POV vs. Voyeur?

Posted on May 14, 2016 by Mistress T

Do you prefer porn where you are passively watching the action like a voyeur or when you feel more directly involved?

I was just contemplating POV (point-of-view) style filming, where the performer looks directly at the camera lens, connecting with the viewer, sometimes speaking directly to the viewer. Like in ‘virtual fucking’ where I’m alone with the camera but the angles give the viewer the feeling I’m riding his cock or face…or when there’s a stunt cock in the scene but the camera angle is set up basically where his head is so the viewer feels like the cock in the vid is his…or the view from where a cuckold might be, or a slave inside a cage, etc.

From “Cum Drinking Cock Sucking Sissy”

From a POV virtual fucking scene “MILF Sex Ed”

From “Mindblowing Handjob”

From “Foot Worship POV”

From “Latex Gloves Ruined Twice”

From “Beg For Release”

I was thinking about this in relation to some of the virtual reality filming I’ve done recently with HologirlsVR (www.HoloGirlsVR.com). Full virtual reality (with the goggles) is certainly more immersive but more on that another day.

I understand a lot of my viewers have had little or no sex…or little or no kinky/FemDom/fetish experiences. It can be hard enough for some guys to get laid at all but even harder in the real world for guys to get to live out their niche fantasies. I realize that watching my vids & imagining they are right there or they are the guy in the scene is as close as many of my fans will get to a real experience…be it a cuckold experience, or real humiliation experience, or even foot worship!

Watching my vids is a safe, discreet way to get their kink on & in some situations it’s probably better than the real thing. One could argue that the thrill & fulfillment from an in-person experience can’t be matched but one could counter argue that real life seldom lives up to expectations. It really depends. It’s a gamble.

It’s certainly a lot more cost effective to jerk off to a $10 vid than to spend hundreds on an in-person session with a Professional Dominatrix, although if you have the money that’s certainly a better option than spending hundred of hours trawling dating sites trying to find a woman who is into the same kinks, lives near by & with whom you get along with otherwise.

With this in mind I put in a lot of effort to genuinely connect to my viewer. I know that this experience might be the closest they ever get to living out their fantasies. I try to make it as real as possible.

I wonder how this is different from just watching the action in a porn vid where the performers don’t look at the camera & don’t address the viewer. It’s very rare for me to do a scene like this. Even if I’m doing a scene with a guy I usually address the viewer at some point, even if it’s just making eye contact with the camera lens, to let the viewer know I know he’s watching. They call that “breaking the 4th wall” in movie-making & theater. Deadpool does a lot of that & even points it out. (Side note: LOVED the movie Deadpool!).

But it can pull you out of the fantasy. It was certainly a no-no to look at the camera during most filming traditionally.

So, I wonder how ‘voyeur’ style porn vs. “POV” style porn effects the sexual development of men, young & older? Would POV style porn better prepare a guy for the real thing? I wonder how a guys body responds to POV vs. voyeur style scenes? For example, when I put the goggles on to view VR (virtual reality) scenes & I looked up to see a woman standing over me my body had a very noticeable physical reaction. My body did not know there wasn’t a real person there. I automatically reached up to touch her & it felt like I could.

The voyeur aspect of just watching people having sex or doing a FemDom scene, ignoring the camera certainly has its place too. That’s a style of viewing we’re certainly more used to. It’s how most TV shows, movies & traditional porn is presented.

From “Your Cuckolding Vid”

From “Ball Abuse Ass Tease”

I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please share your feedback in the comments area here on my blog so others can see & respond community-style (not on twitter or email, that doesn’t make sense really. Thanks!)

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
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Mature Mentality

Posted on April 26, 2016 by Mistress T

I once heard this ‘joke’: A young bull & an old bull were on top of a hill looking down at a group of cows. The young bull excitedly said: “I’m going to run down there a fuck a cow!” & the older bull calmly responded: “I’m going to walk down & fuck them all.”

It’s funny, but it’s also a learning opportunity. I’ll get to it, but I’ll also share another interesting bit of info. The preferred client for a lot of sex workers, escorts & Pro Dommes, is middle aged men, not young, hot 20-somethings. Why do you think that is?

The title of this blog post is a hint. “Mature mentality” is what separates the men from the boys…but it’s not just an age thing. A 45 year old man can be cocky, disrespectful & annoying…and a 23 year old guy can be a complete gentleman…it’s just that cockiness tends to be more common for guys in their 20’s.

What does it mean to be cocky? Cockiness is a false confidence, it’s bragging or boasting about your good looks, how big your dick is, about how much sex you get, about how much money you make…it’s a sense of entitlement, that a woman should want you, that people should give you what you demand. It’s turning the focus on you, looking for reinforcement, it’s a hunger for recognition or power. It’s selfish & shallow.

