to the point. Keep in mind that you are contacting a “Professional” as in it is her profession/job/business. Your feelings for her might be highly personal, you might feel in love with her or that you worship her but she is not a gal you’re writing to on a dating site, she’s not a pen pal, she’s not sitting there waiting & needing your compliments, hoping that some random guy will reach out to her & try to court her. In fact, if all you want to do is send a compliment I strongly urge you not to. Even if you are a paying customer (you buy vids/you’re a member of their site) if all you want to do is email a compliment: don’t! Your email will be one of many she has to sift through that day to get to the ones that need her professional attention: a custom vid request, a session request, etc. If your intention is to brighten her day with a compliment it will have the opposite affect as an annoyance since now she either has to take the time to respond or feel rude by not responding. If you are actually just hoping to get some free attention that is even worse.

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Step 4. Ensure you give all important details. If you are requesting a session, let her know what you’re interested in specifically, when, where & for how long. If you’re requesting a custom vid give an outline of the important details without sending a lengthy script (I’d like a custom vid, approx 15 mins, solo, small penis humiliation with you wearing leather gloves. Please use my name Brian throughout the vid. Thanks!) Before hitting ‘send’ put yourself in her shoes (not literally). Imagine receiving that email. Is it clear? Do you think she has enough information to make a decision regarding accepting your session, custom, film slave application, etc? What else might she need? Use common sense!

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Step 5. Level up. If you really want to stand out from the crowd & show her that you respect her time & prove you’re serious about whatever you’re contacting her about, consider sending a tribute. If she has a wish list, send her something off of it. If she has a clips store see if there is a tribute option. Even buying a few vids or joining her site sends the right message. It tells her that you’re not a freeloading time-waster trying to get her attention for free. BUT do not assume that buying a $10 clip or a $20 gift entitles you to an endless amount of her valuable time or attention. It just gets things off on the right foot.

My wish list: http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/LYLSUGVVJA6W/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_ws_x_Wd6fybQNHG5B9

My wish list: http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/LYLSUGVVJA6W/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_ws_x_Wd6fybQNHG5B9

http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/LYLSUGVVJA6W/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_ws_x_Wd6fybQNHG5B9

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Step 6. Don’t pester. Don’t send dozens of emails in a row, a few minutes apart. You’ll look like a psycho. Give her a day or two to respond. She might be on holidays, she might be busy filming, she might be sick, dealing with family or pet issues. She does have a life outside of your fantasy world.

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Step 7. Don’t be fucking stupid. Don’t send an email saying you want to be a film slave if you live in a place you know damn well she’s unlikely to be filming in (Israel, Missouri, Argentina, India, etc.) & you’re unable to travel anywhere. If you can’t geographically be in the same place at the same time how the fuck do you think she’ll be able to film with you? Don’t request a vid that you know damn well she’s not going to do (like castrating a guy). Don’t email a Professional Dominatrix asking for sex unless she has explicitly stated she offers escort services or ‘full service’ (assume most Pro Dommes do not). Don’t send dick pics unless she has asked for them. (I request them for film slave applicants or occasionally for a paying distance slave to prove he’s in chastity, otherwise do not fucking send me your nudes, dick pics, your pics of you cross dressed, etc. Unless you’ve paid me to look at those pics they are very unwelcome.)

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Got a little ranty in #7, eh? Can you feel the frustration? Most of you are probably shaking your head thinking “who is she even talking to, I would never do that!” but boy-o-boy, the volume of stupid, annoying emails we all get in this biz is staggering. Don’t be that guy:-)

xo

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

 

T-Time Sex Ed Series: Launched!

