Good from bad.

Life can be complicated sometimes, can’t it? Things are usually not all bad or all good. We can feel a range of emotions & even opposite feelings at the same time.

I was recently in Thailand, doing yoga, writing, taking a break from work and enjoying the heat. I had just traveled from one island to another to take a scuba diving course when I received a message about a death in my family in Nova Scotia.

It was evening. I had just arrived by ferry on a tiny island in Southern Thailand with a small bag, enough for a few days. The rest of my stuff was with my boyfriend on another island. I sat there reading the message, in shock, needing to suddenly be somewhere very far away and being powerless to get there. Someone very dear to me needed me, someone who would be very traumatized by this death.

I eventually gathered myself, spoke with family members and booked onward travel for the next morning, with a great deal of difficulty and expense. I would go straight from there with my flip flops and summer dresses, travel for a couple of days to get to snowy Nova Scotia. I didn’t know when I would see my boyfriend again and we’d been joined at the hip for months. It was a long, lonely journey.

Death is something that happens to all of us. It’s what surrounds it, the details or sorting things out afterward, the adjustment of life without that person that sometimes we don’t expect to be so difficult.

I said at the beginning that things are not all bad. In this case I have spent a couple wonderful weeks connecting with family in so many ways. It has been very emotional, mostly good. Pretty much all good actually. Who knew so much joy could come from death? It’s difficult to fully explain without giving away too many private family details but I’ll say that as a result of this death some of us have come together and connected deeply like never before. I’m very sad to be leaving soon to go back to Vancouver but excited to be reunited with my boyfriend (who is coming home early from Thailand too) and other friends. This is the reality for many people who decide to move away from their family. Over time you have one life in one place with people that you love and also in another. Always feeling torn between being happy where you are and longing for somewhere else.

So it goes.

I’ll be back in Vancouver soon but I have no plans to get back to work any time soon. (So requests for webcam, custom vids, sessions, film slave applications, etc. will continue to be deferred until April). I plan to write and do yoga as I was doing in Thailand but from home. A ‘staycation’. (Is that how you spell that?) I’ll take time to be kind to myself. I’ve already booked a day at the spa shortly after my return, using a gift certificate from a thoughtful fan. These selfless gifts from fans mean a lot. It makes me feel that some of you see me as a real person and not just an object.

Many of you left very sweet comments on my Twitter page when I tweeted about the death in my family and I saw the evidence of your support in my video sales that day. It’s not about the money really, it’s about proof that my fans care enough to buy a vid as a way of signalling they’re thinking of me. Thank you.

To anyone going through a hard time right now I invite you to look for the good and be grateful. Things are never all bad, there is always something to be grateful for.


Mistress T

Who am I to you?


I’ve had a lot of time to think here in Thailand. I basically just do yoga, eat, sleep, write and do a few other fun things. It’s the longest I’ve gone without filming or editing. I have an auto-responder on my email so I just check it occasionally for anything urgent that my auto-response doesn’t address.

My life is usually about 70% Mistress T. (Anyone who runs their own business will understand) Right now it’s about 10% Mistress T.

I haven’t told a single person in a month what I do for work. I realized last night when I met someone new and told the white lie of being a video editor. I haven’t had to explain what my bizarre job is or lie about it in weeks. People here are less about ‘what do you  do back home?’ and more about ‘what are you doing here right now?’.

It’s interesting to me that to thousands of men I am just Mistress T. That they only see me as the cruel cuckoldress, the holder of chastity keys, the ass-fucker, the woman who makes men suck cock, the kinky MILF, the strict Dominatrix, the ball-buster, the one who controls orgasms, makes men submit…that to some men I am only Mistress T.

I see you. The jerker-offer. I see you eating your own cum. I see you sticking toys in your ass watching my vids, imagining it’s my strap-on. I see you following my instructions and cumming on command. I see you and I know that is not all that you are. I know that after you cum you might have to get back to work, back to your wife, back to your sick mother, back to your favourite video game or TV show. I know that some of you are lonely and some of you are extremely busy. Some of you wrestle with religion and your desires. Some of you are sneaking around behind your wife’s back, some of you are watching my vids with your girlfriends. I know you have opinions and feelings.

I know that some of you want me to call you a worthless fucktard in one moment and then after you cum wish someone would tell you that you have worth and that you are loved.

I know that you are multi-dimensional. That you are complicated, sometimes contradictory.

I fulfill fantasies. I am a fantasy. Mistress T is a part of me but it’s not all of me and it’s dangerous to allow my fans to objectify me into that tiny box. By letting you see me, by making you really see me, I am hopefully fighting the objectification of all women. If I make a guy think: “Oh wow, Mistress T is actually a real person, she’s the kind of person that friends come to for support when they get their hearts broken, some of her peers call her Mistress Goofball because she’s so silly and loves to tell bad jokes, she was really socially awkward and lonely as a kid, she’s passionate about animal welfare and the environment so she’s mostly vegetarian, she loves cat vids and hates cucumbers…” Maybe the next time they see a hot woman in public or a woman in another porn video they’ll see past the tits & ass to the human beneath. The person who has loved, been loved, been hurt, who has fears, passions, problems and triumphs.

I’m not trying to stop you from having your indulgences. When your dick is hard what turns you on turns you on. It’s how you’re hard wired. But when you’ve blown your load take a moment to honour the Goddess who just helped you get your rocks off, whether it’s in person, in vid or your imagination. Whether it’s me or someone else. Take a moment to consider that they have a life beyond your fantasy, just like you. Respect.

Mistress T