A lot of older men will tell you that they were like that when they were younger. They think back on their 20 year old selves & laugh at how stupid they were but how much they thought they knew. They cringe at how they treated women.

Older men tend to be humble, they’ve made some mistakes and learned from them. They’ve learned through trial & error how to get a woman & how to please her…& it’s not about sex tips from Maxim…it’s about learning to listen to women, about turning the focus toward the woman rather than themselves. It’s unselfish. Often when women feel seen, heard, respected & cherished they then return ten fold what they received. Not always of course, there are selfish takers, but in general, older men find that they end up getting more in the end by giving more.

Young men tend to objectify women, see sex as a game with women as the opponents. Older men tend to appreciate connection & intimacy more. Again…there are exceptions on both ends but the reason I’m posting this it to encourage men who fall more into the ‘cocky’ column to rethink their perspective & actions. I encourage young men who tend to brag & boast to dial it back. Young men who think that they’re hot & that’s all it should take to get sex, to rethink that. If you’re the kind of guy who thinks sending an unsolicited dick pic to a woman is a good approach, you need to SERIOUSLY change your way of thinking.

I get emails every day from these kinds of guys. Boys in their 20’s who think that I should be falling over myself to take a session with them because they are good looking. These are the kinds of guys who would not respect my boundaries, who would think that once in the same room I would give in & let them fuck me. They think I would rather see them than a pudgy, balding 50 year old man. But I would take the mature, respectful, appreciative gentleman over the entitled, cocky kid any day.

You don’t have to be 50 to have that “mature mentality”. I’ve met guys in their 20’s that have it too. It’s a state of mind, it’s a way of living, it’s about coming from a place of humbleness, respectfulness, kindness, thoughtfulness & gratitude. These are not weaknesses, these are strengths. Imagine a great Knight who bows to his Queen. He is not weak or less than. He is strong and charming.

Food for thought:-)

Best,
Mistress T

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Sex At Dawn – Book review & recommendation!

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Mistress T

Reading is sexy.

I recently read one of the most important books of our time, “Sex At Dawn” by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha.

“Important”…is subjective I suppose. Will it solve global warming? Bring world peace? Cure diseases? Make Donald Trump disappear? Sadly, no. Not directly anyway. Although if it lead to a world where everyone was having lots of great sex, and children were raised by groups of loving adults who generously shared what they had…I can imagine a world without greed, without ‘broken’ families, without sexual frustration, etc. would be a world most of us would rather be in. In theory it could result in world peace, reduced stress-related illness, reduced negative environmental impact & get rid of the Donald Trumps of the world.

With loads of research the authors show that before agriculture, hunter-gatherers likely lived in non-monogamous communities where men & women both enjoyed as much sex with as many sexual partners as they desired. They had everything they needed, shared their food & cooperated in raising children.

A very different structure to the nuclear family where couples are expected to be monogamous but often are not resulting in jealousy, drama, broken families, etc.

Followers of my blog will likely know that I don’t practice monogamy in my personal life. Not because of my work but because I enjoy sexual novelty & variety. A relationship is not defined by sex. A relationship is about day-to-day & lifestyle compatibility, communication, support, affection/intimacy, trust, love, etc. Sex can just be about sex. A bit of fun. If there is honesty & trust, sex outside of the primary relationship can even enhance the sexual charge within it.

“Sex At Dawn” reinforced a lot of what I already knew from my own experience & through friends with healthy non-monogamous relationships, but there was also a tonne of new information. I found it fascinating how similar we are to our closest primate cousins, bonobos & chimps. Insights into how our hunter gatherer ancestors likely lived & how agriculture changed everything (or fucked everything up, really.)

Of special interest to my readers would be a hint of “FemDom” in bonobo culture (Chapter 4, The Ape In The Mirror, page 71):

(Paraphrased) For bonobos, female status is more important than male hierarchy. The term “influential” might be more fitting than “high-ranking”. Females are respected out of affection & older females generally have a higher status. Among bonobos female “dominance” doesn’t result in the same kind of submission in males as you see inverted with other primates in male dominated structures. Female bonobos use their power differently. There’s no stressful power struggles. They use sex for much more than reproduction, they engage in sex to ease tension, to reduce stress while traveling, etc. “Make Love, not war” seems to be the bonobos motto & males live a pretty stress-free life with the females in charge.

