I recently watched a couple of documentaries on Netflix that were recommended to me. “Hot Girls Wanted” and “Love Me”.
I know most of my readers aren’t here for documentary reviews, but bare with me.
“Love Me” is a documentary about American men seeking love and Ukraine women seeking marriage and a life in America, both using an introduction service to meet. Kind of the ‘mail-order bride’ thing, but more in depth. They followed about a dozen guys through the process and frankly I found the whole thing fascinating. Also sad in some ways. Sad because it reminded me of how many lonely people there are in this world who want nothing more than companionship.
The American men were mostly ‘conventially’ unattractive. Heavy set or obese, awkward social skills, etc. but had at least a decent amount of money. The Ukrainian women tended to be very attractive physically but often spoke little or no English. Both parties had an interest in family, which was the commonality that brought them together.
I confess, it made me uncomfortable. The imbalance of physical attractiveness was often so acute. How in most cases nothing else seemed to matter to the men except looks, they didn’t seem to care about personality or compatibility…or even whether or not the woman was even interested in them. To be fair, the two couples who ended up getting married and living in the US seemed genuinely happy with each other. Down right adorable to be honest. I couldn’t help wondering what sex was like? Did the women genuinely enjoy sex with these guys? Some women don’t care what a guy looks like (I’ve had some fantastic sex with guys who were…well, NOT pretty…hell, I’ve been known to say that ugly guys try harder in bed) and some women feel better about themselves having sex with guys who aren’t as good looking. So I know looks tend to be less important to women than men…but we’re talking a pretty wide gap here in both looks & personality. They weren’t charasmatic, charming, but just average looking dudes.
The guy…I wonder if during sex he’s just thinking “Wahoo!” Or if he’s looking down past his giant, hairy gut & double chin at this super model who doesn’t speak English and thinks “if I hadn’t basically paid for this she would never have had sex with me”. Not in the prostitute-by-the-hour way, but in the living with each other and having children together kind of way. How would he ever know if their love was ‘real’? Maybe it doesn’t matter if both parties are getting what they want? Right now I wish Ceara Lynch was here to discuss this. Maybe we’ll get lucky & she’ll comment below with her perspective. I feel like this topic is more of a discussion peice than a monologue.
Moving right along, “Hot Girls Wanted” is a documentary about amateur girls, usually 18-22 getting into the porn business. I found a fair bit of this shocking but that’s what they were likely going for: the shock factor, especially with the violent niche stuff (facial abuse, etc.). Although I have an adult business I have been quite sheltered, living in Canada and within my niche of FemDom Fetish porn. I have basically zero personal experience in the mainstream porn world. I got into this business around the age of 30 and was never exploited. I didn’t do it because I needed money, although the money was nice. I didn’t do it to get famous, I never wanted to be a porn ‘star’. That seemed to be the main motivator for the girls in this documentary: money, to make it ‘big’ (they loved the attention/compliments/ego stroking) and often they wanted a way out of their small town.
What I struggle with here is that the girls are so young and naive, they are so easily taken advantage of, often encouraged to do things they aren’t comfortable with. The agents/producers seem to use them very hard, knowing that they’ll probably be in and out of the business in a year or less. But this is what the market demands. Men watching this type of mainstream porn seem to want an unending supply of young new faces and for them to be used hard, broken.
I don’t imply these are unwilling victims. These girls answer ads for this kind of work, they walk in with their eyes open. They are compensated fairly (it seems). It’s just unfortunate that so many of these girls are simply too young & inexperienced to really make an informed decision…and that YOUNG & INEXPERIENCED is what guys want so badly.
I have been in complete control of every sex scene I’ve done, with the exception of the 2 scenes I did for Kink.com’s Divine Bitches. Happily, I was attracted to and liked both of the male performers I had sex with in those scenes and everyone treated me with the upmost respect. I was given the option to use condoms and have sex in any way that I wanted. In a way, the all-female team made it feel like the male performers were there as much for my pleasure as I was there to help create a quality scene that would make them money. But the nature of the situation, meeting someone minutes before having sex with them left me reluctant to do scenes like that again…and I haven’t. I knew I got lucky there, that it wouldn’t always be like that with other producers. There was a risk of getting into uncomfortable situations working FOR other people and I just didn’t need to do it. Being in control of my own scenes and deciding who I had sex with was plenty profitable and better suited to my control-freak personality.
At The English Mansion it was always a collaboration. It is a true FemDom environment and all males were given to me to use as I pleased, or not, which is why I’ve filmed so much with them over the years. That is not how it is on many mainstream porn sets, so I’ve heard.
My hat off to the porn stars who have found a way to make doing porn in the mainstream work for them in the long term. I know there’s a big difference in how various companies film and it’s hard to tell as the viewer what’s good acting by a gal who’s actually into rough sex (and treated with respect off camera) versus a gal that’s been pressured into a painful, humiliating sex act because she needs the money or worse: the type of scene wasn’t actually clearly explained beforehand (in other words, if she was manipulated into a situation that would leave her traumatized).
I don’t know what advice to give you if you’re into that kind of porn? Maybe spend your money on established porn performers who seem to have their shit together? Ones who are most likely ‘acting’ and not actually doing something they don’t want to do? If anyone has tips for ethical porn consumption (for mainstream stuff) please comment below. I’d like to know.
Chances are most of you reading this are into the type of porn I produce, where women are in control. That’s good. I have surrounded myself with women who run their own businesses and call all the shots (Alexandra Snow, Ceara Lynch, Princess Meggerz, Lexi Sindel, Sidonia Von Bork, Nikki Whiplash etc.) None of whom are exploited. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting women who are doing other types of adult work but have not encountered the types of girls featured in the documentary “Hot Girls Wanted”. I guess there’s a lot I don’t know about the porn industry. If you want to be a little more informed, I recommend you watch it. Or not, If you’re easily upset by women being misused, cuz there’s enough of that in this documentary to make ya squirm.