No shame. my body my choice

Some misguided critter recently tried to shame or insult me by calling me an escort. I would have been more insulted if they had accused me of being the kind of person who would try to shame someone for being an escort.

Over the last 12 years I have been a stripper, a Professional Dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort & fetish model/performer/porn star. I’ve done phone sex, I’ve done my version of a peep show or voyeur show, masturbated for money, done girl-girl shows, sold cuckolding sessions where a guy paid to lick another man’s cum from my pussy, I’ve spat my boyfriends cum into a guy’s mouth for $1000, I’ve had sex for money, I’ve done shows & lap dances at bachelor parties, I’ve done topless poker dealing, topless bartending & sold tequila shooters naked on a clothing optional beach…I’m sure I missed a few things I’ve done for money using my body & sexuality….but you get the idea.

And I’m not ashamed of any of it.

It’s my body, my life, my choices.

I decide from one day to the next what I feel comfortable doing with my body. It has evolved over the years, but I regret nothing & have no hesitation in asserting my boundaries, whatever they are that day.

I do not buy into the BS hierarchy of adult industry workers. Strippers thinking they’re better than escorts because they don’t have sex with their customers, FinDom’s or non-nude fetish models thinking they’re better than those who get naked, phone sex or cam girls thinking they’re better than others for whatever reasons. Sometimes ladies in this industry can be pretty judgey considering how harshly we’re all judged by people in the vanilla world. Some lump us all together & at best they think some kinds of work are at least not ‘as bad’ as others. Even if we’re accepted & supported by our loved ones in our choices, no one prays that their little girl will grow up to be a sex worker & most won’t brag about it. The whole adult industry is stigmatized.

Women have been using their bodies & sexuality to make money for a very long time in a lot of different ways, not just in adult work. Some do it because they want to & they like it, they find it empowering, some do it for money, sometimes both. It does nothing to benefit anyone to try to shame women for it. If most men could do it they would & I doubt they would have any shame about it.

What people choose to do for work does not define who they are or all that they are. Women in the adult industry are also mothers, daughter, sisters, friends, animal lovers, Trekkies, gamers, teachers, foodies, therapists, painters, swimmers, pilots, volunteers, writers, sports fans, musicians, travelers, gamblers, sexual assault survivors, recovering alcoholics..they might be struggling with mental illness, mourning the death of a loved one, be fighting a legal battle with an ex, be caring for an elderly family member, be dealing with PTSD, be studying to get a new job outside of the industry, be working toward a personal goal or be helping someone else to get in or out of the industry…I could go on & on because every woman doing adult work has a story, a unique personality & a life beyond her job.

So, keep this in mind the next time you find yourself or hear someone else judging, objectifying or shaming a person in the adult industry.


Mistress T

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Did I anticipate the perceptions?

How am I perceived?

How am I perceived?

I was lovingly asked recently: “How did you expect to be perceived by people before you got into this business?”. He asked the question because I often mention my frustration with stigma & judgement. How there are times when I lie about what I do to avoid that judgement, etc.

I thought about it for a moment before responding with the cliche statements of: “I didn’t really choose this work, it kind of chose me, so there wasn’t a lot of advance thought about other people’s perceptions.” Which is only partly true because my path to this work was not a straight line.

I first chose to moonlight from my vanilla job & sell tequila shooters naked on a hippie beach. I was not judged there, I was celebrated, supported & loved.

I was comfortable in my own skin...on a nude beach I felt at home.

I was comfortable in my own skin…on a nude beach I felt at home.

I then chose to try stripping but I was certainly aware of the stigmas attached to that profession. I wore a disguise, kept it secret & only did it briefly before going back to vanilla work again. I loved being a private dancer in a strip club. I did no-contact private dancing (so not lap dancing) & my sales experience helped me to be an effective hustler, selling guys dances. It was profitable & I was good at it but I felt like I was “too good” for it. Even I judged me!

I eventually went back to stripping after being miserable in my vanilla job. That led to creating my version of a voyeur show or peep show at home. Guys would come over & pay me to masturbate & talk dirty while they jerked off sitting on a chair by the bed, no touching allowed.

I loved the exhibitionism, the naughtiness & of course, the money. But I didn’t like the stigma. There wasn’t much difference between what I was doing & full-on escorting. I just wasn’t actually having intercourse or oral/manual sex…but it was similar enough I didn’t tell just anyone & when I did I was careful to make the distinction between what I was doing & “full service” prostitution. I magnified that fine line.

So during those career decisions, yes, I was fully aware of what people’s perception would be. But I was running from misery working in the vanilla world, office politics, the soul-sucking or mind-numbing reality of working for boring or stupid people & climbing the corporate ladder. I was a corporate whore in the vanilla world.

Climbing the corporate ladder was a soul-sucking experience for me.

Then Pro Domme work found me. I didn’t set out to be a Dominatrix. Certain clients saw it in me & requested kink & fetish activities. I indulged & eventually I started to get positively reviewed on forums as a Dominatrix & I grew into the role. Video work found me soon after. The rest is history. (That’s the Readers Digest version for this blog post, if you’ve read my blog from the beginning you know the long version of the story.)