Also of special interest to my readers is a mention of fetishes (Chapter 21, The Pervert’s Lament, page 280):

(Direct quote) “While many women are freed by their erotic flexibility, men can find themselves trapped by the rigidity of their sexual response, like the male sheep and goats mentioned earlier. Once determined, male eroticism tends to retain its contours throughout life, like concrete that has set. Consequently, the theory of erotic plasticity predicts that the paraphilias (abnormal sexual desires and behaviors) should be far more prevalent in men than women who would presumably be more responsive to social pressure and find it easier to abandon previous turn-ons or ignore unseemly urges. Nearly every source of evidence supports this prediction. Most researchers and therapists agree that these unusual sexual hungers are almost exclusively seen in males, appear to be related to early imprinting, and are difficult, if not impossible, to alter once boyhood impressions have hardened into adult yearnings.”

I considered doing a whole blog post just on that last bit but what the heck. There is a lot more discussion in the book about females having more flexibility in their sexuality, thus more bisexual or at least bi-situational/bi-flexible women than men, women finding a wider range of situations/activities/people arousing, etc. This was part of the argument that women enjoy sex just as much as men, if not more (debunking the myth that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men). Women being able to have more orgasms, being able to have sex longer indicating that we’re designed to have sex with multiple male partners…in a row…and the biological reasons why we might be built that way. Like to have the sperm fight it out inside the vagina for the race to the egg…survival of the fittest, or the more complimentary DNA.

This blog post has become lengthy. I’ll end it abruptly & just recommend you read the damn book!

Mistress T

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The Online World…

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Mistress T

Trending right now…Over the last 10 years professional violinist Mia Matsumiya has been collecting disturbing messages from guys. She’s recently released them all in a project to shine a spot light on the crap a lot of women have to deal with.

I had a glance at a few of her 1000 messages and felt..well, disturbed. Although I get tons & tons of weird emails it’s very rare for me to get anything hateful. The most disrespectful messages I’ve received have been via twitter where it’s easy to just block someone. I’ve probably blocked hundreds of guys over the years for small insults to the occasional threat of violence but I have become so accustomed to it that it doesn’t really bother me. That’s not actually okay, is it? That women online become acclimatized to disrespect or abuse & just accept it?

As a contribution to Mia’s efforts I’ll share the link to her project here as well as a few of the gems I’ve received. It’s important to point out that Mia Matsumiya is a musician. You would naturally expect that I would get more perverted messages as I am literally catering to that market, but women who are not in the adult industry get an obscene amount of sexual messages. That’s just become acceptable?

Here’s Mia Matsumiya’s perv_magnet instagram project that is getting all the attention: https://instagram.com/perv_magnet/

Here’s her twitter feed: https://twitter.com/mia_matsumiya

Here’s a great interview with her: http://www.3news.co.nz/tvshows/newsworthy/a-conversation-with-the-woman-who-saved-more-than-1000-gross-online-messages-2015102018#ixzz3p5Ou4naV

Dazed did an interview with Mia. Here’s a quote from http://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/27023/1/woman-documents-ten-years-of-online-harassment-on-instagram:

“I want to start a dialogue by sharing, commiserating, and discussing these messages. I hope to make aware that this is the way some people – a lot of people – act behind their computers. (And often in real life too.) Personally, I don’t know any woman who hasn’t been the recipient of creepy behavior. It’s unacceptable and so depressingly rampant. I want my account to be a place where women can commiserate and men to just learn what women can experience online. I don’t know yet what can be done about it but I feel like the first step is definitely to shed light on the issue.”

…
Here’s a small random sampling from my inbox. These are NOT abusive or hateful but they give you an idea of what I read every day as part of my job. It gives you a glimpse into the minds of some men & a glimpse into the day-to-day reality of being an accessible online Domme/fetish porn performer. After years of reading repulsive requests from men I have surely become numb in some ways, my natural reactions of disgust being over-ridden, conditioned to not gag at the thought of a guy eating my snot or kicking a guy in the balls until they rupture:

“Hi
Can i see youin thailnd ?
I want to spend one night with you.
1.booger & snot in my mouth.
2.hardsport (poo in my mouth and make me eat)
3.very stinky feet (I like to worship your feet while they are very smelly , salty & sweety)
4.faring in my face .
Please answer me completely with details and send me your rates.
contact me via email.
see you soon.”

“Yo, are you for real!!! If you ever come to Evansville, Indiana you should hit me up. I’ll do a video for you. We recently had Ron Jeremy here and he was awesome at the porn debate. So like I never did porn before but I only had sex with one girl my entire life and I’m only 30. So like I hope u do get this so I can hear what u have to say so…. Take care and have a good day. Would love information on becoming a porn star please help”

“Do you wanna give me a session where you tie me up and kick me repeatedly in my balls and rupture them, so you make me infertile?”

