Keeping Casual Sex Respectful

Version 2

“I hope you don’t feel like you’re not enough?”

This is what I asked my “side guy” the other day & our conversation got me thinking about the art of balancing multiple relationships. I thought the topic might be of interest to my readers.

I’ve been with the same partner for a few years. It’s the deepest & healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. We also practice consensual non-monogamy. That’s the term I use instead of “swingers” (which sounds like we’re partying every weekend, wife swapping) or “poly” (polyamory usually means more than one equal emotional romantic relationship).

I like the term “non-monogamous” as it allows us to define what it is for us & for it to evolve.

I currently have one other regular partner, my “side guy”, who I get together with a few times a month. He’s fun, sexy, sane, drama-free & “gets it”, as in he’s been in a similar relationship so understand things from the other side. He respects my relationship & my primary partner. He doesn’t try to seduce me into falling in love with him or any nonsense.

He just wants lighter connections at this time having recently exited a draining long term relationship. I’m not his only lover & he’s not wanting to get serious with anyone, but he does prefer to like who he’s fucking.

It’s going great but the other day it occurred to me that he could feel objectified or feel inadequate, like he’s not enough.

I thought about how powerful, sexually liberated women high five each other & talk about using boy toys & tossing them away, like men don’t have feelings. I’d argue that if a man is so void of emotional depth that he’s content to be only used like a human dildo maybe he’s not really worth fucking? I know this goes against all the “FemDom sex” vids I’ve done where I just use men for their cocks & ya know what? That stuff is still hot & it has it’s place…but in my efforts to educate, to define the differences between fantasy & reality, I want to just be real here & say that mutual respect & consideration can be more fulfilling than an objectifying, disposable fuck.

There’s a fine line though, isn’t there? Liking the person you’re fucking could lead to loving the person you’re fucking. How do you maintain healthy boundaries? In my case it’s easy to do but hard to articulate. I guess I treat a casual lover as I would a really good friend. What I have with my main/primary partner is much deeper & more complex.

I could probably debate the nuances of these kinds of relationships & interactions with each of my readers or write a ridiculously long blog post that no one would read. I’m aware that I need to keep these things brief as attention spans are preciously short.

I’ll sum up, leaving too much out no doubt. Feel free to comment to expand the conversation. If you’re having “casual sex”, it’s okay to care about your partner. You can be kind, compassionate & respectful without falling head over heels in love…& you can have a mainly physical relationship with someone AND expect them to treat you with kindness, compassion & respect. There’s nothing wrong with mutually enjoying carnal pleasure with someone you don’t want to be in a full relationship with. There’s a lot of factors that might not line up for a relationship, compatibility & all that. It doesn’t mean that they or you are not enough, not good enough, worthless, disposable or only good for one thing.

So to answer the question I opened the blog with, he thought for a moment before responding: “I could feel that way & it might make sense, but I don’t. You are generous with compliments. You treat me with respect. I know you have something special with your partner & you’re not wanting to replace him, this is just extra fun for you. We’re good.”

Wish me luck as I continue to tight rope walk thru non-monogamy:-)


Mistress T

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Sex & cuckolding in reality

I film a lot of crazy stuff. Cuckolding is one of my own personal fetishes and can be played out in many different ways.

I have recently been spending more time with a boy who I’ve known for awhile…as a friend & occasional film slave. He’s kinky & submissive…also pretty cute. He’s in his mid 20’s & I find his youth refreshing.

His sexuality is complex. The times that I’ve considered taking him as a lover his penis wouldn’t cooperate for regular sex. He worships me & is intimidated by me sexually. He gets plenty hard when I kick him in the balls or when he’s worshiping my feet but when I’ve actually tried to fuck him he’s gotten all flustered. Kinda cute.

I haven’t really cared. I have other lovers & I genuinely enjoy his company & service. I love the way he dances (often silly/goofy on purpose which I find entertaining & strangely arousing.)

Yesterday I was out with friends. A couple I’ve had a strong friendship & occasional sexual relationship with for many years. We spent the day hanging out, eating, shopping, going to the beach & flirting. Here’s a snap from yesterday:

Mistress T at the beach

Beach time with my cherished, sexy friends…

At the end of the day she went to have a tryst with a lover. He & I headed back to my place for some fun & I texted the boy to come over immediately. I decided to cuckold him. The conditions were perfect.

While we waited the fuck stud licked my pussy expertly. Mmmm…& just as I came the boy arrived. I kissed him deeply & told him today he was going to see how a real man fucks me. He watched as I licked & sucked the fuck-stud’s cock. Then I told him to suck it a little for me. I wanted him to feel how big it was in his mouth so he would understand how his cock would stretch my pussy.

I licked the shaft while the boy gently sucked the head, our lips & tongues touching.

