Tag Archives: sex work

Fuck em’ if you want to.

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mistresst_shreddz_bts1

My message to new Pro Dommes: Fuck your clients if you want to. You’re the Domme, make up your own rules.

I’ll explain. I received an email from a guy this week seeking my advice. He had been seeing a Pro Domme for a year on a regular basis. Recently she had “made” him give her oral sex in a session. In another session she had intercourse with him. He “knew” that Pro Dommes weren’t supposed to have sex with their clients because it ruins the dynamic so he was asking me if it was okay to just stop seeing her or should he explain to her why he wouldn’t be seeing her again.

With a bit more conversation I determined that he had wanted to & consented to those sex acts in the session. So I told him that what two consenting adults do is their own damn business but if his feelings have changed he certainly owed her a conversation about it. Especially if he was a regular client she had come to rely on financially. I also told him the rule about Dommes not fucking clients was horse shit.

That’s right: Horse shit.

When I first started as a Pro Domme I was told this iron clad rule. I was so careful to follow these traditional rules that I didn’t even give hand jobs. I could do CBT, piss on a guys junk, sit on his face wearing full coverage panties, fist his ass, but god forbid I should even touch his penis with a gloved hand in a way that wasn’t painful. That I even let guys jerk themselves off was scandalous as I was told a proper Dominatrix doesn’t even permit slaves to cum in her presence.

I don’t know where these rules originated from but I can tell you that if you plan to pay your rent as a service provider you’re going to have to at least let guys cum. The market for clients who want only the strictest Domination is teensy-tiny.

em_pro_pic_mistresst

So what’s the difference between seeing an escort & a Pro Domme? In some cases, not a hellava lot. A lot of escorts can role-play the Dominant role & fuck a guy in the ass with a strap-on. In some cases a Pro Domme might choose to engage in sex acts with a client. Here’s the thing: sex workers are individuals with their own personal boundaries, likes & dislikes, etc. Different Pro Dommes will offer difference services. Just as some escorts do anal (giving or taking), and some don’t, for example.

When talking to new sex workers I encourage them to figure out for themselves what they like doing or not. I encourage them to communicate that clearly so they work with clients they enjoy working with, doing what they enjoy doing. I wish someone had told me that in the beginning because I missed out on a lot of hot sex with clients who I had great chemistry with because I was following other people’s rules. Boy, was I surprised years later to discover that some other Pro Dommes who claimed they didn’t fuck clients sometimes fucked them when they felt like it (with clients consent). What a revelation! A Dominant, sexually healthy woman doing what she damn well pleases.

The great thing about being a Pro Domme is that clients don’t expect sex in the session so you’re not obligated. That’s a good thing, because that won’t be the dynamic with most clients. When the chemistry is there though, why deny it? Why deny yourself the pleasure? Negotiating on the fly can be a bit tricky because you need to ensure you have genuine consent & that can break the mood, but you can’t just spring that on a guy who is in compliant sub space. It’s not rocket science though. Use your words. Have a little conversation. For example:

“Sex is not meant to be a part of today’s session but I feel like it. If you would like to (worship my pussy/have me use your cock for my pleasure) I would like that. We can discuss further and it’s always perfectly okay to simply say no or use your safe words & we’ll move on. No problem.”

mistresst_shreddz_bts2

I might get some flack for this post but this is just my personal perspective as someone with real life experience.

Obviously respecting people’s boundaries and consent are essential in ALL situations. Not just sex work. So everyone should get used to communicating to understand each other, what people want or don’t want and ensuring you have ENTHUSIASTIC consent. A clear green light always. Got it? Cool.

Disclaimer: Most Pro Dommes explicitly don’t allow oral sex or intercourse. They state this on their info pages, just as I do. If your primary objective is oral sex or intercourse you’re better off booking with an escort who clearly offers those services. The odds of getting that with a Pro Domme are very slim & even asking for it in an initial email will likely result in your email being ignored. Consider the chances of it happening similar to spotting a white tiger in the wild. Not impossible but highly unlikely.