“I’d like to be in one of your videos I’ve never done anal before but I want you to get up inside my ass”

“Hi Goddess, hi Queen.
I want a Goddess for marriage, for I to be slave 24/7 of the Goddess for worship all days.
I can lick all you body for massage for you relax all days. I can lick and smell: foot, sole foot, pussy, armpit, boobs, ass, thongs,… I can; facesitting, pony boy 2 or 4 legs or carruage, facespiting, faceslaping, drink you pee, drink you squirt, dogtrainning, wrestling she winer, servan for clean you house, you thongs and similars. You can user me for you girlfriends parties. I can to be you furniture for you relax you feet, ass,…I can eat as a dog, in your foot, you can pee in my menu and water,…You can put me you thongs in my face all day,…and moreI kiss and lick you feet of Queen”

“You can use my dick.”

“Hi goddess babydick slave here I love all your videos can you please own my premature ejaculating tiny Cock.”

“Dear Mistress T,
I was wondering if this request is possible. You have a terrible cold and have your male slave already tied up on a bed with duct tape on his mouth and his head off the edge of the bed. You hold his head so he can’t move and with your mouth really close to his nose you proceed to snort and hock up thick mucus-filled phlegm (forcing him to smell your hocking breath). With your mouth still close to his nose, you then slowly release the thick phlegmy loogie into his nostrils telling him to sniff your sickness.
Can this action be repeated throughout and can the video be shot at a close angle showing your beautiful face and the slaves nose?”

Mistress T

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Questions for a university psychology course.

Posted on September 25, 2015 by Mistress T

A psychologist has asked me questions for a university course he’s teaching. I thought some of my fans might be interested in the answers so am making a blog post out of it.

Questions:
1. How do you see domination fitting into normal human sexuality?

There is a wide spectrum of Domination in sexuality, from a subtle power exchange of one person initiating or being on top in a sexual position, to light bondage, role play, or harder impact play, spanking, paddling, etc. The specific activities aside, I think people often experience at least a subtle sense of being more submissive or more Dominant in a sexual encounter. That can be thrilling. To either be pursued & ‘taken’ enthusiastically or to be the one with more control in the situation. The spirit of that can make sex more exciting, even if in your own head you feel it without telling the other person, to use your imagination & pretend you are submitting or Dominating. For example, without thinking of “Domination” I’m sure a lot of women enjoy being on the bottom in the missionary position, which is in a sense, a submissive position.
2. What about you makes you popular with the men who are your fans? Are these things common to or possible in all dominant people (or people being dominant), or are they particular to you?

For me specifically there is a confidence that my fans seem to be drawn to. Confidence seems to go hand in hand with Dominance so I feel that quality is common in most or all Dominant people. I’d like to say that being perceptive/empathetic & intelligent are also valued by my fans but wouldn’t say those things are necessarily common to all Dominant people. Human sexuality is complex. Dominant people are just people who enjoy being in control. There are as many different types of Dominant people as there are fans or submissives with different tastes & interests.
3. How is what you do healthy for a person’s sexuality – yours or the sexuality of the fans?

This is a highly individual answer but I’ll answer with some examples. Some of my fans have secret fetishes that they do not feel comfortable sharing with their wives. Maybe they like to dress up in women’s lingerie or they have a foot fetish. Maybe their fetish developed after they were married and their wife just wouldn’t be understanding about it. Maybe they don’t even have sex anymore so she especially wouldn’t be interested in indulging his sexual interest. By watching my vids he gets an outlet. He gets to indulge in his fetish without cheating on his wife, or asking her to do something she’s not comfortable with. Maybe he doesn’t get to play out his fantasies exactly as he’d like to but he at least gets to let the pressure off. Have a little harmless fun.

Another example: Some of my fans are in control at work & home. The have a lot of responsibility/pressure/stress. Someone else being in control for even a few minutes is like a weight being lifted off of them. A mini-mental vacation. They can watch a 10 minute “masturbation instruction” vid where I tell them to stroke & ejaculate on command, maybe with a count down, like it’s a game and they are happy to just take orders from someone else for a little while. To escape their normal lives. After that they are refreshed, more relaxed & able to return to their normal lives a little lighter. It helps them be better boss’s, better parents, husbands, etc.

Yet another example: Sometimes my vids help men to be better lovers. Men with premature ejaculation issues can learn orgasm control through my vids.
4. Is there a line that you see where domination crosses into something unhealthy? If so, how would you describe where this could become unhealthy?

