Good from bad.

Life can be complicated sometimes, can’t it? Things are usually not all bad or all good. We can feel a range of emotions & even opposite feelings at the same time.

I was recently in Thailand, doing yoga, writing, taking a break from work and enjoying the heat. I had just traveled from one island to another to take a scuba diving course when I received a message about a death in my family in Nova Scotia.

It was evening. I had just arrived by ferry on a tiny island in Southern Thailand with a small bag, enough for a few days. The rest of my stuff was with my boyfriend on another island. I sat there reading the message, in shock, needing to suddenly be somewhere very far away and being powerless to get there. Someone very dear to me needed me, someone who would be very traumatized by this death.

I eventually gathered myself, spoke with family members and booked onward travel for the next morning, with a great deal of difficulty and expense. I would go straight from there with my flip flops and summer dresses, travel for a couple of days to get to snowy Nova Scotia. I didn’t know when I would see my boyfriend again and we’d been joined at the hip for months. It was a long, lonely journey.

Death is something that happens to all of us. It’s what surrounds it, the details or sorting things out afterward, the adjustment of life without that person that sometimes we don’t expect to be so difficult.

I said at the beginning that things are not all bad. In this case I have spent a couple wonderful weeks connecting with family in so many ways. It has been very emotional, mostly good. Pretty much all good actually. Who knew so much joy could come from death? It’s difficult to fully explain without giving away too many private family details but I’ll say that as a result of this death some of us have come together and connected deeply like never before. I’m very sad to be leaving soon to go back to Vancouver but excited to be reunited with my boyfriend (who is coming home early from Thailand too) and other friends. This is the reality for many people who decide to move away from their family. Over time you have one life in one place with people that you love and also in another. Always feeling torn between being happy where you are and longing for somewhere else.

So it goes.

I’ll be back in Vancouver soon but I have no plans to get back to work any time soon. (So requests for webcam, custom vids, sessions, film slave applications, etc. will continue to be deferred until April). I plan to write and do yoga as I was doing in Thailand but from home. A ‘staycation’. (Is that how you spell that?) I’ll take time to be kind to myself. I’ve already booked a day at the spa shortly after my return, using a gift certificate from a thoughtful fan. These selfless gifts from fans mean a lot. It makes me feel that some of you see me as a real person and not just an object.

Many of you left very sweet comments on my Twitter page when I tweeted about the death in my family and I saw the evidence of your support in my video sales that day. It’s not about the money really, it’s about proof that my fans care enough to buy a vid as a way of signalling they’re thinking of me. Thank you.

To anyone going through a hard time right now I invite you to look for the good and be grateful. Things are never all bad, there is always something to be grateful for.


Mistress T

Music Appreciation Moment


This is a more personal piece. Not sexy…but this blog is meant for you to get to know me more intimately, so this qualifies.

I had an amazing day. I visited a very dear friend who is fighting for his life. He’s been fighting cancer for years, winning, but it keeps returning. He’s still fighting & is one of the most inspiring people I know.

We laughed. We cried. We enjoyed delicious tea, cookies & cake. We listened to music on his high quality sound system. Big band, the Tragically Hip, 80’s rock ballads. Then I suggested Pink Floyd & he suggested we indulge in some of his morphine for that experience.

(Disclaimer: I am not a regular taker of drugs of any kind. I experimented in my 20’s with party drugs & hippie stuff but in my 30’s I just haven’t been that interested.)

So I sat with my dear friend, holding hands listening to Pink Floyd really loud while floating on a morphine cloud.

He’s been listening to a lot of music lately. He’s also been watching a lot of comedy & spending time with the people he loves. Music, laughter & love being his priorities these days.

I don’t ask a lot of my fans or slaves. I could really be so much more demanding…so I’ll ask each of you to do something for me today (& any time really) but especially today: Play one of your favorite songs as loud as you can & do nothing besides listen to it all the way through. Really listen to it & enjoy it. Savor it. Heck, dancing to it would be fine too. Let’s call it a ‘music appreciation moment’.

Will you do that for me? Will you do that for you? It’s not going to change the world but it’s not going to hurt anything either (unless it pisses off the neighbors for 5 minutes. Oh well.)

Big love,

Mistress T (or in this case, the woman who is also Mistress T)

Members site:


Follow-up to: Must Love Dommes

My previous post about looking for a significant other has set records in traffic for my blog & volume of feedback…in just one day. Based on that, I am adding another blog entry to respond to some questions and to clarify a few points.

#1. I am not desperate or lonely and I haven’t been trying (and failing) to find a partner. I posted that blog entry Friday night on a whim as it only just occurred to me that I’m feeling ready to be in a relationship again. I thought it would be an entertaining story if I did find a partner that way but I didn’t really expect to.

