And the winner is…

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Some of you may already know that my site has been nominated for an XBIZ award under the category of “Specialty/Alternative Site of the Year”. (XBIZ Awards are given annually to honor “individuals, companies, performers and products that play an essential part in the growth and success of adult entertainment.) The award events are in LA Jan 9-12. Initially it made sense for me to go. A no-brainer, as they say. It would be an excellent opportunity to schmooze with others in the industry, make new connections, etc.

Then I got an invitation I couldn’t refuse: share a (free) room with Ceara Lynch at the AVN awards in Vegas Jan 18-21. (Otherwise known as the ‘Oscars for Porn’). We can film together, schmooze & socialize together. Am I nominated for an AVN award this year? No, but I could have been if I hadn’t dropped the ball on the paperwork. I was in the middle of bouncing from one city to another when I missed a deadline. That’s what happens when you try to do everything yourself: balls get dropped.

Not being nominated for an award doesn’t really matter for AVN anyway. Most people go just to schmooze and get content. It’s a highly productive and fun event. Ceara Lynch is one of my favorite people, highly intelligent and cute like a razor blade. Her journal is brilliant: http://cearalynch.livejournal.com/

She & I are looking for film slaves (male & female) in Vegas. Although our styles are different and my content tends to be more sexual, there are some common things we are looking for in film slaves: unmasked, willing to sign a model release, male slaves must also tribute (females get paid)…shoe/foot worship, spitting, ballbusting, humiliation…other scenes might be possible, just ask.

Scenes with ME for MY site that Ceara may be the camera person for or be a voyeur for could involve more sexual acts like forced milkings/ruined orgasms, forced bi, cum eating, even sexual intercourse with the right, attractive, well-hung, perfectly behaved film slave…sex acts between the female slave (oral service!) & I or sex acts between the female slave & male slave…again, to be clear: Ceara will NOT be getting naked or engaging in sex acts. This part is all about me…but she may be there as a fellow Dominant, voyeur and/or camera woman.

CUSTOM VIDS involving Ceara & I are also possible. We’ve filmed some amazing content together in the past (“Mum Sister Tag Team” is my favorite). You can email a brief outline of your request. I’ll let you know if it’s possible and what the rate will be.

So, I will be at the AVN awards for certain. If you’d like to meet me there send me an email. This invitation is extended to other industry folks who may want to hire me for their content, interviews, etc…as well as those with a big enough budget to have a private session with me. I could extend my stay in Vegas by a day or two one way or the other.

I’m sure that some of what happens in Vegas will stay in Vegas *smile*…but with luck some of it will be filmed & sold on the internet for all the world to see!

Best,
Mistress T

EMAIL: MsT@MistressT.net

Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet

Mistress T & Ceara Lynch

"Little Ninja vs Ceara and T" featuring Ceara Lynch & Mistress T

"Mum Sister Tage Team" featuring Ceara Lynch & Mistress T

My Porn Can Be Theraputic – Part 2

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If you scroll down you’ll see the first part of this from Nov. 18, 2011. This is the follow up, after showing the vid I created to his therapist. Interesting indeed:

Mistress T,

My therapist watched the video you made at my request.

His first comment was about you: “She’s quite a find,” or maybe it was “She’s quite something.”

He was extremely impressed by your role-play/acting talent. He found you very focused, very authentic in your performance, believable, and was impressed by how you never deviated or slipped up/out of character for a second. I had told him you were one in a million in your acting, professionalism, intelligence, class, and that your videos were very professionally produced, but it didn’t prepare him. With so many women who are low-rent, cheap, low-class, lacking in grace, intelligence, refinement, and classic, real (not modified, enhanced, or buried in Wal-Mart cosmetics) beauty to be found on-line selling low-rent, cheap, inept, amateur-in-the-negative-sense sex-themed services of poor quality, you are the proverbial diamond. And I’ve wasted enough money on the others to know this.

He made a simple comment about your attractiveness–obliquely via saying something akin to “I can see why you find her so attractive.” Your beauty is the easy part–what you were born with. What truly blew him away most was your talent and professionalism–your performance and the production quality. He thinks you’re a great actress (so do I and many of your fans).