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

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Hailey Heartless’s Speech on Sex Work & Stigma

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I’m going to ask you to do some reading today. I know attention spans are short & if you don’t have time to read the whole thing now please come back to it & finish it.

No matter what you think of The Women’s March, Donald Trump, #MeToo, #TimesUp, Feminism or sex work, if you read this powerful speech with an open mind I’m confident you’ll come away with something to think about. And if it makes you think differently about something I encourage you to have the courage to pass it along to others. To talk about it.

Hailey Heartless is a Vancouver based whip smart activist, sex worker & so much more. You can find more of her via twitter: https://twitter.com/SadistHailey

& her website: https://www.haileyheartless.com

These are her speaking notes from March On Vancouver yesterday: https://medium.com/@SadistHailey/march-on-vancouver-2018-f7e57e6c1785

View story at Medium.com

 

Mistress T

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Sex Workers: Now Available In Human Form!

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I just read this great article “What It’s Like To Be A Mom & A Sex Worker”:

https://www.romper.com/p/what-its-like-to-be-a-mom-a-sex-worker-48312

I wanted to share it as a nod to the women I know in the industry who are mom’s & I really wanted men to read it as yet another way to humanize sex workers.

I write often in my blog about the objectification of women & how important it is to educate & remind people that sex workers are multi-dimensional beings with lives outside of sex work, with hopes & fears, dreams & disappointments, quirks, families, friends, hobbies, feelings, etc. Yup, even that ‘cum-dumpster’ you just jerked off to who took a load of cum on her face while getting fucked in the ass…has a whole life outside of your fantasy. Maybe she volunteers at a soup kitchen or animal shelter, maybe she has kids or an aging parent she takes care of, maybe she teaches yoga, maybe she plays the same video games you do, maybe she bakes the best cookies or fixes up old cars. Sure, maybe she’s dealing with childhood trauma & struggles with addiction or has suicidal thoughts….but ya know what? So do a lot of lawyers, accountants, teachers, mechanics, real estate agents… My point is that sex workers are just people, a slice of the population, like you & the folks around you.

The last paragraph of the article gave me hope & maybe my blog post will contribute to the future this woman sees coming:

“I support anyone’s choice to choose the life that suits them best. It’s hard yet rewarding work to provide nurturing love and companionship to people, whether it’s to my growing daughter or to my grateful clients, and I’m happy to do so. Thankfully, the stigma that sucks joy from my work is slowly dissipating, as people become more progressive and enlightened about their world. And if, in the future, my daughter wants to become a stripper, porn performer, cam-girl, dominatrix, or whatever, I hope she performs just like her mama — with poise, confidence, and a smile.”

Stigma. That word. I’m really sick of it to be honest. Thankfully I mostly don’t care what people think about me in that regard, but on the list of downsides of this occupation “stigma” is the top of the list. The more the world hears & sees sex workers when they’re not doing sex work the more informed people become & the more we can reduce stigma. It’s not easy tho & most don’t want to expose themselves. Most of the women I know in the industry who have kids are careful to hide the fact they have kids from their clients & they are even more careful to keep those who know they have kids from finding out about their profession. The 2 things don’t mix well…but I’ll pull the curtain back & tell you that there’s a hell of a lot of women in the industry who have kids & there’s a hell of a lot of mom’s that are doing sex work. Sex workers who are parents could be excellent secret agents, living double lives, telling lies & keeping secrets. I hope some day it all doesn’t have to be like that.

SIDE NOTE: Unrelated to this article I highly recommend the Netflix series (or book it was based on) “13 Reasons Why”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13_Reasons_Why 

It explores some really tough topics that young adults struggle with: bullying, suicide, consent/rape, objectification & how to support young people who are struggling with some of these issues. So although this is particularly pertinent for young adults or the parents of young adults I think anyone would get a lot out of this. Especially the parts about objectifying women in small ways that add up to a bigger problem. It’s easy to think that one comment or incident is no big deal but seeing over the series how little things accumulated…I won’t ruin it for you, but I hope this series becomes required watching & is discussed in classrooms. People need to understand the consequences of their actions, men in particular in this regard (sexual objectification of women) & women need to learn how to better advocate for themselves.