I have launched the T-Time Sex Ed Series of FREE vids. So far, there are 3 vids available to download or stream on the “Previews” page on my site: http://www.mistresst.net/free_video

I look forward to getting your feedback (positive feedback most welcome, lol. Okay, no actually I can’t really handle criticism…) & you’re welcome to suggest topics for future vids: MsT@MistressT.net

Most important: please feel free to share these vids far & wide. This is an easy way to ‘serve’ me…download these vids & post them on all those pirate, tube & free sharing sites that are putting porn companies out of business. Guys watching free porn are exactly the ones I want to reach with these vids. Use these vids on your blogs, post them to youtube. Spread them like the common cold on public transit.

Don’t try clicking on those pics below…go to this link: http://www.mistresst.net/free_video

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Cheers,

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

 

Confessions of a lazy lover…

I confess, I’m a lazy lover.

I expect the guy to do most of the work.

I like to lay there & be serviced.

I’m rarely keen to suck cock. It’s uncomfortable to hold my mouth open like that so even if I give a ‘blow job’ I’ll mostly lick, suck on the tip & use my hand. I’ll give deep throating a shot for like a half a second.

If a guy isn’t willing to lick me until I cum I think he’s a jerk…even if it takes me a loooong time. I don’t care if it’s uncomfortable for him. If my pleasure isn’t important enough to him to endure some discomfort than fuck him. However I’m a bigger jerk because if a guy is having a hard time cumming for some reason I give up easily & don’t care. I won’t work at it or let him fuck me for longer than I want just so he can have an orgasm. I feel like if I stay close while he jerks himself off (as a last resort) I’m being generous enough. Yup, I’m an entitled jerk.

Speaking of entitlement & other attitude problems…I feel like most guys should feel very lucky to get a chance to fuck me. Am I the best looking woman out there? Nope. Am I the sexiest? Nope. Do I have mad bed skills or am I a freak in the sheets? Nope & nope. So why do I have such an attitude problem? Gee, maybe years of hundreds of guys telling me that I am the sexiest & most exciting woman they’ve ever seen. Yeah, that might have gone to my head. This job can fuck you up even if you try to not let it. Even if I rationally know that it is a fantasy all those guys are seeing. That in reality if they got a chance to fuck me & I just laid there while they licked & fucked me they may not feel like they’d won the lottery. (Disclaimer, I’m lazy but I’m not a dead fuck. I do move & moan, I do fuck back. I’m not a starfish…but I’m not a bucking bronco either.)

Years ago I took a swing at escorting. I didn’t think I’d be into it but wanted to say I’d tried it. I wasn’t very good at it. Do you know why? Have you been paying attention here? I’m a lazy lover! Being an escort means servicing the client. It means you have to work. It means you need ninja level bed skills. Okay, well that’s what really good, highly paid escorts need to run a successful business. I wasn’t well-suited for it.

Why am I writing this today? I felt like confessing. I felt like getting it off my chest. After having a sexual encounter with a potential ‘guy-on-the-side’ who said I gave him the saddest hand job he’d ever had. To be fair, I wasn’t that into touching his half hard dick after he came up for air without making an effort to give me an orgasm. He was actually lucky I didn’t rip his dick right off after that lack-luster oral performance…but there was no point in getting angry. I just called it off & sent him away. We obviously didn’t click sexually…because when it clicks…my good god. If a guy loves licking pussy I can tell. My pussy tastes like candy & it doesn’t matter if I’m thrashing & screaming like I’m possessed, if a guy likes licking pussy he fucking LOVES my pussy, nothing else matters…and my hand job skills don’t factor in because his dick is so hard from licking my pussy he’s ready to fuck that amazing pussy & there would be no handy work required.

I’m not interested in working to make a guys dick hard. If his dick isn’t hard just being pressed against my naked body, kissing me, than he’s not horny enough for me. I like to feel wanted. Don’t we all?

So, hopeful suitors…if you’re into selfish, lazy lovers with entitlement issues, look no further. I will demand you pleasure me in whatever particular way I want, I will expect that gives you enough satisfaction that you won’t ask me to do anything special for you. I won’t work to make it work. If you’re not hard & into it for any reason I’ll call it quits & send you away. I’m basically a complete bastard sexually.