#2. Some think that my criteria is too strict?! Really? Because I want a healthy sex life with a decent partner who more-or-less has his shit together? Or is it that I want a guy who is okay with me sleeping with other people occasionally? Because that part is just about having a more honest relationship than most where one or both people cheat on each other.

#3. It’s really no great surprise that I’m still single. What I do for a living is very difficult for most men to deal with. I’m also a very strong woman who intimidates the shit out of a lot of men. I love what I do and I love who I am, so I’m not going to change either just to increase my chances of finding a partner. Being in a relationship does not define my life. I enjoy my freedom and independence. The right guy would be an bonus in my awesome life, he will not BE my life.

#4. I’m not just looking for sex (this time). For those who expressed surprise that I couldn’t get laid, you read this wrong. Come on. Who would really believe that I couldn’t find sex partners?! ANY woman can get laid whenever she wants. That’s just the way the world works. This is about finding a significant other, not a fuck buddy.

By the way, now that I’ve made this mental step of being open to a relationship I will leave the house more *smile*, be more social, maybe do a little online exploring, etc. We’ll see what happens…and I’ll probably blog about it as long as it doesn’t violate the privacy of anyone else.

There’s no shame in being single & looking. I certainly don’t feel any shame about it! I just ended a four year relationship a year ago. I took a year off, had some great sex, dated casually, almost ended up in a relationship with the wrong guy (because I hadn’t thought enough about what was really important to me)…and here I am. I’m open to something more special…and I’ll probably find it. Despite my shortcomings (no one is perfect), for a sexually adventurous, open-minded, self-assured guy, I’m quite the catch *smile*. As much as I might come across as a cunt in some of my writing, in real life I’m actually a very generous, caring and fun person. I’m a great communicator, I’m drama-free and I’m what most guys consider to be a pretty ‘cool’ girlfriend.

So if my initial blog entry made you feel sorry for me or worry about me: don’t. I’m not crying myself to sleep over here, far from it. A big part of me doesn’t even want my life to change as I’ve finally molded it into just what I wanted…but if an awesome guy comes along, I’ll make room for him.


Mistress T (or the women behind Mistress T, really.)
Members site:

Gone fishin’

Must Love Dommes

I know what you’re thinking: “How is it possible THIS woman is single?!”

Loves long walks on the beach…

Now you’re probably thinking that I have an inflated sense of worth & I would probably be a hand full. I can see you are a quick judge of character. I like that.

As I find myself alone on a Friday night it registers that I am single and although happy, maybe I could be happy AND have some fresh romance in my life. Leaving the house would be a good step but it’s raining, so I’ll write a blog entry and see if I get any interesting nibbles.

If you’re reading this and asking yourself if you might be the right man for me, keep reading carefully to find out.

#1. You must be single and available.

#2. You really should live in Vancouver.

#3. You must have an above average cock that works well. (I’m not a patient lover when it comes to erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.)

#4. You must be in good physical health, this usually means you’re at least fairly fit. I don’t mind if you’re missing a limp or in a wheelchair as long as you’re fit otherwise and your cock works/you can fuck.

#5. No drug addicts, alcoholics, cigarette smokers or gambling addicts.

At this point I’m sure some of you are getting excited thinking that you’re perfect…but don’t email me yet. This is where it starts to get trickier:

#7. You must be financially secure. This doesn’t mean you have to be rich as long as you’re responsible with your money…but no deadbeats. I don’t mind paying my own way but I am not paying for you.

#8. Like a lot of women, I like smart guys who are funny. I like interesting conversation and I like to laugh.

#9. You must be a non-monogamist. You must at least be okay with me having sex with other men…you having sex with other women is optional.¬†Not only that, I will likely film myself having sex with other men and put it on the internet. You being in my vids is optional. I know, this is a non-starter for most men…but if you’re an experienced ‘lifestyle’ person or feel an open relationship makes sense for you, I’m a dream-come-true.

#10. You’ll need to be strong. I find that identifying as sub, Dom or switch doesn’t really make a difference. I am naturally Dominant, independent, strong-willed and a bit of a control freak, but I lose respect for guys who let me walk all over them. Whatever role you play sexually, outside of the bedroom you must be able to hold your own without being a dick about it. I love a man with excellent manners who treats a women with respect. A gentleman can do that without being spineless.

#10 – part 2. Regarding being sub, Dom or switch: I’m sexually adventurous. Forget labels and don’t assume you know how I would be sexually in private or how I would be as a partner day-to-day based on my vids. There’s a lot more to me. Mistress T is only a small part of who I really am.

About me: I’m 36. I love yoga and eating well. I’m in excellent health. I have no children and don’t want to give birth to any. I don’t have pets either. (If you have children or pets that’s fine). I live in Vancouver and although there’s no reason I couldn’t relocate, I don’t really want to. I travel a lot (30-50% of the year). I am an atheist. I have a pretty active social life (except tonight *smile*) and a wonderful circle of close friends who I cherish. Some of those close friends are ex boyfriends and previous lovers. That should tell you that even if things don’t work out between us there’s unlikely to be any drama.

