Becoming a Better Man

I recently received an email from a 21 year old fella who asked for my guidance in becoming a better man. He said he didn’t have positive male role models & believed the tutelage of a strong woman would benefit him.

The skeptical might view this as a trick to get me to role play a fantasy with him, not to actually obtain helpful info to improve his real life…& as it turns out, you’d be right. After tweeting asking my fans for suggestions to help younger men seeking to become better humans the ungrateful rascal told me off for not taking him on as a personal slave. (I’m not accepting new slaves at the moment but he didn’t take the perceived rejection gracefully.)

No matter! I think the advice my fans provided was fantastic & I’m sure there are younger men reading this who would benefit so I’ve listed some of the reading suggestions along with youtube stuff that might be helpful. I haven’t read everything on this list but at a glance they seem to have value & positive reviews.

I’ll also share a few bits of advice I personally think is helpful for younger people:

– You have 2 ears & 1 mouth. That means it’s better to listen at least twice as much as you speak. Practice the art of active listening. Not only will you learn more but you’ll make better connections with those who love to feel heard (that would be everyone).

– To thine own self be true. Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about stuff. You can manage or control your behavior but your feelings are a different story. Learn to accept the full spectrum of your feelings: sadness, fear, anger, frustration, joy, love, excitement, nervousness, anxiety, lust, impatience, numbness, relief, gratitude, vulnerability, etc. Feel the feeling in your body, witness it, ask yourself what message the feeling brings or is there another root to the feeling (like the root of anger might be hurt or sadness or a feeling of being excluded, etc.) Accept the feeling with warm curiosity and non-judgement. Let the feeling pass when it’s ready. Don’t wallow in it but don’t rush it through or stuff it down wishing you felt differently.

– Cultivate empathy by trying to understand things from the other persons perspective. Your feelings matter but the world doesn’t revolve around you. Find the balance of empathy for yourself AND others.

– Have integrity. If you say you’ll do something, do it. Keep your word. Be reliable. Take the high road.

– Be kind for the sake of being kind. Don’t always expect an immediate reward for doing something nice for someone. Learn to enjoy the feeling of just doing something good or doing the right thing.

– Be grateful for what you do have. There is always something to be grateful for no matter how bad things get. “I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi

– If having good sex with women in real life is important to you choose the porn you view carefully. Seek out porn with regular people having real sex/women having real orgasms. Most porn is entertainment, not education. Sex in real life is not like most porn which tends to lack intimacy, genuine connection, high-level communication, authentic female orgasms & realistic pacing with warm up. Try searching “ethical porn” or “feminist porn”.

Google search example:

There’s a lot more I could say but I understand attention spans are short. Do your own research to find what resonates with you! There’s loads of stuff on youtube & plenty of great podcasts, TedTalks, etc. The internet is full of helpful stuff to improve yourself. If having a good therapist is accessible to you either through work/an employee assistance program or if you can afford one, there’s hardly anyone that can’t benefit from therapy. Seek good friendships with men & women of different ages. Be there for them, build your own community to learn from each other. Learn to care about others feelings & how to share your feelings in a way that connects you with others authentically. Lastly, be kind to yourself. Be the best friend, parent, cheerleader, confidant to yourself you could ever want or need. Self care, yo.

Reading suggestions:

The Tao of Pooh & The Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff

Audiobook for the Tao of Pooh:


Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson

Top 5 lessons from “Attract Women Through Honesty”:


Way of the Peaceful Warrior and its sequel by Dan Millman

Dan Millman’s TedTalk:


The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho


The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills

Helpful vid on The Four Agreements on youtube:


Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Audiobook for “Man’s Search for Meaning” on youtube:


Ishmael- Daniel Quinn


Tao of the Wu by Rza

Some of Rza on YouTube:


A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by David Eggers


The Descent of Man by Grayson Perry


The Courage To Be Disliked- Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga


Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig

(Without even reading this great book the story of it may be inspirational in terms of tenacity: “Pirsig received a remarkable 126 rejections before an editor finally accepted it for publication–and he did so thinking it would never make a bit of profit. Then it was on best-selling lists for decades. Initially, the book sold at least 5 million copies worldwide.”