Relating to my issues, the video did help him better understand what I’d gone through, he said. The “performance” aspect definitely fleshed out the experience for him, as I’d hoped. My attempts to tell the story of the incidents (particularly that one that’s the basis for the video) often left a lot of stuff out, particularly how my mind had extrapolated from the facts of the real events to develop the fantasy elements. I guess I’d found it hard-nee-embarrassing to describe the fantasy parts that I’ve developed over the years to him, so the video revealed things to him that I hadn’t spelled out previously due to my holding back. In this way, the video was a safer way to open up about the feelings and thoughts I’ve carried inside me for decades.

Those less-familiar-, or less-explained, to-him fantasy aspects brought new material for us to work on. The therapy process has been re-invigorated with this material after years of stagnation, as those fantasy aspects opened up much discussion and brought out material that we can now work on.

The process of articulating the fantasy material to you in concrete form in the outline and suggestions I gave you to make the video was very helpful, we both agreed. I’d never really put words to paper about those things. So, just based on how writing the material down made me think intently and with the purpose of needing to be very clear about the issues and events to explain them to you, he thinks it was a good idea even just to request the video.

But he also thinks that having the video actually made of you performing the scene offers the ability for me to reflect on the real events again and again as needed via objectifying the events and issues in an external form, i.e., not just inside my head, is a good thing. It helps get “it out of my head,” not just the once, but repeatedly. Above all, though, from his perspective, having him see my real experiences (and fantasies drawn from them) acted-out allows for better therapeutic use of the material; it has been and will be very beneficial. In a way, I could see–this is not something I mentioned to him so he’s not endorsing the idea– the process of having a video made that replays trauma and addresses fantasies derived from the abuse could be helpful for victims of abuse; it’s a very “safe” way to revisit the events and thoughts.

Two very important things came out of his viewing the video:

1. It better revealed the element of my sexual feelings for my mother in the fantasies. I had been told years ago by another therapist that my mother kind of sexualized our relationship–though there was physical contact that I recall–in a form of “covert sexual abuse.” But those sexual feelings hadn’t really been addressed much in my therapy, as much as it is standard psychology theory to do so.  Covert abuse is hard to pin down; it is more abstract and mysterious because it is shrouded and a kind of–my words–“mind-fucking.” It also is harder to deal with in therapy due to the lack of concrete specificity, i.e. clearly identifiable incidents in space and time. The video puts some of that abstract, ethereal, less-specifically-identifiable-in-individual-incident form covert abuse in concrete form.

2. The other thing he saw in it, that I agree with but had not recognized myself, is that part of my fantasy aspects offered the possibility that all hope was not lost me, that I was not–within the fantasy itself–necessarily absolutely worthless and inadequate. I’m being deliberately vague here about the details for privacy. Psychologically the fantasy involves a way for me to prove myself to be good enough, not inadequate, as underplayed and indirect as it is in my fantasies. It’s there as a secondary-theme or sub-plot, bit I hadn’t seen it before–nor had he until you acted it out. Other sexual fantasies of mine which revolve around some of these issues but not addressing my mother, involve this theme, but I hadn’t recognized that aspect of my mother-related issues and related fantasies. He saw it and thus was able to connect different threads of my fantasies, projections, in securities, etc. together for the first time.

So he thinks it is beneficial for me to have had you make this for me, and that you were an extraordinarily good choice to play the mother. I completely agree.

“A fan for life and extremely satisfied customer”

Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet
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PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

Mother Of The Year

Strict but loving...

Come with me...

This, that and another thing…

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I have a few random, mostly unrelated things to share on my blog today.

#1. My 2nd scene is live on Kink.com’s DivineBitches.

#2. Telling my new roomie about my work.

#3. Ceara Lynch’s brilliant & helpful journal entry giving advice on approaching online Dommes.

#1. My 2nd scene (only two were filmed) has gone live earlier than expected. Find it on Kink.com’s FemDom site: DivineBitches. You can see the preview, etc. here: http://www.divinebitches.com/site/shoot.jsp?shootId=16653 (Be sure to leave a comment!)

