I kept in touch with the male Dom who I met at The Power Exchange…he who flogged me first. He invited me to come back and I can resist anything except temptation.
On one trip I brought my boyfriend at the time. This turned out to be a poor choice but a worthwhile learning experience, but I’ll get to that. First I’ll tell you about meeting the famous “Midori” ( www.planetmidori.com ) Among other things, she’s known for being the author of “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage”. She was doing a rope bondage stage performance at a big fetish bash and I had the opportunity to help out behind the scenes body painting some of her victims/models. I got to meet her and received a signed copy of her recent CD of erotic stories. She was lovely and it was a thrill meeting someone so well known in the fetish community.
During this event I also had an opportunity to ‘bottom’ under some very talented Doms. I loved being strung up in front of a crowd. I was spanked, flogged and experimented on (electro-play, etc.). To be honest, I didn’t care for the acts (other than flogging) as much as I loved being watched.
I had been having my fun, checking in with my boyfriend from time-to-time. It was a big party, he was wandering off and coming back and I thought he was having a good time. I was deep in ‘sub space’ being flogged in front of a large crowd when I caught his eye and noticed something was off. I went up to him and asked. Things were NOT okay. He had just had enough of watching me ‘getting beaten’. He looked disgusted. People were watching us talk, they could read the situation. I was humiliated and ashamed. I felt like a freak for enjoying myself. I felt selfish for not realizing he wasn’t having fun. I was emotionally vulnerable after hours of ‘play and excitement’. It was like being dropped from a 10 story building. I just broke down.
That was about 10 years ago and I was not then who I am today. Now, at 35 I would likely not get myself into such a situation and if I did, I would react differently. Then, however, it was crushing. I cried in the cab all the way back to the hotel and cried all night. He did not try to comfort me. I felt like a disgusting human being for being into kinky stuff.
Obviously, we didn’t stay together, but that doesn’t even matter. The important lesson I learned was about emotion and the vulnerability of ‘sub space’. It helped me later on to be a good Domme.
My journey in learning to accept my kinky side has not been a straight path. I had my set backs and uphill battles. Maybe you, my reader, have similar stories? I invite you to comment here if you like. I know I’m not alone in my love of kink anymore…you are not alone either *smile*.