I had moments of awe…that I’ve played these scenes out so many times in vids & here I was doing it in real life & it was just as hot, hotter even, than the vids. Reality surpassing fantasy.

I wanted that big cock inside of me & I loved the fuck stud’s technique…I was excited to get on with the fucking.

He rolled on the condom & positioned himself so the boy could see his cock entering me. He told him to watch & learn. The fuck stud is the perfect combo of assertive & dirty while still being a really caring & nice guy. He wasn’t some douche who would get off on degrading the boy if he didn’t see how much it turned the boy on.

He fucked me, slow at first, gradually increasing the intensity, depth & speed. The boy was rubbing himself through his shorts & I gave him a foot to worship as I was getting fucked.

After a thorough & truly satisfying rogering from the fuck stud…who fucks in such a manly way, physically assertive, holding me down firmly & using his rock hard cock like a weapon…while looking at me with such compassion…his eyes rolled as he pressed hard against me and came.

As he went to clean up the boy & I kissed sweetly. I wanted to feel his buttery soft young skin against me & told him to undress. I could pet him for hours he feels so good.

Warm hugs for both of us as the fuck stud left to pick up his wife from her lovers place.

The boy & I cuddled & kissed in bed. He was so nervous & overwhelmed. His cock fluctuated between hard & soft as I touched it. I know many guys reading this are rock hard & imagine that they would be rock hard 100% of the time in my presence…while others who understand reality know that often guys struggle with erectile difficulties for all kinds of reasons…none of which include not being attracted to their bed partner.

I liked the idea of having him enter me after my other lover had just stretched out my pussy with his bigger cock. I kicked him in the balls a few times & his cock grew to full attention. (I warned you, his sexuality is complex.) I rolled the condom on & we started to have sex but he quickly lost his erection. I kicked him a few more times & then straddled him, riding his cock while punching him in the balls.

I confess, this was more novel than arousing for me at this point so I told him to lick my pussy. He’s somewhat inexperienced but takes instruction well & I soon had my second delicious orgasm.

As it turns out, bizarrely, there is a sexual position that works for him & once we got going it was surprisingly hot. Probably most exciting as this was the first time we had successful intercourse. He looked so intensely passionate by candle light, so beautiful…

I certainly felt satisfied after hours of ‘play’. Sure, the sex act with the stud was more satisfying, but I got a great deal pf pleasure in a different way with the boy. He truly worships me & has other things to offer. I always enjoy my time with him.

I could have left out all this fumbling around & ended the story after I got fucked properly by the fuck stud…but I thought it was more interesting to explain the rest. Porn messes a lot of people up thinking that sex always runs smoothly. It doesn’t. Sometimes you have to have patience & get used to someone before sex works at all. If there’s chemistry it can be worth the effort.

So, what happens now? Will the boy become my cuckold because he doesn’t quite sexually satisfy me but I like him a lot anyway? Will he start to satisfy me sexually so we have great sex but have an open relationship? He’s quite likely way too young to be a serious partner, he’s more of a play thing…but is he falling too hard for me to be treated so casually?

Who knows…but if anything blog-worthy happens you’ll be sure to hear about it.

Mistress T

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Ballet & Fuck Marathon

I have two different blog topics for today but decided to combine them into one. So, kind of a double hitter.

First is regarding the big news story this week of the ballet dancer who got punted from the Royal Winnipeg Ballet for being in a porn film.

More details & related video’s:

Royal Winnipeg Ballet dancer gets fired for doing porn.

Ballet dancer gets sacked for doing porn.

In a nut shell, a very talented & successful ballet dancer decided to express himself artistically in a different way by doing porn & then lost his prestigious job as a ballet dancer for it.

A great quote by one of his friends: “So many people are watching porn but people are not supporting the people making it. You’re still allowed to look down on them, which isn’t really fair.”

Jeppe Hansen (the ballet dancer turned porn performer) says that he hopes this opens up the discussion of what art is & the parameters around how sexuality is expressed artistically…especially considering how much sexuality is in mainstream media like music video’s, movies & commercials.

I applaud Jeppe & am confident this young man will do very, very well in life even without the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, which can go fuck itself really…because how the hell does one of their dancers doing porn effect how he performs as a dancer in one of their performances?!

NEXT TOPIC: Fuck Marathon.

In other news, twitter followers got a taste of my often bizarre personal life this week as I tweeted live from a fuck marathon. Here’s the full story, or at least as much as I’m willing to share publicly.

On Wednesday I received a text from a girlfriend asking if I wanted to have a dirty day the next day…get a few guys over…ya know. Sure, why not?