In extreme situations Domination could be associated with non-consensual sex, verbal or physical abuse/violence. There are people with mental health issues who Dominate in unhealthy ways…but mentally healthy people who enjoy incorporating Dom/sub play into their sex life usually have no desire to harm their partners beyond their limits. It’s important to learn to play safely, to respect boundaries, etc. The vast majority of people who engage in mild to wild Domination play do so in a healthy way, whether solo (masturbating to vids) or with partners. Even porn addiction isn’t that different from Netflix binging, Facebook or other social media addiction, video games, etc. Sexual pleasure is healthy, mentally & physically. However you find that pleasure among consenting adults is ALL GOOD.

(A side note about porn addiction: In mainstream porn young men can get the wrong idea about what real sex is like & essentially ‘train’ themselves to only be able to get hard & cum from this kind of stimulation. I don’t feel like Domination porn quite has the same effect but it’s possible that if a young man only ever masturbated to porn of women Dominating men he may have a difficult time adjusting to real life sex with a woman who is not Dominant. This would be more of an extreme situation. Ideally, watching porn would expose a person to a variety of scenarios & actually educate them, stimulate their creativity & help them to feel more comfortable with their sexuality.)
5. Is domination something that is consistent with your general personality (as your friends and loved ones in life have known you), or is it very different from the way you are in life on a day-to-day basis?

Mistress T is a persona…but is certainly close to who I am off screen. I have always been a naturally confident, self-assured person who likes to be in control. Not to the point of arrogance, bullying or an inability to allow someone else to take the lead. Day-to-day I am pretty relaxed & goofy.
6. Do you think that domination (or submission) is something that every person should try out, or is it an interest that only some people would probably have an interest in?

I think every person who feels like trying it, should. That doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Most people, if they were very honest, would know instinctively whether they feel drawn to or curious about Dominating or submitting. Some simply have no interest & that’s fine. As I said before, human sexuality is very complex. If every person you know could anonymously let you know what their sexual fantasies are I bet you would be hard pressed to figure out what ‘normal’ is. There is no so such thing. If we all wore t-shirts with our sexual fantasies written on them it would not be long before we all became more accepting & less shocked but what we think is ‘taboo’ or abnormal.
7. We have a wide range of students with a wide range of belief systems, from atheist to conservative Christian. Do you have a message to share with university students who are strongly Christian that may help them to approach, learn, and think about domination instead of just throwing it out and labeling it as immoral or wrong?

Do Christians think that Domination is immoral or wrong? Gosh, I didn’t realize. Do you mean they think God will judge them & they won’t get into heaven? I suppose if someone thinks sex is only for reproduction & not enjoyment then anything like this is going to be too far of a leap. Sorry, otherwise I just don’t quite understand how religion plays into this? I realize my moral compass might be a little fluid after all the years of depravity I’ve engaged in…but my opinion is that what happens between consenting adults in privacy is their business. If it feels good, do it. The world needs happy people & sexually satisfied people tend to be less stressed & in a better position to do Gods work/helping your fellow man, etc.

Satan is RIGHT behind me…isn’t he?! He’s already stolen my nose, I can feel it! So why am I still smiling?

A note about Domination & sexuality. The book & movie 50 Shades of Grey started a lot of discussions about Domination. Those who are informed on Domination often criticize it for portraying things incorrectly. Some consider the scenario’s to be closer to abuse than safe, consensual Domination. Criticism aside it did put a spotlight on the undeniable fact that many people, especially women are curious or interested in Domination, kinky sex, BDSM, bondage, fetishes, role-play, etc. The internet has opened up the world of kink to those who may not have had access to information before. People are curious, they are asking questions, exploring & becoming more accepting. Those who judge & condemn other people for their sexual preferences are rightfully becoming the endangered species. Each of us has to live our own lives & we owe it to our 80 year old future selves to make the best of the years and not saddle ourselves with “what if’s”, “should have’s” & regrets. Be true to yourself.

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
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Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog
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Meeting fans in real life.

Posted on September 17, 2015 by Mistress T

“Tell me more…”

I was recently contacted by a fan who had been reading my blog for years & wanted to meet me in person but not for a session, just to talk. He valued my time so offered a respectable tribute. I love meeting fans in this way. I often use them as “muses” when filming vids as they usually represent the typical guy who watches my vids.

I arrived at the cafe a few minutes early, did a scan for him. I didn’t know what he looked like yet so I was at a slight disadvantage. No one seemed to get an instant boner or looked flushed so I got my tea & sat down. He approached me a moment later, shy but with a friendly face. It put me at ease.

We made small talk and I soon discovered that he had lived an interesting life as a real cuckold. His story fascinated me. He had met his wife in university & knew of her reputation for being promiscuous & cheating on her boyfriends. That didn’t deter him, it actually attracted him to her. He didn’t struggle with it even at a young age. He accepted that as a part of his sexuality.