Lastly, if you’re reading my blog you already know what I do for a living. You’ll have to be 100% okay with that because I love what I do. I don’t need to be rescued and I don’t plan on ‘retiring’ until I absolutely can’t do this anymore. I don’t need a business partner so you can either contribute to my business somehow or keep yourself completely separate from it. Makes no difference to me.

Want to meet me for a warm or cold beverage? See if we click? Email me:

Members site:

The face that launched a 1000 ships! Ok, I haven’t launched any ships…

Young & dumb in the BIG city

Shortly after arriving in Vancouver I ‘landed’ what I thought was a good job working in a call center. I had had several sales jobs at that point and I was pretty good. I was aggressive and competitive.

My life story is full of important meetings and it never ceases to amaze me how meeting one person can change so much so quickly.

One day as I was coming into the building with my hands full a man held the door for me…then as we waited for the elevator he overheard me telling a coworker that I had just moved from Nova Scotia. In the elevator he gave me his card and offered to help me in this new city. I thought he was cute so I called and we went for lunch. He immediately started talking about his wife & kids which of course freaked me out since I had just had my heart broken by a married man.

He was all business, explaining that he had a lot of contacts and wanted to help me find better employment. I avoided him for weeks but he was persistent and finally he didn’t pussy foot around, told me that working in a call center was a dead end job & he was offering me a real opportunity. A reception position in a big, growing company that would pay 70% of the cost of night classes to do whatever I wanted. He told me I would be a fool to turn it down. He said that he could see potential in me and he didn’t want to see it wasted. I still suspected he wanted to get into my pants but I went for it anyway.

We remained friends for years and he was never inappropriate with me. He always just helped me with my career. 10 years later I ran into his best friend and in an intoxicated ramble he told me that I was blind to not see how much his friend has always been in love with me but would never cheat on his wife…that all of it, the jobs, the help, was just to keep me close to him. I was shocked.

The job, by the way, took me on a path that wasn’t right for me but I tried. I tried to be a good girl. I went to night school for sales, marketing and public relations while working in a big, conservative office by day. I went from reception to marketing and then moved around to a few other companies in sales. I always did very well, but I always hated it. I felt like I was doing what my parents would want me to do. I was climbing the corporate ladder.

Being very untrue to myself I also found myself in a relationship with a very nice man who wanted to marry me and start a family. We had picked out the engagement ring when out of the blue, the married guy who broke my heart called. He tracked me down. He was coming to Vancouver on business and wanted to go for dinner. I went and it was only dinner, although it was difficult to not go back to his hotel room. I still felt the same and so did he. It was gut-wrenching. He was very unhappily married but would stay for the child.

Two weeks later I had moved out on my own and ended the relationship with the nice guy. I didn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved.

MistressT corporate business woman

Corporate Whore, selling my soul.

Why I really moved to Vancouver…

When asked why I moved to Vancouver I often say ‘weather & economy’ but the real reason is that I fell in love with a married man. Here’s the story:


I was 20. He was 10 years older and the owner of the company I worked for. He was married with a 2 year old. After a drunken office party fling that should have ended there we became more involved. We had a month together right away as his wife and child were out of town. We fell in love. He filed for divorce and moved out. Then flip flopped for 10 months until he finally decided (and rightly so) that his child was more important…you see his wife took the child far away and wouldn’t come back unless they reconciled.

I moved away to give him space to do the right thing. I wasn’t about to be his long term mistress and that’s exactly what would have happened if I stayed. The attraction was so great we simply could not stay away from each other.

It was the hardest thing that I had ever gone through…and 15 years later I can tell you it’s still the hardest thing I’ve gone through. Heart break. Losing the person I felt such a special connection to. Anyone who has had their heart broken understands how intense this type of pain can be. There’s certainly been enough songs and poems written about heart break. We all recognize that this pain can be even worse than having a loved one pass away.

So, with a freshly broken heart I packed up what little I had and with $1000 in the bank I moved to Vancouver just before my 21st birthday. I stayed with distant family that I didn’t really know for the 1st two months while I got settled.

Every cloud has a silver lining though. Moving to Vancouver was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done. Also, the married guy convinced me of something important: that I could do ANYTHING I chose to do. He saw potential in me and lit a fire that has never gone out. There are few things as powerful in this life as making yourself completely vulnerable to someone, exposing yourself, giving yourself over to someone and THEN to have that person tell you that you are more wonderful than you ever imagined.

Without that I’m not sure that I would have done all that I have with my life. It drove me to reach higher, to try harder and to believe in myself. Other than luck, reaching higher, trying harder and believing in yourself is pretty much all that separates the successful from the unsuccessful, in my humble opinion.

MistressT FemDom Fetish Goddess Rooftop Vancouver Canada

On top of the world in Vancouver