I’m really happy with the end result. Being ‘directed’ by Madeline was a different experience. I’m used to controlling everything but she made it very easy by requesting a lot of input from me. It felt like more of a collaboration then me taking orders from someone else. She works with a great team which helped create a very fun vibe.

Everyone seems to want to know when I’ll be filming more with them. It’s a matter of scheduling but I would be receptive to the idea if it can be coordinated.

#2. This month I have a roomie who I don’t know very well. We had a chance to get better acquainted the other night when she came home tipsy. In her uninhibited state she asked me a lot of questions about what I do. She was fascinated and it was entertaining to see her reaction to my explanation of VORE, Giantess, cuckolding, small penis humiliation, etc. Usually I feel uncomfortable talking about the freaky stuff I do to people who I think are judging me, but she was so obviously enthusiastic about it I was happy to answer her questions. It’s going to be a little different trying to film & webcam with a roomie around. Yesterday she came home while I was standing naked on top of my dresser filming a giantess scene…I was in my bedroom with the door closed but it was still funny to me, the possibility of her walking in and seeing me like that and how ridiculous it would look.

She’s 27 and very hot. She seems interested in getting into the business…but don’t get too excited: I would be very reluctant to bring in someone completely green without them taking a lot of time to think about the long-term potential issues with having their image out there. Not only is this not the right business for a lot of women, very few make good money at it. I often say: “I may have sold my soul, but at least I got a good price for it!”

#3. Ceara Lynch recently wrote a fantastic journal entry giving advice to slaves/fans wanting to interact with online Dommes. It is slightly geared toward Financial Domination but it very much applies to any online Domme. I strongly feel that it should be required reading for any guy who ever wants to contact me…and I’ll explain why, but first, here’s the link, please take the time to read it: http://cearalynch.livejournal.com/109616.html

Now I’ll tell you a story:

A few years ago I was contacted by a fan who wanted to meet me. He offered right away to pay my expenses to Houston, plus a generous tribute. He immediately sent a smaller tribute ($100 if I recall correctly) to demonstrate that he was serious, just to discuss the potential without me having to commit.

The Houston trip went great and about six months later he came to visit me in Vancouver. Again, he gave me a generous tribute and we spent a lot of time together going out socially for drinks, food & fun. It wasn’t a pay-by-the-hour session although there was some private play. It was about the overall experience without pressure or expectations. Two years in a row he has sent very generous birthday tributes to me. Thoughtful ones: a gift certificate for my favorite fancy restaurant in Vancouver (Blue Water) and the next year a fancy hotel room in Paris for three nights.

His name is Dave and he is my favorite all time slave. Why? It’s not just about the money but what it represents. He tributes to show his gratitude. Plus I genuinely like him and enjoy our many email exchanges.

The reason I’m telling you this story is to illustrate the importance of demonstrating you’re respectful of my time & demonstrating that right away. If Dave hadn’t sent a tribute within his first two emails nothing else probably would have happened. Why? Because I am flooded with emails from guys who waste my time.

Does it sound horrible to say that even a nice email just telling me how much you adore me is a waste of my time? Before you get your nose out of joint, please read Ceara’s post (If you haven’t already? She speaks a little more bluntly than I do). Note the part about women like me getting an inbox full of complimentary emails every day and how long it takes to sift through them to find the ones who want to pay for a custom vid, pay for a webcam session, pay for a private session or who are applying to be a film slave. All of those things are a priorities of my business. An email that just says:”I love your vids. You’re so beautiful!” is nice, but takes time away from business.

Dave loved my vids & thought I was beautiful. He has told me that a thousand times, but has also shown his gratitude and respect with tributes and gifts. He doesn’t make demands on my time but is just very grateful for the attention I give him, therefore he gets more attention from me than most. We have pretty much the ideal distance relationship. It feels natural and mutually beneficial.

I could have written a rant about all the different types of time-wasters there are. Instead I decided to paint you a picture of the type of fan/slave who I enjoy the most. I’m sure a lot of fans would like to please me and demonstrate how grateful they are but just don’t know how. I hope this has been helpful.

I don’t have a wish list or a ‘tribute now’ button because I don’t stick my hand out asking for money. If you want to tribute me just email me and ask me how. We’ll find something that works for both of us.

I'm not wearing any panties...

Insert clever caption here

Looks like an ass you'd like to kiss, right?

Tales from rural Nova Scotia

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As I write this I am jetlegged & trying to make good use of my time, being wide awake after only a few hours sleep. I returned home a days ago (to Vancouver) from Nova Scotia where I was visiting family. I thought I would share some of my family experiences from this visit.

My family knows what I do for a living. Some know more, some know less. Each of them has a different level of understanding and it can make for some awkward conversation.

I’ve always been pretty ‘together’. I’ve never been pregnant, which means I didn’t get knocked up as a teen. That counts for a lot where I come from. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship or had a drug or drinking problem. I’ve always been financially secure, I put myself through school, bought real estate at 29, traveled the world, never been in trouble with the law, etc. So my family can’t really ‘knock’ my life choices. I’ve made out better than most and I’ve done it on my own without any family financial support.

A few years ago when I told them I had stripped for a little while before becoming a Dominatrix they listened without saying much. Then as that evolved into the video business most did not ask too many questions. In fact, my grandmothers are particularly careful to not ask me any questions they’d rather not hear the answers to. I lie to my grandmothers friends and tell them I make wedding video’s, etc. I choose to not embarrass my conservative, religious grandmother with the scandal & gossip.

My father, bless his heart, does not want to know details but prefers to go off half-cocked bragging to his friends about his successful daughter. My most awkward experience of the trip was meeting a friend of his…an older man with no teeth who started the conversation with: “So you do that dancing up and down the pole, eh?”. I carefully explained that I spent about a year dancing 5-6 years ago but I haven’t done that for awhile…hoping we could move the conversation to something else but no. He then said leeringly: “So you’re into the pictures now?” Fuck. I could have strangled my father for putting me in such an awkward position. I just changed the subject without answering.

In the car I asked dad what he had told his friends and why? He explained that he had no judgement about what I do, he’s proud of me, and his friends are pretty open minded. Heck, that toothless friend had often gone to the city to pick up hookers. No shit, eh?

I have one nosy aunt who enjoys watching people squirm by asking personal questions. I was ready for her and decided that she would get detailed answers whether she really wanted them or not. She started with: “Aren’t you scared one of those crazy guys is going to hurt you?” I asked her what she meant by crazy? She figured that anyone who was into fetishes and BDSM wasn’t right in the head. I explained that people with alternative sexual interests are as sane as anyone else. Wanting to lick feet, for example, doesn’t mean you’re dangerously nuts. I talked about homosexuality because I know she has gay friends. I said there was a time when many thought being gay was wrong & unnatural. Now that’s mostly acceptable. I said in the future those with fetishes will be more accepted too. She surprised me by changing gears and asking me to explain more so she could understand and be more open-minded. That was pretty awesome.

My mother especially loves what I do. She’s a very liberal woman. She raised me to be strong and independent. She sees strength in using sexuality to get ahead in life. She gets the words mixed up though and calls me a Doministrix (combining Dominatrix with Mistress). I find it adorable every time she says it and I don’t bother correcting her.

My step-father has always been a business man and he spends hours grilling me about the business end of things. He offers advice, anything regarding insurance, legal stuff, taxes and tries to brainstorm new business ideas with me. He is concerned about my future, as am I. How long will my looks last? I will still have a lot of years to live after I no longer look good enough to be in front of the camera. As carefully as I save and invest I need a better long term plan. I had a career in sales & marketing before I started in the ‘adult’ world, so I’m sure I’ll be fine but at this point the long term plan is a little uncertain. Then again, who has a crystal ball?

I did a few different things while in Nova Scotia. My father wanted to show me off to all of his friends so I went to not one, not two but THREE jam nights. Jam nights are where a group of amateur musicians and singers get together and play in front of a group of people. The events are held in little community halls around rural NS nearly every night of the week. Pretty much everyone has grey hair and many are in their 70’s & 80’s. The music tends to be 40’s country, draggy, sad love songs played a little slower than they were originally meant to be played. Most of the singers are not talented. One night there was dancing. Just the 2 step though, no disco here. I was even asked to dance by one keen senior gentleman and I struggled through the two step with my cheeks burning in embarrassment. I’m really not a great dancer. He came back a few times and asked me again but I declined.

As painful as I found these ‘jam nights’ I realized how wonderful they are for those who attended. For many of them the alternative would be to just sit home and watch TV. They look forward to the socializing and hearing songs that are comfortingly familiar. It made me think a lot about what my golden years may be like. Especially since I’ve chosen to not have children, so there won’t be grandchildren around either. I hope to live some place warm with friends who I cherish. Maybe I’ll introduce naked co-ed bingo & shuffle board at the seniors center…

I also went on a 1 day bus trip with some seniors and attended a breakfast fundraiser with my grandmother. The pace is certainly a lot slower in rural Nova Scotia. The weather is a frequent topic of conversation. People read the obituaries daily because everyone knows everyone. I grew up there but never felt like I belonged there. I’m like an alien to them, with my crazy lifestyle, all the traveling and my lack of interest in settling down with a family. I love my life as it is. My soul would wither and die there.

Here’s a few random pics from my trip:

They loves their lobster in NS: now with BLING!

Scarf my mom hand-knit me (with love!)

In my grandparents 200 yr old farmhouse

My grandparents 200 year old farm in rural Nova ScotiaIn my grandparents 200 yr old farmhouseScarf my mom hand-knit me (with love!)They loves their lobster in NS: now with BLING!

LA, Maui & beyond…

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I’ve just returned to civilization after being in the county with family for several days. When was the last time you went several days without internet? It made me realize how very addicted I am to the computer, twitter, email, etc.

I might do a blog post about my family adventures this week…I’ll decide later. For now, I have pictures to share from my shoot with MeanBitches in LA! (See below).

Also, my first shoot with Kink.com / Divine Btiches came out this week. See pics, the trailer and forum comments here: http://www.divinebitches.com/site/shoot/16660-Mistress-T-Is-What-You-Crave.html

The pics below are from my shoot with the talented director ‘Glenn’ from MeanBitches/MeanDungeon/MeanWorld. It was a great day with a team that operated like a well oiled machine. Brooke Haven, Glenn’s fantastic Production Assistant picked me up from my hotel & got me set up with the hair & make-up lady who did a professional job (although again, heavier make-up than I’m used to). The slave was a dream to work with. Very easy going with a great sense of humor. The shoot was a lot of fun.

A couple of days later I spent the night at Lexi Sindel’s FemDom Empire (lexisindel.com). Along with Mina Thorne (clips4sale37562), Deviant Kade & Lexi’s useful slave we pounded out a record breaking ten scenes in one evening! (See pics below)

The next morning I flew to Maui where I spent a relaxing week with friends. (See pics below)

I am now in Nova Scotia visiting family (now in a place WITH internet!). I will likely return to Vancouver later this week. (A rolling stone gathers no moss, right?)

Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/MistressTdotnet
Members site: http://www.MistressT.net
PPV: http://www.clips4sale.com/23869

MeanBitches shoot in LA - A very animated slave!

MeanBitches shoot in LA - a boot cleaning chair? Awesome.

On MeanBitches set in LA

Lexi Sindel, Mina Thorne & I (what slave?)

Lexi Sindel & I (what slave?)

Maui Sunset

Live hard, die young.

Naked snorkeling rocks!

Safety 1st! (Me preparing to snorkel in Maui with fun floaty.)

My Porn Can Be Therapeautic

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I know some of you are expecting a post about my recent trip to LA. They say patience is a virtue…you’ll have to wait until next week when I get photo’s from Glen at MeanBitches to put in my post. I’ll also make a post soon with pics from my Maui trip, where I am right now.

I received this letter awhile ago and wanted to share it. It’s a thank you letter from a fan who I created a custom vid for. You can skip past the first paragraph where he basically just says how great it was…it gets a lot more interesting. It’s a bit of insight into the minds of those who are into alternative or unusual fetishes.

I’m often asked ‘why’ a guy would want to jerk off to a vid of me making fun of his penis size (or of me threatening to crush him under my giant foot…or of me pretending to be his cheating wife fucking another man…etc. etc.) Every individual has their own story. See below:

 

Mistress T,
Please do not think that my long delay in replying to you after seeing the custom video you made per my request is an indication of dissatisfaction. On the contrary, the video has had such a powerful effect on me, an extraordinarily personal and positive effect, that I have needed to process my feelings for a few weeks before reaching out to you. It is the best money I have ever spent.
It is incredible. You did an exceptional job–Oscar worthy, as I expected from knowing your work. I joined your site after seeing some of your videos because I knew you would be perfect for my fantasies. The video was extraordinary; exactly what I wanted and more importantly, needed. I am sending you more money as a bonus for the video because of what an exceptional job you did and how pleased I am with your work. You followed my instructions exactly and filled in the empty spaces in my narrative perfectly with your performance. You “got” the character and the theme perfectly.

The video has helped me process my feelings about what happened to me in real life that you role-played in the video; abusive treatment by my mother. I don’t want to be specific about what happened–or use the name of the video–for the sake of privacy.  Needless to say, I have had great difficulty in forming romantic and sexual relationships with women in my life, not because of issues about which she abused me, but due to low self-esteem. I’ve had decades of therapy. Despite having some partial validation that the one particularly egregious abusive incident occurred from reading records kept by a professional who treated me as a child when it occurred, the incident and question about what exactly happened has haunted me ever since.

The video fills a great need in my life. My decades of therapy have not rid me of my obsession with the subject of penis size, and I have spent extraordinarily high amounts on phone sex trying to re-enact or talk about the issue and that one event. This video has changed me–positively; I’m more at peace with my past now. It also is something I will have forever for when I feel the need to re-experience the abuse as a coping measure, far superior to a phone conversation.

Your beauty and my extreme lust for you (I so want to fuck you senseless—you have the most perfectly round, sexy rear-end and everything else that drive me mad with desire for you) adds greatly to the experience. That physical dimension along, with the strong psychological dimension involved for me, is a turn-on of another sort that synergistically mixes with the psychological stimulation to create an extreme response in me, pleasurable and all-encompassing. My first view of the video produced the best, most powerful masturbatory orgasm of my life. It was as if decades of mental confusion and sexual tension were ejaculated in one very long orgasm. Indescribable, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. In subsequent viewings, I cannot hold out for the entire video to come–it makes me come several times in short order because it affects me so deeply.

The video has been very helpful for me in being able to open up to my feelings about the event. Your role-play performance is so powerful and dead-on that I feel like I am reliving the experience in a way, allowing me to feel and think things I have suppressed for decades. I had heard from various people, including a former girlfriend who was a psychologist, that really good role-play can be very effective in helping process negative life events. I now know that to be true. Whatever I have gained from my therapy in dealing with the effects of the abuse, being transported back into the situation in the position of being a son with an overpowering mother that I feel when I watch the video produces feelings and thoughts that therapy has not been able to draw out of me. Nor has phone sex been able to provoke strongly the powerful emotions and thoughts. The combination of seeing, hearing, desiring, and being talked to as I was talked to in the incident allows me to feel the pain so that I can process it in a safe, non-threatening environment.

So, thank you very, very much. Your performance has changed me, improved my psychological relationship to this difficult event, lessening the pain I feel. I can process the real event more easily psychologically given the ability to lose myself in the fantasy for some of the negative rumination I endure sometimes resulting from what happened to me. I now have a great, very intense multi-sensory outlet for exorcising some of those demons, when I need it, thanks to you. I will benefit from having this video as a way to deal with those extremely difficult feelings and thoughts for the rest of my life.
I expected a great job by you, but the results far exceed my hopes and expectations. Wow.
Thank you.
A “fan for life and satsified customer”

Mum's Boy Needs Discipline!Don't make Mama angry!

Mother Dearest