As hopeless as that all sounds…my current partner is the best sex I’ve had & we’re oddly compatible in all our mutually quirky ways…which perhaps makes me even less tolerant of others short-comings. I still like a bit of variety as does he, even if more often than not it leaves us feeling more grateful in what we have in each other. (We practice consensual non-monogamy, in case you’ve missed that from previous blog posts.)

Mistress T (well, not really. In this case it’s certainly the woman who plays her. Mistress T is a sexual dynamo…or whatever your fantasy tells you she is. *wink*)

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

UPDATE Aug 31, 2016: In a million years I would not have anticipated the response I’ve received from this blog post. In addition to the comments left here I have received numerous emails from men who resonate with what I’ve written. Men who crave to serve a woman orally & sexually, who expect nothing, even prefer to not have any reciprocation. In some cases this is a submissive act but for others it’s simply their sexual preference. I would never have guessed!

My version of “FemDom”.

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The debate around what FemDom is or is not is one that seems to never get old. The concept of there being rules for being a proper Dominatrix actually seems rather humorous. To get nude or not, to wank a dick or not, to fuck your slaves or not, etc. It’s a big, wide topic that I’ll narrow to just me for now.

Over the last decade I’ve figured out what feels right for me. It’s been an interesting journey that continues to evolve. At times I’ve tried various things and then decided to not do them anymore. If you’ve been following be since the beginning you might have noticed that some video themes came & went.

When I get custom video requests I often go with my gut. I know by now what I’m going to be comfortable with for personal reasons or in terms of my ‘branding’. As far as my branding is concerned, I’ve spent years trying to do a simple thing: portray myself as a woman who is in control of her body & sexuality and who is also in control of the male’s I interact with.

For me, that is my simple version of FemDom. Female in control. That can take a lot of different forms. It can be sensual or subtle Domination in various roles. It doesn’t have to be linked to physical pain or dungeons.

So when I get requests to do vids where I am in any way objectified, not in full control, like I’m so horny I’ll do something I wouldn’t otherwise do, where a male is in the power role, etc. I know that it’s not right for me.

I feel that the vast majority of porn on the internet portrays women as submissive, weak, often degraded objects there for the pleasure of men. I don’t need to create any more content like that, there’s plenty. I’d like to try to balance things out by offering a different dynamic.

A lot of men want to give up control. They want a woman to initiate & to take her pleasure. They find confidence sexy.¬† Despite that, the tidal wave of mainstream porn, the music/film industry, media & advertising brainwashing everyone into thinking of women as objects is a powerful force. When so-called fans ask me to do typical mainstream porn acts like take it in the ass, have guys blow their loads on my face, in my mouth, on my tits, on my ass…why ask me for that? Isn’t the billion images on the internet of women doing that enough? Or is it specifically that I don’t that makes it appealing? The whole fucked up thing of persuading women to push their boundaries. A girl in a bikini will get asked to get naked. A naked girl will be asking to masturbate….then jerk a dick, then suck it, then fuck it…but that’s not enough…then she’ll be asked to take it in the ass, then a gang bang, and on and on…until she’s used up. This is exactly how it goes for the majority of women who get into the adult industry.

And I feel the pressure. I have felt it from day 1. The pressure to do more. How no matter what I did, guys always wanted more. Happily there are many loyal fans who love what I do & to them I am eternally grateful. Happily I am able to assert my boundaries & I actually take pleasure in saying: “No, I’m not going to do that.” I enjoy denying men when I sense they are part of the “more!” culture. The pushers. Those addicted to trying to get women to do things they don’t really want to do. There are so many of them & it’s become so accepted that guys don’t even realize it’s a problem…but hey you, if you’ve ever tried to persuade a woman to do something beyond what you think she’s comfortable with: fuck you.

