Blast from the past…

Mistress T Schoolgirl

This is just a random story that you might find interesting…IF you are into “getting to know me more intimately”.

I recently had the opportunity to catch up with an old flame I haven’t seen in 23 years. We’ll call him ‘Thor’ because he’s a lot of man.

When I was around 16/17 year old I had a very unique three-way relationship with Thor & his best friend that lasted almost a year. They were six years older than me, straight but adventurous & we had multiple threesomes. We partied a lot together aside from having sex…and we were close friends. There was an amazing amount of respect & affection considering how tawdry it might sound.

I remember being in a car with them tearing down a dirt road with the music blasting (O Fortuna ~ Carmina Burana: ) smashing mailbox’s with a baseball bat. Hey, I came from a small, rural place & “mailboxing” is a thing that bored young people do. It was thrilling & I felt alive! We didn’t get into an accident that time but we did another time. The car was totaled but I was fine. We had a lot of crazy times. Lots of booze & drug fueled parties.

I was closer with Thor and if it had been a few years later who knows where it might have gone but it wasn’t & circumstances caused us to part ways. He wanted a family & I was too young. Way too young & not inclined that way. He got back with an ex he still had feeling for & I moved away. I didn’t stay in contact feeling it was for the best. Through the grapevine I heard he married her & had a couple kids. That’s about all I knew.

Fast forward 23 years. We recently met up & it was amazing to reconnect. Life has not been kind to him and it was an enormous pleasure for him to lay eyes on me again. Thor had tried to track me down over the years unsuccessfully & thought of me often. He & his friend had often said to each other: “I hope we didn’t mess that kid up.” I find that so incredible. Of course society could look at the situation & jump to all kinds of judgements…but I was there & I can tell you that my relationship with them was one of the highlights of my youth. It opened my mind up to the idea of different types of relationships beyond standard, traditional monogamy. I learned that sex could be dirty fun AND respectful. It was liberating & educational. I am very grateful for the experience & have nothing but warm memories and feelings of affection for both of them.

When I told him about the whole “Mistress T” thing he laughed & said he wasn’t the least bit surprised. He explained that even back then it was obvious I was a very ambitious, determined & motivated person. He knew I would do well at whatever I chose. He also said that I was one of the most sexual people he had ever met so he always wondered if I’d end up doing some kind of work in the adult industry. I have always had a high sex drive but in my teens it was a force to be reckoned with. Thor & his best friend were not my only lovers at that time (& I wasn’t their only lover). Another thing about bored young people in rural places: they tend to fuck like it’s a hobby. In our ‘group’ everyone fucked everybody else. It seems extreme thinking back on it now, how much sex we all had, but after reading about our hunter gatherer roots in “Sex At Dawn” I now understand our behavior was actually far more ‘natural’ than pairing bonding or abstinence.

There were moments with Thor where it felt like we were transported back to that time. When I looked into his smiling eyes he seemed the same. But in other moments I could see how our lives have gone in very different directions & 23 years of living changes a person a great deal. I wish I could bring a little bit of that ‘teen spirit’ back, that feeling of thrilling sexual freedom, of everything being new. What a magical time! They say youth is wasted on the young. What a bitter sweet truth. I’m reminded that every phase of our life has value & nostalgia will make us remember it fondly. I will endeavor to make the most of this phase of my life. The maturity, experience & security I’ve built up while still having the health & energy to fully enjoy it.

So there’s a little slice of personal stuff for fans who crave to know more about me:-)


Mistress T

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Sex At Dawn – Book review & recommendation!

Mistress T with the book "Sex At Dawn".

Reading is sexy.

I recently read one of the most important books of our time, “Sex At Dawn” by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha.

“Important”…is subjective I suppose. Will it solve global warming? Bring world peace? Cure diseases? Make Donald Trump disappear? Sadly, no. Not directly anyway. Although if it lead to a world where everyone was having lots of great sex, and children were raised by groups of loving adults who generously shared what they had…I can imagine a world without greed, without ‘broken’ families, without sexual frustration, etc. would be a world most of us would rather be in. In theory it could result in world peace, reduced stress-related illness, reduced negative environmental impact & get rid of the Donald Trumps of the world.

With loads of research the authors show that before agriculture, hunter-gatherers likely lived in non-monogamous communities where men & women both enjoyed as much sex with as many sexual partners as they desired. They had everything they needed, shared their food & cooperated in raising children.

A very different structure to the nuclear family where couples are expected to be monogamous but often are not resulting in jealousy, drama, broken families, etc.

Followers of my blog will likely know that I don’t practice monogamy in my personal life. Not because of my work but because I enjoy sexual novelty & variety. A relationship is not defined by sex. A relationship is about day-to-day & lifestyle compatibility, communication, support, affection/intimacy, trust, love, etc. Sex can just be about sex. A bit of fun. If there is honesty & trust, sex outside of the primary relationship can even enhance the sexual charge within it.

“Sex At Dawn” reinforced a lot of what I already knew from my own experience & through friends with healthy non-monogamous relationships, but there was also a tonne of new information. I found it fascinating how similar we are to our closest primate cousins, bonobos & chimps. Insights into how our hunter gatherer ancestors likely lived & how agriculture changed everything (or fucked everything up, really.)

Of special interest to my readers would be a hint of “FemDom” in bonobo culture (Chapter 4, The Ape In The Mirror, page 71):

(Paraphrased) For bonobos, female status is more important than male hierarchy. The term “influential” might be more fitting than “high-ranking”. Females are respected out of affection & older females generally have a higher status. Among bonobos female “dominance” doesn’t result in the same kind of submission in males as you see inverted with other primates in male dominated structures. Female bonobos use their power differently. There’s no stressful power struggles. They use sex for much more than reproduction, they engage in sex to ease tension, to reduce stress while traveling, etc. “Make Love, not war” seems to be the bonobos motto & males live a pretty stress-free life with the females in charge.

Also of special interest to my readers is a mention of fetishes (Chapter 21, The Pervert’s Lament, page 280):

(Direct quote) “While many women are freed by their erotic flexibility, men can find themselves trapped by the rigidity of their sexual response, like the male sheep and goats mentioned earlier. Once determined, male eroticism tends to retain its contours throughout life, like concrete that has set. Consequently, the theory of erotic plasticity predicts that the paraphilias (abnormal sexual desires and behaviors) should be far more prevalent in men than women who would presumably be more responsive to social pressure and find it easier to abandon previous turn-ons or ignore unseemly urges. Nearly every source of evidence supports this prediction. Most researchers and therapists agree that these unusual sexual hungers are almost exclusively seen in males, appear to be related to early imprinting, and are difficult, if not impossible, to alter once boyhood impressions have hardened into adult yearnings.”

I considered doing a whole blog post just on that last bit but what the heck. There is a lot more discussion in the book about females having more flexibility in their sexuality, thus more bisexual or at least bi-situational/bi-flexible women than men, women finding a wider range of situations/activities/people arousing, etc. This was part of the argument that women enjoy sex just as much as men, if not more (debunking the myth that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men). Women being able to have more orgasms, being able to have sex longer indicating that we’re designed to have sex with multiple male partners…in a row…and the biological reasons why we might be built that way. Like to have the sperm fight it out inside the vagina for the race to the egg…survival of the fittest, or the more complimentary DNA.

This blog post has become lengthy. I’ll end it abruptly & just recommend you read the damn book!


Mistress T

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