More kitten blood, less time-wasting emails, please.

Other possible titles for this blog post:

1. What the fuck do you want from me?

2. I can’t take drawings to the bank.

Email management is a full time job. I try to respond to everyone but sometimes I cut corners and skip ones that seem crazy, rude or if there seems to be no value in it for me (I know that sounds harsh, but it’s a big, bad world out there and it’s time you knew *smile*.)

About a week ago I received an email that I chose not to respond to because I was super busy that day, although I would have normally sent a quick response to this type of email. This is it:

Subject line: Chickens

I’m bad at subject lines, so I just end up typing random stuff.

So I stumbled across a video of yours, and you scared the crap out of me, but I was a bit intrigued about the woman behind the one I was watching stand on some dudes face. Not a fan of domination, but whatever, I was intrigued to say the least.

Did a little “Google” homework and discovered you actually seem to be a really nice lady through reading your blog. After watching a few videos of yours I just assumed you would go around stealing children in the night and drinking kitten blood because of what you do professionally, but through the things you write, it hardly seems to be the case… well, maybe you are a vampire-zombie, but I won’t hold that against you. I joke. Truth-be-told, you seem like a pretty down-to-earth woman, and I can respect your business sense, and ambition to capitalize on a market – in your case – fetish/domination/kittens/standing on dudes heads.

I don’t really expect a reply, but I’ll send this e-mail anyway. I’m a photographer/video producer. I’m not exactly in the porn market, but I have an eye for natural beauty, and I think you have it in spades. I’m not trying to kiss your ass or anything, but I think you have a unique look.

I live up in Syracuse, NY, which is probably the last place you’ll ever end up, but if for some reason you do end up here, I would like to do some non-nude photographs(or video) of you. I tend to do really artsy type shit. Not really in the porn business, but if you wanted a camera guy to do a shoot for that up here in Syracuse, I could do that, as long as you were cool with my style of shooting… never mind, porn doesn’t exist in Syracuse : /

So yes, that is my crappy pitch! I kid. I just wanted to say I respect, and “get,” what you do as a business woman. If you do ever find your way to the frozen wasteland that is Upstate-NY, I would totally love to photograph you, because I do think you have this natural beauty about you, that I don’t think has been captured yet. Cheese I know, but you do have a unique look, and I truly mean it.

At any rate; sorry for eating up your time if you did make it through this email.



Today he sent me another email:

I sent you an email about a week ago. I didn’t expect a response, nor was I given one, but that’s okay because I understand how a business works. I decided to break the ice with you by drawing this awesome picture that I have attached to this email. I hope you enjoy because this is about the only thing I can draw. Good day ma’m.

WTF? (What-The-Fuck?)

My response was as follows. Please take note if you were planning on sending me an email that will take me away from what my time is best spent on: making more porn for my precious paying fans to jerk off to. Sending me flattering emails is not an unselfish act. You are looking for attention. You want to be acknowledged. It is manipulation disguised as being ‘nice’. I am not someone with low self esteem who needs to be told I’m pretty to keep me from committing suicide. If you truly want to GIVE or show your appreciation/respect rather than TAKE then do it with money. I am a business woman. Respect that. To put that in context, read my response and also read Ceara Lynch’s excellent blog post on a similar topic:

I didn’t respond because your email was about me coming to upstate NY, which I have no plans for. Your offer to photograph me is moot unless I plan to come to you to make it happen, which I’m not. You say you understand business…so while I enjoy my glass of kitten blood let me say: if you want a pen pal, I’m not it. If you want to pay for something (a custom vid, a webcam session, pay to see me by bringing me to you or you coming to me…if you want to buy me a gift/tribute, etc.) great. Let’s talk, but you’ll need to show me the money pretty quick for me to take you seriously. I can’t take drawings to the bank. If you aren’t interested in business or sending me any more kitten blood, good day (which means you don’t need to send any more drawings or emails).

Mistress T

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Still think I'm SO nice? Suck it.

Don't be fooled by cute-ness!