Be kind to yourselves & to each other.

xo

Mistress T

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A Duo Session with Miss Jasmine

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Mistress T & Miss Jasmine

Nearly a decade ago in the early days of being Professional Dominatrix’s in Vancouver, Miss Jasmine & I became friends. We did basically the same work & occasionally did sessions together. We’ve supported each other as our careers & lives have evolved.

Jasmine recently reached out to set up a duo session with a client of hers who requested me. I still like doing sessions, I just dislike the process of setting up a session with a new person. Poor communication & flakiness abound. Being contacted for a session by another professional makes the process a breeze. All the pertinent information (without the fluff) is efficiently exchanged & arrangements are firmed up quickly.

The date was set. She & I would have lunch before & then head to his hotel together. He was into a bit of bondage & sensual Domination, feet, hosiery, face sitting (clothed) & anal play/strap-on. It’s rather easy to fill up 90 minutes with those activities.

Jasmine had seen this client many times before & knew him well. He had been a fan of my vids for years & knew my style. That certainly helped with the comfort level. Things were more likely to go smoother.

We arrived & there were hugs all around. Hugging a stranger might seem a bit odd but within an hour I will have touched his private parts, a lot, & have shoved my crotch in his face, might as well get the physical contact part going right away.

He had a bottle of bubbly on ice. We decided to indulge.

Some Dommes won’t drink alcohol during a session. For me, it depends on safety really. How safe I feel with the client & what activities I’m doing. For example, I wouldn’t drink alcohol if I would be doing sounding or CP, but foot worship, face sitting & especially golden showers: sure.

For ladies reading this here’s how I feel safest: The bottle is unopened, I open it & pour my own drink. I don’t leave my drink unattended & the client drinks from the same container. This may sound paranoid but drinks getting spiked is a thing & better safe than sorry.

In my experience a drink or two can enhance the session for both parties, loosen you both up a bit. There is obviously a difference between a drink or two vs. getting smashed & out of control. A very drunk client is no fun to deal with & getting drunk yourself is unprofessional.

The view from his hotel room was stunning. I took a moment after getting changed, to admire the view & sip my drink. I’m sure the view of me in lingerie & heels from behind was a nice view for him too.

We stripped him & tied him spread eagle to the bed. He was grinning ear-to-ear & his cock was already standing at attention, twitching into the air. The next while was likely a blur to him as Jasmine & I took turns putting our feet in his face, sitting on his face & teasing his horny cock. Jasmine had brought some special smelly goodies for him (he has been buying her worn items for years). She had socks she’d worn for a couple weeks & a pair of well-worn panties. She held them over his face & made him breath deeply. He was in heaven. He kept saying he couldn’t believe we were both there & this was really happening.

Out came the rubber gloves, lube & toys/strap-ons. We incorporated ass play into the fun, moving him around in different positions, fucking him while he was on his back, doggy style & laying down doggy. At one point I was fucking him from behind while his face was buried between Jasmine’s thighs, inhaling her scent through her panties & we were left looking at each other. It was a funny moment already really, us facing each other with this guy between us having this incredible experience. I started to pull faces to make her laugh, crossing my eyes, lolling my tongue out & thrusting dramatically. She was trying hard to not laugh at loud to ruin the moment & like a jerk I just dialed up the funny faces, trying harder to make her lose it. I threw my head back, rolling my eyes back & smiling like a maniac. Poor Jasmine had to clamp her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I loved it!

We ended things with him on his back, Jasmine fucking him in the ass with her strap-on & jerking him off while I kept my feet on his face, his eyes darting back & forth between us. I was doing my usual dirty talk, encouraging him along. He was begging enthusiastically to be allowed to cum, Jasmine laughing & holding off on giving him permission…I think most Dommes adore that moment, when a guy is right at the edge of orgasm & he’ll do just about anything to cum but also just about anything to not cum without permission, it’s incredibly powerful to have a man in that vulnerable position.

