I know some of you are expecting a post about my recent trip to LA. They say patience is a virtue…you’ll have to wait until next week when I get photo’s from Glen at MeanBitches to put in my post. I’ll also make a post soon with pics from my Maui trip, where I am right now.
I received this letter awhile ago and wanted to share it. It’s a thank you letter from a fan who I created a custom vid for. You can skip past the first paragraph where he basically just says how great it was…it gets a lot more interesting. It’s a bit of insight into the minds of those who are into alternative or unusual fetishes.
I’m often asked ‘why’ a guy would want to jerk off to a vid of me making fun of his penis size (or of me threatening to crush him under my giant foot…or of me pretending to be his cheating wife fucking another man…etc. etc.) Every individual has their own story. See below:
Mistress T,
Please do not think that my long delay in replying to you after seeing the custom video you made per my request is an indication of dissatisfaction. On the contrary, the video has had such a powerful effect on me, an extraordinarily personal and positive effect, that I have needed to process my feelings for a few weeks before reaching out to you. It is the best money I have ever spent.
It is incredible. You did an exceptional job–Oscar worthy, as I expected from knowing your work. I joined your site after seeing some of your videos because I knew you would be perfect for my fantasies. The video was extraordinary; exactly what I wanted and more importantly, needed. I am sending you more money as a bonus for the video because of what an exceptional job you did and how pleased I am with your work. You followed my instructions exactly and filled in the empty spaces in my narrative perfectly with your performance. You “got” the character and the theme perfectly.
The video has helped me process my feelings about what happened to me in real life that you role-played in the video; abusive treatment by my mother. I don’t want to be specific about what happened–or use the name of the video–for the sake of privacy. Needless to say, I have had great difficulty in forming romantic and sexual relationships with women in my life, not because of issues about which she abused me, but due to low self-esteem. I’ve had decades of therapy. Despite having some partial validation that the one particularly egregious abusive incident occurred from reading records kept by a professional who treated me as a child when it occurred, the incident and question about what exactly happened has haunted me ever since.
The video fills a great need in my life. My decades of therapy have not rid me of my obsession with the subject of penis size, and I have spent extraordinarily high amounts on phone sex trying to re-enact or talk about the issue and that one event. This video has changed me–positively; I’m more at peace with my past now. It also is something I will have forever for when I feel the need to re-experience the abuse as a coping measure, far superior to a phone conversation.
Your beauty and my extreme lust for you (I so want to fuck you senseless—you have the most perfectly round, sexy rear-end and everything else that drive me mad with desire for you) adds greatly to the experience. That physical dimension along, with the strong psychological dimension involved for me, is a turn-on of another sort that synergistically mixes with the psychological stimulation to create an extreme response in me, pleasurable and all-encompassing. My first view of the video produced the best, most powerful masturbatory orgasm of my life. It was as if decades of mental confusion and sexual tension were ejaculated in one very long orgasm. Indescribable, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. In subsequent viewings, I cannot hold out for the entire video to come–it makes me come several times in short order because it affects me so deeply.
The video has been very helpful for me in being able to open up to my feelings about the event. Your role-play performance is so powerful and dead-on that I feel like I am reliving the experience in a way, allowing me to feel and think things I have suppressed for decades. I had heard from various people, including a former girlfriend who was a psychologist, that really good role-play can be very effective in helping process negative life events. I now know that to be true. Whatever I have gained from my therapy in dealing with the effects of the abuse, being transported back into the situation in the position of being a son with an overpowering mother that I feel when I watch the video produces feelings and thoughts that therapy has not been able to draw out of me. Nor has phone sex been able to provoke strongly the powerful emotions and thoughts. The combination of seeing, hearing, desiring, and being talked to as I was talked to in the incident allows me to feel the pain so that I can process it in a safe, non-threatening environment.
So, thank you very, very much. Your performance has changed me, improved my psychological relationship to this difficult event, lessening the pain I feel. I can process the real event more easily psychologically given the ability to lose myself in the fantasy for some of the negative rumination I endure sometimes resulting from what happened to me. I now have a great, very intense multi-sensory outlet for exorcising some of those demons, when I need it, thanks to you. I will benefit from having this video as a way to deal with those extremely difficult feelings and thoughts for the rest of my life.
I expected a great job by you, but the results far exceed my hopes and expectations. Wow.
Thank you.
A “fan for life and satsified customer”
Mum's Boy Needs Discipline!Don't make Mama angry!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. As a female submissive with old-fashioned views, I am/was one of those ignorant as to why a male would subject themselves to the potential pain and humiliation of a superior female. This always contradicted the theories in my head: men traditionally seen to adopt the dominant role and females the other. But I do realise this is 2011 and such rigid roles – in every part of society – no longer exist, and from my experience by who I have met (non statistical, so feel free to correct me), men tend to take the bottom role rather than Top.
I feel the post touched on whether BDSM and other fetishes are brought on by nature or nurture: genetics or external stimuli and environments which we are subconsciously subjected to. Such theories are always great to think about and consider.
From my prospective, I feel it is a bit of both. My mother brought me up as a single parent but I was always aware of that my own father domestically abused her: I found and read court reports over and over from as young as 8/9 years old and from then I was untrusting of all men: my mother’s future partners, school teachers etc. Such ‘daddy’ issues caused me to think that my father being abusive was normal – and I actively searched for that: fantasising over the violence I read about in those court reports. And then I found BDSM in pornography (hurrah, the light!) And a mix of circumstances then allowed me to be able to construct those confusions into positive actions: realising that men are not a foreign species, that domestically violent men are weak and that BDSM is empowering for both opposing poles. And, yes, it can very therapeutic: like what this post focuses on, like me being able to forgive my dad.
For what I have experienced to date I should probably thank my father for being such a twat, as it has all be positive! And I cannot wait for what the future holds.
Thank you for sharing the post. I am ignorant no more!
Thank you for sharing your story. If you feel like expanding on your story and have me make it into a blog post to help & inform others please email me at: MsT@MistressT.net
Mistress T, thanks for your professionalism in how you’ve handled our communication about the video request, in sharing my comments above as done to help maintain my privacy, and for taking me and this seriously. I appreciate your comments and those of masochisticteen.
My therapist wants to see the video after hearing me talk about how important it has been for me, and I think having a vivid, intense “movie” of what happened to me–embellished by the fantasy elements incorporated in the clip that my mind has developed over the years (which help reveal how I’ve been affected by the real events)–will help him understand my issues better by seeing a multisensory, multidimensional enactment of the central event. This rather than just hearing the simple verbal narrative–as they tell writers and moviemakers, “show, don’t tell”–that he’s heard from me. This is where your perfect performance as the mother will be very important in helping portray how I was treated in terms of her tone, attitude, non-verbal communication, facial expressions, etc. and will be particularly helpful for me moving forward.
I, of course, would like to do this scene in person which I’ll address further with you in private. It’s therapeutic, but it’s also an enjoyable, huge turn-on for me.
Thanks again.
Nice to hear from you again. I am interested in hearing about the experience of showing the vid with your therapist. I’m happy to discuss the possibility of doing this scene in person.
Pingback: Domme DAILY FEMDOM BDSM FINDOM
What clip is this? Is it on your studio?
The guy who wrote the thank you letter requested I not post that information on my blog.