He was turned on thinking about her being with other men…lots of other men…

They dated and quickly fell into a serious relationship. In many ways they had a normal, happy relationship. They even had a decent sex life but he knew she had a wild side & suspected she was straying. Eventually she stopped even attempting to keep her dalliances a secret as he never made a fuss about things she was sloppy about covering up. Their communication got better & she would tell him about her affairs, sharing details, even include him in different ways. He loved going down on her & occasionally having intercourse with her after she had been with someone else.

She developed a taste for black men & had a several black lovers. Eventually there was less & less intercourse between she & her cuckolded husband but their relationship was still good. The cuckolding was hot for both of them. He loved the idea of her getting satisfied by black men and developed a ‘fetish’ for black bulls along with her.

Black bulls & cuckolding go together like peas & carrots…

I know. This all sounds cliche & made up. He could have been lying to me but I believed him. I cross examined him & dug for more details. How he felt about this or that, etc. He simply gave me the facts.

This relationship lasted for quite a few years & eventually their marriage ended but he assured me that the reasons for divorce had nothing to do with the cuckolding part of their life.

I asked him what he was looking for from me and he replied that he wasn’t sure. He had taken a break from porn, sex & all fetish activities after the divorce for quite awhile. He had only been reading my blog. He felt connected to me in a cerebral way & simply wanted to connect with me in real life, with no expectations or plans. Just a chat. Just for the heck of it. When I asked how he felt about me writing about him in my blog he said he would find it thrilling. So here it is. What will happen next?

On the topic of meeting fans in real life I recently met with another fan & our encounter was interesting in a whole different way. He & I had done a cam session first. He was into humiliation so I verbally humiliated him while he did humiliating things like dressing up in women’s cloths, sucked a dildo, etc. He excitedly explained what a loser he was trying to get me to laugh at him. The laughing was what turned him on. He explained that he was still a virgin in his mid 20’s, that he fantasized about sucking cock all the time, etc.

Cam session antics…

The cam session went so well he requested a private session. I suggested we go for a bite to eat first to get acquainted in person. Over breakfast things took an unexpected turn. As he shared more & more details about his pathetic life I saw that this went beyond fantasy. This guy really needed to make some serious changes. That he was on a downward trajectory and I just couldn’t be a part of that.

I made it clear that his fetish for being humiliated was perfectly fine within the parameters of a fantasy but that outside of that he needed to not be a loser. I won’t go into details on specifically what changes I advised him to make but broadly they were pertaining to physical health as well as emotional health. Our meeting was a real boner-killer for him. He cried at one point. But not in the hot, humiliating way. The way you cry when you’re touched by someone’s kindness. Pretty much the last thing he expected or wanted to pay for but for christ sake, I have a conscience. I couldn’t take his money when I felt like I could make a positive difference in his life. He has written since that he is implementing some of the changes I recommended & he’s grateful for my help. Time will tell. I plan to keep tabs on him as I’m curious to see if I really did help or not.

A lot of people have fantasies & fetishes that they explore & play with in a healthy way. You can be a groveling, boot licking, piss drinking, cock sucking sissy bitch and ALSO be a strong, balanced, healthy, person with high self esteem. You don’t have to be a fucking loser 24/7. You don’t have to choose one or the other. Have your damn cake & eat it too.

Which brings me full circle to the first guy in this blog post. He had balanced a very normal & healthy life with his kink. Sure, he admitted he had had periods of slight obsession, where he indulged a little too heavily in cuckolding porn, no one is perfect…but he was otherwise very self-aware, emotionally healthy & “normal”.

Take care of yourselves, eh.

Cheers,

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

Did I anticipate the perceptions?

Posted on September 7, 2015 by Mistress T

How am I perceived?

I was lovingly asked recently: “How did you expect to be perceived by people before you got into this business?”. He asked the question because I often mention my frustration with stigma & judgement. How there are times when I lie about what I do to avoid that judgement, etc.

I thought about it for a moment before responding with the cliche statements of: “I didn’t really choose this work, it kind of chose me, so there wasn’t a lot of advance thought about other people’s perceptions.” Which is only partly true because my path to this work was not a straight line.

I first chose to moonlight from my vanilla job & sell tequila shooters naked on a hippie beach. I was not judged there, I was celebrated, supported & loved.

I was comfortable in my own skin…on a nude beach I felt at home.

I then chose to try stripping but I was certainly aware of the stigmas attached to that profession. I wore a disguise, kept it secret & only did it briefly before going back to vanilla work again. I loved being a private dancer in a strip club. I did no-contact private dancing (so not lap dancing) & my sales experience helped me to be an effective hustler, selling guys dances. It was profitable & I was good at it but I felt like I was “too good” for it. Even I judged me!