When she gave permission his whole body convulsed & he looked & sounded in every way to be cumming for at least 20 seconds before the ejaculate came out of his cock. His face was a mix of ecstasy & shock. He was muttering that he didn’t know what just happened. He was explaining that it felt like he came twice in a row. We had been working his ass for about a half hour, he likely had a prostate orgasm just before he actually ejaculated & that is a shocking experience for a lot of guys. A happy surprise *smile*.

I nuzzled his face into my cleavage & kissed his forehead. I’m known for a bit of sweetness at this point in a session, if I feel it’s appropriate. Most guys really love this part, no matter what kind of session it’s been. A bit of tenderness & a quiet moment after cumming.

As we tidied & packed up he kept expressing his joyful confusion about his orgasm & about what an amazing experience he had had. The gratitude was nice to hear. We all like to feel like we’ve done a good job, a sense of pride in accomplishment, don’t we?

You can find more of Miss Jasmine here: http://eurasianpersuasion.com/ & here: http://clips4sale.com/studio/18927

xo

Mistress T

Members Site: www.MistressT.net

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No shame.

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Mistresst.net my body my choice

Some misguided critter recently tried to shame or insult me by calling me an escort. I would have been more insulted if they had accused me of being the kind of person who would try to shame someone for being an escort.

Over the last 12 years I have been a stripper, a Professional Dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort & fetish model/performer/porn star. I’ve done phone sex, I’ve done my version of a peep show or voyeur show, masturbated for money, done girl-girl shows, sold cuckolding sessions where a guy paid to lick another man’s cum from my pussy, I’ve spat my boyfriends cum into a guy’s mouth for $1000, I’ve had sex for money, I’ve done shows & lap dances at bachelor parties, I’ve done topless poker dealing, topless bartending & sold tequila shooters naked on a clothing optional beach…I’m sure I missed a few things I’ve done for money using my body & sexuality….but you get the idea.

And I’m not ashamed of any of it.

It’s my body, my life, my choices.

I decide from one day to the next what I feel comfortable doing with my body. It has evolved over the years, but I regret nothing & have no hesitation in asserting my boundaries, whatever they are that day.

I do not buy into the BS hierarchy of adult industry workers. Strippers thinking they’re better than escorts because they don’t have sex with their customers, FinDom’s or non-nude fetish models thinking they’re better than those who get naked, phone sex or cam girls thinking they’re better than others for whatever reasons. Sometimes ladies in this industry can be pretty judgey considering how harshly we’re all judged by people in the vanilla world. Some lump us all together & at best they think some kinds of work are at least not ‘as bad’ as others. Even if we’re accepted & supported by our loved ones in our choices, no one prays that their little girl will grow up to be a sex worker & most won’t brag about it. The whole adult industry is stigmatized.

Women have been using their bodies & sexuality to make money for a very long time in a lot of different ways, not just in adult work. Some do it because they want to & they like it, they find it empowering, some do it for money, sometimes both. It does nothing to benefit anyone to try to shame women for it. If most men could do it they would & I doubt they would have any shame about it.

What people choose to do for work does not define who they are or all that they are. Women in the adult industry are also mothers, daughter, sisters, friends, animal lovers, Trekkies, gamers, teachers, foodies, therapists, painters, swimmers, pilots, volunteers, writers, sports fans, musicians, travelers, gamblers, sexual assault survivors, recovering alcoholics..they might be struggling with mental illness, mourning the death of a loved one, be fighting a legal battle with an ex, be caring for an elderly family member, be dealing with PTSD, be studying to get a new job outside of the industry, be working toward a personal goal or be helping someone else to get in or out of the industry…I could go on & on because every woman doing adult work has a story, a unique personality & a life beyond her job.

So, keep this in mind the next time you find yourself or hear someone else judging, objectifying or shaming a person in the adult industry.

