Tag Archives: feminism

Becoming a Better Man

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I recently received an email from a 21 year old fella who asked for my guidance in becoming a better man. He said he didn’t have positive male role models & believed the tutelage of a strong woman would benefit him.

The skeptical might view this as a trick to get me to role play a fantasy with him, not to actually obtain helpful info to improve his real life…& as it turns out, you’d be right. After tweeting asking my fans for suggestions to help younger men seeking to become better humans the ungrateful rascal told me off for not taking him on as a personal slave. (I’m not accepting new slaves at the moment but he didn’t take the perceived rejection gracefully.)

No matter! I think the advice my fans provided was fantastic & I’m sure there are younger men reading this who would benefit so I’ve listed some of the reading suggestions along with youtube stuff that might be helpful. I haven’t read everything on this list but at a glance they seem to have value & positive reviews.

I’ll also share a few bits of advice I personally think is helpful for younger people:

– You have 2 ears & 1 mouth. That means it’s better to listen at least twice as much as you speak. Practice the art of active listening. Not only will you learn more but you’ll make better connections with those who love to feel heard (that would be everyone).

– To thine own self be true. Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about stuff. You can manage or control your behavior but your feelings are a different story. Learn to accept the full spectrum of your feelings: sadness, fear, anger, frustration, joy, love, excitement, nervousness, anxiety, lust, impatience, numbness, relief, gratitude, vulnerability, etc. Feel the feeling in your body, witness it, ask yourself what message the feeling brings or is there another root to the feeling (like the root of anger might be hurt or sadness or a feeling of being excluded, etc.) Accept the feeling with warm curiosity and non-judgement. Let the feeling pass when it’s ready. Don’t wallow in it but don’t rush it through or stuff it down wishing you felt differently.

– Cultivate empathy by trying to understand things from the other persons perspective. Your feelings matter but the world doesn’t revolve around you. Find the balance of empathy for yourself AND others.

– Have integrity. If you say you’ll do something, do it. Keep your word. Be reliable. Take the high road.

– Be kind for the sake of being kind. Don’t always expect an immediate reward for doing something nice for someone. Learn to enjoy the feeling of just doing something good or doing the right thing.

– Be grateful for what you do have. There is always something to be grateful for no matter how bad things get. “I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi

– If having good sex with women in real life is important to you choose the porn you view carefully. Seek out porn with regular people having real sex/women having real orgasms. Most porn is entertainment, not education. Sex in real life is not like most porn which tends to lack intimacy, genuine connection, high-level communication, authentic female orgasms & realistic pacing with warm up. Try searching “ethical porn” or “feminist porn”.

Google search example: https://www.bustle.com/p/8-places-to-watch-ethical-porn-that-focuses-on-female-pleasure-according-to-a-feminist-pornographer-9108930

There’s a lot more I could say but I understand attention spans are short. Do your own research to find what resonates with you! There’s loads of stuff on youtube & plenty of great podcasts, TedTalks, etc. The internet is full of helpful stuff to improve yourself. If having a good therapist is accessible to you either through work/an employee assistance program or if you can afford one, there’s hardly anyone that can’t benefit from therapy. Seek good friendships with men & women of different ages. Be there for them, build your own community to learn from each other. Learn to care about others feelings & how to share your feelings in a way that connects you with others authentically. Lastly, be kind to yourself. Be the best friend, parent, cheerleader, confidant to yourself you could ever want or need. Self care, yo.

Reading suggestions:

The Tao of Pooh & The Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff

Audiobook for the Tao of Pooh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksVgOSJ_Kv0

 

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson

Top 5 lessons from “Attract Women Through Honesty”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs0d7Da8ufo

 

Way of the Peaceful Warrior and its sequel by Dan Millman

Dan Millman’s TedTalk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDL85fzdc1g

 

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

 

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills

Helpful vid on The Four Agreements on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HElfaDPwZ6c

 

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Audiobook for “Man’s Search for Meaning” on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zF65lvwQPbw

 

Ishmael- Daniel Quinn

 

Tao of the Wu by Rza

Some of Rza on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th-CEx-NEms

 

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by David Eggers

 

The Descent of Man by Grayson Perry

 

The Courage To Be Disliked- Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

 

Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig

(Without even reading this great book the story of it may be inspirational in terms of tenacity: “Pirsig received a remarkable 126 rejections before an editor finally accepted it for publication–and he did so thinking it would never make a bit of profit. Then it was on best-selling lists for decades. Initially, the book sold at least 5 million copies worldwide.”

