Questions for a university psychology course.

Posted on September 25, 2015 by Mistress T

A psychologist has asked me questions for a university course he’s teaching. I thought some of my fans might be interested in the answers so am making a blog post out of it.

Questions:
1. How do you see domination fitting into normal human sexuality?

There is a wide spectrum of Domination in sexuality, from a subtle power exchange of one person initiating or being on top in a sexual position, to light bondage, role play, or harder impact play, spanking, paddling, etc. The specific activities aside, I think people often experience at least a subtle sense of being more submissive or more Dominant in a sexual encounter. That can be thrilling. To either be pursued & ‘taken’ enthusiastically or to be the one with more control in the situation. The spirit of that can make sex more exciting, even if in your own head you feel it without telling the other person, to use your imagination & pretend you are submitting or Dominating. For example, without thinking of “Domination” I’m sure a lot of women enjoy being on the bottom in the missionary position, which is in a sense, a submissive position.
2. What about you makes you popular with the men who are your fans? Are these things common to or possible in all dominant people (or people being dominant), or are they particular to you?

For me specifically there is a confidence that my fans seem to be drawn to. Confidence seems to go hand in hand with Dominance so I feel that quality is common in most or all Dominant people. I’d like to say that being perceptive/empathetic & intelligent are also valued by my fans but wouldn’t say those things are necessarily common to all Dominant people. Human sexuality is complex. Dominant people are just people who enjoy being in control. There are as many different types of Dominant people as there are fans or submissives with different tastes & interests.
3. How is what you do healthy for a person’s sexuality – yours or the sexuality of the fans?

This is a highly individual answer but I’ll answer with some examples. Some of my fans have secret fetishes that they do not feel comfortable sharing with their wives. Maybe they like to dress up in women’s lingerie or they have a foot fetish. Maybe their fetish developed after they were married and their wife just wouldn’t be understanding about it. Maybe they don’t even have sex anymore so she especially wouldn’t be interested in indulging his sexual interest. By watching my vids he gets an outlet. He gets to indulge in his fetish without cheating on his wife, or asking her to do something she’s not comfortable with. Maybe he doesn’t get to play out his fantasies exactly as he’d like to but he at least gets to let the pressure off. Have a little harmless fun.

Another example: Some of my fans are in control at work & home. The have a lot of responsibility/pressure/stress. Someone else being in control for even a few minutes is like a weight being lifted off of them. A mini-mental vacation. They can watch a 10 minute “masturbation instruction” vid where I tell them to stroke & ejaculate on command, maybe with a count down, like it’s a game and they are happy to just take orders from someone else for a little while. To escape their normal lives. After that they are refreshed, more relaxed & able to return to their normal lives a little lighter. It helps them be better boss’s, better parents, husbands, etc.

Yet another example: Sometimes my vids help men to be better lovers. Men with premature ejaculation issues can learn orgasm control through my vids.
4. Is there a line that you see where domination crosses into something unhealthy? If so, how would you describe where this could become unhealthy?

In extreme situations Domination could be associated with non-consensual sex, verbal or physical abuse/violence. There are people with mental health issues who Dominate in unhealthy ways…but mentally healthy people who enjoy incorporating Dom/sub play into their sex life usually have no desire to harm their partners beyond their limits. It’s important to learn to play safely, to respect boundaries, etc. The vast majority of people who engage in mild to wild Domination play do so in a healthy way, whether solo (masturbating to vids) or with partners. Even porn addiction isn’t that different from Netflix binging, Facebook or other social media addiction, video games, etc. Sexual pleasure is healthy, mentally & physically. However you find that pleasure among consenting adults is ALL GOOD.