Audiobook of Zen & the Art of” on youtube:


Mistress T

PS: Got suggestions? Please put them in the comments! Thanks!

How To Introduce Kink Into Your Relationship

MILF Mistress T in a business suit.

“You want to know what?!”

I often get emails from guys asking my advice on how to introduce their kinks to their partners. To which I respond: “I’m not fucking Ann Landers!”. Okay, I’ve actually never said that, but for a moment you thought I was a bit of a dick, didn’t ya?

You might be surprised how communicative & friendly I’ll be for a generous tribute…so if you’d like to benefit from my years of experience feel free to contact me for personal, customized assistance. (Tribute button is on my clips store:

For free, I’ll share a few general tips for you right now. See, I’m not a dick. *smile*

If you’ve been jerking off to some kinky porn, feeling like a freak secretly & fretting that you’ll never be able to have your fantasies come true, you might be right. Especially if you’re into the Giantess fetish, Vore, castration fetish, or something especially tricky. If you’re just into feet, getting pegged (strap-on/bum play), getting peed on, giving up control, cuckolding (fantasy, at first at least)…those kinds of things might be doable within your relationship.

Of course every relationship & gal is unique. These are only guidelines.

#1. Be really fucking good to your lady. Whatever that means to her. Help out around the house, make her a meal, fix something, move something, give her a back rub, draw her a bath, take her to that place she likes to go, basically: suck up. Be a gentleman & make her feel cherished. A woman tends to be more receptive to accommodating what you’re into if she feels like she’s gotten everything she wants.

#2. Make sure she’s sexually pleased. Find out what she wants & give it to her. However she wants it. Let her know she can ask you for ANYTHING & you won’t judge, you’ll do your best to make her sexually satisfied. (Similar to #1 but you should do BOTH sexual & non-sexual things to make her happy.)

#3. Read Savage Love articles together & discuss what advice you would give before you read his responses. This opens up a dialogue & gets you both thinking about alternative sex stuff. You can probably even find articles dealing with your specific kink! That’s a great way to introduce your gal to it & measure her reaction without making yourself too vulnerable.

#4. Have a drink or two together. Don’t get shit-faced. Just 1 or 2 drinks to relax you both.

#5. Bring it up lightly. Low pressure. Something like: “I’ve got a confession…I’ve been getting turned on by _____ lately for some reason. It might be fun to explore. What do you think of that?” NOTE: Obviously start at the lowest level of whatever you’re into. If you want her to pee on you, start with asking if you can lick her clean after, that you just want to taste a drop. If you want her to fuck you with a strap-on, start with a condom-covered finger. If you want to worship her feet, even if you like them dirty/smelly, start with kissing her toes in the bathtub. If you want her to take control just suggest she tie you up with some neck ties or scarfs & have her way with you/use you like a sex toy. If you want her to sleep with other men (cuckolding) ask her to just pretend she’s been with another guy & role-play telling you during sex. If you want to cross dress, Halloween is a great time to start gently.

#6. Don’t pressure her. If it turns her off, leave it alone. Let her know the lines of communication are open if she wants to discuss why you have this interest or whatever. If she thinks about it for a bit & discusses it more it might marinate into something she gets excited about exploring too. But not if she feels pressured.

#7. Be grateful for ANY effort she makes. Even if it’s not playing out perfectly or taking longer to get to where you want to go be sure to let her know how much it means that she’s indulging you. Positive reinforcement. Keep being really good to her. Don’t be a douche & sulk or punish/guilt her if you’re not getting what you want.

Sex should be fun for both of you. Make sure you communicate that clearly. This is play, it’s fun, it’s recreation, exploring, checking things off your sex bucket list, etc. If you both have a healthy attitude about sex you’re probably fine.

Be prepared for a negative reaction. She might be grossed out or turned off. If that happens don’t freak out. Handle it with grace. It seems to be rare that even couples with healthy functioning relationships also have sexual interests that match up perfectly. If she’s not receptive, you’ll make do like so many others, watching porn, seeing Professionals, having affairs or breaking up & looking elsewhere. Such is life.

Good luck!
Mistress T

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