If you want to see what it looks like when a woman is in control of her body & her sexuality study FemDom vids, mine & those in my network of peers. We’re not always perfect, sometimes we try things & they don’t work out like we thought, sometimes we can even seem hypocritical, we’re human, but overall the modeling in healthier. It’s a step closer to equality. FemDom isn’t about equality but it swings the pendulum far enough in the other direction from the usual that it puts a dent in the normalization of female objectification…& I’m happy to do my part.

Mistress T

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If I knew then what I know now…

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This blog post will likely not be titillating. That’s your fair warning if you were hoping for jerk off material. My vids are GREAT jerk off material, by the way:-)

Last night I hosted a focus group for a friend of mine who is planning to start an initiative for educating young women on sex issues. The purpose of the focus group was to find out what topics should be covered in more depth, to find out what young women want to know more about.

I was in attendance as a more experienced woman in the areas of sexual health, fetish/BDSM/kink, fetish parties, non-monogamy, consent, etc. I asked another mature female friend of mine to attend who has extensive knowledge in tantra, mindful masturbation, connection/intimacy, etc. (She’s well known for her tantra sessions, intimacy coaching, etc.: http://oliviajade.net/)

The conversation moved organically around a variety of topics: how to communicate with your lover about how you like to be touched & pleasured, dealing with lovers who have erectile dysfunction or low sex drive, tips on giving better blowjobs/handjobs, mutual masturbation, safer sex practices, how & where to get STI testing, where to get sex toys, sexual safety, consent & techniques to navigate date rape & non-violent sexual assault, helpful books to read, where to get fetish attire for fetish parties, birth control, how to teach a guy to clean his foreskin properly, learning how to have better orgasms, opening monogamous relationship up to include others, etiquette at sex parties or swinger parties, how to discuss your kinks or curiosities with a new partner…I deliberately just rattled off random topics because that’s how the conversation went, organically, naturally, moving from one topic to the next. We covered a lot of ground & in the end my friend got quite a few topic ideas that could be dedicated sessions.

In the beginning it was awkward but as we all became more comfortable & familiar I could see the value in this. Mature, more experienced women there to answer questions & give advice, younger women coming together & hearing each others questions, knowing that they aren’t alone or the only ones who have dealt with difficult situations or the only ones who don’t know certain things. The younger women were very appreciative of the opportunity & I’m a sucker for feeling appreciated. I for sure will be volunteering my home & myself for anything like this in the future.

I have been thinking for awhile of doing a series of non-pornographic vids for younger men. Vids that educate & help them to become better lovers & more intimately ‘connected’ to themselves. I would cover topics like masturbation techniques to prepare themselves for sex with another person, communication techniques to improve sex with another person, hygiene & grooming, consent/respect/compassion, understanding that most porn is entertainment not education/unlearning bad habits formed from watching porn, how to discuss your kinks with a new partner, etc. After last night I feel inspired to educate both young men & women. If I had known then what I know now! Well, I can help some of them get valuable info that will make their sex lives better, reduce anxiety, shame, confusion, etc.

If you have a topic you’d like me to cover in an educational vid please use the comments section here on my blog.

Best,
Mistress T

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Sex Ed – Consent Is Sexy

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“Consent” has been in the news a lot lately. Mainstream porn can take a certain amount of blame for giving men the wrong ideas about consent. I’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating: porn is for entertainment, not education.

Consent is sexy guys…knowing that you have a full green light, a clear YES, that a woman wants you…that’s hot. Consent can be complicated though so get informed & level up on your man game.

I’ve just read this helpful article about consent that I’m going to share with you. It references “Club Eden” which is a classy, friendly sex club in he greater Vancouver area. You’ll find lots of other great posts there about swinging/non-monogamy plus useful sex advice. Check it out:

https://sexgetoverit.com/2016/03/05/getting-consent-in-a-sex-positive-environment/

xo

Mistress T

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Sex At Dawn – Book review & recommendation!

Mistress T with the book "Sex At Dawn".

Reading is sexy.