(A side note about porn addiction: In mainstream porn young men can get the wrong idea about what real sex is like & essentially ‘train’ themselves to only be able to get hard & cum from this kind of stimulation. I don’t feel like Domination porn quite has the same effect but it’s possible that if a young man only ever masturbated to porn of women Dominating men he may have a difficult time adjusting to real life sex with a woman who is not Dominant. This would be more of an extreme situation. Ideally, watching porn would expose a person to a variety of scenarios & actually educate them, stimulate their creativity & help them to feel more comfortable with their sexuality.)
5. Is domination something that is consistent with your general personality (as your friends and loved ones in life have known you), or is it very different from the way you are in life on a day-to-day basis?

Mistress T is a persona…but is certainly close to who I am off screen. I have always been a naturally confident, self-assured person who likes to be in control. Not to the point of arrogance, bullying or an inability to allow someone else to take the lead. Day-to-day I am pretty relaxed & goofy.
6. Do you think that domination (or submission) is something that every person should try out, or is it an interest that only some people would probably have an interest in?

I think every person who feels like trying it, should. That doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Most people, if they were very honest, would know instinctively whether they feel drawn to or curious about Dominating or submitting. Some simply have no interest & that’s fine. As I said before, human sexuality is very complex. If every person you know could anonymously let you know what their sexual fantasies are I bet you would be hard pressed to figure out what ‘normal’ is. There is no so such thing. If we all wore t-shirts with our sexual fantasies written on them it would not be long before we all became more accepting & less shocked but what we think is ‘taboo’ or abnormal.
7. We have a wide range of students with a wide range of belief systems, from atheist to conservative Christian. Do you have a message to share with university students who are strongly Christian that may help them to approach, learn, and think about domination instead of just throwing it out and labeling it as immoral or wrong?

Do Christians think that Domination is immoral or wrong? Gosh, I didn’t realize. Do you mean they think God will judge them & they won’t get into heaven? I suppose if someone thinks sex is only for reproduction & not enjoyment then anything like this is going to be too far of a leap. Sorry, otherwise I just don’t quite understand how religion plays into this? I realize my moral compass might be a little fluid after all the years of depravity I’ve engaged in…but my opinion is that what happens between consenting adults in privacy is their business. If it feels good, do it. The world needs happy people & sexually satisfied people tend to be less stressed & in a better position to do Gods work/helping your fellow man, etc.

Satan is RIGHT behind me…isn’t he?! He’s already stolen my nose, I can feel it! So why am I still smiling?

A note about Domination & sexuality. The book & movie 50 Shades of Grey started a lot of discussions about Domination. Those who are informed on Domination often criticize it for portraying things incorrectly. Some consider the scenario’s to be closer to abuse than safe, consensual Domination. Criticism aside it did put a spotlight on the undeniable fact that many people, especially women are curious or interested in Domination, kinky sex, BDSM, bondage, fetishes, role-play, etc. The internet has opened up the world of kink to those who may not have had access to information before. People are curious, they are asking questions, exploring & becoming more accepting. Those who judge & condemn other people for their sexual preferences are rightfully becoming the endangered species. Each of us has to live our own lives & we owe it to our 80 year old future selves to make the best of the years and not saddle ourselves with “what if’s”, “should have’s” & regrets. Be true to yourself.

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
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Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

Meeting fans in real life.

Posted on September 17, 2015 by Mistress T

“Tell me more…”

I was recently contacted by a fan who had been reading my blog for years & wanted to meet me in person but not for a session, just to talk. He valued my time so offered a respectable tribute. I love meeting fans in this way. I often use them as “muses” when filming vids as they usually represent the typical guy who watches my vids.

I arrived at the cafe a few minutes early, did a scan for him. I didn’t know what he looked like yet so I was at a slight disadvantage. No one seemed to get an instant boner or looked flushed so I got my tea & sat down. He approached me a moment later, shy but with a friendly face. It put me at ease.

We made small talk and I soon discovered that he had lived an interesting life as a real cuckold. His story fascinated me. He had met his wife in university & knew of her reputation for being promiscuous & cheating on her boyfriends. That didn’t deter him, it actually attracted him to her. He didn’t struggle with it even at a young age. He accepted that as a part of his sexuality.

