I usually avoid writing generalized “how-to” guides because although some things are universal I feel that every Domme/sub relationship should be customized.
What follows here is only my opinion. I do not speak for all Professional Dominants/online Dommes, regular life non-pro Dommes, etc.
I’ve long said that what I value most in a submissive man is good manners. To be honest, I value good manners in every person. It goes beyond just being Canadian with politeness bred into my bones. It’s not necessarily the formality of proper manners that you often get with the British (which I find delightful), it can be more casual & friendly…but the heart of it is consideration & thoughtfulness. A good submissive simply THINKS of the Dominant’s needs or wants BEFORE his own, every time.
At the risk of over-simplifying it, it really can be that simple. Just putting the Dommes needs before his own.
Taking a slightly different angle, think of it as being cared for. If you are a good submissive you ‘care’ about how your Domme feels. You care that she is happy, content, etc. You get pleasure from knowing you have made her happy. In a similar way as you would feel if you were caring for a sick person, a young person, someone who needs your help, a pet, a wounded animal, etc. If you helped someone change a tire, you would feel good. If you helped an old lady bring heavy groceries up a set of stairs to her apartment, you would feel good. If you saved a puppy that was just about to fall off a balcony, you would feel good. You get the point. The chemicals that are released which produce the emotions that make you feel good are basically the same.
So in a way, serving well is somewhat self-serving. But if you didn’t like the way it made you feel to be a good submissive than you probably wouldn’t be into that, right?
This is at the heart of submission.
Now, there is another side to ‘submission’ that sadly, if more prevalent. The so-called slave who just wants a woman to act as a puppet to fulfill his fantasies. He wants her to do specific sex acts, like piss on him, fuck him in the ass, put him in chastity, kick him in the balls, spank him, cross dress him, make him suck cock, etc. etc. It’s perfectly fine to hire a Professional Dominatrix to perform those services but understand that you are not submitting to fulfill the desires of your Mistress. It’s a different thing.
Many just have a fetish & aren’t necessarily interested in submission. They just like feet, or pantyhose, etc. and that’s fine. But one should always be a gentleman.
In my case, it is possible to hire me to fulfill your fantasy of submission, you can request certain activities, let me know what your boundaries (hard limits) are…and that’s all well & good. No judgement there. It’s how Pro Domming usually works. With structure. But consider the depth & sincerity of your experience. Consider a slight shift in your thinking. Instead of thinking only about the services you want performed, think about how you can best behave to please your Mistress. Find out what she enjoys & try it, even if it’s not top of your list, just to experience the feeling of sacrificing a little to give someone else pleasure.
Personally, I like a strong submissive. A man who is a gentleman. Not a weakling that I can bully & push around, but a man who gracefully chooses to submit to me. I like a slave who has self respect & whom I can respect.
I don’t have a lot of rules to be universally followed. It’s more of a philosophy. If you come from the right spirit than it will be received as such. That is the base from which everything else is built.
Best,
Mistress T
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