She has been a very dear friend of mine for years. She & her husband have a relationship that inspires me. They’ve been together for many years & have the healthiest relationship I’ve ever seen. They love the heck out of each other, still have tons of passion for each other, they’re best friends, work like a team…& yes, they have sex with other people.

Between her & I we rounded up three different guys to come over at different times. The first guy came back a second time later on…and she actually started the day having sex with her husband in the morning. So, it was a pretty full day for her! I confess, the day was really more about her. Sure, I had some fun myself but I didn’t actually have sex with all those guys, not that I wouldn’t have if it had felt right in the moment. I just let her enjoy the majority of the days offerings.

Mistress T with people having sex.

Let the games begin!

Mistress T in a threesome.

That’s it, put your back in to it!

I did enjoy the sexual freedom & naughtiness of the whole thing. I loved texting my lovers & asking them to come over for a threesome with my hot bi friend. I loved blowing their minds. I loved laying in bed naked with them eating the dark chocolate, raspberries, strawberries & blueberries they brought as gifts…as the sun was setting, all the smiles & touching…I loved being propped up against pillows, holding my wine glass while he licked my pussy & my girlfriend sucked his cock. I felt like a Queen being entertained & spoiled by her subjects…her sex slaves.

Mistress T being orally pleased by a black man.

Feeling like royalty…

Often sex for me is less about the actual act & more about all the surrounding moments. The lead up, the hunt, the flirting, kissing, touching, skin on skin…the play of candlelight against skin, the look on my lovers face as they climax, the giggles, the debauchery, the freedom. The next day, the replay, the memories.

Interracial sex with Mistress T.

This was so beautiful to watch. I do love to see a black man sexually servicing a white Goddess.

There’s so much more to sex than just penetration.

I feel blessed to have wonderful friends in my life who are on the same page, who challenge me to be even dirtier than I already am.

Keep being dirty my friends.

“You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough.” ~ Mae West


Mistress T

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A little of this & that…

This will be kind of a hodge-podge blog post.

Banana’s don’t really go in Hodge Podge…

If you’re not familiar with that term…when I was growing up hodge-podge was a dish my mother made with fresh veggies from the garden (potatoes, carrots, peas, green beans, etc.) boiled, water poured off and then cream and salt & pepper added. I loved it…and it means a bunch of stuff all thrown in together.

#1. Follow up to blog post about my judgmental neighbors.

About 5 months ago I wrote about my neighbors finding out about my profession. There was talk of them forming a lynch mob to drive me out of the building:

I received an outpouring of support and many inquires from folks wondering how things turned out. At this point, nothing else has really happened. Their worst nightmares or fears never became reality. I have been quiet and considerate. There has been no drama with me so no cause for them to take further action. For now it has blown over & I hope it stays that way.

Happy to have a home…for now:-)

#2. Follow up to my man-hunt.

About a month ago I wrote about my search for a partner:

I did not receive the avalanche of applications and proposals you might have expected. I tried a little online dating but other than that, there’s not much to report. I’m still single and often wonder if I really want my life to change. There are pro’s & con’s to being in a relationship vs. being single…and often the grass seems greener. My life is pretty awesome right now…

Awwww, pretty cute, eh?

#3. I just went on a swingers camping weekend.

And I didn’t get laid. Shocking, right?

There were about 40 people, all couples except myself and one other solo female. I was there with a half dozen wonderful friends who I’ve known for years…these friends just happen to be in open relationships…and they are an inspiration. They have the healthiest, happiest relationships I have ever seen…I’m referring to MY group of friends, not ALL swingers. Oh, by the way, they prefer the term lifestylers to describe the modern version of swingers who are younger & more physically attractive. (Although a google search for the definition of lifestyler will reveal that the term is used in a whole lot of other alternative lifestyles other than swinging.)

The highlight of the weekend was a very fast motorcycle ride along winding roads with breath taking scenery. It was thrilling being on the back of a motorcycle going that fast, feeling so vulnerable and so alive. I certainly get the whole adrenalin junkie thing. Zing!


#4. What’s happening now and what’s coming up?

I recently commissioned a portrait of myself. The artist/painter is working on it as we speak. The process has been very interesting as his art is more about telling a story about a person. He needed to get to know me which meant making myself very vulnerable to a complete stranger. He’s very talented so I’m excited about the end result. I may or may not post the image on my blog. I’ll decide when I see it if I feel comfortable exposing it to the world or if I prefer to keep it private.

The artist is Drew Young:

I have been answering loads of interview questions lately which has been an interesting experience. It’s made me look at what I do in a different way. I’ll post links when interviews go live.