He was turned on thinking about her being with other men…lots of other men…

They dated and quickly fell into a serious relationship. In many ways they had a normal, happy relationship. They even had a decent sex life but he knew she had a wild side & suspected she was straying. Eventually she stopped even attempting to keep her dalliances a secret as he never made a fuss about things she was sloppy about covering up. Their communication got better & she would tell him about her affairs, sharing details, even include him in different ways. He loved going down on her & occasionally having intercourse with her after she had been with someone else.

She developed a taste for black men & had a several black lovers. Eventually there was less & less intercourse between she & her cuckolded husband but their relationship was still good. The cuckolding was hot for both of them. He loved the idea of her getting satisfied by black men and developed a ‘fetish’ for black bulls along with her.

Black bulls & cuckolding go together like peas & carrots…

I know. This all sounds cliche & made up. He could have been lying to me but I believed him. I cross examined him & dug for more details. How he felt about this or that, etc. He simply gave me the facts.

This relationship lasted for quite a few years & eventually their marriage ended but he assured me that the reasons for divorce had nothing to do with the cuckolding part of their life.

I asked him what he was looking for from me and he replied that he wasn’t sure. He had taken a break from porn, sex & all fetish activities after the divorce for quite awhile. He had only been reading my blog. He felt connected to me in a cerebral way & simply wanted to connect with me in real life, with no expectations or plans. Just a chat. Just for the heck of it. When I asked how he felt about me writing about him in my blog he said he would find it thrilling. So here it is. What will happen next?

On the topic of meeting fans in real life I recently met with another fan & our encounter was interesting in a whole different way. He & I had done a cam session first. He was into humiliation so I verbally humiliated him while he did humiliating things like dressing up in women’s cloths, sucked a dildo, etc. He excitedly explained what a loser he was trying to get me to laugh at him. The laughing was what turned him on. He explained that he was still a virgin in his mid 20’s, that he fantasized about sucking cock all the time, etc.

Cam session antics…

The cam session went so well he requested a private session. I suggested we go for a bite to eat first to get acquainted in person. Over breakfast things took an unexpected turn. As he shared more & more details about his pathetic life I saw that this went beyond fantasy. This guy really needed to make some serious changes. That he was on a downward trajectory and I just couldn’t be a part of that.

I made it clear that his fetish for being humiliated was perfectly fine within the parameters of a fantasy but that outside of that he needed to not be a loser. I won’t go into details on specifically what changes I advised him to make but broadly they were pertaining to physical health as well as emotional health. Our meeting was a real boner-killer for him. He cried at one point. But not in the hot, humiliating way. The way you cry when you’re touched by someone’s kindness. Pretty much the last thing he expected or wanted to pay for but for christ sake, I have a conscience. I couldn’t take his money when I felt like I could make a positive difference in his life. He has written since that he is implementing some of the changes I recommended & he’s grateful for my help. Time will tell. I plan to keep tabs on him as I’m curious to see if I really did help or not.

A lot of people have fantasies & fetishes that they explore & play with in a healthy way. You can be a groveling, boot licking, piss drinking, cock sucking sissy bitch and ALSO be a strong, balanced, healthy, person with high self esteem. You don’t have to be a fucking loser 24/7. You don’t have to choose one or the other. Have your damn cake & eat it too.

Which brings me full circle to the first guy in this blog post. He had balanced a very normal & healthy life with his kink. Sure, he admitted he had had periods of slight obsession, where he indulged a little too heavily in cuckolding porn, no one is perfect…but he was otherwise very self-aware, emotionally healthy & “normal”.

Take care of yourselves, eh.

Cheers,

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
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Did I anticipate the perceptions?

Posted on September 7, 2015 by Mistress T

How am I perceived?

I was lovingly asked recently: “How did you expect to be perceived by people before you got into this business?”. He asked the question because I often mention my frustration with stigma & judgement. How there are times when I lie about what I do to avoid that judgement, etc.

I thought about it for a moment before responding with the cliche statements of: “I didn’t really choose this work, it kind of chose me, so there wasn’t a lot of advance thought about other people’s perceptions.” Which is only partly true because my path to this work was not a straight line.