Audiobook of Zen & the Art of” on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClA9wO8GaqQ

xo

Mistress T

PS: Got suggestions? Please put them in the comments! Thanks!

Omega Males + Feminism

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I read two different articles today that inspired me to write this blog post.

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The first one is about a new term for me: “Omega Male” in relation to “Alpha Male”. Most of us are familiar with the term “Alpha Male”, especially when it comes to cuckolding fantasies. He’s the bull, the well-hung stud who gets to fuck the woman while the cuckold/beta male is denied. He’s strong, masculine, confident & usually a hard fucker.

I’ve thrown the term “Alpha Male” around in my cuckold scenes for lack of a term that resonated better for me….but I think I have one now: Omega Male.

The Omega Male is quietly confident. He doesn’t need to broadcast his superiority. He’s empathetic, kind, gentle, a good guy to have as a friend & an excellent husband. He’s not as competitive as an Alpha Male & he’s more likely to walk away from a fight. He resolves conflicts with words rather than his fists. He enjoys deeper conversations & cuddling. He cares about your feelings & he treats others as he would like to be treated. The Omega Male is trustworthy & steady. He’s an attentive lover who ensures the woman is satisfied.

An Omega Male is not to be confused with a beta male or a weak pussy who wouldn’t stand up for himself, his woman or anyone else. A beta male is kind of a spineless door mat. He serves or submits because he doesn’t think he’s worthy of respect or deserves to be treated well. A beta has little or no self confidence or self worth. A beta is truly pathetic.

My partner falls under the category of Omega Male & it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.

Here’s the Omega Male article: http://www.theearthchild.co.za/the-awesome-omega-male-what-makes-him-better-than-the-alpha/

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The other article lists practical every day ways that you, as a man, can support Feminism. To be clear, Feminism is about equality. It’s not about Female Superiority. Feminism has gotten a bad name in some circles & I’m delighted that the leader of Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, has proudly declared that he is a Feminist. I think if you ask any sane person if they feel women should be equal to men they would say YES! But if you ask a lot of men if they’re a feminist they would say NO! But it’s the same damn thing, dude.

So here’s the link to that article, have a look with an open mind: http://www.xojane.com/issues/feminism-men-practical-steps

Here’s some homework for you: If you email me a list in your own words at least 5 things from this article YOU plan to do to support Feminism I will give you a FREE 1 week membership for my site. Email: MsT@MistressT.net

xo

Mistress T

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My version of “FemDom”.

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The debate around what FemDom is or is not is one that seems to never get old. The concept of there being rules for being a proper Dominatrix actually seems rather humorous. To get nude or not, to wank a dick or not, to fuck your slaves or not, etc. It’s a big, wide topic that I’ll narrow to just me for now.

Over the last decade I’ve figured out what feels right for me. It’s been an interesting journey that continues to evolve. At times I’ve tried various things and then decided to not do them anymore. If you’ve been following be since the beginning you might have noticed that some video themes came & went.

When I get custom video requests I often go with my gut. I know by now what I’m going to be comfortable with for personal reasons or in terms of my ‘branding’. As far as my branding is concerned, I’ve spent years trying to do a simple thing: portray myself as a woman who is in control of her body & sexuality and who is also in control of the male’s I interact with.

For me, that is my simple version of FemDom. Female in control. That can take a lot of different forms. It can be sensual or subtle Domination in various roles. It doesn’t have to be linked to physical pain or dungeons.