In the beginning...I hid my face in my ads.

In the beginning…I hid my face in my ads.

If I had a thought in the early days it was that being a Dominatrix was more respectable than being a stripper or prostitute. It was cooler, intimidating , edgier. I felt bad ass. Nearly 10 years later I laugh at the “baby Domme” version of me. I have seen this ego trip many times with new Dommes. Every day I see different women in the adult business snubbing their nose at women who do different types of adult work. I’ve heard:

“I only do cam work, so I’m better than those dirty sluts who actually meet & touch those gross guys.”


“I’m a REAL Dominatrix who does real time sessions so I’m better than those fake girls who only do cam.”

I could go on & on, cam girls snub porn girls, escorts snub Dominatrix’s, stage dancers snub private dancers, phone sex girls snub cam girls, rub n’ tug girls snub escorts, Pro Dommes who don’t get naked snub those who do, etc. There’s a lot of support & camaraderie in the adult industry but there’s a fair share of cattiness too. A certain amount of stigma & judgement within our own industry!

I love what I do. Truly. Although I feel like this work found me I did make many small & big decisions before & since to put me on & keep me on this path. I haven’t loved the stigma. I’ve been evicted once (before I understood what my rights are) & had neighbors in another place attempt to get me evicted. I’ve had guys choose to not get into a relationship with me because of what I do. There’s certainly been a fair bit of whispering & gossip behind my back.


I have a lot of fun “at work”.

At the end of the day we live our lives for ourselves. We make decisions that serve us. If you try to please other people all the time you will fail.

All jobs have good & bad. I happen to have a job that I truly love but other people sometimes judge me for doing. A lot of people with “respectable” jobs hate going to work every day.¬† If I could go back 15 years & tell my younger self working in vanilla jobs I hated anything it would be to fearlessly go in the direction that instinctively felt right for me & ignore other people’s opinions.

That’s that advice I give myself every day now.


Mistress T

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So, what do you do?


Sometimes I find myself in the awkward position of trying to explain to someone what I do for a living.

There is no quick way to explain, like saying you’re a dentist, a car salesperson, a criminal lawyer, a bank teller, etc. Sure, I can say that I produce & perform in adult films but then they just get an image of me being gang-banged in every hole by 6 guys at once. Nothing against mainstream porn, I enjoy it & respect those who do that work…it’s just that it’s not really very much like what I actually do.

So I explain that I create niche FemDom fetish films. Then I explain that means that all my films are about Dominant Females and submissive males. Not usually like a leather-clad Dominatrix with a whip in a dungeon, but sometimes. Usually in a domestic setting, often with me doing a lot of talking to the camera to the viewer watching the film.


The person is usually nodding while making a confused face at this point. Like ‘talking’ in a porn film is the craziest thing they’ve ever heard.

I explain that the guys who watch my vids are into the fantasy of being controlled or Dominated by a confident woman. They feel a connection to me because I’m speaking directly to them. Sure, sometimes there is sex if it fits the scenario, like cuckolding or sex slave, but more often I do hand jobs so the guy jerking off can imagine it’s my hand on his cock.


Back up…what’s cuckolding?

So then I explain that. Which is often painful. Especially if it’s a couple & the wife looks interested and the guy looks horrified…or vice versa.

#16. New Hubby Becomes Cuckold

#16. New Hubby Becomes Cuckold

At this point I have them by the short & curlies. They couldn’t be ripped away from this conversation if Jesus himself appeared & started turning water into wine. But for me I just feel like a circus freak doing my dog & pony show. I would happily leave the conversation if the most boring person in the world stepped in to explain advanced calculus.

Sometimes they’ll ask what my name is online so they can look me up. Depending on the person this can be varying degrees of awkward. Do I want this person to see me naked, fucking?


Sometimes they ask something along the lines of how much money I make, which is crass, but for some reason this answer will determine whether they’ll conclude I’m a stupid slut or a brilliant business woman. I usually just smile & say that I do fine. If it’s a female inquiring because she’s thinking of getting into the biz, I tell her it’s not easy-money. I’ve done well where the vast majority have not.

Sometimes I feel compelled to educate & enlighten the masses one person at a time & I spend more time explaining what I do. I’m sure a lot of us have jobs that aren’t quite what people think they are. It’s just that there is such harsh judgement of those who make their living in the sex trade…but in many ways my business is like many others. I pay taxes, I have business expenses, a web site, social media, I answer emails, etc. My education is in sales, marketing and public relations. I’ve applied what I learned similarly in other industries as well as in my adult business.

Anyway, this was just on my mind today so I thought I’d share a little insight into the reality of being me, who is also Mistress T…as this blog is all about getting to know me more intimately. In case you ever wondered what I tell people about what I do. I rarely lie since all of my friends & family know. I just lie if I really don’t feel like giving the long-winded explanation or if I’m sure the person will not be able to handle it. I’ve been surprised often. I’ve been judged harshly by those who I thought were open-minded & I’ve been warmly accepted by those who I suspected would be the most judgmental.
Mistress T

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