I recently read one of the most important books of our time, “Sex At Dawn” by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha.

“Important”…is subjective I suppose. Will it solve global warming? Bring world peace? Cure diseases? Make Donald Trump disappear? Sadly, no. Not directly anyway. Although if it lead to a world where everyone was having lots of great sex, and children were raised by groups of loving adults who generously shared what they had…I can imagine a world without greed, without ‘broken’ families, without sexual frustration, etc. would be a world most of us would rather be in. In theory it could result in world peace, reduced stress-related illness, reduced negative environmental impact & get rid of the Donald Trumps of the world.

With loads of research the authors show that before agriculture, hunter-gatherers likely lived in non-monogamous communities where men & women both enjoyed as much sex with as many sexual partners as they desired. They had everything they needed, shared their food & cooperated in raising children.

A very different structure to the nuclear family where couples are expected to be monogamous but often are not resulting in jealousy, drama, broken families, etc.

Followers of my blog will likely know that I don’t practice monogamy in my personal life. Not because of my work but because I enjoy sexual novelty & variety. A relationship is not defined by sex. A relationship is about day-to-day & lifestyle compatibility, communication, support, affection/intimacy, trust, love, etc. Sex can just be about sex. A bit of fun. If there is honesty & trust, sex outside of the primary relationship can even enhance the sexual charge within it.

“Sex At Dawn” reinforced a lot of what I already knew from my own experience & through friends with healthy non-monogamous relationships, but there was also a tonne of new information. I found it fascinating how similar we are to our closest primate cousins, bonobos & chimps. Insights into how our hunter gatherer ancestors likely lived & how agriculture changed everything (or fucked everything up, really.)

Of special interest to my readers would be a hint of “FemDom” in bonobo culture (Chapter 4, The Ape In The Mirror, page 71):

(Paraphrased) For bonobos, female status is more important than male hierarchy. The term “influential” might be more fitting than “high-ranking”. Females are respected out of affection & older females generally have a higher status. Among bonobos female “dominance” doesn’t result in the same kind of submission in males as you see inverted with other primates in male dominated structures. Female bonobos use their power differently. There’s no stressful power struggles. They use sex for much more than reproduction, they engage in sex to ease tension, to reduce stress while traveling, etc. “Make Love, not war” seems to be the bonobos motto & males live a pretty stress-free life with the females in charge.

Also of special interest to my readers is a mention of fetishes (Chapter 21, The Pervert’s Lament, page 280):

(Direct quote) “While many women are freed by their erotic flexibility, men can find themselves trapped by the rigidity of their sexual response, like the male sheep and goats mentioned earlier. Once determined, male eroticism tends to retain its contours throughout life, like concrete that has set. Consequently, the theory of erotic plasticity predicts that the paraphilias (abnormal sexual desires and behaviors) should be far more prevalent in men than women who would presumably be more responsive to social pressure and find it easier to abandon previous turn-ons or ignore unseemly urges. Nearly every source of evidence supports this prediction. Most researchers and therapists agree that these unusual sexual hungers are almost exclusively seen in males, appear to be related to early imprinting, and are difficult, if not impossible, to alter once boyhood impressions have hardened into adult yearnings.”

I considered doing a whole blog post just on that last bit but what the heck. There is a lot more discussion in the book about females having more flexibility in their sexuality, thus more bisexual or at least bi-situational/bi-flexible women than men, women finding a wider range of situations/activities/people arousing, etc. This was part of the argument that women enjoy sex just as much as men, if not more (debunking the myth that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men). Women being able to have more orgasms, being able to have sex longer indicating that we’re designed to have sex with multiple male partners…in a row…and the biological reasons why we might be built that way. Like to have the sperm fight it out inside the vagina for the race to the egg…survival of the fittest, or the more complimentary DNA.

This blog post has become lengthy. I’ll end it abruptly & just recommend you read the damn book!

Xo

Mistress T

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