So I’m dabbling in ‘dating’ these days. I’ve been single for just over a year & decided a month or so ago that I’d like a more significant relationship. More significant than the casual fuck buddies I’ve had & still have, bless them.
I went on a date this evening with a guy who didn’t know about my ‘Mistress T’ persona so I just had to take advantage of the opportunity to write about the experience…without having to censor anything to save his feelings. What freedom!
We met last week at a bar where I was out with girlfriends trolling for men. He invited me out for bowling which I thought was original.
I didn’t go into it with loads of optimism. He was cute but very short. Sexually, I have no issue with short men as I am barely 5 feet tall myself…but like myself, short people tend to have ‘small dog syndrome’. We can kind of have attitude problems. Like we’re always trying to prove we can’t be pushed around. We tend to over-compensate.
I was right in this case too, by the way.
He was competitive and didn’t react well when I kicked his ass in bowling. It was just luck really. Maybe I should have just let him win? Nah.
Then he wanted to show me this cool artsy place/wine bar with art by local artists and canvases in the back where people could create their own art. It was a cool place and the concept was great, but the art was atrocious. I know, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder, or something like that. You say potato, I say “that looks like a 5 year old puked on canvas”.
I can be a judgmental prick sometimes.
I told him about the portrait Drew Young recently did of me and showed him the image on my semi-smart phone (it’s only an android…I’ll get another iPhone on the next release, it’s a long story. Anyway, I digress.)
He seemed blown away by the portrait and told me that he loved me and tried to kiss me. I turned my cheek so he couldn’t kiss me on the mouth. Awkward. Right? Yikes. And he wasn’t even drunk.
A black guy he knew came up to us to say hi and I thought to myself, in this order:
“Holy shit, it’s a black guy in Vancouver. That’s rare.”
“I wonder how big his dick is?”
“I wonder if he has black friends, or if he knows where I can find more black guys.”
The black guy told me I was beautiful, right in front of my date! Ballsy. Due to circumstances that was as far as that went but it was fun while it lasted.
It was very freeing spending time with someone who didn’t know what I did for a living. He was okay not knowing, he liked the mystery and felt he would figure it out as he got to know me better, like a game. He got as far as guessing it had something to do with marketing or promotions and that I probably work for myself.
As cute as that sounds, that, along with a handful of other things made me conclude that he really just wanted to fuck me anyway. It didn’t matter what I did for a living because he didn’t consider me a potential partner. Maybe because he was Persian, maybe something else. I didn’t care because I wasn’t interested in fucking him or dating him again.
He tried several times to kiss me & get close. He got my cheek every time. I told him I found him sexually assertive. He said he was a romantic. I said he just wanted to fuck me. He didn’t deny it. I asked him if he had a big cock (I was just toying with him at this point), he replied that I must know he doesn’t, I knew what size bowling shoes he wore….but he had hands & a mouth. I smiled politely and thought if that’s all I cared about I’d be a lesbian.
After all that he still thought he would see me again. I had given him no reason to think that we would go on another date but I didn’t have the heart to say it point-blank to his face. So I predict I’ll either dodge a few texts or reply to future invites with a ‘no thank you, not feelin’ it.’
On my way home I stopped into The Penthouse strip club to visit my gal pal and resident DJ: Samantha Mack (my-oh-my she sounds great on a mic). I also got the hands-on action I really wanted: an amazing neck & shoulder massage from the skilled Penthouse massage girl: Trish.
It was an interesting night. Did I get any closer to finding a significant other? No, but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take….ya gotta kiss allota frogs…etc.