I first chose to moonlight from my vanilla job & sell tequila shooters naked on a hippie beach. I was not judged there, I was celebrated, supported & loved.

I was comfortable in my own skin…on a nude beach I felt at home.

I then chose to try stripping but I was certainly aware of the stigmas attached to that profession. I wore a disguise, kept it secret & only did it briefly before going back to vanilla work again. I loved being a private dancer in a strip club. I did no-contact private dancing (so not lap dancing) & my sales experience helped me to be an effective hustler, selling guys dances. It was profitable & I was good at it but I felt like I was “too good” for it. Even I judged me!

I eventually went back to stripping after being miserable in my vanilla job. That led to creating my version of a voyeur show or peep show at home. Guys would come over & pay me to masturbate & talk dirty while they jerked off sitting on a chair by the bed, no touching allowed.

I loved the exhibitionism, the naughtiness & of course, the money. But I didn’t like the stigma. There wasn’t much difference between what I was doing & full-on escorting. I just wasn’t actually having intercourse or oral/manual sex…but it was similar enough I didn’t tell just anyone & when I did I was careful to make the distinction between what I was doing & “full service” prostitution. I magnified that fine line.

So during those career decisions, yes, I was fully aware of what people’s perception would be. But I was running from misery working in the vanilla world, office politics, the soul-sucking or mind-numbing reality of working for boring or stupid people & climbing the corporate ladder. I was a corporate whore in the vanilla world.

Climbing the corporate ladder was a soul-sucking experience for me.

Then Pro Domme work found me. I didn’t set out to be a Dominatrix. Certain clients saw it in me & requested kink & fetish activities. I indulged & eventually I started to get positively reviewed on forums as a Dominatrix & I grew into the role. Video work found me soon after. The rest is history. (That’s the Readers Digest version for this blog post, if you’ve read my blog from the beginning you know the long version of the story.)

In the beginning…I hid my face in my ads.

If I had a thought in the early days it was that being a Dominatrix was more respectable than being a stripper or prostitute. It was cooler, intimidating , edgier. I felt bad ass. Nearly 10 years later I laugh at the “baby Domme” version of me. I have seen this ego trip many times with new Dommes. Every day I see different women in the adult business snubbing their nose at women who do different types of adult work. I’ve heard:

“I only do cam work, so I’m better than those dirty sluts who actually meet & touch those gross guys.”

and/or:

“I’m a REAL Dominatrix who does real time sessions so I’m better than those fake girls who only do cam.”

I could go on & on, cam girls snub porn girls, escorts snub Dominatrix’s, stage dancers snub private dancers, phone sex girls snub cam girls, rub n’ tug girls snub escorts, Pro Dommes who don’t get naked snub those who do, etc. There’s a lot of support & camaraderie in the adult industry but there’s a fair share of cattiness too. A certain amount of stigma & judgement within our own industry!

I love what I do. Truly. Although I feel like this work found me I did make many small & big decisions before & since to put me on & keep me on this path. I haven’t loved the stigma. I’ve been evicted once (before I understood what my rights are) & had neighbors in another place attempt to get me evicted. I’ve had guys choose to not get into a relationship with me because of what I do. There’s certainly been a fair bit of whispering & gossip behind my back.

I have a lot of fun “at work”.

At the end of the day we live our lives for ourselves. We make decisions that serve us. If you try to please other people all the time you will fail.

All jobs have good & bad. I happen to have a job that I truly love but other people sometimes judge me for doing. A lot of people with “respectable” jobs hate going to work every day. If I could go back 15 years & tell my younger self working in vanilla jobs I hated anything it would be to fearlessly go in the direction that instinctively felt right for me & ignore other people’s opinions.

That’s that advice I give myself every day now.

Cheers,

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

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Monthly Archives: September 2015

Questions for a university psychology course.

Meeting fans in real life.

Did I anticipate the perceptions?