Thinking so hard smoke must be coming out of my ears…

This week will be busy with filming & editing. This weekend might be a bit of a crazy party weekend…then Monday I leave Vancouver for a bit. A couple days in Chicago with a special long-time client before I hit Tampa for FetishCon:

We are still looking for good quality film slaves and I now have an opening the evening of August 1 in Tampa (for a private meeting or for filming). Email:

I might be heading to New York for a couple days after Tampa before returning to Vancouver. A very generous slave is making it difficult to say no even though Vancouver is my favorite place to be in August. It’s about the only time of year we get decent beach weather here…& I love being naked down at our beautiful clothing-optional Wreck Beach. A couple days in NY with a fun, generous slave is pretty tempting though…we’ll see.

So that’s the next couple weeks…I am still planning to head back to London/Bath in the fall. Probably late September but I’ll know better by the end of August.

Lastly, I’d like to share part of an email from a fan who had the privilege of spending time with me recently:

“How often can you say in life that the reality was so much better than the dream.
I thank you for a truly wonderful experience.  I can genuinely state that I have never experienced anything like you gave me this evening, I repeat never.  
I would have willingly left without cuming just to have spent that precious time with you.
I will contact you the next time I am in Vancouver and if I have a long enough stopover in other places I’ll try and establish your availability.

Thank you for access to your site.  It was most unexpected and I am delighted.  I love the site password :).
However, I must admit I was very touched that you gave me a hug after.  I really appreciated that experience.
Please take care and safe travels and I hope to see you soon.

Happy Fetish Porn Star:-)

I did warn you it was going to be a hodge-podge blog post!

Mistress T

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I’m in Paradise, AKA Bali

I admit, there’s a little part of me that keeps wondering how I ended up here.

You see, last year I spent a couple months in Thailand, a little bit of time in Vietnam. During that time I stayed in a very nice Indonesian style villa for several weeks. I was with my partner of four years at the time & we had a wonderful time. We broke up in June, for those of you who missed that.

I never imagined a year later I would be staying in a REAL Indonesian villa in Bali, a much nicer one, with a couple that I’ve been intimate with on and off for almost ten years.

I’ll back track.

The end of December 2011 I was at their house and they invited me to come to a yoga retreat in Bali with them. I had vowed to travel less in 2012 but I have a great affection for these friends and I usually only see them a couple times a year now. I spontaneously said yes.

When I was in my mid 20’s I met them through an adult online personals ad. Sleeping with couples made a lot of sense to me back then. I wanted more experiences with women, but as bi as I was, I still loved cock. I wanted BOTH…and I didn’t want a relationship so if they were already in a happy relationship I could enjoy the intimacy without strings.

It worked out great. This couple was and still are very much in love with each other. They had been adding others to their sex life for fun for awhile. So they knew what they liked and they were already comfortable with the threesome dynamic. They are both so very sexy. The kind of sexiness that goes deeper than their very attractive exteriors.

Our friendship has grown over the years. We’ve had some great sexual experiences but far more memorable moments outside of sex. We met up in Rio for Carnival one year. That’s when they invited me to Burning Man and I have gone with them every year since. We have a lot of wonderful mutual friends. And now, we are in Bali together, in paradise, fucking and playing, flirting and sharing, making more memories. These are people I’ll grow old with.

So how did I get to THIS specific bit of paradise? A palatial private villa fit for royalty? Just luck really. When I posted on this blog that I was coming to Bali a very generous fan emailed offering to put me up in this beautiful place. That’s it. A fan who isn’t even here in Bali right now. A fan I’ve never even met or corresponded with before. Someone who just loves what I do & who I am, someone who wanted to ensure I was spoiled and taken care of.  It’s moments like this that I feel so fortunate to be me.

We have a few more days here and we plan to do more than what we have done, which is lay around reading, relaxing, swimming in the pool, eating, fucking, sleeping…listening to the frogs, looking at geckos…and a lot of just looking at our surroundings in awe. This villa is beyond beautiful…the landscaping, the pools, the water features and the lush jungle & mountains in the background. Tomorrow we’ll go snorkeling and we’ll explore the area more. However long we stay here we will be sad to go. There’s a saying: “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss I think.

I’m in paradise. Just so you know, I’m not responding to fan mail/video requests, etc. until after April 15. If your email can wait it would be better if you just waited to send it after April 15. I would appreciate that.


From the real women who is also Mistress T

Mistress T

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Monkey's & ancient temples...I must be traveling someplace exotic again!

I have a healthy fear of monkey's from a bad experience in India years was a big deal for me to be this close to one of those adorable demons.

I'm SO wet! I know *groan*.

It's a beautiful, giant villa...& I'm staying here! Yah!

Cooling off...

A villa fit for a Goddess...

Loving life!

The view from my bedroom: awesome! Well, technically when I'm looking at the view I'm not a part of it...

Did I mention this villa is super lavish & gorgeous?

I just had to slip in a naughty pic, didn't I?