So when I get requests to do vids where I am in any way objectified, not in full control, like I’m so horny I’ll do something I wouldn’t otherwise do, where a male is in the power role, etc. I know that it’s not right for me.

I feel that the vast majority of porn on the internet portrays women as submissive, weak, often degraded objects there for the pleasure of men. I don’t need to create any more content like that, there’s plenty. I’d like to try to balance things out by offering a different dynamic.

A lot of men want to give up control. They want a woman to initiate & to take her pleasure. They find confidence sexy.  Despite that, the tidal wave of mainstream porn, the music/film industry, media & advertising brainwashing everyone into thinking of women as objects is a powerful force. When so-called fans ask me to do typical mainstream porn acts like take it in the ass, have guys blow their loads on my face, in my mouth, on my tits, on my ass…why ask me for that? Isn’t the billion images on the internet of women doing that enough? Or is it specifically that I don’t that makes it appealing? The whole fucked up thing of persuading women to push their boundaries. A girl in a bikini will get asked to get naked. A naked girl will be asking to masturbate….then jerk a dick, then suck it, then fuck it…but that’s not enough…then she’ll be asked to take it in the ass, then a gang bang, and on and on…until she’s used up. This is exactly how it goes for the majority of women who get into the adult industry.

And I feel the pressure. I have felt it from day 1. The pressure to do more. How no matter what I did, guys always wanted more. Happily there are many loyal fans who love what I do & to them I am eternally grateful. Happily I am able to assert my boundaries & I actually take pleasure in saying: “No, I’m not going to do that.” I enjoy denying men when I sense they are part of the “more!” culture. The pushers. Those addicted to trying to get women to do things they don’t really want to do. There are so many of them & it’s become so accepted that guys don’t even realize it’s a problem…but hey you, if you’ve ever tried to persuade a woman to do something beyond what you think she’s comfortable with: fuck you.

If you want to see what it looks like when a woman is in control of her body & her sexuality study FemDom vids, mine & those in my network of peers. We’re not always perfect, sometimes we try things & they don’t work out like we thought, sometimes we can even seem hypocritical, we’re human, but overall the modeling in healthier. It’s a step closer to equality. FemDom isn’t about equality but it swings the pendulum far enough in the other direction from the usual that it puts a dent in the normalization of female objectification…& I’m happy to do my part.

Mistress T

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Do Men Hate Women?

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I came across this interesting article: “5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained To Hate Women”.

Link: http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html#ixzz20VvWlh4z

The whole article is great and I recommend clicking that link & reading the whole thing…I’m just going to touch on a few things from the article and add my own comments here. Whether you agree or disagree with the author of the article or me…or if you have anything to add, I invite you to comment!

#5. We were told that society owed us a hot girl.

“Does it seem like men feel kind of entitled to sex? Does it seem like we react to rejection with the maturity of a child being denied a toy?”

T: For this point the writer talks about how the guy always gets the pretty girl at the end of every movie and by this and in other ways men grow up expecting that they’ll just get a great girl.

I’m not sure how much I agree with this point…but I will say that I think those same movies teach women that happiness is dependent on a relationship. Which is a whole other topic.

I have certainly witnessed many times men getting very angry over rejection. Not just frustrated or disappointed, but fucking ANGRY. It makes a certain amount of sense that someone would get that mad if they felt entitled to something & they weren’t getting it.

I also ponder this as it applies to “Tease & Denial” & fetishes for different forms of sexual rejection. I know from personal experience that certain men WANT to be denied, get off on being rejected, love being taunted with what they can not have. This strikes me as one of those situations where the intensity of emotion for one thing becomes eroticized, like wires getting crossed…kind of the pain/pleasure thing, but psychologically.

#4. We’re Trained from Birth to See You as Decoration

“Her role in society or level of accomplishment doesn’t matter. Even if she’s a damned candidate for the Supreme Court, the female always has a dual role: to function as a person, and to act as decor.”