I eventually went back to stripping after being miserable in my vanilla job. That led to creating my version of a voyeur show or peep show at home. Guys would come over & pay me to masturbate & talk dirty while they jerked off sitting on a chair by the bed, no touching allowed.

I loved the exhibitionism, the naughtiness & of course, the money. But I didn’t like the stigma. There wasn’t much difference between what I was doing & full-on escorting. I just wasn’t actually having intercourse or oral/manual sex…but it was similar enough I didn’t tell just anyone & when I did I was careful to make the distinction between what I was doing & “full service” prostitution. I magnified that fine line.

So during those career decisions, yes, I was fully aware of what people’s perception would be. But I was running from misery working in the vanilla world, office politics, the soul-sucking or mind-numbing reality of working for boring or stupid people & climbing the corporate ladder. I was a corporate whore in the vanilla world.

Climbing the corporate ladder was a soul-sucking experience for me.

Then Pro Domme work found me. I didn’t set out to be a Dominatrix. Certain clients saw it in me & requested kink & fetish activities. I indulged & eventually I started to get positively reviewed on forums as a Dominatrix & I grew into the role. Video work found me soon after. The rest is history. (That’s the Readers Digest version for this blog post, if you’ve read my blog from the beginning you know the long version of the story.)

In the beginning…I hid my face in my ads.

If I had a thought in the early days it was that being a Dominatrix was more respectable than being a stripper or prostitute. It was cooler, intimidating , edgier. I felt bad ass. Nearly 10 years later I laugh at the “baby Domme” version of me. I have seen this ego trip many times with new Dommes. Every day I see different women in the adult business snubbing their nose at women who do different types of adult work. I’ve heard:

“I only do cam work, so I’m better than those dirty sluts who actually meet & touch those gross guys.”

and/or:

“I’m a REAL Dominatrix who does real time sessions so I’m better than those fake girls who only do cam.”

I could go on & on, cam girls snub porn girls, escorts snub Dominatrix’s, stage dancers snub private dancers, phone sex girls snub cam girls, rub n’ tug girls snub escorts, Pro Dommes who don’t get naked snub those who do, etc. There’s a lot of support & camaraderie in the adult industry but there’s a fair share of cattiness too. A certain amount of stigma & judgement within our own industry!

I love what I do. Truly. Although I feel like this work found me I did make many small & big decisions before & since to put me on & keep me on this path. I haven’t loved the stigma. I’ve been evicted once (before I understood what my rights are) & had neighbors in another place attempt to get me evicted. I’ve had guys choose to not get into a relationship with me because of what I do. There’s certainly been a fair bit of whispering & gossip behind my back.

I have a lot of fun “at work”.

At the end of the day we live our lives for ourselves. We make decisions that serve us. If you try to please other people all the time you will fail.

All jobs have good & bad. I happen to have a job that I truly love but other people sometimes judge me for doing. A lot of people with “respectable” jobs hate going to work every day. If I could go back 15 years & tell my younger self working in vanilla jobs I hated anything it would be to fearlessly go in the direction that instinctively felt right for me & ignore other people’s opinions.

That’s that advice I give myself every day now.

Cheers,

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

The desperate imbalance on Ashley Madison

Posted on August 27, 2015 by Mistress T

That wedding ring carries SO much meaning…

Another blog post inspired by an article I just read…this one about the incredibly few real women that were on the “Ashley Madison” dating site:

http://gizmodo.com/almost-none-of-the-women-in-the-ashley-madison-database-1725558944

For those who missed the whole “Ashley Madison” scandal recently, it was a dating site specifically for married people who were trying to cheat on their partners..& it was hacked, exposing a whole lot of guys. Uh-oh.

Side note: If you want to keep your online activity secret be sure to use a unique email address for that purpose only, and cover your tracks.

This article went into technical detail about their investigation into how many of the female profiles were completely fake. Fake, as in created by staff at Ashley Madison. Millions of desperate, horny men were active on this site, seeking a play partner outside of their marriage…viewing profiles, sending messages & checking their inboxes for responses that never, ever came. The site charged these men, even charged them to have their accounts deleted! (Then didn’t even delete their information).

These guys were spending money & time trying to meet a woman or women who wanted to have sex with a married man. To fulfill his sexual fantasies with…when it would have just been simpler to pay a professional who would deliver. There’s integrity in just paying to have your fantasy fulfilled. A clear transaction folks.

Did all these guys really believe that thousands of women were on a DATING site hoping to have a fling with a married guy? Wow. Just, wow.