Shamelessly,

Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
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Do I remind you of anyone?

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Mistress T in heels and mini skirt.

Girl next door?

Over the years I’ve had a lot of guys tell me that I remind them of someone from their real lives. I’m not sure how common this is for sex workers/Pro Dommes/escorts, etc.?

Often it’s an ex girlfriend or a love interest from their past. There is an element of nostalgia in these encounters. They sometimes fantasize that they are reuniting with a grown up version of a teenage love from 20 years ago or so. In one situation I was able to help a guy work through some issues he had had over a relationship that didn’t end well. By playing the role of this woman I could give a different perspective of events, how she may have felt, etc.

I’ve had at least a couple of guys say that I look similar to their current wives. One fella liked to be cuckolded by me & imagine that I was his wife. He wanted so badly to see his wife fuck other men but she wasn’t into it. He lived out those fantasies with me.

Imagine I'm your wife...getting fucked by another man...

Imagine I’m your wife…getting fucked by another man…

I’ve had guys say that I remind them of their aunt, mom or mothers friend. Someone they had a crush on when they were younger. Sometimes a school teacher or someone in an authoritative position. We role play fantasies that would have been too taboo to play out otherwise.

Mistress T in a business suit.

Did you do your homework???

Men are very visual & I understand they often like a certain ‘look’. I’ve kept basically the same hair style & haven’t gotten tattoos & piercings like a lot of my friends. Partly because of my job, for those who fantasize I’m a 1940’s pin-up model or Hollywood actress. Or to make it easier for those who are pretending I’m someone else. I don’t mind though. I like my look.

I find it fascinating that men can imagine that I am someone else, someone who meant or means something special to them. That I can help them fulfill fantasies or work through unresolved issues. This is one of the more interesting parts of my work.

Do I remind you of someone? Or are you a woman in a similar line of work who gets told by a lot of men that you remind them of someone? Feel free to share in the comments!

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
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So, what do you do?

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mistresst_bazinga

Sometimes I find myself in the awkward position of trying to explain to someone what I do for a living.

There is no quick way to explain, like saying you’re a dentist, a car salesperson, a criminal lawyer, a bank teller, etc. Sure, I can say that I produce & perform in adult films but then they just get an image of me being gang-banged in every hole by 6 guys at once. Nothing against mainstream porn, I enjoy it & respect those who do that work…it’s just that it’s not really very much like what I actually do.

So I explain that I create niche FemDom fetish films. Then I explain that means that all my films are about Dominant Females and submissive males. Not usually like a leather-clad Dominatrix with a whip in a dungeon, but sometimes. Usually in a domestic setting, often with me doing a lot of talking to the camera to the viewer watching the film.

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The person is usually nodding while making a confused face at this point. Like ‘talking’ in a porn film is the craziest thing they’ve ever heard.

I explain that the guys who watch my vids are into the fantasy of being controlled or Dominated by a confident woman. They feel a connection to me because I’m speaking directly to them. Sure, sometimes there is sex if it fits the scenario, like cuckolding or sex slave, but more often I do hand jobs so the guy jerking off can imagine it’s my hand on his cock.

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Back up…what’s cuckolding?

So then I explain that. Which is often painful. Especially if it’s a couple & the wife looks interested and the guy looks horrified…or vice versa.

#16. New Hubby Becomes Cuckold

#16. New Hubby Becomes Cuckold

At this point I have them by the short & curlies. They couldn’t be ripped away from this conversation if Jesus himself appeared & started turning water into wine. But for me I just feel like a circus freak doing my dog & pony show. I would happily leave the conversation if the most boring person in the world stepped in to explain advanced calculus.

Sometimes they’ll ask what my name is online so they can look me up. Depending on the person this can be varying degrees of awkward. Do I want this person to see me naked, fucking?

your_cuckolding_vid2.Still004

Sometimes they ask something along the lines of how much money I make, which is crass, but for some reason this answer will determine whether they’ll conclude I’m a stupid slut or a brilliant business woman. I usually just smile & say that I do fine. If it’s a female inquiring because she’s thinking of getting into the biz, I tell her it’s not easy-money. I’ve done well where the vast majority have not.

