For today’s un-sexy but intimate blog post I answer a recent question from a fan (& the frequent question of “Does your family know what you do?”):
“Since you have spoken a bit about your personal life, I just wondered how a mistress is perceived in her immediate family ? How do parents, cousins, siblings, neighbors look at you? Is there awe/fear/bemusement/curiosity/disgust/quiet acceptance?
At family functions are you a celebrity or is there finger pointing. Sorry if i am intrusive but i have always wondered how normal is life for you outside the lifestyle. Sometimes i wonder how my mom or close family would react if i told her/the that i had paid a woman to be able to drink her pee. Wonder how your mom reacted the first time you told her you humiliated a strange man into similar deeds. Just curious since you are a larger than life FemDom celebrity.”
From my person interaction with women in the adult industry I would say that everyone has their own story. So I won’t speak in generalities I will simply answer for me.
My family has some idea of what I do. Most of them don’t understand exactly what I do, they haven’t seen my website & I don’t spell out specific graphic details, but they know it has something to do with sex/porn/being a Dominatrix. Most of them aren’t interested in knowing more. They don’t ask a lot of questions, in some cases because it would just be awkward for them, in other cases because they have too much respect for me to do anything that might make me uncomfortable.
“Respect”? Does that surprise some of you? It’s all about perspective. My family doesn’t see a harlot when they look at me, they see the grown up version of a good girl with a bit of a wild side. They see a woman in her late 30’s who looks great, who has never had a substance abuse problem, never had a gambling problem, never been in an abusive relationship, hasn’t had an unwanted pregnancy, hasn’t been in trouble with the law, has never asked them for money, etc. They see an adult woman who has traveled the world, who is financially secure, who is happy, healthy & living her life on her terms.
In their words: “How can we find fault in how you decide to lead your life?” They respect me & my personal choices.
My family doesn’t see ‘my job’ when they look at me. They ask questions about my travels, about my life in Vancouver…they ask about my love life, they ask if I want kids, etc. They don’t treat me like a celebrity because frankly, the idea of me being a celebrity wouldn’t have occurred to them. They probably don’t even know there are ‘celebrities’ in the kind of work I do.
In other circles though I am sometimes uncomfortably treated as a celebrity. At some fetish functions or meeting people in the kink community. I quickly try to get people to see me as a regular person (with an unusual job). I try to put people at ease if they seem intimidated or in awe of me. I’m really uncomfortable with that in regular social situations. It can happen if someone else has built me up, told them “Mistress T” will be here, “she’s a famous fetish porn star” or if it’s a guy who has run across my vids on the internet & can’t believe he’s meeting me in the flesh. Argh.
In normal social situations I’m goofy, funny, an active listener, curious about other people, empathetic…the last thing I want is to be put on a pedestal or pseudo stage and asked a thousand questions about my work. I prefer to listen than talk about myself.
As for this part of the question: “Sometimes i wonder how my mom or close family would react if i told her/the that i had paid a woman to be able to drink her pee.”
Your family probably doesn’t want to know if you’ve paid a woman to do anything sexual to you. They probably don’t want you to know what they do sexually in private either. Neither of you care to know the graphic details of each others sex lives.
Privacy is becoming a luxury from the past. The internet is changing this & as more people are accidentally exposed people are realizing that there are more people into ‘weird’ things than ‘normal’. Society is becoming less judgmental & more accepting. But most people, especially family members, are learning information they would rather just not know.
Feel free to ask other questions in the comments area & I’ll address them.