“Yes, even in that setting, when judging a female for a position on the highest court in the land, our instinct is still to judge her suitability as a sex partner. It’s the first thing we notice.”
T: In this section the author talks about what’s already been talked about to death…how we are all (men & women) brainwashed into thinking a woman’s physical beauty is more valuable than intelligence, personality, creativity, etc.
I hate that this is true BUT I am very grateful that I got to be one of the pretty ones. It really lubricates life. I worked hard in my early 20’s to prove myself by taking jobs where I interacted with people over the phone. I know that if I wasn’t pretty, or if I became disfigured that I would would make my way in life using my brain but for as long as I still have my looks, I’ll take advantage of that too.

#3. We Think You’re Conspiring With Our Boners to Ruin Us

“Seriously, do a Google search for “masturbating in public library.” Notice something in common with all of those stories? They’re all dudes. I’m saying that men are far, far more likely to engage in extremely high-risk masturbation in public. They’re more likely to do it at work, and they’re more likely to do it in situations where they could go to jail.

It’s because, in males more so than females, the sex drive is completely detached from the rest of the personality. The part of the male brain that worries about job security or money or social reputation or legal consequences has almost no veto power over the sex drive. You’ve heard guys say they were “thinking with their dick” or “I was thinking with the little brain” or “I took an order from Captain Bonerhelmet.” That’s what they’re referring to.

Science doesn’t seem to totally understand why the “base urges” part of the brain reacts differently in men. Maybe it’s just a matter of having 10 times as much testosterone in their system, or maybe society has trained us to be like this, or maybe we’re all spoiled children. My theory is that evolution needs males who will stay horny even in times of crisis or distress, and thus cuts off the brain’s ability to tamp down those urges. Whatever — nailing down the cause isn’t the point. The point is that a man can be giving the eulogy at his own grandmother’s funeral, and if there is a girl in the front row showing cleavage, he will be imagining himself pressing those boobs in his face, with his own dead grandmother not five feet away.”

T: I found this point most interesting…the writer talks more about anger and how men get mad because they feel it’s women’s faults that they can’t control their urges. I wonder if this anger is more or less prevalent in the FemDom community? I wonder how many men who jerk off to FemDom porn resent sexy, powerful women for having so much control over them? Feel free to comment on this.

#2. We Feel Like Manhood Was Stolen from Us at Some Point

“A once-great world of heroes and strength and warriors and cigars and crude jokes has been replaced by this world of grumpy female supervisors looming over our cubicle to hand us a memo about sending off-color jokes via email. Yes, that entire narrative is a grossly skewed and self-serving version of how society actually evolved. It doesn’t matter.The result is a combination of frustration and humiliation and powerlessness that makes us want to get it back in the only way we know how: with petty, immature acts of meanness.”

T: I found this point less interesting…the writer expands on this but the above quote gives you an idea of what he was driving at. Men are resentful that they have been forced to adjust their behavior by women… in the workplace, etc.

#1. We Feel Powerless

“It’s like that for most men, most of the time. We’re starving, and all women are various types of food. Only instead of food, it’s sex. And we’re trying to conduct our everyday business around the fact that we’re trying to renew our driver’s license with a talking pair of boobs. So, from about age 13 on, around 90 percent of our energy and discipline is devoted to overcoming this, to behave like civilized human beings and not like stray dogs in a meat market. One where instead of eating the meat, they want to hump it.”

“This is really the heart of it, right here. This is why no amount of male domination will ever be enough, why no level of control or privilege or female submission will ever satisfy us. We can put you under a burqa, we can force you out of the workplace — it won’t matter. You’re still all we think about, and that gives you power over us. And we resent you for it.”

T: This is really what it all boils down to. As hot as it can be to give up control in a sexual power exchange scenario, most people prefer to be in control of themselves & their lives. We hate anything that we’re obsessed with or addicted to that has any control over us: cigarettes, coffee, drugs/alcohol, gambling, video games, a TV show you can’t get enough of…a book you can’t put down…a food that you crave (chocolate, hamburgers)…PORN.

Best,
Mistress T

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