But the site marketed themselves like that. It sold millions of horny men that fantasy.

I’m also in the business of selling fantasies. But surely most guys understand that? What are the odds that I could be everything & every role I play in the wide variety of vids that I create? In the last few years I have been a therapist, a high-powered boss, a spy, a nun, a teacher, a MILF, a GILF, a prison guard…a Dominatrix who trains sissy sluts, who fucks asses, who encourages guys to suck cock, who loves boot worship, foot worship, ball busting, hurting & humiliating guys 100 different ways, a cuckoldress who sometimes keeps you in chastity, more often tells you to jerk off while watching me with other men…a cuckoldress who claims to love black cock one day & the next tells black men they’ll never be worthy to fuck me…there have been a few more contradictions over the years & dare I say I could even be called a hypocrite…IF you took everything I said & did as the gospel truth.

I’ve digressed a little from the theme of this post…which is really a harsh illustration of the massive imbalance in this world of men’s & women’s desires. There are a lot more (like waaaaay more) married men hoping to have an affair then there are women hoping to have an affair with a married man. There are way more men hoping to live out submissive fantasies with Dominant women then there are women who are eager to peg a guy, piss on a guy, spank him, dress him up in lingerie, tie him up & edge his cock for hours, etc.

This is why men pay women for these services & why women pretty rarely pay for sexual services from men. There is a massive imbalance.

You could get all butt hurt about this or you could look at it this way: it’s really nice when someone cooks for us. It happens sometimes. Friends or family will invite us over for dinner & serve us a nice meal. And we appreciate it when it happens. But most of the time we need to cook for ourselves or pay for someone to prepare it for us (restaurants). We don’t bitch every day about the lack of people interested in cooking for us for free. Right? Well, it’s basically the same for sex in a lot of cases.

In life, your attitude often determines your level of happiness. If you’re bummed all the time about not finding the perfect women to fulfill your fantasies (for free/in real life) then it’s your attitude that needs to be adjusted. Use vids, your imagination, cam shows or in person sessions while keeping an eye out for your unicorn in real life. Accept that the odds are not in your favor & find pleasure in other parts of your life. Desperation & depression will only lead to stupid decisions, like the many men on the Ashley Madison site.

Good luck!

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressTdotnet

Tantra?

Posted on June 2, 2015 by Mistress T

Say good-bye to tense vagina with Tantric Yoni Massage! “My pussy has never felt so good!”

What the hell is tantra? I couldn’t really tell ya, but I know I like how it feels AND I know someone who CAN tell you all about it, if you’re curious? Better yet, he can just show you how to make a woman feel fantastic.

No bed skills? Virginal clumsiness? Or just want to build on your game? Learn some new tricks? I can tell you that the first time he touched me I was like: “Wow, what the hell are you doing? That’s amazing!” (& I’ve been around the block, if ya know what I mean?)

The lover who is rocking my world these days can coach you through some techniques on how to please a woman…or he can actually please YOUR woman (for the cuckolds out there). He offers massage & yoni massage to women (yoni means the vagina & surrounding area)…but he’s also an instructor & can teach men a few things. Heck, if you ask me nicely (& pay me well *smile*) I might even “model” for your session.

Yup, you read that right. You could book a session where he shows you on me how to touch a woman and then you could practice on me. Holy shit, right?

Want to get up close & personal with my pussy AND not suck at it? Learn some new moves, stud muffin.

I wouldn’t normally allow penetration with your fingers in a session but under these circumstances I would since the tantric massage & yoni massage means that you are massaging all around and IN my pussy. No penis penetration though…this is about learning to please a woman. However, you could watch he & I have tantric sex/intercourse. Are you getting hot under the collar yet?

So, for cuckolds, you could have a cuckold style session with us OR send your wife/girlfriend to him for pleasure.

For others who just want to learn to be better lovers/learn how to please a woman, you could learn some new skills.

Some of this can be done over Skype but for hands-on sessions you’ll either need to see us in Vancouver or bring us to you.

Check out the vid below & email to discuss: MsT@MistressT.net

Here’s his website address (you can contact him directly through his site): www.TantraGuy.ca

Click the link below to view the vid on the FREE page on my site.

Click here to view the cool vid: http://www.MistressT.net/freemovie/tantra

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet

Mistress T

Get to know Mistress T more intimately….

Category Archives: Sex Ed

POV vs. Voyeur?

Mature Mentality

Sex At Dawn – Book review & recommendation!

The Online World…

Questions for a university psychology course.

Meeting fans in real life.

Did I anticipate the perceptions?

The desperate imbalance on Ashley Madison

Tantra?