Sometimes I feel compelled to educate & enlighten the masses one person at a time & I spend more time explaining what I do. I’m sure a lot of us have jobs that aren’t quite what people think they are. It’s just that there is such harsh judgement of those who make their living in the sex trade…but in many ways my business is like many others. I pay taxes, I have business expenses, a web site, social media, I answer emails, etc. My education is in sales, marketing and public relations. I’ve applied what I learned similarly in other industries as well as in my adult business.

Anyway, this was just on my mind today so I thought I’d share a little insight into the reality of being me, who is also Mistress T…as this blog is all about getting to know me more intimately. In case you ever wondered what I tell people about what I do. I rarely lie since all of my friends & family know. I just lie if I really don’t feel like giving the long-winded explanation or if I’m sure the person will not be able to handle it. I’ve been surprised often. I’ve been judged harshly by those who I thought were open-minded & I’ve been warmly accepted by those who I suspected would be the most judgmental.
Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
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A cuddling service makes sense!

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cuddle

I’ve worked in the adult biz for nearly 10 years in various roles. I’ve met many MANY other ladies in various types of adult work over the years. What I’ve learned is that a lot of clients are lonely & craving human contact. It’s not always about the orgasm. It’s not always about fucking or getting beaten/humiliated, etc. A lot of guys just want to talk, to be touched in any way, to have a connection. It doesn’t even matter if the guys are married as often they’ve become distant from their partner.

There’s a lady in Victoria BC who is doing a booming business in “cuddling”. I applaud her. Here’s the article: http://metronews.ca/news/vancouver/1229047/b-c-woman-offers-cuddling-sessions-for-60-an-hour/

I have no doubt she’s flooded with business & I hope more women will read this article & consider starting their own similar business. I understand that prostitution laws vary in different places (prostitution is legal in Canada…even though what this woman is doing is non-sexual in a different country a cuddling service may fall under that category. I can’t speak to that.)

Here’s why I hope more women will do this:

A. It makes the world a better place. Human connection makes happier people. Happier people make a better world. (I know, hippie-talk, but science backs this up.)

B. It’s an easy & satisfying way for a woman to make some extra money.

Safety issues aside…meeting in public first & taking precautions is good. Sex worker safety has been much debated & is a whole other topic but I’ll say a few things: The most dangerous sex work is street based (desperate, drug-addicted street walkers are more vulnerable). Mid to high end sex workers who screen clients & work out of a safe space rarely deal with violence. The non-sex-work world is far more dangerous in comparison (online dating/meeting people in bars/actual partners. Yeah, the highest incident of violence against women is by their own partners or date rape. Guys they know, not “Johns”.)

For guys looking for this service try asking any service provider (escort or yup, even Dommes). It doesn’t hurt to ask. Respect the answer. For sure a lot of Dommes will tell you to sod off, but some will see it as an easy session. Don’t expect a discount off of the usual rates. Most providers charge for their time, not the service but you can ask politely: “I would really just like a cuddle session please. No sexual contact. Would that be the same rate?”

Another tip for the fella’s (& a tip to the ladies to communicate to any fella): BE CLEAN! That means you have washed head to toe & in all crevices within the last few hours using hot water, soap & shampoo. Do not wear cologne or strong scents. Be wearing clean cloths. Bring clean, dry socks if you have a foot odor issue. Brush your teeth AND tongue & don’t eat an onion & garlic sandwich on your way over. If the lady asks you to shower or use mouth wash before your session: DO IT, even if you just did it an hour ago. Some women ask this of every client regardless. Respect that.

Last tip to all the cuddlers out there: fucking enjoy it! Give yourself over to it. Breath deep & steady. Relax. Physical human contact is healthy for your mind & body. It’s like a spa treatment.

Cuddle on!

Best,
Mistress T

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Blog: http://www.MistressT.net/blog/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet